let's talk about how I left.
it was a very warm evening and the sun was about to set.
I was ready to confront you after months about what the honest truth about you was.
because the fake truth you were putting on as your disguise was starting to piss me off and I was sick and irked of life.
again.
you went from me wanting to live again to me wanting to cross the road without looking right and left- not caring at all.
so I did confront you.
I went to your apartment and you opened the door- ready to greet me with a kiss I dodged.
"what the hell is wrong with-"
"you Jin! I know okay- I know."
you gulped harshly. "know what?"
I lowered my voice- my chest moving up and down. "you're in love with him. that's why you can't love me the way I love you."
and it grazed me more when you stayed quiet because I put you on the spot. you silently admitted the truth- not knowing how to reply.
I stayed standing and you needed to sit down- your eyes not daring to look into mine. "val I'm so sorry I- I tried so hard. tried so hard all these years to get over him, to not feel what I feel-"
"but it's impossible." you ran your hands down your face- crimped internally. "it's been fucking years. why do I still love him?"
"I know why." I crouched down in front of you. "because when you first liked him in high school, he didn't like you- he was unsure of his sexuality. but now you're a part of each other's lives again and he's sure of his sexuality."
"and he finally wants what you've always wanted."
you looked up to meet my eyes. longing in mine, guilt in yours as you held my hand. we wrapped our fingers around each others- not knowing it'd be the last time we'd be so close, so nurturing.
"you can't control what you feel." I squeezed your hand. "I just wish you would've told me."
"if I told you ... it would've broken you." your eyes were wide- so much regret but more sorrow.
"it broke me anyhow ... it doesn't matter." I smiled.
"please don't go val."
I kissed your knuckles- tears forming in my jaded eyes. "I have to. I have to let you go Jin."
"why?" you imbecile.
"because I'm in love with you and you're in love with someone else!" I couldn't help but shout and I moved away from you.
"you're never going to love me that way." my voice broke that day and I hated how I looked weak. "I need to accept that quickly."
you stayed silent so I left with a heart now scattered apart.
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one chapter left :(
take care guys !!
A.