Lacey
It wasn't an easy question to answer. He looked so betrayed and I felt so guilty. The tables had turned. I brushed another tear away that escaped as I took a deep breath trying to put the lid back on my emotions.
But he was right. A simple misunderstanding shouldn't have spiralled into this. Why had I judged and juried him before giving him a chance to explain?
I knew why. It was something that had plagued me from the moment he'd told him he felt the same way about me. It had been unbelievable. If he had just been the 'boy next door', my brother's best friend, or the guy I'd grown up with it would have been so much easier. But he was so much more. He was international superstar, loved my millions. He could have any girl. What made me so special?
He studied me for a moment before he leaned closer.
"Talk to me," he said. His eyes held mine.
"It's me," I answered. My insecurities.
"I don't understand," he said tilting his head slightly.
He wouldn't. He didn't have any. He was the most confident person I know, comfortable surrounded by throngs of fans.
"You wouldn't understand," I said standing up.
"Try me," he said rising up from his chair. I turned away from him, feeling vulnerable and open.
He reached out. His hand enclosed my arm and he turned me to face him.
"I can't try and understand if you won't tell me." His eyes softened and he held my hand loosely with his. I looked down at our connected fingers.
"What did I do to deserve you?" I asked him. It still didn't make sense, the two of us.
I looked up so see him frown.
"You didn't do anything," he assured me. "It's who you are."
He reached out and placed his hand on my chest. "In here."
He stepped forward.
"It's the sound of your laugher, the sight of your smile. It's how I feel when I'm around you..."
I lifted my gaze and held my breath.
"...It's how I feel when I touch you."
He leaned closer touching his lips softly to mine before pulling slightly away.
"I feel more alive when I'm with you."
I was breathless. The way he could make me feel with just a few words.
"And without you...I feel lost."
He was so close I could see the different shades of blue in his eyes.
"I'm sorry," I whispered. He pressed his lips together.
"I need to know why you jumped to conclusions," he told me. "Why you were so quick to think the worst of me?"
I shrugged, not liking the feeling that spread through me.
"I don't feel good enough for you." There I'd said. It was out in the open.
He frowned. "Why?" he asked.
"Look at you, you're a flipping rock star Adonis," I said, feeling a little annoyed that he didn't see it for himself. "You could have any girl."
His expression was unreadable.
"It's like I'm waiting for the moment when you realise you can do so much better than me," I told him. "Not only am I the plain girl next door, I had a brain tumour."
"What does that have to do with anything?" he asked looking confused.
"You could be with someone healthy who didn't have to worry about surgery or losing their memories."
He shook his head at me.
"You're crazy," he said pulling me closer and hugging me tight. I leaned my head against his chest and breathed in deep as my emotions slipped from me. I hugged him closer never wanting him to let me go.
After a few minutes he released me lifting my chin up so my eyes met his.
"Watching you go through surgery didn't make me see you as broken. It made me see the strength in you. You have no idea how remarkable you are."
The tears glistened in gaze.
"I'm the lucky one," he assured me, running his hand gently down the side of my face. "You could choose someone with a more normal life. Someone who doesn't have to live their life in the spotlight."
I'd never even considered that he could feel insecure about me.
"You don't think I'm scared that one day you're going to walk away because the press is too much or my life is too hectic?"
For the first time I have a glimpse of the uncertainty in his eyes. Tears slid down my face as I grasped his face in my hands and pressed a kiss to his mouth.
"Never."
"You say that now but you have only had a taste of it." His expression was serious. I brushed my thumb against his bottom lip. "There will be press and there will be gossip magazines."
I knew it wasn't going to be easy but I wanted him and if that was what came with him I was willing to put up with it.
"I can do it."
"Are you sure?" he asked.
"I can't lie and say that I won't get angry or upset if I see lies printed about you or us."
He withdrew and I caught his arm. I wasn't going to let him go until he finished hearing what I was going to say.
"But when I see that I will remember what you said."
He looked so vulnerable as he nodded.
"Remember I love you more than anything in this world," he declared. My throat tightened. "Out in the world I'm might be the confident rocker but here with you...I'm the nervous, lovesick fool who knows just how lucky he is to be with you."
I smiled as my vision blurred again.
"And you'll need to remember I've loved you from the age of thirteen and I will never stop. And no matter how crazy things get I'm in it for the long haul."
His arms encircled me as our lips nearly touch.
"Promise me that the next time there is a misunderstanding you'll let me explain."
I nodded my head. I'd learnt from my mistake and I wasn't going to allow my insecurity to ruin this once in a lifetime love that I had with him. We weren't perfect. There would be disagreements, there would be fights and misunderstanding but if we remembered the words we'd spoken today we would be able to weather anything together.
"You've put me through hell," he whispered close to me.
"I'm so sorry."
His lips covered mine. My hands crept around his neck. My fingers threaded through his hair. The pressure of his lips increased and I opened my mouth. Tongues tangled as we held each other like we would never let go. Our lips broke apart and our breathing was rapid. We only had eyes for each other.
"How did you make this trip when you still had work commitments?" I asked, feeling guilty because I had disrupted his schedule.
"The guys covered for me," he revealed. "I needed to show you I was serious about you. That's why I told the world exactly who you are to me and it's why I sat the band down and told them what I needed to do."
"I'm sorry," I said.
"No more apologising," he said. "I just want to move on and forget this ever happened."
"Me too."
"Good." He smiled showing his sexy dimples and I felt a rush of emotion for him.
"Now we can get to the best part of our evening," he said pulling my chair out and I sat down.
"And what's the best part?" I asked, feeling so much lighter and happier. And more in love than I'd been before.
"Our first date."