CHAPTER 6 : LET IT ALL OUT
Another sleepless night passed. Every time my mom or dad entered the room to come check on me, I had pretended to be asleep. My mind was wide-awake but not because of all the hours I slept the previous night. My brain worked nonstop; I needed to find a way to convince my parents to listen to me, I wanted them to hear me out and most of all, I had to find a way for them to believe me.
By the time the sun lightened my room and I heard my parents were up, most likely having breakfast, I still hadn't come up with a solution. Figuring out what I needed to do proved to be impossible. From the second I set foot in the kitchen, Mom bombarded me with questions. Did I feel okay? Was I hungry? Did I hurt? Had I slept well? Why had I not waited for her to get home before I went to bed? Did I have a temperature? Did I feel dizzy? What happened? Was there anything I wanted to talk about? On and on it went. It took all my self-control not to turn around and go hide in my bedroom again. Instead, I nodded. I shook my head. I even tried to reassure her I was all right. She smiled approvingly when I finished my bowl of cereals. She raised an eyebrow when I went for the coffee maker, so I turned around and decided to have orange juice instead. When I opened the faucet to rinse my dishes, Mom got up and told me to take it easy. I didn't really have plans, but I had to get out of the house one way or another. That's why I announced I was going to the movies that afternoon.
"Of course you're not going," Mom said. The subject wasn't open for discussion; I sighed, shrugged and told her I would let April know I wasn't going to join her to the movies after all. What other option did I have? Not that it really mattered; April had tennis lessons on Wednesdays anyway - not that my mom knew about that.
When she began to clear the table, I tried to communicate with my dad behind my mom's back. I mouthed for him to back me up, but instead of doing so, he raised his hands in a surrendering gesture and I knew I was on my own. I would just have to try to avoid my mom as much as possible without making it look too suspicious.
By the time evening had come, I couldn't spend another minute in my room. My never-ending thoughts, questions and most of all, the lack of answers drove me crazy.Despite my mom's many objections, I helped her out in the kitchen as much as she allowed me to - which wasn't a lot. Still, I preferred helping out in the kitchen to being in the living room where Amara watched some sappy reality TV show.
"Are you feeling better?" Mom asked for what felt like the fiftieth time that night.
"Yes, Mom. I'm fine."
"You know you can talk to me, right?" she offered once again. "About anything, whatever it is you have on your mind
"I know. But really, I'm fine."
My decision to help in the kitchen became more and more of a regret. Even Amara's stupid TV program began to feel like less of a struggle to endure compared to my mom's constant questioning looks. I wanted her to forget about what happened, for her to find something else to worry about. I was getting sick of being the center of her attention. I was starting to lose my patience. I put the knife down, and as I did so, worry resurfaced on my mom's face. It was as if she had me under a microscope, examining my every movement, facial expression, even as much as a frustrated sigh would have her worrying. Anger bubbled up inside me, yet, before I could express some of that anger, Amara's voice sounded from the living room.
"Is it so hard to answer your phone when I call? You can't just ignore me like that!"
My mom and I both glanced towards the living room. Amara's sporadic tantrums were not unusual. As much as I disliked Joshua, I pitied him for being my sister's boyfriend. It wasn't something I would wish upon even my worst enemy. My mom closed the oven and put her oven mitt on the counter. Every time Amara's mood scattered into a burst of jealousy, my mom was there to comfort her. I wondered how she could keep up with it - maybe it was an ability only mothers possessed.
"What do you mean; you have more important things to attend to?"
As Amara said that, I couldn't withhold a chuckle. However, my mom's warning expression silenced me at once. I didn't want to get in a fight with her about how ridiculous it was that Amara felt like she was the center of the universe and that my mom went along with that assumption, that's why I rolled my eyes and focused on slicing tomatoes.
By the time I finished the last tomato, Mom entered the kitchen again. She eyed me wearily.
"What's wrong?" I asked. She made me feel as if I had done something wrong, but I knew for a fact, that this couldn't be true; I hadn't left the kitchen while she was gone.
"Layna..." she began but seemed to think better of what she wanted to say. She ran her fingers through her hair and sat down at the table. "Take a seat," she said and motioned for me to sit down next to her.
I had no idea what she wanted. I wrecked my brain trying to come up with reasons for her sudden change of mood. "Oh, no!" I gasped in a whisper. "It isn't Gran, is it? I mean, nothing happened to -"
Surprise flickered over my mom's face. "What? No, of course not. Grandma is alright. There's nothing wrong with her."
I sighed in relief and slumped down on the chair. A moment later, I looked up at her concerned face. "Then…" I trailed. "What's wrong? Is it something I did?"
"I have to ask you something," she spoke matter-of-factly, ignoring my questions. "And I need you to be straight with me. I need you to tell me the truth."
"The truth about what?" I shifted uneasily in my seat. What had Amara told my Mom when she was in the living room? Why hadn't I paid more attention to their conversation? Eavesdropping might be frowned upon, but it sure as hell could come in handy at times! Mom didn't speak up right away, so I repeated myself. "The truth about what exactly?"
Mom inhaled a deep breath, as if doing so would help her find the strength to ask whatever it was she wanted to ask. "I really don't like asking this but I can't not ask. It's about Joshua."
Did she know? If so, did she suspect I knew something about it as well? Was she going to warn me to stay away from him? To try to convince Amara to break up with him? "What about him?"
"Well, it's really something Amara said."
Nothing that Amara said could be good. "What is it?"
My heart seemed to slow down; yet, it felt like it beat twice as hard. I could feel the blood pulse through my entire body. I had no idea what would come next, but I did not get the feeling it would be something good.
"Did he try something?"
"Try something?" I was confused. Of all things she could say or ask, I expected her to come clean about the abnormalities that involved Joshua, her question made no sense to me…at all.
"You know," she shifted uncomfortable in her seat. "Did he try something with you?" My mouth fell open. Shocked, I hadn't quite figured out yet whether I wanted to laugh, or felt offended."I mean, Amara said she got the feeling Joshua only talked about you anymore and then yesterday you acted so weird when he came into the kitchen. It was like you, I don't know, panicked really badly and started to hyperventilate…"
Slowly, little by little, the words that left my mom's lips started to come together and make sentences in my head. Joshua asked Amara about me? I shuddered at the thought. The staring I had noticed. It had raised some questions but I didn't think any more of it. Now it had gone past the staring. He wanted to know things about me. This newly found knowledge freaked me out.
"See, you do it again." My mom suddenly said. "Lately, whenever we mention his name, you go all pale in the face and get lost in your own thoughts." She bit her bottom lip before she spoke carefully. "So…it's true?"
"Is what true?"
"About Joshua…because if it is, we need to do something about it. He can't just get away with…you know."
I burst out laughing. It was more of a hiccup at first but within seconds, the laughter came from the deepest of my belly.
Obviously, my laughter was not the response my mom anticipated. Surprised, she raised her left eyebrow and seemed at a loss for words.
“Oh Mom,” I wiped a tear away. “That is something I would never let happen. Ever.” The thought of Joshua and me - together - caused another wave of laughter to erupt. “Especially not with Joshua!”
“So I was wrong? He didn’t, you know, try anything?”
“Absolutely positive!”
“Then what's going on? You're both acting so strange."
"Nothing," I blurted. If I told her the truth, she wouldn't believe me anyway. For now, I'd keep things to myself until I had new and undeniable proof. "Nothing's going on." I added more finitely.
"But, if there was -"
"But, there isn't."
"If there was, then you could tell me. I wouldn't even tell your dad if you didn't want me to."
"Mom! Nothing's going on!" That had come out louder than planned. Mom seemed taking aback and after a slight shake of her head, she pushed her chair back and stood up.
"Excuse me for asking!" Mom huffed. She sounded slightly offended. "I'm sorry for being concerned about you. I was clearly mistaken. As if I should keep an eye out for your well-being. What was I thinking?" Mom wasn't one for sarcasm, that's how I knew for sure that I'd hit a wrong snare. Before I could apologize, she spoke up. "I think you're done with those tomatoes. Why don't you go do something else until I finish up dinner."It wasn't a question. With a humph, I stood up as well and headed for my room. Mothers, they are just as crazy creatures as sisters, I thought to myself. Once inside my room, I let myself fall on my bed and as I stared up at my ceiling, I listed all the facts again. Doing this was becoming repetitive but it was the only thing, or so it felt, to keep me from losing my mind.
First of all, on the night of my birthday, Joshua had magically appeared outside. It had looked like he had been that ball of light. Before I saw Joshua though, the same body had looked like someone else entirely. Then, once I thought I'd really lost my mind, I discovered I had a video of it. All the proof I had ever wanted was right there, in my hands. Until I fainted and Joshua saw this as the perfect opportunity to delete said video. Now I was back to square one, only, because of my big display of insanity, my parents thought I was on drugs and that Joshua had forced himself on me.I couldn't but admit that my plan to keep all of it on the low until I had solid proof again wasn't going too well. Maybe I shouldn't have been so persistent on wanting to show the video to my mom. From then on, it all started to go downhill in the first place.
"Layna," Amara's voice sounded outside my bedroom door. "Dinner's ready."
With a sigh, I got up and went downstairs. Dad was already making sure he had half of the potatoes on his plate. Nothing as healthy as potatoes, he always said. Mom was handing out the roast, and Amara didn't even look up as I took a seat beside her. When she placed the tomatoes on her right, away from me, I knew it was a deliberate move. Amara must've not believed that I didn't want to have anything to do with Joshua. I wondered whether she would ever come to see him for the annoyance he really was. She sneaked a peek at my vegetable-less plate, and I saw a satisfactorily smile tug at the corner of her mouth. Not letting me have any vegetables had been such a childish thing to do, but Amara seemed oddly satisfied with it.
When Mom motioned for me to lift my plate so she could give me a piece of roast, she noticed the lack of vegetables on my plate. "Amara, hand Layna the tomatoes."
However, before Amara could do as told, I shook my head lightly. "No thanks, I'm not feeling that hungry." Mentally, I added, "If you want to act childish, there you go."
With nothing but a shrug, Amara put down the tomatoes and started eating. Dad was already halfway done with his potatoes; he truly loved potatoes.And Mom? Her eyebrows knitted closer together as she tasted a piece of her roast. Everything had to be perfect for her, including her dinner. I could tell by the way she carefully put another piece to her mouth, that she wasn't quite satisfied with the end result. Too salty, too long in the oven or just not long enough… so many reasons why she could be dissatisfied with dinner.
We ate in silence, well, the others ate and I pushed my food around in my plate. I hadn't lied to Mom; I really wasn't hungry. When Mom shared the bit of information about Joshua's sudden interest in me, she probably didn't foresee I wouldn't be able to stop thinking about it. That one short sentence had led to so many more questions. Questions I couldn’t answer. The damage only one sentence could do was unbelievable, yet, it also had me curious beyond belief. Joshua's interest in me could not be a good sign. Maybe he was afraid I would spill his little secret. To what ends would he go to keep me from uncovering the truth? This was a scary thought, if not the scariest of them all.
"What does Joshua want to know about me?" I hadn't planned to voice that thought, especially not to Amara. Still, somehow, the words had left my mouth before I could even attempt keeping them to myself. I couldn't take them back, no matter how much I wished I could do just that - especially when I noticed the change in color of Amara's face.
"So, it's true!" she accused me. "You've been going behind my back! My own sister! How could you?" Amara screamed for the entire neighborhood to hear. "My own blood!" In a dramatic gesture, she rose from her chair, causing it to tumble over. She didn't even bother to pick it up.
"Amara," Mom sighed, but I don't think Amara heard her. "Amara dear," she repeated, only louder this time. "Why don't you hear her out? She's your sister -”
"And what a nice sister she is!"
"- you should give her some credit."
"Credit?" Amara huffed and pointed accusingly in my direction. "She has been seducing my boyfriend! How can you even defend her?"
The Amara-bomb had exploded, for sure. By lack of ideas how to save my own skin, I followed my dad's lead and tried to blend in the background. I froze and barely dared to breathe. This way I wouldn't draw any more attention to myself, or so I hoped. I wasn't trained to deal with this kind of dangerous situations. When it came to Amara going nuclear, I happily stepped back for my mom to deal with it - especially when I was both the trigger and the target.
"She said there's nothing going on," Mom defended me. Then again, maybe she only said this so Amara would calm down. I wasn't convinced that my mom didn't still believe there wasn't anything going on between Joshua and me. "Have a little faith. Don't go around distrusting everyone right away…"
"As if I do that!" Amara spoke fiercely.
Mom ignored Amara's remark and continued. "Isn't it only normal for Joshua to show some interest in your family? You've been together for quite a while now, no?"
Amara's expression was one of epiphany. Slowly, bit by bit, you could see she put mental puzzle pieces together until finally her mouth dropped open."Oh my!" she gasped. "He's going to propose to me, isn't he?"
How she had come to this conclusion was beyond me. I wonder if it was my mother's intention to steer the conversation in that direction but her face didn't give anything away. I had dodged the bullet, but didn't particularly like the reason behind it. Saying he was going to propose - as unlikely as it seemed to me - was jumping to conclusions. All along, I had been thinking Joshua's weird behavior had something to do with what I saw on my birthday. Yet, perhaps it was all simpler than I thought. Could it all have had anything to do with something as trivial as a proposal?
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A/N: The next part should be more interesting and - if all goes according to plan - won't take me as long to finish/upload.
Also, if you spotted any mistakes, feel free to point them out!