Against Lance's pleas, Rosa ended up pushing both Sophia and Lance into her bedroom, claiming that their already instigated punishment would triple if either left the bedroom unhappy. She was determined to have them fix this grudge Lance held, and she wanted it happening now.
Once the door to the bedroom shut behind his mother, Lance immediately felt alone. He was sheepish, staring at the floor like a scolded child.
"I don't want to do this anymore than you do," Sophia whispered, gripping her hands tightly at her sides in fists. "But we're gonna have to do it. Sooner or later."
"I won't."
Sophia groaned, moving to sit on their parent's bed. "Well you have to. I know you hate me, so you can skip the dramatics."
It was pointless. Lance was still so angry, holding onto his grudge tight enough that he'd rather break an arm than let it go.
"I just," He began, still admiring the wooden floor underneath his socks. "I just hurt. It's a lot, all of it."
"I know."
"How do you though?"
Sophia sighed. "You're really going to ask that? I left my family. I made mistakes. You act as if didn't ever regret them, as if they never made me hurt too. They did."
Lance looked up from the floor, observing his older sister's face. It was wet, red and puffy, all from dinner. He'd never noticed.
"Then why did you take so long to come back?"
Sophia swallowed. "I'll tell you why. But you have to promise to listen."
Lance rubbed at his bottom lip, letting his nails dig into the fabric of his jeans.
He wanted to know, just as badly as any other family member might've. He wanted an explanation - he deserved one. Lance could bury his pride for just one moment, all to sit on that bed next to Sophia. He could just ignore that nagging voice in his head, he could pretend his grudge wasn't there. For a moment, just one single moment, he could try.
He took his place at the edge of the bed and sat a foot away, twirling the edge of his shirt in between his thumbs.
"Alright," He whispered, nodding his head. "I'll listen."
Sophia sucked in a breath, turning to look at her little brother. She was a face of remorse, regret, sorrow; the emotions poked at Lance's heart a little.
And then she began, revealing to her brother the same things she had practiced in front of Keith just that morning. Her words were sincere, her tale was profound, and even though she was nervous beyond reason, Lance could tell she knew what to say.
"I made mistakes," She whispered. "You know them, I know them. I'm not denying them, Lance. I thought about each one while I was gone - they almost tore me apart. But," She paused, contemplating if she should say it. "I don't want to talk about them, I've dwelled on these mistakes. Instead I want to talk about how I affected you. You didn't deserve to lose me, Lance. And for that I am eternally sorry."
Lance bit his lip even harder, trying his hardest to not respond. He wasn't sure if he should deny or accept the apology - so he let her continue.
"I wasn't ready to come back. I couldn't, and it wasn't because I was a coward. It was because if I did come back? Things wouldn't have ended well. I would fallen into an inescapable pit. Being out there, on my own, away from the safety of Mom and Dad? It saved me. I was forced to survive, and through that I learned how much I depended on our family. I'm not saying that depending on others is wrong - in fact, I encourage it. But there is often a time when you rely on someone too much, and when that happens you no longer learn how to protect yourself. I learned that, Lance. I learned that I am my own person, and that I am the only one in charge of my own destiny."
"That's cheesy as hell," Lance whispered, not realizing he'd actually made the comment out loud. It only made Sophia smile, and she nodded her head.
"It is, but it's true. I'm the only one in charge of my problems, my mistakes, my trials. I learned that I'm the only one who can face them. And then? And then I can move on, let them go. I had to learn this the hard way., but now I've figured it out, and I've grown because of it. I've got a job, I've got an apartment, I've got a car, and I'm getting a college degree."
Lance's eyes widened, and he couldn't help but comment immediately.
"You do?"
She nodded, and it was the grin she wore that said more than a thousand words to Lance.
She was proud of herself for it.
So this is what Abuela had meant. This is what Cleo had meant. This is what they were trying to explain to him; Sophia was different than Lance. The two of them had gone through so much, the amount of trial they each had was almost identical. Sophia with her daughter, Lance with Benji - the two of them had been dealt a great many cards to deal with.
The difference between the two, however, was this: Lance was still dealing. He was still rolling in that pain, he was still clutching tightly to it - even if it was time to let go. Sophia had let go, she had taken a good look at her mistakes, she'd seen them for what they were, and she'd moved on. Lance had not.
"That's why I'm back now. Alexi may have been ready to see her family, but I wasn't. I had to wait until the perfect time to come back. It wasn't a matter of Alexi, it was a matter of me and my emotions."
It wasn't until the tears began to fall that Lance recognised it. All he saw was a grown woman pouring out her heart, making her apology, everything so unfeigned that it only took a few minutes for Lance to make a decision.
He could forgive Sophia.
And this time it could be automatic. Forgiveness may be something that's earned, something worked for. Lance felt that with his father - he was still letting himself and his father take their time. Except, maybe that was something he needed to let go too.
Sophia, however, had already done more than enough to warrant that forgiveness. It was time for Lance to agree, it was time for Lance to give in.
"I'm proud of you, though," She said.
Lance looked up, staring at Sophia's quivering lip and shaking eyes. Why? Why was she proud of him? And how? How could she find it in herself to be proud? After all the shit he'd done?
Lance hadn't noticed the wetness of his eyes until it was too late - the tears had a funny way of appearing at the most inconvenient of times. Except, this wasn't inconvenient. This was the perfect time to cry.
"You came out of the closet." Sophia muttered. "It's a hard thing to do - and I'm more than sorry I wasn't there for it. If I had?" She paused, her voice hesitant. She was scared, but one look at Lance's tears and she knew it would be okay.
"If I'd been there, then maybe I could've come out too. I could've been a support for you. You wouldn't have been alone."
Lance blinked, suddenly letting his mouth open from the sudden surprise.
"You're, you're-"
"A bit gay? Yeah." She smiled, and Lance wanted to smile back.
So he did. It was bright, large, warm - and a complete astonishment. He couldn't help himself; he hugged her. It was sudden and tight, his arms squeezing the girl close to his chest. She squeaked at the sudden change, but she never moved away.
They sat there, crying into each other's shoulders. They were happy tears, mixed with a few sad ones and several ones of regret.
"You? Gay?" Lance chuckled into Sophia's shoulder, already knowing there'd be tear stains left to taint her shirt. He finally let go of her torso, all to smile even wider. "I can't believe it."
Sophia nodded. "Yeah - but listen. I'm not lying when I say it; I really am proud. You've done so much, become so much."
"Proud? Even after tonight?"
Sophia's smile shifted away slightly. "No, not really about that. You really did fuck it up, Lance."
Lance frowned, though it was more towards himself.
Of course he fucked it up: Lance ruined Christmas. Abuela may have initiated the destruction, but Lance was the one who'd kept it going. Lance was upset; not at the others, but at himself.
"I don't know how to fix it," Lance whispered in dismay, rather distressed. "Keith is gone, and everyone out that door probably hates me."
"I won't lie to you, the others are probably pissed. Hell, I am too."
"You are?"
"Yeah, but that doesn't mean you've become my sworn enemy. It's just a thing that happens - people get mad. I still love you and you're still my little brother, so I can get over it. And them?" She jabbed her thumb towards the bedroom door, referring to their family off to clean up the mess of Christmas dinner. "They can get over it too."
Lance grappled at this concept, and deep down he knew Sophia was right.
"What should I do?"
"First of all? You need to say sorry to Keith."
Keith.
The mention of his name brought Lance to a whole other issue, an entirely new ballgame.
Lance had revealed their secret, and more than that, he'd pushed Keith away. The two had developed something over the course of the break, and Lance had still found a way to snip that beautiful bond right down the middle.
"I can't," Lance mumbled, feeling at a complete loss. "He hates me now."
"He probably does." Sophia agreed, suddenly reaching for Lance's hands. She held them tightly, squeezing the same way Rosa always did. "I don't know Keith that well, but I'm sure not the only one who's noticed."
"Noticed what?"
"That he's completely fallen for you."
Lance sighed, pulling his hands away softly. "I know."
"Wait - you know?!" Sophia's voice jumped a few octaves, all as she stared at Lance in dismay. "And you still said those awful things? What the hell, Lance!"
"I wasn't thinking!"
"Well, obviously!" Sophia groaned, rubbing at her temples. She stood up from the bed to pace the room, all before turning back to her brother. "You like him back though, right?"
"I don't know?"
"Oh my god. Oh my god, I can't believe this. Oh. My. God. My brother - he's an idiot!"
Lance scowled, folding his arms over his chest. "I am not an idiot! I've just been too stressed or distracted to think about that sort of thing."
"That boy made you a mixtape!" Sophia was near shouting now, though it wasn't loud enough to grab the attention of the other family members beyond the door. "He made you a mixtape, and you, you, you actually-"
"He wrote me a letter too."
"He what."
Lance let out a sigh. "Yes, he wrote me a letter. I didn't read it though - after I told him I didn't want a relationship he sort of-"
"Sort of what, Lance McClain."
"He told me to throw it away."
Sophia looked ready to crack. Scratch that, she already had, all as she paced the room with hands in her hair. "And so you threw it away. And then proceeded to embarrass him in front of the family."
Lance nodded.
"That's it," Sophia cried, suddenly reaching for Lance's hand. "We are finding that letter. You will rummage through the trash, I don't fucking care. You will read the letter, and you will say sorry to that poor boy."
Lance didn't dare fight her on this - he was just glad they were fighting in the first place. It was a fight over something normal, something that Lance knew could be fixed. It was a sibling sort of bicker, it was real. The two had made up - in a strange, unique sort of way. Now Sophia was helping him like the sister she really was, all as she tugged him by the arm towards the garbage by the fridge.
"Find it," She commanded, pointing at the pile of trash. "Find it, read it, and when you're done? Tell me how you really feel."