"Sam?" Alex said softly, poking his head around the corner and glancing into the room that I was inhabiting.
I was lying in a weird position, back against the mattress as I rested my legs diagonally off of the wall. A book was held in my cramping hands, directly over my face. Which really wasn't a smart position to put myself in considering the fact that I jolted in surprise and immediately dropped the hard-back book onto my face.
"Yeah-huh?" I continued to grunt, rolling over and rubbing the offended area with the palm of my hand as I glanced over to Alex. He was standing there in little other than a tank top and a pair of boxers, his normal attire on a Saturday afternoon. It had been three weeks since the incident I referred to as 'the changed leaf'. The time that I noted a change with Alex and his attitude towards me.
Really, it started off with the looks that he would give Austin whenever he came over to visit. The little teasing remarks that he would make about the 'happy couple' or whatever. At first, I thought it was a private joke between us in reference to our slight heart-to-heart about my confused and undefined sexuality.
But he never mentioned it again.
Horror movies were on the agenda next, and that mainly ended up with me laughing at his terrified expression as we decided to munch on fruit and granola instead of the normal junk we had infused our bodies with previously.
That might have been because of my own paranoia that I was developing diabetes because of my need to get up in the middle of the night to pee at least four times, but a quick check up reassured me that it was all in my head.
The point of the matter was that... Alex wasn't as bad as I first thought. And I missed the rapport we had built up.
Of course I still grunted in distaste whenever he and Violet liplocked, or if they had to mull over some details about the wedding that was being pushed further and further ahead the more than I heard about it.
What about August?
Oh no, too soon. We'd never have the guest list sorted by then.
Okay, then how about January?
Too cold!
This time next year?
Do you want me to be dead?
It was a never ending battle between the two of them. Smiling a little at his entrance, and maybe a little bemused at how awkward he seemed to be standing there, I raised a brow as though to provoke him into saying more.
"Can I talk to you for a second?"
"The floor's yours," I responded, extending my hand in reference to the floor before me. Well, it wasn't exactly his. It was more like a mix of my bag, a pair of Kelly's shoes, and a hell of a lot of crayons.
But for hypothetical reasons, Alex was currently the boss of the floor.
Seemingly ignoring my statement about the floor, he took a seat beside me and rested his elbows on his knees before finally looking at me as though I wasn't some kind of hideous creature that it hurt to make eye contact with.
"You're worrying me now," I continued, a little more seriously at this point. We didn't really do a lot of serious talking, we didn't need to. The family that I had somehow invaded myself onto had a thing for avoiding deep and heartfelt topics. Austin, however, was the complete opposite. He had a habit for blurting out the most intimate details and then tell me about things I'm pretty sure no other human being is supposed to know about their friend.
But, there you were, that was Austin in a nutshell.
"This is gonna sound weird," Alex sighed, running his long fingers through already mused brown hair – tongue flicking out over a full bottom lip.
"It already does."
"Let's be serious for a second." Right, serious, I can do that. I was very good at doing that, actually. It was only within recent weeks that I learned how to crack a smile at something that wasn't malicious towards another person.
Although it was difficult not to let out a few snorts of laughter when seeing Kelly trip over Alice imitating a snake on the floor and subsequently falling like a tree.
"I need to talk to you about Austin."
Oh, okay. Well, that wasn't something that I had expected. I had been anticipating something about Henry, something that was an unspoken topic around the house.
Not an idiot that thought sticking breadsticks in his nose automatically made him a descendant from a narwhal.
"I just need to make sure that you guys are being safe."
Once Alex started speaking, he seemingly thought it best just to continue rambling onwards before I could even think to interrupt him.
"I know you and Austin are old enough to provide consent to each other, but that's only one milestone. There's condoms, and lube, and so many other things that you've gotta be aware about. I mean, I know –"
"Please... please stop for a second," I finally intervened as I held my hand up to stop him in his tracks, my mind reeling from the topic that he had seemingly decided to discuss. And some rational part of me wondered how the hell he had come to the conclusion that that was actually a thing between Austin and me.
"No, Sam, this is something we need to discuss. You're almost seventeen now, if you're not gonna know about this stuff now you never will." Alex was being very persistent. Which, really, was pretty admirable if his cause had reason to it.
"You misunderstand me," I laughed a little breathlessly, a deep blush moving up my neck and to my cheeks. "Austin and I are not..." I paused, but only briefly to try and formulate and eloquent way to phrase it. "Fucking." Well, that was as close as I could get. "Never have, never will."
Alex looked to be stunned, those wide eyes blinking owlishly at me before it finally clicked with him. When it did, his expression was utterly priceless. Even though the situation was far more awkward than I could have even imagined it to be, I let out a loud and obnoxious laugh. How could I not? That classic face was warped into something of sheer horror that he had gotten the wrong impression. Mouth agape, skin pallor, and eyes extremely dilated.
"I mean, I appreciate the gesture," my mouth proceeded to run off before I could do otherwise, "but I think I'm experienced enough to know how the whole sex thing works."
That seemed to snap Alex out of his momentary stupor, head tilting to the side ever so slightly as he raised a brow at my sudden accidental admission. It wasn't really something I cared to discuss, not something that I felt held any relevance to me at this moment in time.
"Don't look so surprised," I grumbled, looking down to my hands before rubbing the back of my neck in a nervous fashion. Only for the fact that Alex tended to talk a lot in silences, I felt uncomfortable during this one. Especially considering that he was the one to cause it this time and not me. Now that was a surprise to all two in the room.
"I'm not surprised," he finally managed, but his breathless tone told otherwise. I'm not exactly sure what else it told other than utter shock, but it was difficult enough to read before he snapped back into his normal conversational tone and expression. "I'm just... intrigued. Does that sound weird?"
Shaking my head, I absently wet my bottom lip. Again, it wasn't something I had mentioned openly before – but I felt like I owed the guy some kind of validation as to why I seemed a little bit shameless in my past experiences.
"There was this guy," I eventually began, taking a breath in disbelief in the fact that I was actually going to tell him this, "I didn't really like him at all. A bit of a dick, really. But he was curious, so we fooled around a few times."
That had been after the whole confusion about my own sexuality. When I had opted to throw caution to the wind and find out what the hell I liked. Only, the fact of the matter was that everything we had done was too rushed – afraid that someone would walk in on us. Considering that we never usually spoke unless it was some kind of brutish demand for something in the midst of it all, it was hardly the most intimate or ideal situation.
There was silence for a long period of time as Alex seemed to take this new information in, mulling it around in his head and processing it so that he could formulate his own response. And, somehow, the guy knew exactly what to say. He didn't pry anymore on the topic, he didn't ask who the guy was or if anymore came out of it (which, no, it didn't. He had been eighteen, I had just turned sixteen – it wasn't something that either of us wanted to develop further), he just continued the conversation on a natural course.
"My first time was with a teacher." He paused, but only briefly to allow a small laugh to tumble free from those full lips. "On the day of my graduation, she just tugged me into the classroom and we just... had at it. Not exactly the whole fireworks thing people expect, huh?"
Quirking my lips a little in way of a small smile, I shook my head in agreement. "Yeah, definitely not."
Yet another silence, but one that I didn't find as awkward this time. Nor did Alex, by the look of the small smile ghosted over his lips. He was trying to conceal it, quite obviously, but he was failing pretty fast. Before I could say anything else I would regret, he stood up and brushed off any dust that might have landed on his lap throughout the course of that awkward exchange.
"I'm making breakfast for dinner," he informed me, quite bluntly at that, "I'm thinking sunny side up..."
And that was that. Close curtain, end scene. The more than uncomfortable encounter with Alex about my supposed sex life with Austin had turned into an oddly... sincere moment between the two of us. Once again, I was unsure as to whether I should be comforted by that fact or feel like my privacy was invaded even though I had willingly given away that information at the time.
The day for conversation revolving around Austin and I was not yet over, much to my own surprise. Although the source was someone that we could all easily guess. Kelly. The very girl that had been giving me the space that I required over the last while. Ever since that whole thing with His funeral, really. Of course she was still a prickly individual that cracked cruel jokes and rolled her eyes at some things said, but she was tolerable.
And I came to the realisation that I was a lot like that as well.
The sudden enlightenment came to me at dinner that evening, wherein we were all sitting around that same table we ate at most days – toast being passed around along with other breakfast-like items. Alex said something, and Kelly quipped something in response. What it actually was escaped my mind, but it was said with a dry humour obviously not to be taken seriously. Instead of huffing at her sarcastic nature, Alex had tossed some scrambled egg at her.
Thus, a two-person food fight ensued with plenty of laughs before Violet managed to break it up before Alice felt influenced enough to take part. Had I really been so uptight about Kelly that I failed to realise that she fit in here about as much as I did?
Which, really, wasn't all that much in the slightest. Alex, Violet, and Alice made the perfect little family. Then there was Kelly and me by the side, the younger sister and the forgotten son. Not quite able to squeeze into that family circle, and yet not exactly wanting to at the same time.
"I think I misjudged you a little bit," Kelly said quietly that night, the room cast in darkness except for the glow in the dark stickers on Alice's headboard. She was sound asleep by the sound of that steady inhale and exhale, so we were safe enough to talk. Initially, I had huffed a little in annoyance and just wished that she had fallen asleep on the spot so that I could avoid all of this.
"Yeah?" I replied, obviously not that invested in the conversation at all.
"Yeah," Kelly continued, the rustling of her duvet informing me that she was turning over onto her side so that she was facing my area of the room. "To be honest, I just thought you were gonna be a torn in Violet's ass and end up in a drug-infused coma within the week."
"Way to break it to me gently."
"Shut up," she abruptly told me, obviously not finished. "But... you didn't. I mean, you are a complete drama queen... but I can appreciate that. A little. It would have been boring if you were all apple pie and cream here, got to spice things up a little bit."
"What exactly are you getting at here?" I but in, a little bluntly at that even though my expression soft and tone equally so.
"That you're not so bad, Sam."
A long silence ensues, one of which I use as an opportunity to mull over what she just said to me. Not so bad. Just three menial words that held so much meaning, and I didn't even know why. Kelly was not someone that I would go out of my way to please or receive a compliment off of, but even one as mundane as that evoked the slightest of smiles from me.
"You're not so bad either," I eventually responded; voice no more than a hushed whisper. "Unless this is something to butter me up so that I'll hook you up with Austin faster. In that case, you're a bitch."
A loud bark of laughter came from the girl in the bed not five meters away from mine, and by the sounds of the surprised snort that came from Alice it was enough to frighten her as well. After a few brief seconds of listening out for her light snores to regulate again, Kelly worked on her own reply.
"I've given up hope on that," she admitted, and I could almost see her eyes roll in the darkness. "If it's going to happen, I'm not going to need help from some skinny doofus."
It was a light-hearted insult, as were the majority of her words I had come to find overtime. Her humour was not for the faint-hearted, which was probably how she weaselled the weak ones out. An admirable technique, one that labelled her as a stone cold bitch to the majority of people that failed to pass her subtle test, but I could appreciate it.
"Yeah," I agreed with a sigh, "you're gonna need a hell of lot more help than that."
A pillow was immediately chucked across the room to smack hard down on my face, the universal symbol for 'shut the hell up'. Shaking a little with silent laughter, I managed to fall asleep with that same pillow within my embrace.
I'm not going to lie, my sleeping habits had become a little...odd over the last while. Before, I had been all too used to rigidly lying there and holding the covers up to my neck. But now? I tended to sprawl and use up every single inch of space that was attainable to me. Sometimes the duvet wasn't even required. Whatever the hell that meant, I wasn't entirely sure, but it wasn't a fact I was going to dwell on until a later time.
That later time definitely was not the following morning, wherein I was woken up by blearily blinking open my eyes and having my vision filled with the chubby face of one particular eight year old.
"Sam," she urgently whispered, shaking me as though I wasn't already awake. "The competition's today, you promised you'd take me."
It took approximately fifty seconds for it to click with me. The competition that Alice had compelled me to enrol her in. Well, that and the fact that the very intimidating karate instructor by the name of Diahann had beseeched me into allowing her to do this. Maybe she did turn a blind eye when I left the parent/guardian permission bit blank. Although she did allow me to take it home and try to get some form of signature, making it no lie that she would even pretend not to notice shoddy forgery of Violet's handwriting. However, that had been unneeded considering that Alex was more than prepared to sign that slip for me. With a flourish, he had handed it back and just shook his head with a smile.
What was going on in his mind that day six days ago had still to be cracked by yours truly.
"Ahuh. Alice, what time is it?" I grunted, pulling the covers over my face to obscure the light from the morning sun that was streaming through the windows and seemingly hell-bent on waking me up.
"Half eleven," she informed me after a brief response and a slight stumble off of the bed to actually find a device that would tell the time. With one more begrudging grunt, I managed to gather up enough willpower to actually get myself out of bed.
Seeing as I was the only one who knew (excluding Alex and Austin, because they really were a special case) about this aspect of the eight year old's life, I was compelled to attend with her. Also because she refused to go unless I went with her and sat in the crowd amongst the other proud parents as their children went off on a battle with each other.
Well, it was a beginner's competition – so only faux punches to be thrown.
After a bit of a disaster in the bathroom (which, no, I do not want to go into detail about) I finally managed to usher Alice out into the hall where all of the other children were waiting their turn to be paired off. I finally took a seat, sitting up on the benches that were normally there for games of teams that I had no idea of and held no interest for. Just before the competition was about to ensue, the doors of the hall swung open and a brunette bolted in – flashing Diahann an apologetic expression before trotting over to sit beside me.
Alex.
"What are you doing here?" I asked, obviously shocked at the fact that he actually remembered the date.
"Showing Alice my support," he replied with a warm smile, shrugging out of his jacket and resting his elbows on his knees like he did every single time that he sat down. I found myself looking at him for a few moments, expression still mildly stunned and partially amused. Well then.
Maybe I was a little bit impressed. And touched, but I wasn't going to admit that to anyone but myself.
I supposed that the one enlightening thing that I could take from the experience of watching a karate competition, involving those ranging from the ages of seven and ten, was that kids could be ferocious little bastards. One kid ended up with a bloody nose, and another was crying in the corner as their presumed parent rocked them back and forward and tried to reassure them that it was only the shock of the push that made them so upset.
Alice, despite all of that, managed to move right up into the final round against a boy that looked like he ate nails for breakfast. Some part of me was pretty sure that he could take me down. Yeah, no, not a comfortable thought in the slightest.
Needless to say, when Alice got him down onto the matt – Alex and I jumped up and let out a victorious yell in triumph. The others politely clapped, but the two of us got more than a little carried away. Cheering Alice's name as the victor and jumping up and down as though the floor was a trampoline.
To be honest, I didn't think our reactions could get any more over the top.
Until Alex kissed me.
*
Video is Sebastian Stan as Alex, picture is of Kelly x