I'm Human
WARNING: Yet, this isn't a warning. This work contains abuse, strong language and mature content. But this isn't an excuse to ignore this story and sip away on your coffee. The only reason why I'm writing this warning is because I have to follow the law myself before I protest against it. To my elders, I sincerely beg your pardon for the language I used here.
Background story: Today, I watched a play for women empowerment by the Asmita Theatre Group at a seminar I attended. It was beautiful, yet watching it brought tears to my eyes. Some people even ran out of the auditorium in tears. This is adapted from the same story, edited and dramatised in my own words. Some facts have been made up.
I'm still human enough to feel the pain.....
I'm still human enough to caress the soul I contain.
Because I'm a woman. This isn't just my story. I'm speaking on the behalf of every girl and every woman who ever lived and are still living. And nobody seems to care. Mind you, none of these stories are mine. I'm going to throw the light on true stories of women in the society, that you thought was alright to ignore.
If I ask you, what is the safest place for you in the whole world? What will be your first answer? Home, isn't it? Unfortunately that's not true for us. Ever since my husband and mother-in-law found out that we were having a baby girl, they've been pestering me to get an abortion. But can a mother kill her own child? Isn't she a daughter herself?
'SUNITA!'
I open the door, trembling with fear.
'Yes?'
'Have you gone to the hospital as yet?'
'I will not go to the hospital'
'Have you lost your mind, woman? Every girl is a useless bundle of garbage like you. And you want to give birth to one? What will a girl bring you? Nothing. No daughter of mine works outside this house. A boy will bring you money. Who do you think will look after us when we're old?'
I feel like spitting at him. But I have my daughter to protect.
'I am NOT going to kill my child!'
'Stupid bitch, do as I say!'
'NO!'
A dangerous expression crosses his face.
'Fool, you just saved the doctors some work. I'm going to kill her myself'
I scream on the top of my voice, but in vain. He pushes me to the ground and kicks my pregnant belly hard, repeatedly, with all his might, heedless of my screams. When he's done, I'm a howling mess covered in blood. The only thing is, that this blood doesn't belong to me.
A paycheck is enough to attain independence. Right? Wrong. We don't have the freedom to step out of the house without any hesitation.
It's my first day at work and I'm a bunch of nerves today. My first job. I can't believe I'll be earning now, finally. I wonder if....
*Whistle*
I ignored him and walked on.
'Oh madam, where are you going? How about I drop you?'
'Please leave me alone'
'Leave you alone? Arey madam, how can I, when my heart is lonely in your absence?'
I jump into the nearest auto and sped away. A week went by and he kept leching at me everyday. So many people watch this, quickly look the other way and walk off, like nothing's happening. He turned up yet again on Monday.
'Where are you going, my lovely?'
I lost my temper.
'You moron, haven't I told you to stay away from me? Last warning. The next time, I'll call the cops'
'Oh my beautiful lass, I just wanted us to be friends'
'I'm not interested in you. Do you know that I'm getting married next week?'
'You're getting married? Great, let me give you a permanent makeover!'
Saying so, he grabbed my hand and took out a small bottle closed with a handkerchief.
Wait, is that-?
'What the- NO! NO! Leave me-'
He flings it into my face. A liquid burns my face as I scream and shout and cry. I'm burning, I'm on fire! But my cries are unheard. My cries. My very last words, are cries unheard.
Slowly and slowly, everything went black.
Children should run free into the azure meadows, taking in life at it's fullest. Right? Wrong, yet again. The only choice we ever have, is to take up a knife and cut out parts of our life, like they never happened. There are times I wish I could step into a time machine, and set things right. When I was eight years old, I moved in to a new place. It was beautiful. I just wish the people in it lived up to that too.
I'm playing with my friends and a really nice looking big boy approaches me.
'Hello gudiya (doll), do you like chocolates?'
I was overjoyed.
'Yes, yes!'
'Look, the little girl likes chocolates' he told his friends and produced a small Cadbury Five Star from his pocket.
'Thank you bhaiya (elder brother)'
'Come to me tomorrow again, I'll give you a bigger one'
I was delighted.
'Yes, bhaiya'
I can't wait to meet him tomorrow, and for the chocolate as well! And yes, he came back again with a bigger chocolate as he promised. He stood a little away from the park.
'Come, gudiya. Here's your chocolate'
I left the park and went running up to him with joy. But the moment I reached, the rest of his friends surrounded me in a circle.
I didn't like that. I just came for the chocolate. I got scared.
'No, no leave me, I want to go home'
They came up closer.
'No, no. Let me go back to mamma-'
A hand clamped down on my mouth. It was the same bhaiya who offered me the chocolate. I tried to scream, but in vain. I felt cruel hands ripping off my clothes and severe injuries all over my body. I cried hard, wishing I'd known before.
When they were done, I was left in a heap of torn clothing, crying for Mom. And that's how the police found me.
I was only eight back then. I didn't even know what sex was. When Mom taught me about it, it seemed to me like the act was between two very close people and most importantly, it involved consent.
I said, 'Then mamma, what was that? When I was eight?' She started crying.
It took me years of counselling to move on. Mom and Dad needed it too. The moment I turned thirteen, I started becoming suicidal. I began to Google poisonous pills. One time, I even stole the kitchen knife to slit my wrists. But Mom caught me and stopped the damage from happening.
I could never attend a regular school after such a thing. The separation anxiety of my parents were permanent. They made me join a support group and enrolled me for home schooling. The thing is, that I never knew of a normal life. I'm ruined, as long as I live.
Back to the narrator
The key dramatist said that the problem is, that we ignore. They were shivering after such an intense act. And come to think of it, it was just an act! It wasn't even a real thing. But yet, it was so horrific. And we are no less at blame for ignoring these acts in our vicinity and making them a part of normal life.
And I'll say the same thing too. That it's a bigger crime to ignore, than to actually commit the crime yourself. You talk about a rape case, you get this response; "Arey Bhai, aajkal toh yeh sab hota hi rehta hai"
(Why brother, it's an everyday thing!) It's we who have made such disgusting acts a part of normal life.
The way the actors were shivering during the act, I was shivering during the draft. At times, I felt like pressing the delete button. My heart would beat hard every time I came to the climax. I couldn't believe I was writing this. But I had to.
People, we have to fight against this. We have to fight against such ignorance. We have to crumple up our selfish attitude and throw it in the trash. We have to change.
And this doesn't apply to just women. Men are forced upon too. They need attention too. Women are also capable of committing crimes. We have to step up against injustice, man or woman and fight.
The point is, stop making excuses. Stop ignoring. Stop making crimes and injustice a part of normal life.
I know, all my writing, quoting and speaking will make no difference to you. You'll never care. But if what I said hurt your ego, then I dare you to prove me wrong. If you succeed, I'm telling you, I will be the happiest person on the planet.