Same Mistakes - One Direction
HARRY
I wake up with a pounding headache. The room feels like a spinning mess. My stomach churns as a result of the copious amounts of alcohol and cannabis that was consumed the night before. I run my hands over my face and through my hair. Everything is cloudy. All memories of last night stopping after Kit confronted me about Isabella.
A nauseating feeling rumbles inside of me. I look down at my shirtless body and the thin sheet that covers my boxers. My arms reach out above my head as I stretch out. The dizziness of my headache intensifying with every moment. As I turn around in my bed, I am faced with a head of unruly, long brown hair. My eyes trail down cautiously only to be met with a half naked girl. She begins to stir beside me and turns over.
Pippa. My eyes widen as I take in her black lace bra and thong. I jump out of my bed instantly, "Fuck. Shit. Damn it. Fucking shit." I continue to yell profanities as I throw on my discarded jeans.
Pippa jumps in her sleep. "What the fuck!" She brings her hand up to her forehead her eyes widen in shock. "What the hell is wrong with you? What time is it?"
I ignore her as I throw her back her shirt and skirt. "Fucking put this on."
She stares at me bewildered. "Harry. Fucking chill."
"What happened last night? Tell me. Fucking tell me!" I demand, my voice rising with anger. She rolls her eyes at me in response. Pippa stretches her arms out and turns over in bed. Sitting up, she pulls on her shirt and skirt.
"Will you fucking chill? Nothing happened last night."
My widen eyes don't leave her. Disbelief washes over me but mixes in with sudden relief. "Then explain to me why we were practically naked in my fucking bed."
She only chuckles back. I watch her walk over to me, my breathing growing erratic in anger. "Well, when you're drunk and high your body begins to heat up. Add in your fucking broken thermostat and you are left with an overly heated flat." Her eyes stare at me in amusement.
"Broken thermostat?"
"God, you must have been so out of it last night." She rolls her eyes at me. "Last night, when Toby walked into the flat, he was complaining about how cold it was in here. So you went to change the temperature but got fed up with it. In result breaking it. We were all practically half naked the whole damn night, Styles."
I begin to vaguely remember last night. Fuck, she is right.
"Then why were you in my bed?"
"God, Harry. You used to be so good at remembering things." Her brown eyes look over at me, amused, as she chuckles. "I tried to fuck you but you refused me. I followed you into your room. I tried my best moves and you still fucking said no." She laughed. "Kept saying I'm not Isabella or some shit. I don't know who this chick is but you have it bad for her. You then laid down, complained that it was too hot in here, stripped all the way and then began to ramble on about how much you like this girl. We ended up just laying in bed with another joint. I had to fucking listen to you whine like a little girl about how she won't like you and was with some guy until you fell asleep."
I can feel my cheeks burn in embarrassment. God, what the hell was happening to me? Even in my drunken mess she is still on my mind. I let out a long, relieved sigh. I was glad to hear that nothing happened with Pippa. That was the last thing I needed.
Fed up with everything, I walk out the bedroom and notice the empty flat. "Where did everyone go?"
"Must have left this morning. It's already two in the afternoon." Pippa comments from behind me. "Listen. I'm going to help you clean this mess up and I'm gonna go." She says before walking towards the kitchen, grabbing a trash bag and throwing empty containers inside. We don't say anything else as we continue to clean. The only thing on my mind is the mistake that could have happened and the beautiful girl I would have hurt. Again.
-
The cold room bites my skin as I walk out of the hot shower. I wrap a towel around my waist and run my fingers through the knots in my hair. My body feels like shit. The harsh headache that I woke up with continued to pound.
This fucking sucked. I couldn't remember why I thought it would be a good idea to get completely trashed last night. It seemed fitting. My week had been a complete disaster and all I wanted to do was forget about her and the issues we were facing. But of course, I couldn't get her out of my mind. She was had found home in my every thought and action. Even in my drunk mind she was still loud and clear. Fuck, I needed her.
After changing into a fresh pair of jeans, I made my way into the kitchen. All I needed right now was a hot tea. The loud shrill of the kettle fills out the small flat. Suddenly, a series of loud knocks come from my front door. I can't fight the feeling of agitation that runs through me. My head was still hurting and my body was exhausted. The last thing that I wanted right now was an unwelcome visitor.
I open the door and am shocked to see who is behind it.
In her oversized jean jacket and tight black jeans was the one girl I couldn't get off of my mind.
"Isabella?" She looks at me with a blank expression. I am shocked at the door. My grip on the door tight. Her eyes look up and down my body, a deep blush filling in her pale cheeks.
"Can I come in?" She asks me. Her voice is soft and cracks at the end. Without another word, I step to the side, widening the door for her.
"What are you doing here?" I ask her. She looks over at me, a timid look replacing her previous blank stare.
"Uh, Ben told me you lived here now. I went to your old place but he said you moved out. I didn't realize you did."
"Yeah. When you were gone." I scratch the back of my back anxiously. Time felt like it was still. I watched her as she walked throughout the flat and towards a couch. She takes a seat and pulls her legs up to her chest.
"Why are you here, Isabella?"
She looks up at me once again. Her eyes are dull with dark circles hiding her usual bright eyes. They have been replaced with bloodshot stains on her dark brown irises. "I've been thinking," she starts to say. Her eyes are fixed on something behind me. She doesn't look at me as she talks. This only causes the anxiety in me to worsen.
"I've been thinking about you, Chase, and us. I can't get this situation out of my head. I go to sleep and I dream about it and wake up and my mind drifts off. It's eating me up, knowing that Chase pursued me like that only to get back at you for your own stupidity." She bites down on her lip, her eyes brimming with a sheer layer of tears. Taking a deep breath, she shakes her head. "I then think about you and the fucked up feelings that I've had for you since the moment I met you. I always thought that maybe, just maybe, you liked me. That you were just scared to start anything. That then made me think about the first time we actually sat down and talked. At that summer party Jaz had. Remember it?" For the first time since she sat down, she looks up at me.
I nod my head in response. Of course I remember that night. That's when everything started becoming a blurred mess of fucking emotions.
"You told me that the start of any adventure is to find out what scares you and do it. To live out those fears. I remember asking you to help me. I had a small hope that by asking you, you'd say yes because maybe... just maybe, you liked me too. When you walked away, every hope that I had that maybe those feelings I felt for you were reciprocated were destroyed. That was the first moment that you broke my heart, Harry."
I mentally kick myself for my own stupidity. I should have known that she cared for me. I should have listened to my own gut and stayed. Instead, I allowed my stubbornness and pride to decide for me. God, if only I had said yes back. We would have avoided all of this fucked up mess. She wouldn't have dated Chase and maybe, just maybe, I'd know what it means to love someone. To be loved.
"What are you thinking now?" I manage to ask her.
"I'm thinking about how much of an idiot you are." She pauses, a ghost of a smile playing at her lips. "I'm thinking about what you said to me last week about us and about what you want."
I didn't know where she was going with this. Isabella Maxwell was confusing. For a woman that was so book smart, she was sure fucking dumb. "What are you asking of me?" I sit down beside her on the couch. I keep my legs to myself, not wanting to risk it touching her.
"I want you to earn my trust back. I want," she pauses. My heart is thumping erratically in my chest.
"Harry," Isabella shifts in her seat. Our knees brushing against each other. Her doe like eyes look up at me with a glimpse of hope. "I have this list." She reaches out for her purse, pulling out a small white journal.
Izzy unwraps the thin piece of leather that holds the pages together. "Last night I wrote down five things that scare me that I want to accomplish. I want to live for myself. I want to do things that bring make my blood race with adrenaline. I'm tired of being safe. Chase was safe and look how that turned out." She pauses before she takes in a deep breath.
"I'm ready to live. To feel. To be - alive. With you. If you'll let me." Isabella's search mine. An undeniable thumping sensation beats from my heart. The blood in my veins run quick. My heart struggling to catch up. "I'm sure there's something that scares you too."
"Oh yeah, ponies. I mean those beady little eyes that stare at you. Fucking scary." I chuckle.
"Harry," she rolls her eyes. "That's not what I meant. God."
A loud laugh breaks through my lips. This in turn earns a smile smile from Isabella; that in itself was worth all of this. All of this wait. This fucking list. I'd do anything to see her smile.
"What - what's the list." Gently, I take the book from her tight grasp. She smiles at me, a shy smile. The kind of smile that she gives when she's embarrassed about something. I can't help but smirk over at her earning a deep red blush to flush through to her cheeks.
"Things that scare me. Fitting title," I chuckle. She playfully nudges me and giggles. Her giggle is melodious to my ears. I could listen to it for the rest of my life and never grow tired of it.
"Number one: jump out of a plane. Yup. That sounds fucking terrifying."
"But I want to do it. I think it'd be a great adrenaline boost."
I nod in agreement before reading on. "Number two: Hold a tarantula."
"I think that one will make me pee my pants."
"Number three: open my own business; get business plan out." I quirk an eyebrow up at her in curiosity. She had never mentioned a business before.
"I want to open up my own publishing company. I think it'd be cool to help publish books from local authors and get them into the small book shops. The idea of doing something this massive scares the crap out of me, but I think it'd be cool to do. Get out of my comfort zone a little bit. You know?"
"Yeah. That's cool." It really was. This was one of the many reasons why I adored Isabella Maxwell so much. She was wise beyond her years and wanted to do something big in this world. "Number four: Do things for me."
"I don't want to always do things because of other people. Like my parents, I don't want to pick a job because it will make my dad happy. I want to live my life for myself and what makes me happy. I think in turn, I'd be able to make other people happy because I'll know what it means to feel it in the first place."
I smile at her. My respect growing for this beautiful woman more and more. "Ah, the last one. Number five," I pause. The words that are written shock me. I hadn't expected this to be on her list. Let alone it was something that she was fearful of.
"Number five: Harry."
"Ha, yeah." Her cheeks are now a vibrant red. Her teeth bite into her lip as she rubs her arm with her hand. "You scare me."
My brows furrow. The last thing I ever wanted was to scare her. I fucking hated the idea of her being scared of anything in the first place. To know that I scared her - I fucking hated myself.
Isabella's eyes widen slightly before she throws her hands up. "Oh, no! Not in a bad way. It's a good fear."
"How is fear a good thing?"
"It's just. The idea of opening up my heart scares me shitless. The thought of giving my heart to someone with the potential of them hurting me is the worst feeling in the world. I know that I want to be with you, but at the same time, I don't want to risk it."
"Ah. Baby, risk is what this is all about."
She hides her face behind her hands. I pull her hands down only to be met with her blushing cheeks. The amount times that I have made her blush tonight was a new record. I wasn't complaining, however. I loved it. I fucking loved it.
"I want you, Isabella. I have fucking wanted you from the moment I laid my eyes on you in that damn bookstore. I want to be with you."
"Yeah?" She asks, her eyes widening with hope.
"Yeah." I lean my head in so that our foreheads meet. My hands cup her face with the most gentle of touches. Her breathing begins to grow deeper. I can hear her heartbeat quick. "I'm tired of running around and fighting this."
"I know. Me too." She closes her eyes. Her tongue slips out of her mouth as she licks her lips. "Can we take it slow?"
"Slow?"
"Yeah." Her eyes flutter open. Her stair remains on my lips before they slowly look up and into my eyes. "I need to learn to trust you."
"What does that mean then."
"I - Harry, I want to date?" She bites her lips from giggling.
"You want to date."
"Yeah. I know you probably want to rush into this but I can't. Not yet. My heart's not ready yet."
I pull her onto my lap. Her legs straddling my hips. She brings her hands up to my neck and entangles her fingers with my curls. Our foreheads remain close. My hands slide down her back and towards her hips. I pull her closer to me. "Isabella Maxwell, can I take you to dinner tomorrow night?"
She giggles. That damn giggle that could bring hope to the hopeless and light to the darkest of days.
"Yes. I'll go to dinner with you," she whispers against my lips.
My lips grow into a wide grin. I don't care if this is fucking fast. I pull her even closer to my body and kiss her hard. She squeals before she returns the kiss.
It was in this moment, with our lips sealed together, that I knew I was about to start the greatest adventure of all.