I released the breath I had been holding when Stiles' eyelids fluttered open. His skin was still white as a sheet, and there was still a pink tint around his eyes, but he was alive. He was breathing. Most importantly, he was Stiles.
My head dropped down in relief and I squeezed his hand that I had taken in an effort to heal him somehow. I could hear his heart beating, but waiting for him to wake up had felt like watching grass grow. I'm just glad he's okay.
"Oh god, I fainted, didn't I?" He questioned, staring up at the five of us. We all giggled. This was definitely Stiles. "We're alive. Are we all alive?"
A stale silence surrounded our group. We were all thinking it, and I could hear Scott's heartbeat pick up next to me. This had been a war, and unfortunately there was a casualty. One of our warriors had fallen.
"Yeah," said Scott, his voice small. "We're okay,"
Stiles squeezed my hand back, causing my stomach to flip in a way that I never thought it would again. I brought my free hand up to his forehead, pushing his hair back and smiling down at him. All of this is finally over. We can go back to being normal -- well, as normal as normal gets for kids like us -- teenagers again.
On my other side, Lydia stood up. Her head was turned in the direction of the double doors down the hall, a crease in between her eyebrows. I slowly stood up as well, watching her closely. "Lydia," I said. She took off running down the hall, and I didn't hesitate before running after her. "Lydia!"
I barely caught the doors as she flung them open, running out onto the wet pavement. She came to a halt at one of the railings, and a second later she had thrown herself into my arms. I hugged her petite body to my chest, rubbing her back as I finally caught glimpse of what she had seen, of what she had felt.
Aiden's body was laying limp on the ground just below us. Black blood stained his mouth and chin. His twin was crying over his body, and I knew what that all meant. I knew that there had been another casualty. We lost another warrior.
Everyone had ran out after us, and I turned my head to see the fallen expressions on their faces. Lydia's body shook in my arms with a sob. I know this feeling. I've been there before. I know all too well how it feels to lose someone you love and care about.
I was never Aiden's biggest fan, especially after what happened with Boyd, but that doesn't mean I don't feel this. He didn't deserve to die. He was trying to be better, and I can appreciate that. He died fighting for our cause, and I will never let that be forgotten.
✞
"I still can't believe it," I said with a heavy sigh. "Allison and Aiden are dead. They're gone, just like that,"
Eric didn't say anything. He just sat at our island bar with his hands folded on top and his head down. I should be thankful that at least he's alive. He may have been poisoned by the Oni's sword, but he's okay.
"At least it's all over," I said.
"Is it though?" Eric questioned, finally lifting his head to look at me. I quirked an eyebrow at him. "I mean, that's what we thought after we saved Jackson, then the Alpha Pack showed up. Then we finally stopped them and Jennifer and then this whole mess happened,"
He had a point that I couldn't argue. It just feels like one thing after another in this town. Bad things never really stop happening, they just like to take breaks in between to keep us off balance. I don't think anything will ever truly be over in a town like Beacon Hills.
"Look," he sighed. "All I'm saying is that maybe we shouldn't just sit around and wait for the next bad thing to happen."
"So what does that mean?" I questioned, a heat running up the back of my neck. "You want us to - "
I broke myself off, my body going rigid and an unwilling anger riling up in my chest. I got to my feet, staring at my brother with disbelief. Eric got to his feet as well, holding up a hand as if that would diffuse the tension.
"Emma,"
"No," I snapped. "No,"
"Just hear me out - "
"I'm not leaving my friends." I stated. "Not after everything we've been through,"
"I'm not expecting you to," he said. "I just want you to take it into consideration, okay?"
There was nothing to consider. I've been through too much with all of them to just leave them behind, and especially now more than ever after losing Allison. I can't just walk away from them like that.
"Look, I've been in contact with Cora," started Eric. "She said there's room in her pack if we wanted to go down there. Or we could go anywhere else, it doesn't matter. Just so as long as it's far away from here,"
I turned my head away, folding my arms across my chest and fuming at my brother. I hated that he brought Cora up. He knows how much I miss her, and sure, I'd love nothing more than to have her back again, but I don't think I could give up my friends for it. I couldn't give up Stiles.
"Too many bad things have happened to us here, Emma," said Eric. "This place has been haunted from the start. So much has been taken from us because of this town,"
"This town, or the shit in it?"
"It's the same thing and you know it," he said flatly. He gave a heavy sigh. "We need out of here. This place is a trap,"
"This place is our home," I said.
"It's your home, not mine,"
I pursed my lips, looking away and shaking my head at him. I couldn't believe he was acting this way, after how far he'd come in being my brother again. This was the old Eric, the Eric that would run and hide from all his problems.
"So what?" I started. "You're just gonna run away again, take off and not say another word for three years? You're just gonna leave me here to pick up the pieces by myself again?"
My voice was rising, and I didn't care. I was mad, no, I was furious.
"Allison is dead, okay?" I snapped, pointing my finger. "She's dead and I'm not okay about it, but you're just gonna run and leave me behind like you did before?"
"I'm only going if you are, Emma," he said. "That's the deal I made with myself. I promised I wouldn't make the same mistakes I did before and I'm holding to that. If you want to stay, then we'll stay. But, let me just tell you that there is way more danger here than anyone realizes,"
My chest was heaving with emotion. Of course I don't want to leave my friends, but there's this part of me that knows he's right. Beacon Hills will never be safe, and I don't think I've ever felt entirely at peace here. Everywhere I turn there's somewhere haunted with a memory.
My family died here, in this town and because of this town. I died here. Allison died here. Brittany died here, at my hands none the less. Memories like that will never go away. I'll never be able to forget watching the light leave their eyes, especially as long as I'm surrounded by so many things that remind me of it.
"What about my friends? What about Stiles?" I asked him, my voice going soft again. "I can't just abandon them,"
"Look," said Eric. "All I'm asking is that you think about it, okay? Just think about it,"
He grabbed his jacket from on top of the counter and moved towards the door. "Wait, where are you going?" I asked.
"I just need some air," he said. He paused, holding the door halfway open and turning his head back towards me. "Think about what's best for you, Emma. You don't always have to worry about everyone else."
With that, he slid out into the hall, clicking the door shut behind him and leaving me to my thoughts. I plopped back down on one of our bar stools with a groan. I hated that he was right, about this town being haunted and me needing to make a decision for myself for once.
I'm always thinking about others, putting them first and bending over backwards to try and keep everyone safe. Never have I stopped to think about how it would affect me. I never really cared. My responsibility was to protect everyone else. I could worry about myself later.
Maybe I do need a clean sleight. So much has happened to me here. Then again, it's not all bad memories in this town. I have Stiles. I have the summer. Yet, somehow, even the happiest of memories feel tarnished somehow.
Thinking about dancing with Stiles at the black light party makes me think about when he figured out he was the one behind all of this, and that makes me think of what happened in the school basement. I was used and taken advantage of, and it makes me sick to my stomach knowing that the person I gave my virginity to wasn't actually Stiles. I just thought it was. That's almost worse.
Does everyone just expect me to be okay after how much the Nogitsune used me? I sure as hell don't expect Stiles to be. As much as I wish I could just move on and forget about all of it, I can't. I can't look him in the eyes without feeling the squeeze of his hand around my heart. Nothing is the same.
Eric and I could go anywhere, travel the world even. We could settle down in New York or Miami or even some nice town in the Midwest. As long as the supernatural doesn't come with us, I'll be happy. We can move on and put this all behind us.
I have to do what's best for me, and maybe that includes leaving. It won't be easy, especially having to say goodbye to Stiles, but I just have to tell myself that this is what is going to make me happy. That's what matters.
I still love him, and I will always love him. He's my first love, and there will be a special place in my heart that will forever be his. That will never go away, even if I do. I just have to hope that he can find a way to understand my decision.
✞
The first thing I noticed when I walked into Stiles' room was the bare north wall. What had once been cluttered with miscellaneous pictures and red string was once again a plain blue wall. It struck a chord inside me to see Stiles moving on as well.
"How are you feeling?" I asked him.
"Well, I'm alive," he said, but there was a deadness in his eyes when he spoke. Physically he may be okay, but mentally and emotionally I know he's still just as broken. That doesn't make this any easier. His brown eyes looked up at me. "What about you?"
I swallowed hard. I was trying to get the words out of my mouth, but I felt like I was choking on them. I couldn't say what I needed to and look him in the eye. So, I stood up from his bed and crossed to the other side of the room, hugging my arms into my stomach and twirling my cross pendant between my fingers. My eyes fell onto the silver charm bracelet Stiles had given me.
This was so much harder than I thought it was going to be. I knew it wasn't going to be easy in the first place, but I never imagined myself having this much difficulty telling him the truth. Because, at the end of the day, he's not just my boyfriend. He's my best friend.
"Emma?" He questioned, coming up behind me. I took a deep breath when I felt his hand grip around my shoulder.
"I just...I don't think I can do it anymore," I said. He knit his eyebrows together. I brought my arms back down to my sides. "I've seen too many bad things. I've done too many bad things. I feel trapped here, like we're waiting for the next form of evil to sweep in on us."
He looked at me in confusion, but a hint of sympathy in his eyes. I wish he wouldn't. "We've all had bad things happen to us, Emma,"
"And now Allison's dead because of it,"
"You mean because of me," he said, and I noticed him take a hard swallow.
The last thing I wanted was for him to blame himself, for any of this. He couldn't control that monster that had gotten inside of him. I understand that more so than anyone else. None of this his fault.
"She died because of the supernatural," I said. "Along with my parents, Zoe, Heather, Boyd, and Erica,"
"We don't have a choice anymore,"
"We always have a choice, Stiles," I said. I sucked in a deep breath. "And I need you to understand why I'm making the one that I am,"
He looked at me in confusion again, holding his hands out and taking a step towards me. I felt a shiver run up my spine. "What're you talking about?"
I brushed past him, crossing to the other side of the room. I faced his now plain wall, thinking back to all of the red string he had tacked to it, all of the red string that eventually led to him. Which in turn led to all of this.
"I have to get out of here," I said quietly.
"Emma,"
"I can't keep doing this, Stiles!" I said, whipping around to face him again. "Watching the few people I have left get hurt,"
The look on his face was somewhere between disbelief and disappointment. It almost made me regret my decision, but I couldn't go back now. I'd made my choice and now I had to stick with it, even if that meant hurting a few people in the process.
"So you think leaving's going to fix that?" He questioned.
"Maybe,"
"I can't leave my friends behind,"
I paused for a moment, then took in another breath. "I'm not asking you to come with me,"
Everything in the world seemed to go quiet as he froze, slowly dropping his hands back down to his sides and closing his mouth. The way he pressed his lips together and looked at me with such distaste in his eyes made my throat burn. This isn't how I wanted it to end.
"So what? That's just it then?" He asked, his voice hard, but threatening to break at any moment. "You're going to abandon the few people you have left because you're afraid? How's that fair? That you can just walk away?"
"Please," I begged, my voice so small I was surprised I was making any sound at all. "Don't make this any harder than it needs to be,"
He shook his head, slowly beginning to back away from me. "After all we've been through,"
"Stiles,"
"If that's what you want, then by all means, go!" He barked. "Go run and hide while the rest of us are left to recover,"
My lower lip quivered, and I no longer had the strength to hold back my tears, no matter how hard I tried. I fought them so hard that it hurt, but eventually one made its escape, sliding down my cheek in the most pathetic way possible.
"I never wanted any of this to happen,"
"Just go," he said. He turned away from me, waving a hand in the air to shoo me away.
"Stiles, please," I've never sounded so frail in my life.
"I said go!" He yelled, coming back around so he could scream it in my face. My back was pressed up against the wall, two more tears falling like raindrops when I squeezed my eyes shut. I've never had Stiles snap at me like that. "Just go,"
I reopened my eyes, seeing him walking away from me, holding a hand to the back of his head. I pulled myself off the wall, practically jogging to the door. I paused when I gripped the knob. I wanted to say something. I wanted to tell him that I was sorry and I know I'm selfish and I never meant to hurt him.
Instead, I walked out with what little composure I had left and not another word escaping my lips. I hurried out of his house and into my car, sliding in and slamming the door shut before allowing myself to break down. I punched my hand against the steering wheel, sobbing out of heartbreak and frustration.
I messed up. I really messed up. Out of all the bad things that I've had happen to me, Stiles sure as hell wasn't one of them. In fact, he was the best thing that ever happened to me. Having him made all of it worth it. He was always worth it.
Now, the one person I allowed myself to open up to, the one person who stuck by my side no matter what, hated my guts. I don't blame him. I'd hate myself too. I kind of do anyways. How could I be so selfish? Eric was wrong, I shouldn't put myself first. I can't. Because, when you love someone, you put their needs before your own. That's just the way it works.
Most of the drive back to the apartment was a blur. I'm not even quite sure how I made it without getting into an accident. My mind isn't exactly in the best place right now. Still, I somehow found myself sauntering up to our level, unlocking our door, and collapsing onto my bed in a puddle of tears.
Leaving wasn't the right decision, and I was stupid to think that it was. Stiles is right, I can't just run and hide, especially when my friends need me now more than ever. That makes me no better than Eric after Mom and Zoe died. I can't be that person.
I tried pulling myself together, wiping my eyes and looking at the clock on my bedside table. There was still time. I have about three hours until the forty-eight hour mark, and then my opportunity will be out the window forever.
This is what I've always wanted, after all. In the end, I know that this is the right decision. This is what's best for me and what's best for everyone. So, I slipped my shoes and jacket back on before grabbing my keys off the counter.
I needed to see Stiles first. I needed to tell him a proper goodbye, before I never got another chance.
-----------------------------------------
Thanks so much for reading!
So, I'm not going to say much about this chapter other than that there is only one more chapter and an epilogue left, and they've both already been written. I should have them posted within the next couple of days.
Thanks again and don't forget to comment, vote, and follow!
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox
-Alyssa