The silence was overwhelming and suffocating. Three people, six eyes and different tone of breathing.
Ahmadu's head was aching, his mind rolling. Without a single doubt, one look at Omar and he knew this man was without single doubt, his father.
Indo shifted her weight from one foot to another. Ahmadu wondered if she would start crying.
"Forgive me, but what is your name?"
Umar spoke bowing his head. He had indeed shamed fatherhood and all fathers in the world. Here he was, facing his own son, all grown and even married and yet on the first day they meet, he has to ask for his name.
"My mother has taught me not to give my name to strangers." His eyes were clear, not a ripple of emotion filtered through them. "I am afraid, I can not tell you."
"What's happening? Is everything okay?"
Lami who had just woken up inquired. All heads turned to her and she stopped midway to her walk.
"Welcome" She greeted Omar in Hausa, her eyes questioning indo when their gazes met. She'd never seen Ahmadu so angry and could hardly meet his eyes.
"He is Ahmadu's Father" Indo provided an answer, her gaze returning to the man who stood flushing.
The pair of mother and son standing sided by side, the same cold and detached expression on their faces intimidated even Lami who was only a bystander.
Ahmadu stared at the man who now had his eyes on him. His face twitched and his jaw hardened. His father?
Crossing his arms across his chest "No. He is not my father" he answered his gaze not leaving the man's face.
He knew he couldn't deny it, not if he was looking at a face totally identical to his own but he did not want to accept it and so he would walk away.
Lami lingered, she felt bad for the old man seeing his broken look and hurt clearly spelled on his face.
"Lami" Ahmadu called and the tone in his voice indicated clearly that he didn't want her there. With a last sympathetic look, she followed and they left the man out there, all alone.
Umar watched his son walk even further away and that piece of regret he buried deep inside his heart surfaced again. He looked at Indo, willing she would say something, maybe stop him but she said nothing, he knew she would not.
"I hope you heard him and I hope it is an answer enough for whatever reason you came to seek me out after twenty four years."
She too, left him alone, standing there and feeling totally helpless. He laughed bitterly inside his heart at the twist of fate. Years ago, it was he who turned his back on her but now, karma has caught up on him.
The skies were darkening, he didn't know where to go. When he heard from the private investigator that she had finally been found after ten years of searching, he had been giddy with excitement and quickly took the address from him and drove straight here for six hours straight.
He was excited, he would see her but what was he thinking?
That she would fall into his embrace and willingly love him again? Did he really think that twenty four years, would be enough time to make her forget everything he had done to her?
Finally, the strong wall cracked and the bricks came tumbling down. Today, all the resistance, all the calmness Indo had built painfully inside herself crashed just after seeing him.
How she would like to hold his hand and say 'look, this is our son. Look at him, this is the son I bore and raised for you while you were away all these years.' But some things could never be easily overlooked.
Ahmadu returned to the room, and grabbed Lami to himself as soon as she'd stepped a foot in.
Feeling her in his arms made his restless heart calm a bit. He took off his shoes and crawled into bed, taking her into his embrace.
She squirmed a bit and made herself comfortable.
"It will all be okay. Isn't this what you've wanted?"
But was it really? He wondered
She wanted to turn and look at him but he held her firmly, not wanting her to see the look on his face. He believed everything to be a nightmare and if he held her and slept then the moment he woke up, the monster in the guise of his father would be gone.
Ahmadu suddenly felt empty, like someone put a knife into his chest and hacked his heart out. For years, he'd wanted to see this day even though he'd lie to himself time and time again that he didn't care. But he did.
Finally, the day came and his prayers were answered but why did he feel so empty? Why was he feeling like he'd rather be anywhere but here, experiencing this?
Lami didn't move again.
Maybe she understood that he was not willing to talk yet, she didn't say anything again and sighed softly.
"It's all going to be fine" she repeated.
Umar went back to his car and sat down. He didn't know what to do or who to turn to. This was his second time to this village but he had forgotten about it entirely.
Twenty four years seemed like a hundred years and so many things had changed. He was still seated when he heard the call for evening prayers.
He remained there for a while, hoping his son would come out but when he saw that the prayers had begun and there was no sign of him, he dejectedly went to pray, praying for Allah's intervention in this issue.
"Are you new here? Perhaps you are looking for someone?"
He raised his head and stared at the old man who had tapped him. For a fleeting moment, he felt he had seen the man somewhere but he who had so many faces in life found it difficult to remember where he had seen the old face so he smiled.
"Yes baba. I am new here and I have to find someone"
The old man smiled.
"I thought so. I have never seen you in this mosque before and your clothes made you stand out form the rest of us. Tell me, who have you come to find? I might be able to help you find the person."
Umar felt that only Allah would be able to help him but he accepted the man's help.
"I have come to find my son but he doesn't want to see me"
The old man looked puzzled for a while then asked him in an urgent voice.
"Your son? What is his name"
Umar smiled, a smile which was more ugly than a frown. He did not even know the name of his son.
"I do not know his name"
The old man nodded.
"Why don't you come to my house and spend the night? I am this village's Liman. Tomorrow, I will personally accompany to speak with your son. If Allah wills, all will be resolved and forgiven"
Umar agreed with Liman's suggestion immediately. After all, he had no where to spend the night and the man did seem honorable.
Together, they walked to Liman's house and he did not even bother to fetch his car. He had it on lock and there was no valuable inside besides, this was a village so surely, none of them would try to steal a car right?
Liman had his wife serve them both a hot meal of tuwon shinkafa and beans soup. They ate together and washed it down with cold water from the earthen pot.
After the night prayers, they remained outside and talked about life.
"There's this boy I didn't see in the mosque today, I'd like him to come with us tomorrow when we go to your son. How old is your son? Perhaps they might be age mates"
Umar smiled satisfactorily, at least he had an answer for this.
"He's twenty four years old. Very handsome and tall"
There was a tinge of pride in his voice as he spoke about a son he knew nothing of, aside from his looks.
"You seem to be very proud of him. If it is okay with you, can you tell me what you have done to him that would make him avoid you? I know that all male children take their responsible father's to be their role models. If your son does not want to see you, then you must have really hurt him"
"Yes you're right. I did do him an unforgivable deed."
And his mother.
But Umar couldn't bring himself to say that.
"Nothing is unforgivable among humans. Allah encourages us to have patience and to forgive each other, only then would we find peace of mind. Remember, you can never offend a person the way you offend your lord and he says in Surah An-Nisa'a verse 17;
The repentance accepted by Allah is only for those who do wrong in ignorance or carelessness and then REPENT SOON AFTER. It is to those whom Allah will turn in forgiveness and Allah is ever knowing and wise.
Perhaps what you have done to him was out of carelessness or a mistake which I am sure you deeply regret. As far as you ask him to forgive you and not do it again, he definitely would forgive you.
Some people commit mistakes and ask for forgiveness, then do it again and again that is why Allah says even further in surah An-Nisa'a verse 18;
But repentance is not (accepted) of those who (continue to) do evil deeds up until death comes to one of them, he says, 'Indeed I have repented now' or of those who die while they are disbelievers. For them we have prepared a painful punishment.
Which is also why you should hasten to ask for his forgiveness. You are his father, the blood that flows in your vein flows in his veins so no matter what, blood will always be thicker than water and that bond will eventually soften his heart.
Besides, it is good to settle our differences with each other because you never know when death will come and who it will take first "
After listening to Liman's short sermon, Umar felt weak in the bones. He definitely knew that if he died without Indo and her son's forgiveness, he would go to hell.
"Thank you baba and if Allah wills, I will make sure I beg for his and his mother's forgiveness earnestly. But what I have done to them, it will be difficult. I left them when they needed me most, I left him at the most crucial time of his life."
Liman sighed and raised his head to look at the moon.
"It is okay, now that you have grown a sense of responsibility to return. One of my daughters was unfortunate to meet a man who abandoned her too.
She ran away from home and went to the city, brought a man and his uncle back and asked me to let them wed.
I was there in place of her biological father and personally, i was willing to let him marry her, willing to wed them even.
But he didn't want to do it that time. He wanted to prepare some more, or so he said. He looked so honest and his eyes didn't have the faintest glimmer of deceit so I agrees to it.
I even let them return together, making my own preparations as though it was my own daughter but what happened? She returned to me far less a year later, some months pregnant with a lot of money saying she had been abandoned and even received settlement.
He paid her off, like she was some cheap prostitute he lost taste in, he even asked her to abort the child.
I was really angry then, wanting to go find the man who did that go her but she refused to let me do so, only making me promise that if a day ever comes that he returns, I must let her and her son take the final decision.
Her son is all grown now, a doctor at the city. It was never easy for that boy, growing as a bastard even though it wasn't his fault.
He has never been accepted in this village and it is by Allah's grace that he even lived to be this successful. He recently took a wife and is even the same age as your son. He is that Ahmadu I spoke of earlier.
Hey Mallam, is everything okay?"
Liman finally noticed Umar's pale face and asked. Umar nodded stiffly but felt like dying from shame.
So this was why he felt the old man looked familiar when he saw him earlier? Twenty four years ago, he had come with a man he hired to play as his uncle and pretended to want to get married to his indo only to abandon her when the time came for him to make a choice and he didn't choose her.
She was pregnant and to add pepper to injury, even paid her money for the time spent, making her feel like a prostitute
So this man was Indo's guardian and today, he was seated in his house, ate his food and the old man even gave him a place to spend the night, how much more shamelessness could he display?
He looked at the kind man's face again and wondered if the man would chase him out of his house if he learned of his true identity.
Ahmadu. This was his son's name and his son is even a doctor. He wished he could go brag about it to his friends that he was a doctor's father now but he could not.
Everything seemed mixed for Umar and he felt a slight headache coming up.
"The night is really hot. Look at how you are sweating. I will have a child bring you some water to wash with and some clean clothes to change into before you sleep. I will send the child right now, please excuse me"
Liman left the mat and went inside the inner house where his wife and children lived. Shortly after, a teenager boy came to tell the still dazed Umar that bathing water had been taken to the toilet and even showed him the way there.
Umar spent a long time in the toilet wondering if he should silently disappear from the man's house and the village as a whole.
He had lived without his sin before so why couldn't he do it now?
It would make him even more shamelessness that he would be unable to raise his face before his Lord.
He took the bath and retired to the room he had been given, but he could not sleep and tossed around for a while, ultimately praying to Allah that everything be resolved for good.
He really needed to earn their forgiveness and maybe if he did, his nightmares would stop.