It sucks, doesn't it? Liking someone you can't have. Seeing them everyday, but knowing that they'll never be yours. It's the worst feeling, cause all you can do is dream about and wish for them, but never have them ~ anonymous
"We won! We actually won again!" Ned cheers on the way back to the motel.
Midtown Tech managed to take the title for the second consecutive year. It was boring, if you ask me. Everyone was nervous, shaking hands, chattering teeth and all. The only ones who weren't consisted of me, MJ and even Peter a little. His mind was somewhere else but then again, so is mine. He won it for us and he seemed to do it effortlessly.
"Pool party!" Flash shouts out and I roll my eyes.
Everybody runs up to their rooms to change into bathers or whatnot, leaving Peter and I alone. "Good job today," I tell him.
He giggles, "um, thanks..." His voice displays a lot of uncertainty and awkwardness for reasons that are clear.
"About yesterday, I--"
He cuts me off, "---it's okay. I understand. You just... you know where my feelings lie so you know that to me, it felt off."
Okay.
Okay, then.
I see how it is.
My heart pangs at what he says and every part of me feels completely and utterly broken by his words.
Because I was the one who couldn't pull away from the kiss and it was off?!
And... I'm being petty for no reason again.
"Yeah. Right," I mutter.
"You going to the pool?" he asks.
I shrug limply, "I guess."
So here I am, dangling my legs in the water and continuing to read my novel, ignoring the celebrations and hubbub from everybody else. The couple in the novel have just kissed for the first time and fireworks are going off and it's the cheesiest and cliché thing I've ever read. But if anyone is a sucker for romantic clichés, it is definitely me. And a truth or dare kiss as a first kiss is pretty cliché if you ask me.
Yes, it was my first kiss. Yes, I was hoping that maybe my first would've been more romantic. No, I don't want to change it. He didn't pull away and even if it was off, it didn't feel off to me and those are the facts.
Someone splashes water at me and I snap my head towards them, shooting bullets. Flash, of course. I stare down at my novel in shock as the ink begins to run down the page and at my good t-shirt, which is now completely soaked.
He is dead to me.
"You coming in Garcia? Gonna show off your body, like the slut that you are?" he winks but I stare at him, appalled. This dude must be real insecure if he had just said that.
The rest of the team stares in shock, waiting both worriedly and enthusiastically for my reaction. Peter only looks at me with worry, but I'm a big girl. I can handle myself. I don't need any guy. I succumb to the peer pressure. I stand up and throw my book behind me, steam billowing out of my ears, and whip off my t-shirt, revealing my black and white striped bikini. I slide into the pool, remaining oblivious to the freezing temperatures in here compared to the comfortable and warm atmosphere outside.
Flash begins to panic a little internally, making it extremely obvious on the outside as I march towards him. I lean in towards his face and glare at him, "scared, are you?"
"Telling the truth can have negative impacts," he mutters.
I cock my head, "do you even know what slut means, pal?"
"Why would I need a definition when there's a living example in front of me?" he retorts. Geez, his comebacks are trash but deep down, I feel a little bad for him. As stated before, he must be super insecure to be saying these kind of things.
I raise my hand towards him but pause right next to his face. He flinches. I smack the back of his head lightly and laugh it off, "I am very sympathetic towards you." He stares back at me in both confusion and shock. I wade through the water towards the edge of the pool. I turn around, to take one last look at Flash, but really, I look at Peter. He seems unable to keep his eyes off of me... even though that can be said for everybody else in the pool.
In their defense, I don't blame them. This is a different side to me and they haven't experienced it until now. I would be just as shocked if MJ went and did something similar to thi.
I step up and pick up my belongings, wrapping a towel to cover myself. "Sorry fellas," I say flirtatiously, "that's all of this scrumptious body you get to see for today."
Everyone continues to look at me in awe as I make my way back up to my room.
I'm in my pyjamas and my hair, in a very messy bun. I feel so comfortable and am so ready for bed. Someone knocks on my door rapidly. "I'm coming!" I call out, trying to get the knot out of my hair. They don't stop. "Jesus," I mutter, "I told you, I'm coming!"
I swing open the door to see Ned standing there, grinning like a Cheshire Cat. He gestures wildly with his hands towards the railing that looks over the pool. My forehead creases and I follow him outside. I peer over the railing to see two figures sitting alone in the pool. As I process what is going on, the vague faces become more and more familiar. MJ and Peter are the only ones left in there and they sit unusually close together. Ned squeals quietly with delight and I shush him to try and hear their conversation.
"So I'm guessing you already know," MJ tells him.
Peter turns to her and their faces are so close, they might as well be kissing. "Know what?" he asks nervously.
"You're a smart guy, Peter. But you can be incredibly... clueless," MJ says jokingly, leaning in towards him more, "I like you, Peter. No matter how much I hate to say it, I like you. A lot."
"Wow, really?" Peter gasps, completely surprised, "I am pretty clueless, but Michelle... I really like you too." No. He can't. He can't have just admitted that he liked her. What on earth happened to shy Peter?! If I'm not going crazy and he just admitted his feelings then that means...
She grins her beautiful grin and then proceeds to chuckle beautifully, "kissing you in a pool, on a school trip, will probably be the most cliché thing I'll ever do."
"Wha—" Peter begins but is cut off by MJ smashing her lips onto his. She runs her hands through his hair and every part of me hopes that he'll push her away, take back his feelings and take back anything that's happened so far.
Ned claps and mouths a bunch of things to me, but I can't focus on his words or on his happiness. All I can focus on is the scene unfolding in front of me and the sudden feeling in my gut... the feeling of being heartbroken.
And in this moment, I realize. I like Peter Parker. I like him a lot too. I like him more than he'll ever know. It's way too late to do or even to say anything.
It's so hard to watch. To watch her fingers tangle with his rogue brown curl that I've always felt the urge to twirl. To watch him run his fingers up and down her back like he's done this thousands of times before. To watch the way she drapes her arms around his neck. To watch how his pale cheeks flush pink with joy. To watch one of my best friends making out with the boy I like, entangled in eachother, fitting together like two puzzle pieces.
He said he likes her. He can't like two people at the same time which means that my feelings will get me nowhere and that the part of me that longs for him everyday won't get anywhere. I can't believe that after one kiss, my feelings for Peter have just blown up.
Ned shakes me and whispers, "they've done it! Finally! I've been waiting so long for this!"
"That's great, Ned. It's absolutely fantastic," I blurt sarcastically and storm back into my room, feeling his eyes burn into my back in confusion. I slam the door behind me and lean my back on it, sliding to the floor.
I am gutted. My heart is practically non-existent. If this is what heartbreak feels like, I don't want to fall in love. I was happy. I told myself to never be happy, that happiness is just a lie and you'll feel worse if you're happy or if you make yourself believe that something is real. But I did it anyways and look what happened. Love isn't worth this. It isn't.
I should've realized my feelings for Peter earlier. Maybe this could have been avoided.
But it's him and MJ. It's been them two from the start and even Ned ships them. They're like Romeo and Juliet. I'm just the girl who's trying to tear Romeo and Juliet apart. The girl who no one cares about or even knows about and who everyone hates for liking Romeo and trying to break their relationship apart.
Peter Parker, why do you have to be so damn likeable?
I storm into the stupid bathroom and tie my stupid hair into a stupid ponytail and press my stupid watch to my stupid lips. "Suit up!" I shout desperately. The suit spreads onto my body and I step out into the main room to someone standing in the room, waiting and watching.
Shit, I've been caught.
I stop dead in my tracks and Flash stares at me with a gaping mouth and wide eyes. "Y-y-you're the b-b-b-butterfly," he stutters.
I whip out my dagger and shove him against the wall, pressing it to his throat, "what the fuck are you doing in my room, Flash?!"
"I j-j-just wanted to p-p-prank you or s-s-something," he stammers nervously, "please don't kill me!"
"Be quiet!" I snap in a hushed tone and cover his mouth with my hand, "if you tell anyone, and I mean anyone, then I will kill you. Do you understand?"
He nods rapidly. I smile coolly, "good. Now I have a job for you. Go outside and check if the coast is clear. If it is, then knock twice on the door. If it isn't, distract the hell out of them while I go."
He nods again and I let him go. He practically bolts out the door. I sigh and lean my head against the wall. I can't believe I let myself get feelings for him. I can't believe I got feelings after one kiss. But maybe that's not true. Maybe I've liked him for a while now. Maybe I can't like Nate because I like Peter and all of the times he's been on my mind, all of the times he's made me smile, all of the times he's comforted me, all of the times he's put butterflies in my stomach... well shoot.
My hands start to shake and my mouth dries up. I just need a goddamn cigarette.
Two knocks on the door snap me out of my daydream. When I open the door, Flash is already running back to his room. I quickly sneak outside and activate my wings as fast as I can, flying into the midnight blue sky.