I'm not crying because of you; you're not worth it. I'm crying because my delusion of who were you were was shattered by the truth of who you are ~ Steve Maraboli
Kissing me causes Nate to knock over the popcorn tub. It flies into the row in front of us where it hits Peter in the head. He turns around. My eyes are wide open, but Nate's are closed, indulged. His tongue begs for entrance but I don't allow it. Half of the jocks in the back row roar with satisfaction and the remaining half boo. The noise causes MJ to turn around as well.
"Carter, pay him his fifty bucks!" one of them calls out.
What the hell? I shove Nate back and look at him, appalled. "What does he mean by Carter owing you money?" I snap.
No one is watching the movie anymore and I'm the center of attention for the millionth time. Nate merely looks away bashfully. The others holler as they sense a fight coming on. "Don't look away!" I order, "look at me!"
Nate keeps his head down but looks at me from underneath his eyelashes. "What the fuck do they mean, Porter?" I snap.
"You tell her, Nate!"
"Yeah, tell her!"
"He dead!"
My head snaps up towards them and I silence all of them with a single glare. A pair of crystal blue eyes catches my attention. Cassie stares down towards me with sympathy and that's when I can guarantee that this isn't a good thing.
"Nate. What is going on?" my voice isn't filled with anger anymore, but with sadness. There was a chance that this was going to go somewhere but my gut tells me that after this, it isn't going to. He was such a sweet guy up until this date, where another side of him was put into light.
"It was a bet!" a familiar voice announces. I look back up to see Cassie standing up and looking at Nate with fury. The others all seem exasperated with her for revealing this, but that doesn't stop her. Her face shifts back to a sympathetic expression, "it's a bet."
My face squishes up into something that displays both fury and disgust at the same time. "I'm sorry," Nate says quietly.
"I'm a bet," I tell myself, "am I just a fucking bet to you, Porter?!"
He's taken aback, "I didn't know you were this cool and gorgeous until--"
"--until what? Until you met me and got to know me? Well it seems like you don't know me well because unless you're more pathetic than I thought, you'd know that I wouldn't be okay with this unlike all of those other hoes you've fucked!" I spiral off.
He looks at me in pain, "come on, Raven... please. I really do like you."
I scoff, "you should've thought about that before you decided that I'm worth a particular amount of money like a prostitute or something!"
"Raven, please..." he sounds like a lost puppy. But I don't let it change how I feel about him at this current moment in time.
"Go to Hell!" I hiss through clenched teeth and spin around to storm out. MJ stands up, presumably to follow me and Cassie begins to run down the stairs. "Did you know?!" I spit out at Cassie.
Her face falls, "Raven..."
"Did you know, Cassie?!" my heart pounds against my chest.
She looks broken, "I didn't know it was you..."
"But you knew it was a bet!" I shout in fury, "you still let them treat someone like that, no matter if it was me or not!"
"I'm sorry..." she pleads with her words and with her eyes.
"You're cowards. You're all cowards. You're just as bad as he is!" I point to Nate, objectifying him. I swivel on my heel, facing the exit.
Peter simply looks at Nate in rage the whole time. He stands up and jumps over his seat into the row we were sitting in, "you asshole! She's an amazing girl and you used her for a bet?!"
"This is none of your business, Parker," Nate growls.
"You made it my business when you hurt her like this you coward," Peter retorts and raises his fist to punch him square in the jaw.
But I rest my hand on his shoulder and yank him to face me. I shake my head, "he's not worth it." His hard expression softens and his fist falls to his side. I smile sadly. Simply sprinting out of the cinema feels wrong and doesn't feel like enough... so I sprint out with the finger up at all of them.
A crowd of people exit a cinema room, probably having just finished watching a movie. The walls seemed to have caved in more, creating the effect of having the cinema smaller. My heart beats rapidly out of my chest and an overwhelming feeling of claustrophobia comes over me... or perhaps it's the feeling of betrayal.
I shove past them all, even causing one of them to drop their drink. They shout out after me in frustration, but I don't turn back around. I just want to be back in Malibu. Right now, it feels like it'd be the only place I'd feel comfortable.
I just want to hear dad's voice... his voice will, at the least, make me feel a little more hopeful. Outside is pouring, but it seems like a better option of being trapped inside with dozens of other sweaty people. Even just the sound of the phone dial even brings me a sense of optimism. MJ appears outside the doors of the cinema, She marches right up to me and by my side. "Are you okay?" she asks.
With a wave of my hand, I dismiss her. "Go back inside," I tell her, "it's cold. I just need to make a call."
"You sure?" her voice drops to a whisper.
I nod in response just as dad picks up. "I'm sorry for calling unexpectedly. I just need you right now and I miss you and I just wanted to hear your voice. Everything is falling apart, dad. I wish I was with you right now--"
"--Raven?" the voice isn't dad's. It belongs to a female.
"Rory," I run a hand through my soaking wet hair, "sorry, I didn't realize it was you. How are--"
"--Raven, I was tossing up between calling you or not because I didn't want to worry you but you called, so I guess the fates are telling me I should tell you," Rory interrupts.
I gulp in an attempt to get rid of the sudden lump in my throat, "what's wrong?"
"Your dad... he..." her voice trails off.
"Is he okay?! What happened?!" my heart races at a million miles per hour.
"He's okay now," she reassures me, "we just had a scare. He was giving a tour of the lab and he just collapsed out of nowhere." My breath catches in my throat. He was doing what he loved, sharing his passion with others and then he just collapsed... "The doctor said that if we don't start the chemotherapy now, it's going to get way too dangerous," she says.
If it wasn't for the fact that my father's life was in shambles right now, I'd be focusing on the fact that Rory said 'if we don't start the chemotherapy'. I pinch the bridge of my nose and bite my tongue before speaking, "so what are you going to do?"
"We're going to have to cut back... and we'll find some money lying around somewhere."
"Rory, you aren't going to find ten thousand dollars from cutting back and lying around!"
"I know," she begins to sob, "but I'm so desperate. I don't want him to die and I don't know what else to do."
My heart breaks for her. "You really love him don't you?" I ask her.
She laughs lightly through her sniffles, "am I making it that obvious?"
"No, I just have a nick for these things," I repeat to myself, "look, I'll get some money. Just don't ask where I'm getting it from and definitely do not tell dad that it's from me."
How I'm going to get this money, I have no idea. But I should be able to find a way, even if it involves stealing for mom or, God forbid, getting a job.
"Raven, I can't--"
"--I love him too, Rory. I don't want to lose him either. This is for the three of us," I tell her softly, "just please, let me do this."
She hesitates but quickly gives in with a sigh, "I'll text you any bank account details or whatever when you need it."
"Thank you," I breathe a sigh of relief and face the cinemas, ready to walk back in and repeat to MJ and Cassie over and over again that I am indeed okay... but I forgot one major detail. Instead of the two of them, Peter stands at the door, watching me intently with his hands in his pockets. "Can I talk to him?" I ask.
She sighs, "I wish you could, but he's sound asleep right now and the doctor believes that rest is vital to his recovery."
"That's okay, I guess. But I have to go anyways. I'll get you the money pronto and please, remember not to tell him."
"Okay, bye... and thank you," Rory says and promptly hangs up.
The chilly breeze of fall reminds me of how close winter is... my favorite time of the year. Something to look forward to at least. My arms wrap around myself and I regret not bringing a proper coat and I regret standing outside in the cool rain. My hair sticks to my arms and I shudder in response.
"You're cold," Peter states.
I shrug, "I'm always cold. No big deal."
"I'm sorry," he says quicky.
"For what?"
"For what Nate did."
"You shouldn't be apologizing."
"But what he did was wrong and--"
"--I know," I interrupt, "you told me that he was bad news and I didn't listen. So therefore, I should be the one apologizing and not you. I'm sorry, Peter. I should've believed you."
"I wasn't going to say that," he replies softly.
"So what were you going to say?" I ask.
He chews on his lower lip, "that you didn't deserve it. At all. And that you're strong, the strongest I know even, but you don't have to pretend you're okay. It's okay not to be... and I'm here for whatever you need. Do you need anything?"
You. I need you and only you.
"A hug," I boldly tell him and then take it back instantly, "I'm sorry. That's stupid. I'm not much of a hugger anyways. The cold must just be messing with my head and--"
He cuts me off by letting out a small laugh and approaching me. Peter's arms envelope me from over my shoulders. He smells like pinewood and... just fresh and warm in a way. His sweater-covered arms practically radiate heat so I bask in it and return the embrace by going from underneath his shoulders and nestling in his chest.
"I think if anything, you can convert me into a hugger," I mumble.
He chuckles, "you're good at hugging."
"You're better," I retort, "this is nice. I feel warm again."
He pulls back as soon as I say this and looks at me deadset in the eyes, "oh shit, you're cold!" He then proceeds to shrug off his sweater.
"Peter, no! Put it back on!" I order. In any other circumstances, I would've caved in, but he's with MJ and I can't forget that no matter how much I wish it wasn't real.
"No, you're my friend and you're cold and this is what friends do, so here it is," he says firmly, "put it on before I make you."
I roll my eyes and take off my pathetic excuse for a coat and pull his sweater over my head instead. The relieving scent of pinewood returns and it makes me feel happy again... for a split second. This is MJ's boyfriend's sweater I'm wearing here!
"I have to go," I say out loud to myself suddenly and go to the door.
"Wait!" he calls out after me and jogs by my side, "how are you getting home?"
"I'll find a way," and with that, storm back out into the pouring rain.