𝟢𝟧 · 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵'𝘴 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺 𝘯𝘪𝘤𝘦
『
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SO JOSH WAS THE KIND OF GUY WHO LIKED WRITING AND RECEIVING LETTERS THEN, THEA CONCLUDED WHILE FINISHING UP AN ESSAY THAT WAS DUE IN THE NEXT TEN MINUTES.
Analysis on the last section of Beloved wasn't so bad, save for the fact she knew nothing and cliffnotes was her best friend at the moment.
Still.... As she was on the concluding paragraph, she couldn't stop drawing her thoughts back to Josh and Lara Jean. He and her sister were dating for two years, meaning he and Lara Jean could never happen- that would make her not very good of a sister.
If Thea were Margot, she would've understood why they broke up, but also try to make the first semester work. If it really was meant to be, distance as big as the ocean wouldn't keep them apart. No college could separate them.
Alas, it must not have been meant to be.
She shoved her terribly-written essay into her bag and left the library after the bell rang. With a class farther away from where she was, she needed to walk faster than the usual speed it took on average.
At some point, she saw Lilian talking to a few cheerleaders, and didn't really feel like saying hello to her. After an eventful weekend, she wanted nothing more than to avoid conversation with her friends.
"Thea?" called out a voice from the lockers beside her as she walked down the hall.
The hallways were empty as she was already getting closer to her classroom. But did she really care about being on time?
"Hey, I've been meaning to call, how've you been?"
Thea fell asleep on his bed while he took the couch in the living room that night after practically soaking his shirt straight through. The next morning, she was gone. Typical, yes, but still a bit unnerving to talk to someone at your house and not seeing them when you both woke up.
"Fine," she mumbled. "Peachy."
"Peachy?" he laughed. He stopped when he saw her expression remain the same.
At this he cleared his throat. "Um, sleep well?"
"Yeah. I'm okay," she responded and tried to continue on her way when Josh laid a hand on her shoulder.
She stopped in her tracks. The familiarity of a gentle touch of his sent shivers down her spine, a feeling she rarely experienced. Electrifying, yet calming. Delighted, yet perhaps melancholy.
Or maybe she was over exaggerating the feeling when people touched her.
She turned around, unsure of what to say. He was exceptionally nice this weekend, especially after her tears and snot.
"Is there something on your mind? We can talk, you know. When you're free."
"I have nothing in mind," she answered. "Thank you, but I don't think we should break any more rules, you know?"
He chewed the inside of his cheek before responding, "Yeah, you're right, we shouldn't."
For some reason, her heart felt a spurt of disappointment. Maybe she was waiting for him to protest and try to push her more, just a little bit. But that's what she asked for, and she got it.
Suddenly an arm slung itself over her shoulders and drew her close to the person. Ethan Sato was smiling down at her with a devilish grin and kind eyes. If they had just met then, she'd have fallen head over heels for that smile. But since they were best friends since the beginning of high school, she felt anything but that. And Ethan was also the exception to her "I don't want to see my friends" mood on Monday.
"Hey, kiddo! You wouldn't fucking believe what the hell happened in Calc. I-" He stopped and turned to Josh. "Wassup, man! Sanderson, right?"
"Um, yeah," Josh nodded.
"Awesome party, right?" Before Josh got a chance to respond, Ethan said, "I know, we throw the best. But you and Thea dipped before the night got better on Saturday."
"Yeah, I was looking for Thea, I drank too much," he fibbed.
"Why her?"
Josh merely shrugged, and Thea glared at him. What are you doing? she mouthed to him.
"You ready, T?" Ethan said. He gave a two-finger salute to Josh. "I'll see you in a few, Sanderson!"
"Um..." Josh said.
When Josh was out of earshot, Ethan said lowly, "How long have you known him?"
"We're neighbors and we used to play together as kids. Kind of," Thea frowned.
"He seemed worried for you," Ethan mentioned. "Is everything alright?"
"Ethan..." she let his arm slide off her shoulders. "Am I a bad person?"
"You're fucking awesome, Thee. You're the best person I know and I love you like I love Kira and Mikey."
"I'm not worthy of this praise, but thank you," she nodded. "But... There's something I should tell you about, and I guess I was making too big a deal of the wrong thing regarding the sitution when it clearly was about something else."
"Now you're worrying me, Thee. What happened?"
"We'll talk later."
· · ·
Josh couldn't care sooooo fucking less about hot Ethan Sato and gorgeous neighbor Thea Calderon being together. Like, did you see how close they were? The way Ethan just casually put his arm over her shoulder like she was his?
No fucking matter. Josh had his own things to deal with. Starting with his very messy notes that he wrote instead of the usual carefully-written bullet points.
But it's weird. Yeah, Ethan Sato seriously dated Shelby Ringer and he was so heartbroken, he'd never had so much liquor in his system in a year than he did in the two hours the night after they broke up. The man was a mess. But it wasn't his style-casual dating was just what the Satos were about.
Seriously, what did he have that Josh didn't besides good fashion sense, charisma, a well-rounded personality, a social life in a big circle, and a really nice build that Josh couldn't top?
He probably didn't have actual brains, Josh thought angrily.
He scrolled through Instagram under his desk in the back of the classroom, looking through the explore feed and he raised an eyebrow at a certain picture he came across.
The text and caption were roughly similar and giving the same message: a major college party was happening soon, details would be later revealed, but it was open to anyone. People who were interested only had to like the photo to get a DM giving more details as more information was clear. It was basically for mass updates for more frat parties.
And Thea liked the photo.
A few profound thoughts were running through Josh's mind: what was she thinking? After what happened...
The bell rang, and it was already the end of school. If he knew Thea at all (which he did), he'd know that she was heading out with her circle of friends to get some food, then would come back home around five. All he had to do was wait a couple hours.
As he was leaving the classroom and making a beeline for the locker, he watched as Peter and Lara Jean walked together, so close they were touching as they walked, past him and through the hallways breezily like there was no one else in the world.
He saw them earlier, a shock that put him in complete denial all throughout lunch. And seeing them together did make him feel uncomfortable. After all, Lara Jean was closer to him first. This Kavinsky kid was nothing more than a lacrosse-playing boy with a body probably sculpted by the gods.
And yet, he continued on his way to the locker. He had something else more important to think about.
· · ·
"Thea," Josh said as he saw her walking down the street (she was dropped off one street over). "Thea, can we talk?"
She turned her head to face Josh and raised an eyebrow. "Why?"
"I heard about some mysterious, secretive party that college dudes are hosting, and I saw you liked their photo to get more information."
"To be clear, they're not frat guys."
"So what?" he cried out. He didn't care whether or not the neighbors heard the first statement, but he lowered his voice for Thea's sake. "Thea, why would you willingly go there, knowing about-"
"Oh, grow up, Josh," she snapped. "I consented since that was before I actually started to drink, I swear. Yeah, I wanted it to be with someone I actually got to know better, but I already cried it out so there's no reason to cry again. So don't worry about what I do and stop stalking me and tracking the posts I like."
"I saw your name on it, alright? It wasn't my intention to learn about your parties, but why are you going to college parties, huh?"
"They're fun, Josh Sanderson. You don't even know what that means, you were so fucking awkward that night I took you to Ethan's."
"I brought myself there, by the way. And I took you home, too," he seethed. "Get your facts right if you want to insult me."
She raised an eyebrow as if impressed. "I liked the comeback. I'm heading inside now."
"For once, skip out on a party. Like Greg's or something, alright? I don't think you even like what you're doing to yourself."
"Like I'm gonna listen to you," she scoffed, spinning around on her heel to look away from him. She marched over to her porch, then turned around to say, "We're not friends, Josh. So stop pretending like you care about me."
"But you care about my input, don't you?"
"Shut up," she rolled her eyes, knowing it was true. She unlocked the door and went inside.
· · ·
"Oy, Thea! Come here!" barked Thea's mother.
"Yes, ma?" Thea grumbled as she sat down. She began spooning powdered Milo into a cup, then grabbed the milk jug that was still cold and poured. It was intended to be left out for her to drink.
"Bakit ka nahuli?" her mother asked.
"I had late lunch with a couple of friends, Mama. But I picked up some lechon from Seafood City," Thea waved a white paper bag in the air. "I'm sorry, Mama."
"I just want you to be safe, na." Her mother still had that profound f drop turned to a p when she spoke. Have you finished your application?"
"Yup," she lied. "I'm heading to my room, Mama."
Back upstairs, she fell on her back over her bed filled with clothes, staring at the popcorn ceiling above. To her left was a messy array of books, and a few diaries from middle school. A lot of them had terrible drawings and hearts about her crush on celebrities and changing her last name to theirs. She was familiar with the writing game, just not good at writing.
Josh likes handwritten letters, Thea thought, repeating it in her head over and over again.
She really needed to stop being so mean as her defense mechanism. Sweet Josh Sanderson didn't deserve that-he deserved respect and understanding. He was merely trying to be a good person, something Thea was absolute shit at.
He didn't deserve her rudeness. He deserves better.
Maybe that's why he liked Margot, maybe that's why he would never think of Thea that way. And it's not like she dwelled on that thought of how Margot Song-Covey was better than Thea Calderon in every way imaginable besides looks.
But having someone to love in their life wasn't all from looks, meeting at parties, having drinks. Love was maybe Smartwater and half-eaten chips under the bed, Tylenol after a hangover, drunken confessions and truths to bring two people closer, late nights staying up to talk to Josh, drunk or sober.
Come to think of it, those late nights at Sanderson's house were pleasant and besides some throwing up and crying, quite peaceful. She sort of liked being around him those nights she crawled through his window. And how gentle he was with her when she was crying. And how he kept her secrets, no matter how embarrassing and maybe life ruining, without her asking him not to say anything.
Thea sat up immediately from her bed, eyes wide as saucers. "Oh shit."
』
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Completed: 9.9.18
Editing status: N/A
A/N:
i wonder what thea figured out, maybe she likes him? or idk
thANK YOU SO MUCH FOR READING WE HIT 2K READS I'M SO FUCKING HAPPY THANK YOU THANK YOU
I'll see you all on the next update coming soon!