// luke
“Mum? Dad?”
-
I stared blankly at the two painfully familiar figures only inches away from me. Never, in a million years did I think that I would see them again. Yet here they were. It wasn’t just by chance either; I hadn’t just awkwardly stumbled across the two of them at the shops. They were here by choice, they were here to see me!
A weight I hadn’t even realised was on my shoulders in the first place, had been lifted. All this time I had completely pushed the thought of them away, including any kind of emotions I had felt towards them. All this time I hadn’t even realised how much I had fucking missed the two of them. How much I needed them both in my life. I had always taken for granted how much they had done for me — back when things were good, especially mum. She had always believed in me, she was always encouraging me to follow my dreams (which was being in a band). She was such an amazing, hard-working mum. I took advantage of that too much. And my dad, God, he was the most amazing dad I could ever ask for. He was my best friend, and I looked up to him so much.
Even when everything was falling apart; in the beginning of it all, they both stood by me as long as they could. But with everything; there was a time when it became to much. Too much of anything is too much. I couldn’t blame them for finally having enough of my shit, and drawing the line — turning their backs on me. I was a fucking horrible son, and just a horrible person in general for the things I did, and I will never, ever blame my parents for turning their backs on me when it all happened. But ever since they had turned their backs on me, when they left me all in the dark, I had been so caught up and distracted in everything else around me — the drugs, the alcohol, the girls, that not once had I even considered paying attention to the feelings I was feeling deep down. And when I say deep down, I mean deep, deep mother fucking down.
When I had finally come to see that my family had actually given the fuck up on me, it was as if I became an emotionless robot.
I didn’t even laugh anymore, unless you count a heartless, dry chuckle as a laugh. I didn’t cry. I guess everything had happened so fucking fast that it was too hard for me to accept, to come to terms with all at once — so I took the easy way out. I decided not to. I pushed it all fucking miles away and decided not to deal with it. I refused to feel any kind of emotion apart from lust. That’s all that mattered to me. Sex.
Oh and of course, let’s not forget my mighty fucking temper that I developed! Anyone in their right mind knows that bottling up your feelings usually leads to anger, and since I had done that for so fucking long, of course I was going to get angry. And easily at that.
I got into so many fucking fights, broke so many fucking bones.
I hadn’t even realised at that time the pain I was putting the few people that still cared about me through. I was constantly getting angry at the boys and arguing with them, I guess you take out shit on the people who you care about most. That’s one of the most fucked up things ever, right? But it still happens. I mean put it this way, if you had a shitty day at school, you’re genuinely going to go home and take it out on a family member. Why? Because they’re going to easily forgive you, and deep down you know that. You’d rather have a minor argument with your mum then lose a friend because you snapped at them. And I guess that’s why I was taking majority of my issues out on the boys, even Alex at times. But that still didn’t stop me from throwing multiple punches at a drunken stranger at the pub because they had pissed me off.
I had so much fucking anger boiling inside me and there was no way around it, anyone that came near me was sure to cop some of it on the chin.
I was like a ticking time bomb.
* 7th of July, 2012
It was 6 degrees celsius, but the window was wide open, and I was fucking cold.
Shivering, I lifted the cigarette to my lips and took a long drag. I exhaled, in the direction of the window.
“If you’re smart, you won’t get caught. Baby, I know you’re smart. Leave the fucking window open, and don’t close it until the scent of weed is gone. They won’t even notice.”
I took another drag, despite the fact that my finger tips were shaking real bad.
Let’s cheers to this by sleeping with sirens was blasting so fucking loudly in my ears that of course, my stupid ass didn’t hear dad’s footsteps. I didn’t even know he had opened my bedroom door, until I felt my left headphone being ripped out of my ear.
“What the fuck?!” I snapped instinctively, immediately regretting it as my eyes went from looking out the window, to staring right into dad’s eyes.
Shit.
“What the fuck is right, Luke Robert! What the hell do you think you’re doing?!” he screamed. The loudness of his voice echoed throughout the somewhat silent house, causing my mother to jolt up the stairs in a matter of minutes. Her eyes went from mine, to the joint I held in my fingertips. I knew I was a goner.
“Did you think I was kidding when I said no drugs under my roof, when you were 14?” mum asked, but the tone in her voice suggested she wasn’t asking anything. Anger was written across her face and I gulped.
Oh my, don't they hate to see us try
Come on say what you think
It won't mean a thing
In the end we're gonna be just fine
“It’s just weed” I snickered.
“Just weed?! Luke Robert Hemmings, I don’t give a flying pigs ass what it is. It’s a drug, it’s illegal, and it’s in my fucking house! Put it out right now! You’re grounded for a month!” mum screamed. I had never seen her so angry. Little did I know, it was possible for her to get even angrier.
“Nice one. Ground me, see if I fucking care.” I spat.
* 22nd of July, 2012
I stumbled through the front door, nearly tripping over my feet several times.
I was off my fucking head.
I attempted to be as quiet as possible and get up the stairs without making a sound, but that simply wasn’t possible.
I tripped over my own fucking feet, sending myself tumbling down the 6 steps I had already walked up.
Fuck.
“Luke, is that you?” dad’s voice called from upstairs.
I don’t even know why he asked the damn question, how stupid could he be? No dad, it’s not me. It’s a fucking dingo.
Obviously, I didn’t need to answer the question, as both of my parents were standing above me within seconds.
“God dammit, Luke” dad sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. I did that too, it was a genetic habit, I guess.
“Where were you?” mum asked, but I’m pretty sure they both knew anyways.
The scent of alcohol lingered, it could be smelt a mile away.
“Where the fuck do you think” I slurred.
“Don’t talk to your mother like that!” dad screamed loudly.
Mum put a hand on his shoulder, telling him to calm down without using words.
“This girl is no good for you, I have told you that time, and time again. You’re so oblivious Luke, and you won’t realise how bad she is for you until it’s too god damned late.”
Yeah well, maybe she was a bad influence, but at least Kasey made me feel loved.
* 19th of September, 2012
“Luke man, are you sure that’s the best idea? I mean, I’m all for parties and shit… you know that, but at your house? The place will get fucking destroyed! You’re parents won’t be happy, you know that.” Calum sighed.
“Calum I don’t give a fucking shit what you have to say about it, I’m having this party and that’s that.”
Several hours later, my parents were no where to be seen, and my house was fucking crowded with people. This party was going off. Every corner I turned, there were a different group of people doing a different type of drug. Every bedroom upstairs, people were fucking. Except for mine, of course. I caught a couple about to go at it on my fucking bed a couple of hours ago and almost killed the fuckers.
The place stunk of alcohol and cigarettes. The party had been going for hours, yet the crowd seemed to get bigger by the minute.
I couldn’t find Kasey anywhere, and it was starting to really frustrate me. I took a short but sweet drag from the tobacco cigarette before handing it back to Jason.
“Relax, dude. What’s up your ass?” he humourlessly chuckled, as he exhaled a cloud of smoke.
“I can’t find Kasey anywhere.” I sighed, pinching the bridge of my nose. I was fucking agitated.
I threw this mother fucking party because she asked me to, and I hadn’t seen her all fucking night!
“I’m sure she’s around somewhere man, have you looked up stairs?” he questioned, as he pulled something out of his pocket.
I watched him fiddle with something I couldn’t make out — it was dark as shit outside, “I haven’t, actually” I replied.
He handed me a purple, powdery pill with a smiley face engraved on it. What the fuck is this shit? I don’t do pills, he knows that.
“No way man,” I shook my head.
“Chill out. It won’t do any harm, I can assure you. Take it, you’ll be fine.” he spoke seriously.
“What is it?” I asked, staring curiously at it.
“Ecstasy.”
I took the pill, because Jason was my best friend. I took the pill, because I wanted to impress Kasey — doing something bad without her urging me to do it.
Once I had swallowed it, I took one last drag from Jason’s cigarette before walking up the stairs, grinding my teeth. What the fuck? Why was I grinding my teeth?
I brushed it off, as I walked into my bedroom and spotted Kasey on my bed.
“Babe?” I questioned, confused.
She jumped, frightened from my sudden presence. I chuckled at her, and she laughed along.
I shut the door behind me, walking over to her and sooner than I knew it I was hovering over her, sloppily kissing her neck as she moaned loudly.
I was breathing real fucking fast for some reason as we were going at it, sweating a hell of a lot. I felt really nauseous, but I just pushed it aside.
“You alright, babe? You’re sweating like a fucking pig” she asked worriedly.
“I’m f-fineeee! I’m on top of the moon. I looove you Kasey, kiss me baby” I giggled like a teenage girl.
“What the fuck did you take Lu-” she began as I thrusted into her again.
She never got to finish her fucking sentence, though.
Because my parents bursted through the door, and if I could erase the look on my mother’s face from my memory, my God — I fucking would.
I didn’t stick around long enough to hear my parents start screaming at me though, because I passed out on Kasey’s bare chest.
31st of December, 2012
My whole fucking family was outside, eating new years lunch.
God, I would rather stab forks into both of my eyeballs than sit here and listen to all the great things Jack and Ben do.
Sitting here and listening to their shit, sitting here and receiving looks from my relatives, my so called ‘family’, made me feel so fucking uncomfortable. It was torture.
Mum and her sister were standing in front of me having a conversation about how fucking fantastic Jack is, and just when I thought things couldn’t get any worse, my aunty invited me to the conversation. What a fucking joy!
“So Luke, I heard this year hasn’t really been the best for you?” she asked.
When people asked stupid ass questions like those, it really pissed me the fuck off. Like come off it you stupid bitch, you know every fucking detail to what happened already; you know all the answers! So why the hell are you asking me?! To rev me up? To piss me off? Are you looking for a fight?
“Oh really? Yeah, I heard mum telling you about the whole thing over the phone last month.” I spat sarcastically.
Mum narrowed her eyes at me, and I knew I was already in shit. But I didn’t give a fuck.
“My my Luke, you’ve got quite the attitude now my dear. Don’t worry Liz, it’s just a faze — it’ll pass.” she spoke sympathetically to my mother.
Did she forget that I was right in front of her or what?
I scoffed, standing up and turning my back. I started to walk away, when I heard my mother speak.
“Luke Robert!” she shouted, causing the entire population of my backyard to be quiet.
I stopped in my tracks, turning around and raising an eyebrow at her.
“Get back here, now.” she ordered.
“Let me think about that one, mum. You see, I’d rather not spend my night listening to people praise my brothers and roll my name off their tongues with disgust.” I hissed, turning on my heal and stalking out of the house.
A couple of hours later, I found myself at the police station.
Wasn’t this just fucking pleasant? I was being held over night, unless someone paid bail for me. Yeah fuck that shit, I’d rather stay in a humid, rotten jail cell over my parents lecturing me any day.
Not my fault that some scum decided to hit on Kasey. He had the punch coming, and the several ones after that. Maybe he didn’t deserve a broken rib, but whatever. Not my problem.
It was my problem when the prison guard forced me to call my parents, though.
3rd of Feburary, 2013
I kicked a couple of rocks, causing one of them to jump up and crack Mr. Cleveland’s windscreen. In all honesty it was an accident, but I didn’t give a fuck anyways.
I took a drag from the cigarette, laughing at something Kasey had said.
“Give us a turn ya prick,” Jason joked, as I handed him the cigarette.
We had ditched 3rd session, and decided to have a smoke in the teacher’s parking lot. 3rd wasn’t important today anyways, and no one would miss us.
I couldn’t count the number of times I had skipped class for a quick smoke or something else, and I hadn’t gotten caught any of those times. It was almost like I had fucking jinxed myself, as we got caught that time. By none other than the principal, how fucking ironic. I swear the bloke had supernatural senses, he could sense me cracking the windscreen of his range rover miles away.
That was the day that Mr. Cleveland had had it with all fucking 3 of us, and he expelled us. Just great. Another thing to be yelled at for.
23rd of Feburary, 2013
Kasey and I were home alone at my place, and she’d brought cocaine.
She was in hot black lingerie and her legs were spread wide open.
I set some of the powder in a line, just above her underwear line.
I rolled up a 5 dollar note and snorted the lot, making her entire body quiver underneath me.
I then placed some on her inner thigh, and began snorting it as dad walked in.
14th of March, 2013
Since I had been expelled, mum had practically forced me to do maths tuition sessions with her a couple of times a week.
I arrived pretty early, and was waiting in mum’s office. She had sent me a text saying that she’d be an hour late.
An hour, huh? That’s enough time, in my books.
I texted Kasey, and told her to bring the cocaine.
I was fucking her senseless on mum’s desk, and there was cocaine all over her right breast. Oops.
I was so caught up in the moment, that I hadn’t noticed mum’s boss walk into the office.
That was the day mum lost her job. The only thing keeping her happy.
16th of March, 2013
“We’re sorry Luke, but we just can’t fucking do this anymore. It’s Ridiculous, we’ve given you so Goddamned many chances, and you’ve just thrown them all back in our faces. It’s not fair, Luke. I - We’ve tried so hard to stick by you and help you out throughout all of this shit, but it’s too hard. Too much of anything is too much, Luke. If you want to act like an adult, then go ahead and be one. Pack your bags and leave. I’m sorry Luke, I really am.” mum spoke.
“Oh yeah, I bet you’re real fucking sorry, mum. Whatever. I don’t need this fucking shit. Fuck you both.” I spat, and that was the last word I ever spoke to them.
*
“Luke, honey” mum cried, pulling me into an embrace.
For a few seconds, I was numb — I couldn’t move a fucking muscle. I had forgotten what it had felt like to be in my mothers arms.
But after a few moments, my instincts kicked in and I wrapped my arms around my mother, and pulled her closer.
I soon felt another person join the embrace, it was my dad.
I fucking missed this.
“I missed you so much Luke, we’re so, so sorry for just turning our backs on you like that… It wasn’t the right thing to do. We abandoned you when you needed us most and we’re so sorry for that honey. I just hope you can find it in yourself to forgive us one day, hell — I can’t even forgive myself for what we did. I’m so proud of you for achieving your dreams, and I’m proud of you for seeking help. My God, you’ve grown up so much… You’re taller than your dad now, my goodness…” mum rambled, sniffling. I laughed. A real laugh. I hadn’t produced one of those since I had been with Daniella.
And my God, did it feel fucking good.
I missed mums rambling.
I heard the clearing of a throat and I immediately turned to Andrea. I had completely forgotten she was there. To think, this was all because of her. This was all because she pushed me a little bit and encouraged me to find my parents. I don’t think I could ever thank her enough. Obviously, I understood it was her job. But I had really bonded with her, and honestly I felt like the favour she did for me extended a little further than just being her job.
She smiled at me, and I smiled back.
“So all that needs to be done now is for your parents to sign you out, and then you can legally leave. You’re welcome to go and pack your things, Luke. I’m really proud of you.” she announced, grinning at me.
A feeling I couldn’t even describe filled my entire body, I was tingling with content happiness and I couldn’t have asked for anything more in the world. I had my family back. I was leaving rehab. I was going to be reunited with my baby girl.
HI I HOPED U ALL LIKED THAT IT WAS LONG TOO AND OMG LUELLA IS GONNA BE REUNITED SOON HOW ARE U ALL FEELING ABOUT THAT??!?!
ALSO, I'VE MADE A WHOLE HEAP OF 8TRACKS MIXES IN THE PAST WEEK OR SO THAT I'M REALLY HAPPY WITH SO UR WELCOME TO GO AND CHECK THOSE OUUUUT!
MY 8TRACKS USER IS @LAVENDERLUCAS
I LOVE U ALL, THANKS FOR READING UR ALL FANTASTIC
ALSO I'M BACK TO UPDATING MY MICHAEL FIC SO I THINK U SHOULD GO AND READ IT
OK LOVE YOU ALL, PRETTY PLEASE COMMENT AND VOTE UR ASSES OFF I WILL LOVE YOU FOREVER. BEST COMMENT GETS A DEDICATION :-)
LOVE,
ASH
XXX