Adonis
Half way through my day I decided to ring Sam. Lacey had been in my thoughts constantly. The sight of Sam this morning standing beside had made me a little jealous. I had no right to feel that way, no right at all. Not only was I jealous that he would be sharing in her excitement of her discovery of her first overseas city but I was also jealous that I didn't have the time to take her myself.
"Hi," Sam answered on the third ring.
"How's it going?" I asked.
"It went well," he told me. "I've just taken her back to the hotel room."
I frowned.
"Already?" I asked, feeling a little unsettled.
"Yes, the walking tired her out," he explained.
Despite his explanation I couldn't help the concern I felt. After everything she'd been through there was no stopping it.
"Was she okay today?" I asked. "Nothing unusual."
He hesitated.
"I'm not sure if this is really something to mention but there was a moment at lunch when she looked like she'd seen a ghost."
Something twisted in my stomach. The last time she'd looked like that was when she'd made the pancakes. Was it possible she'd remembered something more.
"It's probably nothing," he assured me.
"Thank for the info anyway," I said. "Is she going to go out again tomorrow?"
"Yes, I told her I would be at the hotel room at the same time I was today."
"Great. Thanks Sam," I said, trying to keep my stupid jealousy from surfacing in my voice.
I shouldn't feel it but I did. It wasn't like Sam was anything more than someone doing his job but that didn't matter.
The rest of the day dragged on. My usual concentration was disrupted by the thought she had remembered something. I had to stop myself from calling the hotel room to ask her. This was something I wanted to find out in person and not over the phone.
Through rehearsals for our upcoming concert I missed my cue twice.
"What's up with you?" Link asked, frustrated.
"Nothing," I muttered trying to get myself together so I could make it through the rehearsal and back to the hotel.
Later when I got back to the hotel room I was filled with anticipation.
Lacey was sitting on the sofa watching TV when I walked through the door. At the sound of my arrival she switched off the TV and turned to face me. The look in her eyes stopped me. It was a vulnerability that made me putty in her hands.
"How was your day?" I asked, not wanting to reveal what Sam told me. I wanted her to tell me.
"It was good," she murmured, like her mind was somewhere else.
My eyes narrowed as I studied her face. There was something going on. Tell me, I murmured to her in my mind.
She stood up and faced me, her hands clutched together. She lifted a hand and brushed her forehead.
"I..." she began but faltered.
"What?" I asked with concern as I walked to her, stopping so close she had to look up to hold my gaze.
"I remembered something." I held my breath. Hope. "When Sam arrived this morning and told me he was a bodyguard I thought that it was so like you because you'd paid someone to watch over me before."
She watched me for a reaction.
"I did," I answered.
So she hadn't exactly remembered the actual memory but more of a subconscious thought. I didn't allow the disappointment to wipe my hope. It was still something.
"It's good news," I told her when she looked up at me nervously, sinking her teeth into her bottom lip.
"It's just..." she said and then shrugged. "I want to be able to remember an actual memory. Not just a thought or a feeling. Or another subconscious thing I can't explain."
Like being able to cook pancakes but not being able to remember how.
I reached out and touched her arm.
"It'll happen," I assured her. There was that part of me that didn't want her to get her hopes up because the doctor had said there was a chance she wouldn't remember anything but I felt had a gut feeling that it was only a matter of time before she began to remember and everything would piece itself together.
It was late but I didn't see a room service tray.
"Have you eaten yet?" I asked.
She shook her head.
"Do you want to go out?" I asked. Even though I was feeling tired I would take her out if she wanted. I could wear a hoodie but we would have to go to a place that wasn't very busy otherwise things could get out of hand.
"I'm not very hungry."
"You need to eat something," I told her. "We can order room service."
"I'm really not hungry," she told me walking back to sit down in front of the TV.
I ordered her food anyway even when she turned to give me raised eyebrow while I was on the phone. I ignored her.
"I told you I wasn't hungry," she reminded me looking back to the TV.
"If you don't eat the food, I'll eat it. It won't go to waste," I told her with a shrug.
She still looked so tense so I went up behind the sofa and she jerked slightly when my hands rested on her shoulders.
"You seem tense," I murmured as my hands began to massage her shoulders. I was playing with fire and I knew it.
She groaned. My hands pushed deeper into her muscles feeling the knots that were causing her discomfort.
"That feels so good."
It did. Just with my hands on her I felt connect to her in some way. The soft feel of her skin began my hands and the slight scent of her that I caught was enough to keep me enthralled. The tug of war inside me continued. To give in or to keep my distance. My thumbs massaged the back of her neck. She sighed.
"If you ever quit your day job you could definitely do this," she murmured. I chuckled.
"I don't think it would pay as much as my current job."
I felt the laugh vibrate through her.
After a few more minutes she pulled away from me. Feeling awkward I shoved my hands into the front pockets of my jeans. She stood up and walked to the windows that ran the length of the living room. She opened the curtains and looked down at the city.
I watched as she lay down on the ground. Confusion was replaced with understanding when she looked up into the sky.
"It makes me feel like I'm home." She let out a heavy sigh.
Her words tore at me. Up on the roof of her house was her safe place where she went when she had stuff to deal with. She clearly needed it to help her deal with what was happening to her. I switched the light off and darkness encased us. The only light came from the lights of the city and the stars above.
"It's better with the lights off," I said as I walked over to her.
Beside her I lay down and looked up to the night sky. In the few months that I had been struggling I had done this on more than one occasion. There was something relaxing looking up to the dark sky, like a way to focus on one thing and shut out everything else.
Needing more my hand reached for hers. The warmth of my hand wrapped around hers. She took a deep breath and the release shook her chest. My eyes turned to her. A tear slid down her face.
With my free hand I brushed it away.
"What's wrong?" I asked.
Her eyes glistened when she turned her head slightly to look at me.
"I don't know why but I feel so sad," she murmured before she began to cry. I turned onto my side and wrapped my arm around her pulling her to me.
"It's okay," I soothed.
I had no idea what was going on but I did the best I could to comfort her.