Koda stared for long enough to make Alfie open his eyes.
"Are you thinking about her?"
"Yes." Koda closed his eyes and wrapped his fingers around Alfie's wrist in return, feeling his heartbeat. It was calm but started to spike. Then Koda dived into the memories he tried to avoid over the past few weeks. His mother. The memories he thought about were her last ones, and it tugged on his composure.
He tried to think about the good times, but they were always shadowed by the bad. His mother had been careless, bad tempered, cold. Rarely, she would be in a loving mood. Koda only cherished the good times because there was very few of them. He did love her; he just wished she tried harder to be a mother.
There was one memory that stuck with him since he was six years old. When Koda was younger, his mother used to take drugs in front of him. He didn't know that it was wrong and she assumed he wouldn't notice because he was so little. Koda's mother was addicted to paracetamol. Every morning, she would stand in front of the mirror and stare herself in the eyes as she took pill after pill.
Koda noticed a rise in her mood every time she took them, and he thought they were pills that made people happy. So one morning, he tried them himself, taking as many pills as his mother did.
Koda would never forget the look of horror when his mother entered the bedroom. He almost died, and his mother vowed never to retake them. Of course, that was a lie. She was taking them only a few weeks after six-year-old Koda got out of the hospital. That's when he learned never to trust a single word she said.
Alfie's fingers gripped him harder, and Koda opened his eyes. The short kid's pupils embedded into his own. He stared so profoundly, it felt like their faces were only centimetres apart. Did he see the memory Koda was thinking about to summon her?
"How did your mother die?" Alfie asked. His voice was softer than usual and a lot quieter.
"Overdose."
Alfie nodded to himself like her death slotted into his theories. "That explains my dream," Alfie mumbled, thinking back to his nightmare where he was drowning in a room full of little white pills. He squeezed Koda's wrist, either for comfort or from shock. Alfie had seen the vision his crush shared with him. "You fed me enough emotion for me to find her spirit. She is standing in the left corner of this room."
Koda's throat closed up immediately. A painfully cold shiver trickled down his spine. He was still a non-believer, but it was creepy when Alfie said that so casually. He braved a glance at the corner of the room. He didn't see anyone, but the air felt heavy.
"Your son is still a sceptic. Can you say something that only he would know or remember?" Alfie asked. Her face was painted with shame, and he was glad. He wanted to yell at her and verbally abuse her for the way she treated Koda but now was not the time. Koda looked for closure. Opening up new wounds wouldn't heal him any faster.
While the medium listened to what she had to say, Koda stared at him. The heat from his fingers was getting warmer with each beat of his heart.
Alfie turned to his classmate when she finished. With a small frown, he said, "as white as cotton, as gentle as his touch, the dove hasn't forgotten, he loves you so much."
Koda then lost his composure. The heat from his fingers rushed to his eyes, building the tears. He pulled his hand away and covered his face when the first tear fell. He broke down and sobbed.
Alfie didn't understand his mother's words, but they had clearly meant a lot to his crush. Koda's quiet cries stabbed him all over, spilling out the empathy he stored for clients who grieved. Though, he was not prepared to see Koda so distraught and had to fight down his own tears.
Carefully, Alfie placed a hand on Koda's knee and squeezed it to remind him that he was here for him, and it was okay to cry.
"I'm sorry," Koda muffled through his hands.
"Don't apologise for being upset." Alfie's hand moved up to Koda's shoulder. It was strong, big and way too tense. He could feel a tremble within him, and he wanted to hug him so badly.
"That rhyme," Koda sniffed, rubbing desperately at his bloodshot eyes. "When my grandfather died, I struggled to sleep at night, and she would say that he reincarnated into a dove because we had one who visited his gravestone every week. She told me it was him and would say that rhyme to help me calm down if I got too upset."
Alfie had drawn a big dove in his sketchpad. Now he knew where he got his inspiration.
Eventually, Koda relaxed, and his tears stopped falling. "I believe you now," he whispered. "My dad didn't like it when she said that to me, so eventually she stopped. I never forgot it, and there's no way you'd be able to know unless she told you."
Alfie watched Koda's mother. She had joined them at the table. "Do you have anything you'd like to say?" He wasn't sure who he asked, but Koda responded first.
"Ask her if she regretted not being the mother she promised she'd be." Koda's voice was a little stale. His eyes had soaked up all the emotion.
The woman linked her fingers together, and her lip wavered.
"What's your name?" Alfie asked before she responded.
"Enya," She said, wishing she could wipe her son's cheeks dry. "Even though I'm at peace, I do regret not being there for him. I was selfish for caring more about drugs than my own child."
Alfie repeated her exact words out loud.
"Why did you make so many promises to get help when you knew you couldn't keep them?" Koda asked. This time, he spoke directly to her, even if he couldn't see her. He knew the air felt dense because she was there.
"By saying them to you, It was easier for me to try." Enya looked down; she didn't want to make excuses anymore. "I wasn't strong enough, and I was so used to abusing, I would rather live without my son and my husband if it meant that I could take the drugs without the judgement. I knew you were better off without me in your lives. I had known that since you were six years old."
Koda's expression didn't change when Alfie repeated her words. Maybe it would've if he could hear her voice, but Alfie's was soothing and calm. "I had known that too. You said you were trying to change mum and I almost believed you this time. What happened?" his voice cracked along with Alfie's heart.
The emotion was getting to the medium. Alfie struggled to hold the connection. Enya engulfed him with a lot of emotional baggage. It was too heavy for him to carry by himself.
"This time, it wasn't an accident. That doesn't mean that I took my own life-"
"I can't; it's hurting too much." Alfie's head pounded like he smashed it repeatedly against a brick wall. "We can try tomorrow." He stared hard at Enya. She knew he was faking how much it really hurt him. Alfie remembered what Mister Dorinto said about her getting murdered. He didn't think it was right to let her spill that onto Koda now, not if he thought her death was her own careless mistake.
"Oh um, yeah we'll speak tomorrow," Koda said quickly, looking around the room like he expected to see his mother.
Alfie then let go of her connection, and she vanished. He would summon her again when Koda wasn't with him. He needed answers, and his crush required more time to grieve before he knew. Alfie's head was really hurting, but he usually blocked it out and held connections for hours if he really needed to. Most connections didn't feel quite as strong, but it was clear that Eyna had to tell-
Alfie's train of thought stopped when his face was pressed against something firm, warm, and smelt like Melon and Honey. Big arms wrapped around him and a face pressed into his hair.
"Thank you so much," Koda mumbled, squeezing him tight. "You have an amazing gift. You've helped me so much. I don't know why you're so kind to me, but I really appreciate it!"
Alfie could tell by the tone of his voice that he was crying again, but all he could focus on was their bodies mushing together. Koda Oaks was hugging him, and it wasn't because Alfie had forced him into one. "You deserve to be happy," he said, feeling a little overwhelmed yet safe in his arms.
"Why do you care so much?" Kode pulled away, leaving Alfie stunned and blushing. The light was dim so Koda couldn't tell that his cheeks were as red as a field of poppies.
"Because you're a nice person." Alfie felt shy under his gaze, and it showed.
Koda shook his head with a chuckled, wiping away tears with the back of his sleeve. "You know, my friends edge around me now and completely avoid the topics of parents. I asked my bestfriend to come to my mother's funeral. I needed the support, but he didn't turn up. He's supposed to be my bestfriend. I don't even know you, and you've given me more support."
"Your friends are idiots." Alfie wanted to say they were bullies, manipulative and horrible people.
"I know, but they're the only things that feel familiar to me now. Everything has changed, and I don't like it." Koda paused and studied the short kid. "You feel familiar too like you've been in my life for a lot longer than a few weeks."
Alfie wanted to laugh until his stomach hurt. His eyes were gleaming, but to be respectful, he forced his smile to stay small. "I have," he replied, looking up to connect their gaze and seeing Koda staring back and forth between his blue eye and his brown one. "This is the first time you've really seen me."