(No confrontation between Leon and Francesca, but still very important. Maybe even interesting??? Enjoy! xx)
I MET ALEX Lopez on New Years Day almost five years ago, many months before I found out about Leon.
Leon had left early that day after a short sleep to replenish his energy after the midnight celebrations. I was disappointed that I would not be spending the first day of the new year with my boyfriend. Ludmila was spending the day FaceTiming Diego so that they could be together in the best way that they could.
I would be alone.
Throughout the day I watched movies on Netflix, romantic comedies; my favourite genre, and when evening came Leon had still not returned. Instead, he sent me a message saying he may only be back the next day, he also sent a plethora of apologies but they did not soothe the aching loneliness in my heart.
So, I did what any person in my position would. I went to a club. It was not my best decision, but I could have never foreseen the evening.
I didn't drink much, I had never been an impulsive drinker. I sat at the bar and watched people as they celebrated the new year in style. Their happiness was genuine, something not only produced by the side-effects of alcohol. However, I was not alone.
The man next to me was attractive with cropped black hair, a warm smile and a lean body. He was dressed slightly more casual than me with a pair of dark blue jeans, a white shirt and black and white check shirt, but that didn't detract from his appearance. He had also been sipping one glass of beer for two hours. Together, we gave various people (tragic) life stories.
I had not laughed so much in a very long time.
Alex made me happy again, a feeling that felt somewhat foreign given the last few weeks of an absent boyfriend. I didn't hate Leon for what he was doing, he was working hard and I was proud of that. I just wished that he had more time for me because I missed him. I missed being with him.
Long story short, I ended up in Alex's apartment, in his bed, in his arms. Our clothes were in a forgotten pile as we never tore away from each other once that entire night.
Both of us were not under the influence, it was completely willingly. It was exhilarating. My skin burned with desire when he touched me everywhere. I had not felt that kind of pleasure in what felt like eons. I never wanted it to stop, and I was willing to do anything to ensure that.
When I woke up the next morning, I expected a wave of guilt but there was only a tingle. It was the most heartless, malicious and vile thing I had ever done, but I looked at the gorgeous person next to me and didn't feel an ounce of guilt. I ran my fingers through his hair and kissed him again, waking him up.
He kissed my jaw, down to my neck and my collarbone. That was when he noticed the necklace hanging around my neck. I looked away in shame, the trick was over and all the wonderful things I felt last night would probably not be felt for a long time.
"L. Your name is Francesca," He said slowly, his fingers never left my neck allowing the electricity to still flow through me.
"The L is for my boyfriend, whom I do love very dearly but he has been so embroiled with his work that I have felt so lonely. Then, I met you last night and had one of the best nights of my entire life," I explained and he nodded.
After a few seconds of waiting, he kissed me again. My fingers trailed down his cheek as I inched closer to him. I don't know how long we kissed, but I know that I loved every single second of it.
Looking back, I don't think I ever loved him. It was more lust than anything, I needed that satisfaction and only he had the time to give it to me. The already practically nonexistent guilt seemed to fade even more overtime. I was too busy with Alex.
It seemed like the best decision at the time, but it was the worst decision I had ever made in my entire life. I had risked everything that I had with Leon and Ludmila because I cheated. I was with Alex for months, stopping only a few weeks before I found out about Leon. For months, I lived carelessly until suddenly the guilt knocked the wind out of me when Leon professed his undying love for me.
It was then that I realised that I would be burdened with these mistakes and I wanted nothing more to cleanse myself of them. I loved Leon, but I had betrayed him in the worst possible way.
I could not deny that at the very least I felt indescribable pleasure from being with Alex. Leon, didn't feel anything when he was with Gery, and whenever he felt something it was guilt. I had become a disgusting person who was completely different to who I wanted to be.
I thought being with Leon was all I could ever want, but my willingness to cheat on him was a clear indicator otherwise. I was not ready for the kind of commitment we needed, even though it was always expected that he would have doubts.
I didn't want to live with myself when I realised what I had done. I could not go another day looking at Leon and seeing the love in his eyes. He was the greatest person I could have ever been gifted with, but I was not ready. I couldn't handle the life I had created for myself at such a young age.
It seemed as if I had skipped a decade of my life. I hated to think that I had lost the time most people spent experimenting. I had rushed into a lifelong relationship with a brilliant company that could support me for the rest of my life. It was perfect. But I wasn't perfect anymore, so nothing else could be.
Then, I found out Leon had been cheating, albeit for a much shorter time. It was the perfect escape, the best chance I had at trying to create a new person for myself. I needed to try and turn to the light again.
I cheated on Leon way before he had any conceivable thought of doing the same to me. I had essentially broken his heart and his trust without his knowledge. And then, I ran away like a coward. I couldn't hold the weight of all of my mistakes so I made a run for it when the opportunity came and I never regretted it.
Ludmila was completely right. I never made an attempt to reach out to Leon when he was busy with work because I couldn't bare to face him. I let him slip away from me so that my sin could gradually disappear. I ran away from my last, not him. I never wanted to fix things with him because I knew it would up bring up what I did, and I couldn't bare to see him hate me.
I am a disgrace and a hypocrite. I am a loathsome creature who never deserved the love Leon gave me.
MY WORST FEAR has come true.
Leon looked at me with such disgust that I couldn't even meet his eyes. He was fuming and was using every particle in his body to control himself.
"When?"
"Pretty much five years ago."
In that moment, I lost him forever. The look of abhorrence on his face would never disappear. I had ruined everything.
"I hate you."
Hello! I was supposed to do the full confrontation, but then explaining Alex took way more words than I thought it would. So, next chapter you should get Leon and Christian.
I hope you enjoyed the chapter! I kind of loved writing it, but it also broke my heart. The Francesca you used to know should be completely out of your mind by now. What she did was FAR WORSE than what Leon did. I hope I got that point across.
Thanks for reading 🙈 Sorry for any errors 💚
~Lexy 😈