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"you rejected me and hurt me... and now you're going to pay for what you did." his words and tone were the most serious she had seen in him.
she felt running out of air each passing second. her whole body ached.
"p-please... hyungwon-ah... i am s-sorry. i am s-sorry for what ha-ppened and for what i-i did to you." she managed to say before the room started spinning around. her hands held tightly onto his, as she let out a final sigh.
suddenly, the grip around her neck loose a bit and she felt the air again coming inside her lungs.
her body dropped to the floor as it started shaking violentely. she blinked twice and noticed his shadow taking steps back.
he'd look at his hands as if he couldn't believe what he just did and soon tears began to fall from his eyes. "i-i- i am s-sorry... dr. park." he cried.
she looked up at him and realized nam gun was gone. "h-hyungwon?" she muttered his name.
he was crying, staring down at her with shock. he couldn't believe what his eyes saw. himself, strangling soon.
"please... forgive me, i didn't know- he couldn't finish. he wanted to help her but he was afraid how she would react if he come close to her.
soon managed to stand from the ground, holding onto the wall as she breathed in for air.
the tears had stop fallen but her cheeks were flushed, red, just as the marks on her neck. she coughed a few times and tried to make her way towards the door, but suddenly dropped midway.
hyungwon reached out for her hand and pulled her towards his body in a protective embrace. "are you alright dr. park?" but truth be told, she was confused.
she had lost air and the room were still spinning around. "i just need to sit for a minute..." she said with difficulty.
hyungwon took her out of the room and towards the couches and left her there. he rushed to the kitchen and quickly returned with a full glass of water.
he obviously fell guilty. he knew it had been him, but not entirely. he was dying to know who did it, who from his alters.
"dr. park?" he called her name, still keeping some distance. he didn't want to upset her more.
she remained silent, her eyes closed as she tried to regularize her breathing.
"i can... swear you, it wasn't my intention." but soon knew this already. it had been hyungwon's body who did it, but mentally, it had been someone else.
she moved his hand, trying to tell him it was fine. "i know." she simply said.
he moved nervously on his spot, playing with the hem of his hoodie. "i wouldn't do anything to hurt you." he added.
she nodded softly, leaving the glass of water on top of the coffee table. she felt heartbroken and sad.
her suspicions about inho and nam gun being the same alter were confirmed.
she cursed herself mentally because a part of her suspected it and knew it partially, she just didn't want to admit it yet.
a few tears ran down her cheeks but she quickly tried to wipe them away.
everything that happened between them didn't mean a thing. it had been only an acting, at least from inho's side.
was he even real?
she now just remembered how in dr. kang's medical report was never mentioned no alter called "inho". it only had been hyungwon, haejun and nam gun.
lots of things made sense now, especially the sudden birth of inho, just days after he started therapy with her. it had been all a lie.
she shook her head, feeling stupid over and over again.
hyungwon took a few cautious steps towards her and swallowed hard. "dr. park?" he called her name.
she looked up at him and she understood he didn't have fault in all this. she couldn't pay with him but still, she was upset and angry at him as well.
she stood from the couch and reached for her bag and pulled out 3 pills. "take this." she said with a serious tone, giving him the same glass of water he brought her.
hyungwon stared at her confused. "o-okay." he simply said, without questioning anything. he took the pills and the water and looked at her with apologetic eyes.
she knew he was in pain too. she knew hyungwon wasn't a bad person, not as nam gun and now inho as well.
soon knew that pills wouldn't preven the others to come out but it could help in several cases, especially if she keeps him sedated. at least it was safer that way.
"in case you're wondering – she started, fixing her clothes and hair, wiping the last tears, trying to compose herself – those are relaxing pills." she said staring at him.
he swallowed hard. "i know. thank you dr. park."
soon frowned. "why are you thanking me?" she was confused over why he'd thank her for sedating him. usually patients hated to be sedated.
he nodded, looking down. "i don't want to be a threat for you... i think sedation is the most logic way to keep me still. it's okay. i don't mind." he seemed honest, as if he understood the situation.
soon felt guilt for a second. she had supplied with the pills without even asking but she had to look after her safety too. not only hers but his as well.
he sat on the couch slowly and stared at her, still scared and nervous, looking frantically around, as if he was listening to something.
soon understood she was only alive because she had asked for forgiveness for what she had done to him or to one of his alters in the past.
it was obvious she hadn't done anything wrong, or at least not that serious to be killed for. but she acknowledged it was the only way out, to apologize to nam gun.
"i can't believe it." she muttered herself. hyungwon whose eyelids began to feel heavier and whose voice began to sound more like a drugged person, turned to look at her with a drunk frown. "excuse me dr. park?"
she shook her head. "how could i believed in you..." she said, thinking about inho.
hyungwon closed his eyes and coughed. the effect of the pills making its way through his blood torrent. "i am such a fool." she closed her eyes, feeling shame and regret.
she had been played by his alters, more than once.
what hurt the most was that she had been with inho a few times and apparently he acted as if he cared about her, when in reality, he didn't.
she turned to look at hyungwon. it had been 3-4 minutes since she gave him the pills and it was on his full effect now.
he seemed drunk on the couch. she sighed and walked towards him, helping him stand up and draggint him as she could towards the bedroom, to put him in bed.
he'd moan and drunk-whisper things, he'd complain and make weird sounds. "dr. park... you can p-put... handcuffs in me... so i don't hurt you." he managed to say when she left him in bed. she glanced at one of the bags and thought about it.
of course she had brought a pair with her, safety first.
"it's okay. i don't think you have energy to even stand." she said shaking her head and pulling the blanket on top of him.
he moved softly and moaned a few words.
she felt the headache intensifying and she looked for some analgesics on her purse and took a few.
the resting figure of hyungwon on the bed made her feel lots of things.
she couldn't believe how someone who looked so cute and endearing could be so deathly.
thinking about his DID was heartbreaking. she knew hyungwon had lots of potential, in so many ways. yet the suffering he had was beyond that.
it was hard to recover patients who suffered from DID in the past, almost impossible, and hyungwon seemed like the type who had it deep inside him.
she felt sad and impotent. of course she wanted to help him, but at this point she didn't know how.
soon was aware there were personal feelings involved. she liked him.
she could even say she liked all of his alters, nam gun included. even if he wanted to kill her, there was something about him, something dark and mysterious, that she had never seen before in a man. and it was exciting and new. prohibited and beautiful.
"please...dr. park- handcuff me." he repeated when he felt her body laying next to his in bed.
soon was aware she wouldn't be sharing rooms with him, not now, not after what happened.
especially because he had been sedated with a much smaller dose and still the most dangerous alter had come out.
still she wanted to stay with him just 5 minutes more.
hyungwon's request made perfect sense. she knew it was the right thing to do and so she did. she reached out of her bag and looked for the single pair of handcuff she had brought and put them on his hands.
he sighed in relief when he felt the cold hard metal around his wrists.
he was partially asleep but somehow slightly conscious. "better this way... thanks." his voice was funny, as if he was drunk.
soon took her fingers to the now red marks around her neck, they ached.
he turned around and sleep on one side, looking towards soon's side. he swallowed hard with his eyes slightly opened. "i am sorry... about that." he said, clearly referring to the marks on her neck.
she looked away. "it's not you." she simply said.
the pair remained silent for a few minutes. soon noticed how his chest went up and down slowly and for a second she let herself sunk in the view.
the most attractive view she had laid eyes on.
she couldn't believe how beautiful he was. he seemed like a model or an actor and it was almost inevitable to think, what a waste he was.
he was handsome, smart and sweet. he had lots of positive qualities. yet he was stuck in a place like this, suffering from a disorder that didn't' let him be a complete normal person.
it seemed he fell asleep sooner than expected and for the firs time she felt at peace, as if she could finally breathe.
of course for soon, sleeping was almost an impossible thing to do. even if she felt slightly relieved, the fear remained.
her eyes posed on his perfect skin and she felt the temptation to touch it.
she knew that back in the clinic, hyungwon was a great eater. he loved food, especially veggies and fruits.
nurses said he had a great skin because of his eating and sleeping habits and it was true. it had a perfect smooth texture and a beautiful clear color.
but again, everything about him was beautiful. except for nam gun's personality.
her fingers reached out for his skin and she felt it cold under her touch, bu soft and smooth as him. as hyungwon was.
her fingers caressed the soft skin of his cheeks and went up to his new silver and now dry hair.
it was soft and it seemed to be longer than a week ago. it was well known he hated to have haircuts, that's why he'd have it long most of the times.
"if only..." she whispered, not sure of how end that sentence.
if only could mean lots of things. things that maybe she felt and dreamed for him.
hyungwon definitely was different from all the men she met before, different from his own alters, kihyun and her friends.
she never contemplated the possibility, but she felt warmth in her heart when she touched his lips.
her heart raced and her cheeks began to change colors and temperature.
when his lips moved slightly, she almost jumped on the bed and quickly stood from the bed.
swallowing hard, she made her way towards the door, still with her guts on her throat and glanced one last time towards his bed.
he remained motionless, asleep on top of the bed, like an angel.
she sighed and quickly stepped out of the room, closing the door behind her.
the house was incredibly silent and the temperature outside had dropped by now. it was dark outside and she felt the cold sticking inside her bones.
the living room was wide and it had a long, tall window, with perfect view to the scary forest, especially since it was greatly dark.
she looked for a blanket and after a few tries, she found a comfortable position on the couch.
there was an odd feeling, stuck on her chest. it didn't hurt but it was intense. her hands trembled and she could feel her heartbeats almost at her own ears.
it felt as if something was about to happen, in any minute. that kind of strange vibe when you can anticipate something's about to come, but the uncertainty is incredibly rushing and it keeps you alert and tense.
she waited and seconds turned into minutes and minutes into one hour, but the feeling remained.
soon would constantly glanced at the windows, at the kitchen, at the bathroom door and hyungwon's door, but nothing happened.
as last, she thought maybe she was going crazy. maybe she was hallucinating things, things that weren't there.
and in that moment, she let herself close her eyes.
it had been a long day, stressful and incredibly long. she had done things that she knew will regret in the future days. illegal and dangerous things.
but still she did them. she took him out of the clinic because she wanted to help him, because she wanted to know all the truth and comfront him. soon believed that way, he could get better and eventually, he would be fully recovered.
she longed for that to happen and she didn't have an exact reason why. she just genuinely wanted to help him.
and all these things happening around, the fact that she felt uneasy and scared, by now she knew they all could be product of her imagination. maybe it was exhaustion.
so she closed her eyes and let herself wander around, in her mind. she let herself come to terms with herself and to rest.
after all, everything was going to be alright. she had faith in him, she knew he was going to get better.
but a sudden noise woke her up again.
soon's eyes opened widely when she felt a door opening. she looked around and realized it was hyungwon's.
her eyes widened when she noticed his towering figure, standing still under the door's frame.
the handcuffs shined bright with the dim light on the living room. she swallowed hard when their eyes met and her heart raced in that moment.
she had lots of fears and plenty things to worry about, but right there, she pulled away the blanket and jumped out of the couch.
taking big strides and almost running towards him, she went to his embrace, to his presence and warmth as she desperately wrapped her arms around his neck.
unexpectedly, he answered to her the same way, for that was the reason why he came out of the room in the first place. to see her, to look for her.
he, who still had his hands tied, looked at her with big and shinning eyes and when he felt her body close to him, his full lips looked desperately for hers as they merged together in a close and intense kiss in the darkness.
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