Kylie's POV
It's been two days since I saw Ansel at the boardwalk. Kate let me stay those two nights, but I know she has her plate full. And Addison is staying with her all summer, and that makes even less room for me. I told her I'd talk to Zach. Now is a good time.
I'm sitting on the bleachers with him at his brothers football game. I'm about to say something when he sticks a cigarette in his mouth.
I raise my eyes at him. "Thought you changed."
He shrugs. "Some things are hard to let go. And I don't want to quit, so I see no point. 'You smoke to enjoy it, I smoke to die' right?" He quotes another John Green book.
He grins at me, the still unlit cigarette hanging out the side of his mouth. He lights it and removes it.
"You're just so charming." I laugh.
"What can I say?" He smirks. He takes a drag and I watch as he blows smoke.
"So you've been staying at Kate's?" He asks.
"Yeah. About that..." I trail off
He gives me a questioning look, so I continue. "She's about to move and Addison lives with her now and you know she's about to have a baby." I pause, running my fingers through my hair. "And I can't stay there much longer."
"So they'll let Addison stay there but not you?" He asks.
"That's different." I say, picking at his shoe laces. "Her mom just died a few months ago."
"Oh. I didn't know that."
"Yeah. I was wondering if maybe I could stay with you for a while?" I ask.
He looks at me, surprise in his eyes. He runs a hand over his hair, takes a last drag from the cigarette, then flicks it into the grass before answering.
"You know you're always welcome, of course. But I don't have plans of staying there much longer." He says.
"That's all I need. Just some time to get a job and some money saved up." I explain.
"Why don't you just make up with your mom?" He asks.
"If you don't want me to stay just say it, Zach."
He grabs my hand in his. "it's not that."
I feel like I should pull my hand back, but his is so warm, Familiar.
"Then what is it?" I ask
"It's just going to be complicated. I mean you're in this mess with Ansel and I'm just starting a relationship and-"
I cut him off. "You're in a relationship?" I ask. I'm shocked to hear the anger in my voice. I pull my hand back before I know I decided to.
"Yeah? I told you I was talking to the girl from Trig, remember?" He says.
"Why did you kiss me then?" I demand.
"I didn't. You kissed me and I pulled back." He points out.
I know he's right. I'm just...jealous? I guess? Which is dumb. I need to be working out my problems with Ansel, not starting new ones with Zach.
"Then why did you hold my hand?" I ask.
He shrugs. "I don't. Just a habit, I guess. Look, Kyles. I'm always going to love you. That's just the way it's gonna be. But we're just not good for each other. But I want to be your friend. It will be awkward and hard sometimes, but I just can't stay away from you." He says.
I take his hand in mine and smile at him.
"I want us to be friends too. You've been around for so long and honestly, even though we fought a lot you were still here for me when I really needed you to be." I say.
He caresses my face in his hand, moving his thumb back and forth across my skin. "I wish I was nicer to you."
"Me too" I smile into his palm.
He leans closer. "We could still be together." He says.
"I know." I state. Which is true. If he was nicer to me, he could've been enough to make me forget about my feelings for Ansel. Maybe.
He leans in all the way and I feel his lips brush against mine. "I'm sorry" he breaths against my mouth, then pushes his to mine. I immediately kiss him back. Wrapping my arms around him, pulling him from the seat above mine to the one beside me. His hand moves to my hip, pulling me closer to him.
Someone clearing their throat snaps us back into reality. It's Max. I laugh out loud. So does Zach. Glares at us like we just embarrassed him in front of his friends. Which we may have.
"I got to go to Kate's and get my stuff then I'll be over. You're sure this is okay?" I ask.
"Yeah it'll be fine. I'm gonna go drop off Max, then I'm going to Lisa's." He says.
I guess Lisa is his girlfriend. "Are you gonna tell her?" I ask.
"Have to." He says, grabbing my hand as we walk. I glance at our intertwined fingers.
"What are you going to tell her?" I ask.
"I dunno. Is anything different between us?" He asks.
The only thing going through my mind is Ansel. I loved kissing Zach just now, but I need Ansel in my life. I want him as my boyfriend, but if all I can get is him as my bestfriend again then I will take it. I think about me and Zach and I know it's not fair to hold him on the back burner until I find out if Ansel wants me or not.
And why am I even thinking about Ansel? He hooked up with another girl the other night. He purposely did it. What happened with me and Zach was an accident, but when I told him it didn't sound that way, but it still was.
"I don't know." Is the only answer I come up with.
He smiles a knowing smile. "Yeah I didn't think so. This is nice, Kylie. Us being nice. But, I don't want to end the start of something just for an ending to something else that I don't even know how it will go."
I nod. "I get it. Don't break up with her. I just don't know what to do about Ansel. I want to he with him, but it's just one thing after another." I say. A tear leaks out of my eye and Zach brushes it away with his finger tips.
We say our goodbyes and I drive back to Kate's house.
Zach's POV
Seeing Kylie cry made me mad in a way I didn't understand. How many times have I made her cry? But the thought of someone else does it drives me crazy. I drop Max off at the house and I drive to Ansel's apartment.
After several knocks on the door, he answers.
"What are you doing here?" He asks, but opens the door for me to come in.
I walk over to his couch and I sit down.
"We need to talk." I say.
"About what?" He says. He walks over to a chair and picks up a bowl of fruity pebbles. Fucking fruity pebbles. Really?
"Kylie."
"I have nothing to say about her." He snaps.
I take my pack of cigarettes out of my pocket. I raise my eyebrows at him, silently asking if I can smoke, he nods and I light one.
"Yes you do." I say. "Now say it."
He just looks at me. He sips the rest of the milk out of the bowl, then sits it down.
"Say it dude."
He stands up and walks out of the room. I sit patiently on his couch. I finish my cigarette before he comes back. He throws a piece of paper at me.
"What's this?" I say, holding it up.
"A letter from her. When we were 10. Yeah, it seems stupid now. But in that letter she promised to always tell me the truth. And up until we started dating she did. Then she acts like she likes me and does this shit. She's a liar." He vents.
I calmly set the letter down, without reading it. "You're a dumbass." I say lightly. I stand up. "You're a dumbass if you think she doesn't love you. I made the same mistake you did. I thought she didn't love me and I paid for that mistake. She may be afraid of how she feels but there's no doubt about it. Don't let her walk away, Elgort. If I didn't do exactly what you are doing right now I'd still have her. Now, she's so into you that I stand no chance at all. Don't ruin everything by not seeing it."
I leave him with those words and I leave his apartment.
Ansel's POV
His words leave me speechless. Not that he gave me much time to say anything before he left. I pace back and forth. She always said she didn't love Zach. But I know she did. Even when she would say things like 'he's more of a friend'. I knew it wasn't true.
If I can see that she loved him when he couldn't, what's to say that he can't do the same? She's made mistakes in this relationship. But now it's up to me to make sure there's not a big one.
I grab my keys and run outside. I feel for my phone, as I get in my car, but I remember that it's broken. I'll have to get a new one.
Hopefully, she can forgive me for the lie I made up about hooking up with another girl. I mean of course I didn't. I didn't even leave my apartment building that night. I layed on the roof of the building all night, thinking of nothing but Kylie.
When I get to her house I run from my car and to the door. Usually I'd just walk in, but I decide to knock. To my surprise, Todd answers.
"Uhh where's Kye?" I ask.
"She doesn't stay here." He says, like he's unsure of himself.
"What are you taking about?" I ask.
"She's...uhh..staying with uhm...she with uh" he stammers.
"With who?" I ask through gritted teeth.
"Ansel?" I hear Karen. She appears and I push past Todd to get to her.
"Where is Kylie?" I ask.
"She's staying with Zach now." She says matter of factly.
I resist the urge to punch something and I just walk back out the door. When I get to my car my anger is at a boiling point. I hit my steering wheel. This was just another joke she's playing. Sending Zach to talk to me.
I punch the wheel again. I can't wait until I get out of here. In a few days I'm going to Georgia to start filming for Insurgent.
"I hate you!" I scream to nothing in particular. I wish I could say it to her face. But I know it's a lie. I don't hate her. I love her and I hate that I do.