Ivy
Words couldn't describe the sentiments that Ivy was feeling from the day she found out that her boyfriend of two years had been cheating. From the look on the woman's face who she had met for the first time in an unfortunate moment was like the infidelity of the two didn't just begin. This was a thing for them and it broke Ivy's heart even more to know it was more than sexual but intimate like it was between her and him at one point. She couldn't allow him too see her fragile side face to face but the moment she was alone at home she broke out into hysterics letting the emotions she wanted to get out.
She was so broken that she had destroyed her own home breaking anything in sight and screaming to the top of her lungs. From that point, Ivy wasn't Ivy. She wasn't the bubbly woman that she was known to be. She was a mad black woman. For a whole two years she felt her time put into Hendrix was wasted. He was like her first love, for it was the longest relationship she had ever had. She couldn't think of anything that would set him out to cheat on her and that confused her even more. She did all she could to be the woman of his dreams and yet still failed to her belief.
The sight of her broken state through the mirror in her living room only vexed her more. She couldn't stand the look of herself. The look of anger and hatred but that was all she could feel. Her soul was cold and felt dark within. Ivy could no longer trust or care for anyone's feelings because her heart was broken. She thought to change her appearance to match her mood. She couldn't bare to have blonde hair anymore for that was the color Hendrix suggested her to go for. Out of love for him, she did it but now that they were no longer an item, she didn't feel the need to keep it.
Changing her hair from dirty blonde to jet black, the immediate modification done eased her temper. She looked brand new yet still full of rage. Her hair matched her new found personality. From Good Girl to Bad.
——X——
I couldn't bare to stay in my home and think about what happened between Hendrix and I. Usually during the day I would run errands or find anything that pertains to relaxation for myself but things have taken a drastic turn unfortunately. My home is a wreck and I cannot bring myself to clean it until I come to terms with what the hell happened. Her face keeps replaying in my head and the way he chased after me after I was through with his ass. Never would I have imagined the scenario but it happened and I couldn't change it.
Here I was at the Station earlier than I ever am and I know everyone was confused but it was none of their business either. If I wanted to be here during the day following into the night, then I will got dammit. At this point, my job was my therapy and I so desperately needed it. I thought to call my sister by to comfort me for the day while I vent and let out my feelings that I know she could relate to. My sister had been through a man cheating on her twice so I know she could give me some type of advice to help me get through this. I couldn't help but to think to get revenge because I was so crushed but I know that would only make matters worse if I act upon my emotions.
All I needed was my coffee to help wake my body and hopefully lift my spirits but Laura-Jean was nowhere to be found. I had been up here for quite some time and it was beginning to annoy me. I was not going to tolerate anyone's shit today especially with the state I was in so I expected everything to be the way I say and like. Taking it upon myself to head to her office down the hall from mine to see what the hold up was, I was not expecting to see a young man in her chair at her desk. This must've been her boyfriend or someone. I knew she was now allowed to have guest but truly it was setting her back from the duties she had to keep up with. If she couldn't get my coffee on time, then she shouldn't have guest.
My sudden rhetoric outburst towards the young man scared him causing him to look away from the painting he previously had his eyes on. He was quite handsome but I was in no way, shape or form interested in any man. I couldn't see myself dating in the near future because I don't think I have it in me to trust and move forward from Hendrix. He truly was someone I believed I would grow with and I even wanted him to move in with me but how life could change in a blink was just tragic.
"Oh! There you are. I have your coffee. I see you have met my friend Rowland. Rowland, this is Ivy." Laura-Jean spoke breaking me from the stare off I was having with him. I stepped to the side allowing her to walk into her office as I reached out to take the coffee she held out to me.
Rowland's facial expression after Laura-Jean introduced us only ignited confusion for me causing me to think if I knew him or not. It seems as if he knew me but i'm sure I had never crossed paths with him ever. I was one to remember faces and voices but he was definitely not a face I remembered. Bringing the hot coffee cup up to my lips, I blew the steam that seeped through the opening before taking a sip satisfied with the taste.
"Thank you Laura-Jean." I mumbled to her as she sent a genuine smile my way. Rotating on my heels to leave her to her company and get back to my radio room, I was stopped by Rowland calling out to me. Centering my attention onto him as he approached me with his hand out for me to shake, I looked him up and down. He was clearly eager to get a handshake from me and although I was not in the nicest mood, I couldn't be rude to such a kind gesture. Taking his hand lightly, he firmly shook mine with a smile stretching across his face. Just in that moment, I could see that he had freckles displayed across his nose and cheeks. His big brown eyes showed happiness and for a split second I envied him. I wish I could go back to being this hopeful and happy. There was not a fiber in my body that was positive.
"Nice to finally meet you Ivy." He spoke in a husky tone. I kept my eyes on his even though we had let each other's hands go.
I knew that voice and now that I was digging deep into my memory I also knew that name. Rowland. How could I forget? He was the guy that called into my radio show asking me out on a date. The reason that more male callers are calling in and engaging in the topics I have. He was definitely attractive and more might I add but I just wasn't in the state of mind to converse further with him. It was safe that I keep it perfunctory.
"Likewise Rowland." I simply replied before continuing on my way. I looked over my shoulder taking another glance at him seeing that he was watching me go down the hallway. For a moment there, I could admit I was definitely blushing. Entering the radio room, I set my coffee cup down on the table prior to retrieving my phone from my purse. Dialing my sisters number that I memorized over the years of her having it, I placed it to my ear once it began ringing.
"Hello?"
"Rubi.. I need you." I said just above a whisper as my voice cracked.
"Ivy.. what? Where are you? What is wrong?" I knew she could sense something was wrong just by hearing my voice. It was unlike me to call her sad or crying. She was in protective mode even though she was the youngest.
"At the station.." I answered as I walked towards the table leaning my backside against it.
"I'm in the area. Give me 10." with that she hung up without giving me the chance to respond. I looked down at my phone as it was set on the main screen picture of Hendrix and I looking into each other's eyes smiling. Becoming angry all over again, I couldn't control my temper as I lunged my phone forward watching it hit against the brick exposed wall. I placed my hand over my mouth in shock at the loud thud but mostly at my actions. I had never been this way to the point where I can't think before doing. I couldn't afford ruining the radio room like I did my home or else I'd be out of a job that I loved.
Seeing my sister walk pass the radio room just to step back as she noticed that I was present, she walks in immediately rushing to me. Her hands palm each side of my face as I look at her taking in her worried expression. I can do nothing but silently cry allowing the tears to flow down my cheeks. Shaking her head with no words being audible, she wraps me into a hug tightly as I lay my head on her shoulder pouring out the emotion that I so badly wanted to release. I wanted her to see I was hurting just so I could get the comfort from her that I longed at the very moment. Sniffling once she lets me go, I watch as she makes her way to the door closing it before turning to me.
"Ivy Rihanna Marshall. Speak." she says as she places her shoulder bag onto the table followed by crossing her arms over her chest.
I bring my hands up to my face prior to running my fingers back through my jet black tresses. I didn't know where to begin. To start with my attitude change and my damaged emotional state or to what led me to be this person in the first place. This person that would never look upon humans to be wrong. I couldn't explain the hurt I was feeling or the anger for that matter but I knew I had to say something or else it would just keep building up.
"He fucking cheated on me! He BEEN doing it Rubiah!" I yell frustratedly as I begin to pace back and forth.
"Ivy.. no." she says sympathetically.
"I came over to spend time with him. All the time that I know I had been missing just so I could make it up. He dare to not let me in until I force myself. I'm raged like a bull just to find what I had assumed to be right and him bad behave. Another woman who was too damn comfortable for my liking. Just in the middle of SEX?!" I scream. The memory coming back to me making me feel disgusted. How could I be so blind. Did I miss the signs?
"The worse part is that I'm doing what I can to secure a bag. My dream job and although I may have been a bit selfish with my time here it doesn't mean to cheat. If he couldn't take my absence then why the fuck stay?! Or at least tell me! I would have understood!"
Sitting down in my swivel chair I lean forward onto the table before me as I rest my elbows onto it, burying my head in my hands. My body is shaking from how vexed I am and although I feel slightly better that I confessed what happened to someone out loud, I can't shake the fact that i'm effected more than I intended to be. Right now I didn't know what to think. Was I a bad woman for not paying attention to my man and putting my profession first or was I not good enough for him physically? I couldn't help but think I wasn't even sexy enough for him based on the woman he was sleeping with. She was gorgeous.
"Cool out.. you were not wrong Ivy. You are a great woman and been dreaming of this since we were kids. Don't let some rasshole change that."
"Cha! I can't think of any different." I pick my head up from my hands pushing my hair out of my face.
"Come'a." she says as she makes her way to me. Bending down at the level I am sitting in, she takes my hands into hers looking up into my red, teary eyes. I sniffle every now and then as I return eye contact.
"You don't dare beat yuhself 'bout dis. I have been through dis twice and I know it's hard being your first and that you were in love but don't yuh dare blame yourself. Ivy I can see that you are not you and I'm telling you right now do not act upon emotions. I did somethings I regret and I don't want yuh to do that. It is not going to be worth it. The best thing to do is take each day one step at a time. If yuh haffi get some answers out of him for closure, then do it but do not carry on like this. I beg of you sister."
Taking a deep breath, I close my eyes as I take in what she has said. It's always better said than done but I know that she was right. That I had to calm down before I do something that would get me into loads of trouble. This journey was not going to be easy but I had to try and do things that could get my mind off of it. Just as I was about to speak again, the door opens revealing Laura-Jean. The smile that was once on her face turns into a frown as she notices my tear stained face and my sister.
"I'm sorry to bother you Ivy but I just wanted to remind you that you made plans to go to the Poetry event tonight at The Urban Coffee. Shall I remove it from your calendar?"
"No! We will be in attendance." My sister answers for me just before I could. I glare at her once she looks up at me causing her to shrug her shoulders.
"Yuh haffi take your mind off of it! Starting tonight!"