After that had happened I sort of distanced myself from the boys. I don't know why I just felt sort of embarrassed. I don't know I just felt like I couldn't be around them for a while. Of course louis took it to heart and thought I hated him- which I didn't.
"Liam I'm sorry I didn't mean to yell I mean I just got frustrated but it won't happen again I promise lia-" I cut off his rambling just wanting to get away from him. Not because I was mad I just needed time for myself.
"It's alright lou I just... Need time for myself ya know..?" I whispered avoiding his gaze. I waited a couple of seconds before walking away- still keeping my eyes on my feet.
He had tried to talk to me but I sort of ignored him. I feel guilty but I need time for myself and it's not like I told him to fuck off or anything. He'll be fine.
The rest of the guys seem to understand though. Except zayn will send me texts- which make me smile somewhat.
I've been thinking about the party tomorrow and going with Danielle. Actually no I don't really want to go now. I feel to vulnerable.. If that makes sense. Everytime I have a panic attack I get like this and I hate it. Everybody already knows I'm a wimp I don't need to be acting like it either. But who am I kidding, I'm hopeless.
I should just give up right now. If there was a piano falling from the roof right now I probably wouldn't move. Or maybe I would.. Just very slowly. Just kidding I would probably move at the last minute because I would be so scared.
"I am so pathetic" I sigh to myself.
"You got that right" someone says from behind me. I shake my head. I should've known its been way to long since he's come around.
I just nod and try to ignore him the best I can as I walk down the hall. I can't deal with this right now I'm tired and hungry and I'm getting irritated. It's to early for this- actually it's 2:35 pm.
"Alright I get it if your gonna beat me up go ahead" I stop and turn looking at him. Might as well get it over with I think to myself. Except he doesn't he just looks stunned and then he grumbles something and walks past me making sure to push me into the lockers.
"Classic" I snort.
___
On my way home from school I make sure to text the lads that I'm alright. They've been constantly asking me. I mean I still sit with them at lunch I just don't talk. More like sit there and stare and small things- like the name that's scratched on the side of the table or the piece of gum stuck on there of a chair.
I also text Danielle- she's been texting me lately about the party- and tell her I can't make it by making up some excuse. I feel bad, sort of. I mean she's popular so she can find someone else, right? Now I feel bad for real.
I get to my driveway but suddenly I don't want to go in. Mom has been home all week surprisingly but j hasn't. All week I have been telling mom that I'm going out with friends but really I'll just sneak up to my room when everyone is sleeping. It's stupid kind of but then he can't come to my room.
Whenever I say that I'm spending the night with someone he never comes to my room (obviously) So that's what I did- or said. Basically I pretended to go but really I was hiding in my room sleeping. It was scary though. Although I could sleep all night I couldn't help but feel paranoid.
So I quickly pull my phone out and dial the first person that comes to mind.
"Hey" I say lamely when he answers.
"What's up are you okay?" He questions and I smile a little before walking the opposite way.
"Um yeah, fine just wanted to see if you wanted to .. Hang out?" I say nervously. Oh god I'm gonna have to punch myself now.
"Uh sure mate" he responds and tells me to meet him at the park. I walk quickly not wanting to risk him seeing me. It took a while because I eventually got distracted while trying to cross the street. I guess it was just one of those moments where you think about your like 20 years from now. I tend to have those moments a lot now.
When I got there zayn told me where he was and we sat down under a tree.
How original
"So what's up" he asked casually picking at the grass. I just shrugged, he probably didn't even see but I still shrugged.
"Nothing just got bored" o covered my mouth as I yawned.
"You tired?"
"Did the yawn not make it clear?"
"Wow all that time you've been with louis has made you sassy" he chuckled and then I realized that yeah he's probably right.
"Ugh I know I need to stop" I groan falling on my back next to him.
"Maybe .. Maybe we could hang out more instead" zayn says laying down next to me on his side. For a while I just stare and then I realize I'm probably being a creep.
"Yeah sorry just a bit tired is all" I shrug again. I need to stop shrugging.
.
Where still laying here. at the park. Under the tree. Laying down. Looking at each other. Talking.
"Yeah and Lou said we should throw a party for my birthday but eh I don't know" my eyes widen slightly as he rolls his eyes. Shit I forgot his birthday was soon. I recover quickly and shrug. Damn.
"I think it's be nice, don't you think?" I ask.
"If you'll be there then yes it would" I blush at his words trying not to smile to big.
"Well I can assure you I will be there"
"Great" he smiles big and for a moment I forget how to breathe. I need an inhaler.
"This is great liam" he pauses to look at me "your great Liam, I don't know why but you just .. Make it easy ya know? Like you can make me laugh or smile without even trying and your so nice and your an amazing friend.. I don't know you just make life .. Easier" he sighs closing his eyes for a moment. Ok now I definitely need an inhaler. Maybe an ambulance, yeah an ambulance would be nice.
"Liam are you ok" he suddenly sounds alarmed and yeah I was definitely going to need a hospital.
"Y-yeah just- I don't know" he just smiles and hugs me.
"I need an ambulance" I whispered barely audible not expecting him to hear.
"What ?!" He asked alarmed.
"Nothing nothing" I laughed still holding him close. He sighed in relieve and continued to hold me.
"Thanks zayn" I say a little breathlessly feeling him kiss my forehead.
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[oh my god did anybody see zayn today in that lovely black and white rose shirt bc i did and i swear i went into cardiac arrest twice adihfdaikfhneidkjhfieuak]