"N&S: John Thornton, Love Le...

By GratianaLovelace

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John Thornton has an eager mind, starved for intellectual stimulation. But what John could not have foreseen... More

"N&S: John Thornton, Love Lessons", by Gratiana Lovelace October 14, 2013
Prologue
Ch.1: Timing is Everything
Ch. 2: Navigating an Invitation
Ch. 3 (PG-13): A Carriage Ride and Picnic in Nature's Idyll
Ch. 4: A Question of Propriety
Ch. 5: Propriety Be Damned
Ch. 6: The Thorntons' Engagement Responses
Ch. 7: The Mill's Future is Cast into Doubt
Ch. 8 (PG-13, S): A Compromising Situation
Ch. 9 (PG-13, V): Trouble at Marlborough Mills
Ch. 10 (PG-13, S): Recovery and Romance
Ch. 11 (R rated, S): I Plight Thee My Troth
Ch. 12: Merry Match Making Mirrrrth
Ch. 13: Dr. Ogilvy joins the Thornton Christmas Celebrations
Ch. 14: After Christmas Visit to London Part 1
Ch. 15 (PG-13): After Christmas Visit to London Part 2 (John & Margaret)
Ch. 16 (PG-13): Hannah's Long Forgotten Memories Awaken While Caring for Lissa
Ch. 17: Meeting Dr. Ogilvy's Children in London
Ch. 18 (PG): Mrs. Thornton's 1st Monday with the Dillard Children
Ch. 19: Some Return Home to Milton, Some Stay in London Part I
Ch. 20: Some Return Home to Milton, Some Stay in London Part 2
Ch. 21 (R-S): Sunday Spooning, and Monday Museum & Tea Rituals
Ch. 22: Mrs. Shaw's Farewell Dinner Soiree Finds Fanny with Competing Suitors
Ch. 23: Unexpected Complications
Ch. 24 (PG-13): Tea for Two Becomes Fractured
Ch. 25 (PG-13): Watson Gets More than He Bargained For
Ch. 26: Wedding Planning Dresses and Such
Ch. 27 (R-rated, S): John and Margaret's Loving Evening and Such
Ch. 28 (PG-13): Hannah's and Cameron's Evening Begins Lovingly
Ch. 29: Fanny and Baird Courting in London
Ch. 30: Traveling to Airlie Castle in Scotland for a Highland Wedding
Ch. 31 (PG-13): Love, Tenderness, Patience, and Compassion
Ch. 32 (R-rated, S): A Love Worth Waiting For
Ch. 33 (PG): Ankles and Feet, Heads and Hearts
Ch. 34 (PG-13): Pas de deux, times two?
Ch. 35 (PG-13): Fanny Comes to a Decision
Ch. 36 (PG): Fanny's Dalliance with Baird Ends
Ch. 37 (PG): Fanny Arrives Home in Milton Seeking Consolation
Ch. 38 (PG): Dr. Houghton is Very Attentive
Ch. 39 (PG): Unexpected Developments in Thornton Manor Residents
Ch. 40 (R-rated, S): Romantic Partners Times Three
Ch. 41 (PG-13): Baird Ogilvy Makes an Appeal
Ch. 42 (PG-13): Baird Ogilvy Seeks to Win Back His Fiona, Part 1
Ch. 43 (PG-13): Baird Ogilvy Seeks to Win Back His Fiona, Part 2
Ch. 44 (PG): Sometimes Love Means Letting Go
Ch. 45 (PG): Chopin Nocturnes Interlude
Ch. 46 (PG-13): Home is Where the Heart Is
Ch. 47 (PG-13): Sunday Luncheon Parting is Bittersweet
Ch. 48 (PG-13): A House Warming and Wedding Planning
Ch. 49 (PG): Fanny's Birthday Surprises
Ch. 50 (PG-13): A Member of the Wedding
Ch. 51 (PG-13): With This Rrring, I Thee Wed
Ch. 52 (R-rated, S): With My Body, I Thee Worship
Ch. 53 (PG-13): Post Wedding Euphoria and Distress
Ch. 54 (PG-13): Where There is a "Mill", There is a Way
Ch. 55 (PG): Domestic Bliss?
Ch. 56 (PG-13): Returning to Scotland Brings Surprises and Joy!
Ch. 57 (PG-13): You Are So Beautiful, to Me!
Ch. 58 (PG-13): Margaret has a Plan
Ch. 59 (PG-13): Sharing Baby News with Family, Delicately
Ch. 60 (PG-13, D): Preparations
Ch. 61 (PG-13): The Angus Scotland Highland Games Open
Ch. 62 (PG-13): At the Highland Games, the Ladies Go a Husband Calling
Ch. 63 (PG-13, D): The Pain of Giving Life
Ch. 64 (PG-13): A Promise
Ch. 65: Baby Names
Ch. 66 (PG-13): Babies Yet to Come
Ch. 67 (PG-13): The Cycle of Life
Ch. 68 (PG-13): Joy in the Morning
Ch. 69 (PG-13): Returning to Airlie Estates in Scotland
Ch. 70 (PG-13): Advent Surprises, Part 1
Ch. 71 (PG-13): Advent Suprises, Part 2
Ch. 72 (PG-13): 3.5 Years Later, Seeking a Son to Love
Ch. 74 (PG-13): Loving from the Heart, Part 1
Ch. 75 (PG-13): Loving from the Heart, Part 2 (Revised)
Ch. 76 (PG-13): Arrivals and New Beginnings
Ch. 77 (PG-15, S): Bedtime Stories
Ch. 78 (PG-13): Chance Made Us Sisters
Ch. 79 (PG-13): Preparing for a 4th Birthday
Ch. 80 (PG-13, D): Birthday Festivities, and Then Some
Ch. 81 (PG-13): Courting Permission
Ch. 82 (PG-13): Wooing
Ch. 83 (PG-13): On Bended Knee
Ch. 84 (PG-13, D): Brigid's Past Threatens to Claim Her Future
Ch. 85 (PG-13, S): A Good Man
Ch. 86 (PG-13): Five Years Later: The Trials of Fathering Daughters Begin
Ch. 87 (PG-13, D): Fathers and Sons
Ch. 88 (PG-13): My Family, My Heart
Ch. 89 (PG-13): Epilogue/End--Ten and Twenty Years later, Love Lessons Learned

Ch. 73 (PG-13, D): Finding Families for Children

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By GratianaLovelace

"N&S: John Thornton, Love Lessons", Ch. 73 (PG-13, D):  Finding Families for Children,August 02, 2014 Gratiana Lovelace

An original fan fiction copyrighted by Gratiana Lovelace;   All rights reserved; Based on the Elizabeth Gaskell novel, North & South and its  2004 BBC adaptation; No copyright infringement intended)

[I will illustrate my story using my dream cast from the 2004 BBC production of "North & South" and other actors for additional characters:   Richard Armitage for John Thornton, Daniela Denby-Ashe for Margaret Hale, Lesley Manville for Mrs. Maria Hale,  Tim Pigott-Smith for Mr. Richard Hale, Sinead Cusack for Mrs. Hannah Thornton Ogilvy, Jo Joyner for Fiona/Fanny Thornton Ogilvy, Brendan Coyle for Nicholas Higgins, Graham McTavish as Dr. Cameron Ogilvy, Holliday Grainger for Angharad Ogilvy MacIntosh, Simon Woods for Baird Ogilvy, and Emma Ashton as Mrs. Dillard, John Light as Henry Lennox, Tim Faraday as Watson, Gillian Anderson at Carlotta Quint Watson, Jeremy Northam as Dr. Miles Houghton, Gerard Butler as Lord Jamie Ogilvy, and Juliette Lewis as Lady Thistle Ogilvy, etc.] [(1) story logo, top right] 

Author's Mature Content Note:  "N&S: John Thornton, Love Lessons" is a story with mature themes of love and relationships set within a period drama of the 1850's.  As such there will be heartfelt moments of love and sensuality (S)--as well as other dramatic emotions (D), including some violence (V)--and I will rate those chapters accordingly.  If you are unable or unwilling to attend a movie with the ratings that I provide, then please do not read that chapter.  This is my disclaimer.

Author's Recap from the previous chapter:  Three and a half years later--in 1855--finds the Thornton family contemplating expanding their family by adopting a sibling for their almost 4 year old daughter Audrey Grace.  So they travel to Angus, Scotland because Cameron and Hannah Ogilvy have started and adoption orphanage and have a baby boy who needs a family.  But as of yet, john does not know that the baby boy is not alone.

"N&S: John Thornton, Love Lessons", Ch. 73 (PG-13, D):  Finding Families for Children

After arriving at the Angus, Scotland train station late Thursday early April 9th, 1855 morning, Dr. Cameron Ogilvy Lord Airlie greets his Thornton family members  warmly at the station with a broad smile, a hand shake and bear hug for John, and pecks on the cheek for Margaret and little Audrey Grace.  Cameron is alone, explaining that their wee one three and a half year old Lord Gavin had the sniffles and Hannah would not think of letting him outdoors in the cool air.  John nods remembering fondly his mother's steadfast devotion to his and Fanny's well being as children and smiles.  Little Audrey Grace is all excited to see her [uncle] Gavin again since it has been since last Christmas they were all together.  She has not been told the real reason for their visit.  They take an open carriage ride back to Airlie Castle with Grandpapa Cameron pointing out the sheep and heathers and such to his excited granddaughter Audrey Grace.

When the Ogilvy carriage pulls to a stop at the front entrance of the grand Airlie Castle [(2) right],  the courtyard is abloom with splashes of pale colors from tulips and other flowers.  Little Audrey Grace claps her hands together for the beauty of the castle and the surrounding countryside. 

After being informed by the castle butler that his lordship's carriage was coming up the long tree lined drive to the castle, Hannah Thornton Ogilvy Lady Airlie waits to welcome them to the castle in its two story grand entrance hall.  This room has been the site of many a formal and not so formal gatherings over the decades and centuries--[and] once even serving as the castle garrison barracks during war time with the Brits.  So Hannah is pleased to have a non military use for their foyer this day. 

Upon entering his castle home, Cameron lovingly kisses his wife's cheek then slips away to his study for a moment--to allow her to have the full attention of their children and grandchild for her greeting.

Hannah: "I am so very glad to see you returned to us this very fine Spring day. 

Hannah Lady Airlie is wearing a gown in her brighter Spring colors with a satin day dress in a lovely muted lavender grey.  The gown has a pleated bodice with a narrow lace collar around the generously round neckline. Though Cameron admires his wife's beauty in and out of her gowns, Hannah has her gowns more youthfully tailored while still maintaining her demure appearance.  She fairly glows with happiness--of being loved by Cameron and their raising their little son Gavin with loving devotion.

Audrey Grace: "Nana Hannah!"  Audrey Grace squeals as she rushes to hug her grandmother.  It seems that almost every child in Lady Airlie's acquaintance and family call her that now--except for her little son Gavin and her grown children John and Fiona.

Hannah:   Picking her granddaughter up in her arms, Hannah embraces and kisses her.  "You have grown so, Audrey Grace.  I almost did not recognize you.  Soon, you will be so big that I won't be able to pick you up anymore."

John: "Ha ha ha!"  John and Margaret both smile and kiss cheeks with Hannah.  "Mother, you look so well--younger every time I see you." John notices caringly and his mother smiles with a warm blush to her cheeks.

Hannah:  "Thank you, John."

Then a little laird and his father the Earl stride out of Cameron's study.

Cameron: "Gavin!  Look who has come to visit us again! Yourrr brrrother John! Marrrgarrret! And Audrrrey Grrrace!"  Cameron shakes hands, kisses cheeks, as appropriate once again.

Gavin:  Tugging upon his father's jacket, Little Lord Gavin asks pleadingly as he looks up at the two towering men--his Papa and his brother. "Me, too, Papa?"

Cameron gestures from his little three and a half year old son Lord Gavin Victor Ogilvy to the Thornton Family.  John bends his knees to get closer to his little brother's height and he gives him a hug.  Gavin smiles and responds by seriously shaking his brother John's hand. Little Gavin has been practicing hand shaking with his Papa--because when they hold fetes at the castle, the receiving line is very long--so one has to not over do the hand shaking too early or risk straining their hand.    Then he kisses his sister-in-law Margaret's cheek when she also bends down to embrace him.  Finally Gavin cheerfully hugs his niece Audrey Grace--who is his senior by four months--by picking her up, despite him being slightly smaller than she is.

Gavin:   "Audrrrrey Grrrrace!  Ha ha ha!"  Gavin laughs gleefully and the adults look on in amusement.

Audrey Grace:  "Now Gavin, don't muss my lace collar. Please put me down."  She daintily admonishes her Uncle Gavin.  For though Gavin is her father's brother--and technically, he is her uncle--but Gavin's tender age of three and a half years renders formality absurd.

***

Hannah: "Let us get you settled in and then we will have luncheon at the Family Dining Table in the Salon." She offers graciously.

As Cameron and John walk up the grand central stair case to the bedchambers floor--followed by little Audrey Grace and Little Gavin--Margaret takes Hannah aside as they walk..

Margaret: "Is the baby still alright?  Is he here?"  Margaret asks eagerly.

Hannah: Patting Margaret's hand, Hannah smiles. "Not to worry, Margaret Dear.  His family's decision to place the baby up for adoption was resolute.  They know that Cameron intends to place the child with a family of comfortable means who will love the child as their own--though he did not breach your confidence by declaring you and John to be the prospective parents."

Margaret: "Prospective?  But I thought that he is ours? That is, if John agrees."  Margaret winces.

Hannah:  "The baby will be yours."  Hannah smiles reassuringly.  "But have you told John about the special family connection?"

Margaret:  Margaret lowers her head. "I have not.  I hope that John will fall so in love with the baby boy that he will agree to the condition."

Hannah: "Now now, it is not a condition, so much as it is a wish to keep the baby's family connections strong."

Margaret: "I know, I know."  Margaret nods in agreement. "It would be wonderful!"  She sighs.  Then Margaret nibbles on her lower lip with her fretting.  "But if John will not consent ...."  Margaret shakes her head worriedly.

Then John's voice intrudes upon the women's hushed conversation in the bedchamber hallway.

John: "Margaret?

Margaret: "Yes?"  Margaret startles as she looks up at her husband gazing at her quizzically. She wonders how much he might have over heard.

John: His voice softens. "Darling, I am sorry to have startled you.  I merely wanted to ascertain if you wished to see the baby before luncheon or after?" He asks hopefully. 

Though John Thornton is a man of strong will, determination, and inestimable patience, he is eager to see this one month old boy child whom they might welcome into their home as their son.  Margaret looks furtively at her mother-in-law Hannah.  Hannah smiles and nods calmly.

Hannah: "John, the baby is probably sleeping.  But we can peek in on him in the nursery without disturbing him."

Margaret: "Very well, let us see him." Margaret smiles hopefully as she gently takes John's offered arm. 

Little Audrey Grace and Gavin tag along behind the adults. 

All must be just right for Margaret to put her suggestion to her husband John such that he will accept it.  Or, she worries, that he will not accept it, and be in such a state of pique that he might not wish to adopt the baby boy either.

Hannah motions for Gavin's nanny to come forward.

Hannah: "Pims, please take the children into Gavin's bed chamber and wash their hands and faces and such in preparation for luncheon."   Then she adds for John's and Margaret's benefit.  "Lord Jamie and Lady Thistle and their children will be joining us for luncheon and then play time this afternoon." 

Margaret smiles hopefully--glad to have more family around--and family who have already adopted a child, their second son.

Pims:   The nanny curtsies.  "Yes, Milady."  Then she takes each child in hand.

Gavin: He pouts. "But Mama, I want to play with the other children."  Gavin is often found in the nursery playing with the other children.  He enjoys their company immensely.  "And Audrrrey Grrrace has na met them yet."  He lilts in a tiny person Scottish brogue.

Audrey Grace: "Children?" She is curious, because her Nana Hannah's and Grandpapa Cameron's orphanage has only blossomed in size recently.

Cameron: "We take in children to live with us who are looking for families.  Then when they find their families, they are adopted and they go home with them."

John and Margaret intently watch their daughter, Audrey Grace, thinking about what Grandpapa Cameron said.  If they adopt, when they adopt, John and Margaret know that it will be an adjustment for Audrey Grace not being the center of attention anymore.

Audrey Grace: "Ohhh!"   Audrey Grace sighs as if her almost four year old mind understands the concept of adoption. However, with her being too young to even think to ask where babies come from, she thinks it sounds nice.   And she wonders if her parents found her this way.

Hannah:  Hannah lovingly caresses her little son's cheek. "Gavin Sweetheart, Let Pims assist you and Audrey Grace--and we will all meet together for luncheon in thirty minutes."  Hannah telegraphs her orders to the nanny to keep the children occupied that long. "You may play with the other children this afternoon."

Gavin: "Thank ye, Mama!"   Little Gavin smiles hard up at his adored Mama.

Then after the children and nanny leave, Hannah turns back to John and Margaret as Cameron cordially places his arm around her waist.  Cameron is never far from his beloved Hannah's side by his choice, and then he must have some tactile connection to her--even if it is only their fingers intertwined. Their love has only ever increased these past four years.

Cameron: But he redirects his thoughts and smilingly gestures for his guests to follow him.  "Shall we?"

Cameron leads everyone toward a bed chamber at the end of the long hallway of the family guest bed chamber wing of Airlie Castle. Hannah puts her finger to her lips for them to enter quietly since the babies might be sleeping. They all nod and slowly walk to the room.   Margaret's breathing becomes more shallow and quick as her nerves suddenly take hold.  John sees Margaret's unease and he grips her hand and waist to steady her--but also to steady himself.  John wants a son to nurture and love--who will one day carry on his work at Marlborough Mills and in the cotton mills industry.  But John still does not know how he will feel about becoming the father of another man's child.

Hannah and Cameron precede John and Margaret into the large bed chamber suite. John and Margaret did not know what they expected to find in the room, but it wasn't this.  For Cameron and Hannah have turned part of their home at Airlie Castle into modest and model orphanage--with the children separated into two age groups of those three years and under, and then an older group of four to eight years old.  Most children are adopted by the time they are eight years old--partially due to the wealth of caring families in Scotland, and partially due to Cameron Lord Airlie's proactive approach to finding families for the children in their care. 

The large and airy room they enter is for the younger children--aged three years and under, both boys and girls.  On one side of the room, there are three crib beds for the babies and one year olds and three small cots for the two and three year olds.  The four boys and girls aged one to three years old are playing quietly with blocks and other toys in a central play area supervised by a nanny, while a baby boy and a baby girl are asleep in their cribs tended to by their nurse.

John:  With an impish smile on his face--and knowing his wife's zeal for all things maternal--John leans down and whispers into his wife Margaret's ear.  "Now remember Margaret, I only agreed to one child, a baby boy." 

Margaret blanches as her face goes pale [(3) right]   and she nods to her husband John.  Then John looks at Cameron and sheepishly shrugs his shoulders.  Cameron smiles benignly at John, and slightly winces--but John does not notice.  Then when John looks away, Cameron looks quizzically at Margaret and then at his wife.  Hannah shakes her head no.

Striding over to the baby cribs, Cameron sees that the one month old baby boy is awake. So he reaches into the crib, and gently picks the baby up and hands him to Margaret who rocks the baby in her arms.

Margaret: "Ohhh!  John, look!  He does have your hair."   Margaret gazes up into her husband's eyes, hoping for John to feel a connection to this little one.  Margaret was smitten even before she held the baby in her arms.

John:  "So he does."  John nods and leans down closer to inspect the baby from all angles as his head pivots on his neck--his hands clasped behind his back rather stiffly. It is a posture John unconsciously uses when examining mill machinery--so that he doesn't put his hands where they might be injured by the workings of the machine. "Hmmm.  The child seems to be well formed."  John tentatively holds out his index finger to the baby.  And the baby's small fingers open and close upon Johns' finger twice, then hold John's fingertip.  "Quite a grip the little fellow has."  John says in a hushed whisper.  Then he asks hesitatingly.  "Does he have a name?"

Hannah: "No.  The grandparents felt that the new parents would wish to name him."

John:  "But what was his family name?"

Cameron: "It was Douglas.   The clan territory  is far away--further South of Glasgow even, in the lowlands country."

John:  "Douglas." John repeats in a soft voice so that his naturally deep voice does not scare the child.

Margaret: "Then how came these, this child ..."  She stops herself from saying children.  "... to be with you in Angus, Scotland?"

Cameron:  "The grandfather was much admired for his land farming stewardship.  And he and his wife and youngest daughter had settled on the Eastern coast at Dundee, on an estate that the grandfather managed.  That is where the daughter met her husband--at the port there.  The grandparents had heard of our work in finding families for children after their daughter died.   So they came to see me two weeks ago." 

Of course, Cameron is not telling the full story to John. It is up to Margaret to do that--and he assumes that she has, when she has not.   A little almost two year old girl with tousled brown curly hair held back by a head band [(4) right] --so reminiscent of Margaret's daughter Audrey Grace--from the orphanage play group has been watching the adults with her baby brother.  She sees the young Margaret Thornton caringly rocking the baby and she stands up and walks over to her--as if drawn to Margaret.  Margaret smiles kindly at the little girl.

Margaret: "Hello. And who are you?"

Catriona:  "Caty."  The child replies guilelessly.  She cannot speak in long sentences, but she knows her name.  Then mesmerized by the bundle in Margaret's arms, Caty pats the baby gently.  "Baby."  Little Catriona had often heard her Mama say the word--to accustom her older daughter to the concept of their family expanding. And then she heard the word when her grandparents called him the baby.

John: "Very good, little one."  John smiles warmly and pats the top of her head, still not getting the connection.

Then little Catriona looks up longingly at Margaret and poignantly sighs what she needs.

Catriona:  "Mama?"  Little Catriona's lip trembles.  Her Mama has been gone for a long time--it has been three weeks--and she misses her Mama's cuddles and kisses. And her grandparents have gone now, too, leaving her here with these friendly people.  But little ones need a stable caring person in their lives to love and to nurture them.  However caring the Ogilvy's and their nanny care takers are toward Catriona, it is not like having her own Mama and Papa.

Margaret:  "Oh!"  Margaret sighs in realization that Caty is the baby boy's sister whom her mother-in-law Hannah had written about.  "Come close, Caty dear."  Margaret opens her other arm not cradling the baby and Caty nestles into her comforting embrace.  "You are a little sweetheart."  Margaret uses her pet endearment for her daughter Audrey Grace.

Margaret represents a picture of motherly devotion as she cradles the baby and hugs the little girl.  Hannah smiles.  Cameron smiles. John looks perplexed.

John:  John asks warily.  "What is the little girl's family name, Cameron?"

Cameron: "She is Catriona Douglas, the baby boy's older sister."  Cameron states flatly--he is never one to beat around the bush--waiting to see how John takes this news.

John's eyes narrow. Little Catriona looks fearfully up at the tall man and cringes away from him as she buries her face into Margaret's chest.

Margaret: "John, do sit down. You're scaring her."

John: "That is not my intent." John remarks in a clipped fashion--as if he were gritting his teeth--as he sits down.  He must temper his response in front of the impressionable children.  "I wish to speak to you privately, Margaret."  John says firmly in a hushed voice.

Margaret nods her head slowly.  She realizes that she has bungled introducing her husband to the little girl Caty, by not preparing him properly and taking him into her confidence about the matter.  Margaret worries that even the baby boy will be lost to them if John will not allow them to consider also adopting the baby's older sister.

Hannah steps forward and Margaret transfers the baby boy to her arms.  Margaret stands, then looks down at little Catriona clinging to her dress.

Margaret:  "Very well."  Margaret says resolutely.

Gently prying the child's fingers off of her dress and transferring Catriona to Hannah's embrace, Margaret meekly walks behind her husband John and toward their guest bed chamber suite.

***

As John and Margaret enter their guest bed chamber suite, they immediately walk to the center of the room. John turns around and rubs his jaw as a self comforting gesture and wearily removes his cravat--its stricture being too confining for him at the moment.  John faces away from Margaret as she sits down on the settee.

John: "Please sit, Margaret." He suggests with his back still to his wife.  He is counting to ten silently, hoping to quell his rising anger.

Margaret: "I am sitting, John."  She holds her breath for what her husband might say.

John:  John turns around to see that she is, indeed, sitting.  "Yes, well, good."  He stammers. 

Margaret just looks at her husband--waiting to hear his wishes.

Margaret: "John."  She says is her best shy voice.  But it doesn't work.

John: "When were you going to tell me about the sister?"  He accuses her.  "When we had reached home to find her already there by traveling ahead of us with a servant?"  John is breathing quickly and shallowly.

Margaret: "John!  I would never do that.  I'm sorry that I didn't tell you about her.  But I didn't know how you  would take it."  She pleads.

John: "Well, had you given me the chance to consider it, I might have reflected upon the matter--weighing the benefits to us and to the child."

Margaret: "Might have?"  Margaret asks cautiously.

John: "What do you expect me to say?  Everything is alright?   That I'm happy to adopt both children, when I don't even know if I can love a baby boy who is not mine, not ours?"  John holds his arms open and shakes his head in incredulity.

Margaret: "But I thought you wanted to adopt a baby boy?   You said so.  Since I cannot risk childbirth again.  We have talked about it at length."  Margaret's voice has become more shrill and she begins to tear up--fearing that she has, indeed, lost the chance to adopt this baby boy--or any baby--with John."

John:  "I want a son!  My son!  Our son!"  John uncharacteristically shouts at his wife.

Margaret: "John!"  Margaret composure dissolves into tears and she runs toward her dressing room.

Before John can follow her, they are interrupted by several loud knocks at their bed chamber door.

Cameron: "Arrre ye alrrright in therrre?"  Cameron asks with concern because they can hear John and Margaret from the hallway.

Margaret continues rushing into her dressing room leaving John standing in the middle of an empty room.  What just happened?  John wonders why he feels so strongly about having his own son.  Cameron knocks again.  John pulls on his jacket lapels, as if to straighten and tidy up his appearance before he walks toward and opens the door--though he forgets that he is missing his cravat.  Cameron looks pointedly at John [(5) right]--his own modern style cravat neatly tied in place.

John:  "Cameron."  John says evenly, but with a tinge of disdain.  "I suppose you knew."

Cameron walks past John and into their guest bed chamber.  To avoid being a spectacle on display for the servants attending to their tasks, John shuts the door.

Cameron: "Aye!   And I thought you knew as well." 

Cameron raises an eye brow in muted solidarity with John's reaction provoked by him being surprised about the situation--surprise not a concept welcomed by the methodical John Thornton.  They hear muffled crying sounds emanating from Margaret's dressing room.

John:  "Hhhhh!"  John sighs heavily in frustration.  "I did not mean to shout at Margaret.  But she doesn't understand."

Cameron: "Don't apologize to me Laddie, apologize to herrr.  And make herrr underrrstand.  Talk to herrr.  Explain it."

John: "How can I?  When I don't even understand why I feel the way I do."

Cameron: Shifting into physician care giver mode, Cameron asks gently.  "How do you feel, John?"

John: "I feel ... I feel ..."

Cameron: "Yes?"   He prods patiently.

John: "I feel, that every other man--even that despicable Watson--gets to father a son, sometimes two sons as in your case." Cameron tilts his head in acknowledgement.  "But I cannot even have one son.  Don't I deserve a son?  Haven't I proven myself worthy to be a father?"  John sits dejectedly in a side chair and looks awary from Cameron to shield him from seeing the tears that threaten to fall down John's face.

Cameron: "Hhhhhhh!" Cameron sighs in realization of the crux of John's distress.  The wounds of childhood pain are deep within the srong and resilient John Thornton.  "Laddie, ye arrre a wonderrrful fatherrr.  And ye do deserrrve a son to call yourrr own. Ye cannot think that because yourrr fatherrr chose to leave you by ending his life, that it was because you were unworthy of his love.  If anything, he did not deserve to have you as his son."

John: "NO!" John shouts forcefully. Then John continues more softly, poignantly as he gazes up at Cameron with moist eyes [(6) right].  "My father was a good man. I strive to live the lessons of honor and honesty and forthrightness that he taught me.  But unscrupulous people took advantage of his good nature.  And then others turned against him when he was swindled out of all of his money."  John's voice begins to crescendo in volume as he relives his childhood horror. "Papa couldn't cope with the shame of our reduced circumstances--not having enough money to eat sometimes.  I told Papa that I didn't mind that I had to leave school and that we had to lose our home.  But he didn't believe me!  God help me!  He didn't believe me!  I should have made Papa believe me and then he would still be alive!"  John wails and his tears stream down his face. 

John's pain is even more unbearable because he is the one who found his father dead and frantically tried to revive him--but it was to no avail.  And Cameron knows this sad fact from Hannah haltingly telling him earlier in their marriage.

Cameron: "Ach!  Nay Laddie!   Twas not your fault!" 

Cameron strides over to the sitting John and pulls him into a bear hug as John sobs out his heartache onto Cameron's chest.  John has had to be so strong for so long--never letting anyone know his secret pain--that his façade crumbles in front of the man who has become like a father to him.

Hearing John's distress, Margaret comes running out of her dressing room and toward her husband sitting on the chair with his arms around the waist and crying into the chest of the standing Cameron, his father-in-law and stepfather--the tears still streaming down her face.

Margaret: "John, My Love.  What is wrong?"  She strokes his hair and back and leans into him and kisses the back of his head as she wraps her arms around his torso and lays her head upon his shoulder, nestling into him.

And there the three of them stay for several minutes as everyone regains their composure.  Eventually, John loosens his hold around Cameron, who steps back--which allows Margaret to move around to John's front and sit on his lap, peppering his face with kisses as she lovingly embraces him and he embraces her.  John buries his face into her neck, finding comfort in the intimacy of love and caring that is theirs alone--drinking in the light lavender scent of her.  Margaret is John's eternal Spring of hope and joy and love.

John: "I am so sorry, Margaret. Please forgive me.  I behaved abominably."

Margaret: "Only if you forgive me for not telling you all as I should have done.  You needed time to think about it, as I have had time."

John: "I will try to think about it."

Cameron: "That is rrrreasonable, John.   No decisions needs to be made today--norrr even durrring your stay with us this weekend.  Ye and Marrrgarrret want to make cerrrtain that yourrr decision is the rrright one forrr all concerrrned.  For once ye take a child or childrrren into yourrr home, ye canna give them back as if they were purchased goods.  They arrre little people with feelings.   And they deserrrve to have a family who will love them unconditionally."

John: "Of course, you are right, Cameron." John smiles wanly at Margaret.  "Margaret and I will think upon it and discuss it over the next few days." 

Margaret:  Margaret smiles and nods to her husband, John.  "Thank you for considering it, John." She sighs gratefully.

Cameron: "Good.  Now let us go down to luncheon.  I will ask Hannah to delay for fifteen minutes to allow you to frrreshen yourrrselves up.  Then join all of us starrrving peoples at the family dining table in  Hannah's Drrrawing Room Salon."

John: "I do feel peckish."  John looks up to his father-in-law and step father--imitating one of his little brother Gavin's impish looks.

Cameron: "Ha ha ha ha ha!"

Cameron slaps John on his back and then leaves their bed chamber. Then John and Margaret kiss each other adoringly [(7) right]  and sit caringly embracing each other for at least ten of those fifteen minutes.  Their relationship is a healing balm for their lives. And John's wound will only be made whole when he is a father to a son--making right what was done wrong to him, by being the kind of father to his son that he had wanted but lost.

To be continued with Chapter 74

"N&S:  JT Love Lessons", Ch. 73  References,  August 02, 2014 Gratiana Lovelace (Post #611)

1)  "N&S:  John Thornton, Love Lessons" story logo:  Richard Armitage  as John Thornton and Daniela Denby-Ashe in the 2004 BBC period drama North  & South, was found at  richardarmitagenet.com/images/gallery/nands/album/episode3/ns3-110.jpg ;  For more information about this wonderful 2004 BBC miniseries adaptation of Elizabeth's Gaskell's story North & South, visit http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/North_&_South_%28TV_serial%29

2)    Airlie Castle image is a view of Cortachy Castle the ancestral home of the Ogilvy's and the Earl's of Airlie  and was found at www.AirlieEstates.com/public/images/uploaded/airlie_home.jpg

3)    Margaret Hale is Daniela Denby-Ashe in the 2004 BBC Drama "North & South", episode 2 found at  richardarmitagecentral.co.uk/main.php?g2_itemId=78469&

4)    Catriona Douglas image illustration is an 1860s child painting found at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/1860s_in_Western_fashion#mediaviewer/File:Joseph_Nitschner_Portrait_Francisca_Keban.jpg

5)    Image representing Dr. Cameron Ogilvy is that of Graham McTavish attending the 2012 London premiere of The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey found at http://i2.cdnds.net/12/50/618x829/movies-the-hobbit-uk-premiere-10.jpg

6)    John Thornton image is Richard Armitage in the BBC's 2004 drama North & South, epi2, pix 225 found at richardarmitagenet.com/images/gallery/nands/album/episode2/ns2-225.jpg

7)    John Thornton is portrayed by Richard Armitage and Margaret Hale Thornton is portrayed by Daniela Denby-Ashe kissing in the BBC's 2004 drama North & South  found at richardarmitagenet.com/images/gallery/nands/album/episode4/ns4-340.jpg

Link to Ch. 73 with embedded illustrations on my blog:

http://gratianads90.wordpress.com/2014/08/02/ns-john-thornton-love-lessons-ch-73-pg-13-d-finding-families-for-children-august-02-2014-gratiana-lovelace-post-611/

Link to Ch. 73 images for Wattpad: 

http://gratianads90.files.wordpress.com/2014/08/aansjohnthorntonlovelessonsfanficch73imagesaug0214gratianalovelace.jpg

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