"Nothing is more despicable than respect based on fear" (Albert Camus)
KYLE'S POV
There is one thing that nobody knew: I hated talking in public. As the second in hand commander of the pack, I had to do it countless times in the past so of course, I became good at it. None could guess how much I actually hated being under the spotlights. Deep down, I was still that shy little boy who used to stutter. Don't let all those fine muscles fool you.
But today, I had a really good reason to feel anxious. Darren's gone, so I actually had to take up the lead for a few days. Oh, yeah, did I forgot to mention it? Our alpha is gone. He should be back in no time, though. That's what Nate kept saying anyway. Darren left last week, after that disastrous night when I ended up breaking up in front of my mates like a crybaby.
I had woken up the next morning feeling quite fresh and well-rested, but my joy had been short-lived: Darren had left. Of course, the permanent ache had absolutely nothing to do with his departure. Nothing at all. What bothers me is that Nate knows why Darren had to leave. He keeps pretending he doesn't know anything, but because we share a mental link, he can't lie to me. Ha! That shit works both ways.
Why did he have to leave? Is it because of me? Is it because I don't want to do anything remotely sexual with them? The first time we did it, it was actually great. No, more than great: it was fabulous. Maybe because my wolf was high with pheromons, I did not realise how slutty and desperate I sounded. Now that I keep thinking about it, I don't want to give it another try, in case I am unable to control myself. I don't want a repeat from last time.
Surely my mates were a bit disgusted with me. Of course they would be, I was being so shameless! But then, why do they keep touching me all the time? Especially Nate, I swear this guy lives on sex. Oh God, I'm not enough for him either, refusing to have sex like a frightened maiden. He is going to leave me too and -
"Kyle?"
"Yeah?"
"You're okay?"
"Well, of course I am".
He sighed. "Let's go, then"
I was scared. There was no way I was going to admit it to Nate, though. The guy was probably already thinking I was a weakling. But why was I feeling so nauseous? After all, it was just a simple training with our pack members. It was nothing out of the ordinary. Yeah, except I had to appear as a figure of authority. Darren's gone, so I was no longer supposed to act like a Beta. Instead, I had to take up the role of the Alpha, even if was not going to be permanent. It had been hard enough, as a Sub, to be a commander, but an alpha? Sounded like a twisting joke of the Goddess.
When we arrived in our usual spot, in the clearing, half of the pack was already there, waiting for my orders. I wasn't Darren, but I knew they were going to obey my every orders. Some of them were so afraid of me they did not even dare looking up when I cleared up my throat. I straightened up, trying to look even more impressive when I felt Nate's hand on my arm, startling me.
"Wait, Kyle"
NATE'S POV
Kyle looked like he was about to protest but then he nodded, motionning for me to speak. I briefly closed my eyes, as Darren started encouraging me through our mental link, this time making sure that Kyle heard none if it.
"Do it, Nate"
"Are you sure, Darr? He's just starting to open up to us. I don't want him to hate me"
"Baby, he will never hate you. You are his mate, and beyond that, you're way too adorable for anyone to dislike you"*
"They hate him, though. And with good reasons, I can't deny that"
"That's why you have to do it, Nate. We're going to change that. Kyle will thank us for that later"
"Somehow, I strongly doubt he will"
Darren laughed faintly, then added more firmly "Do it, love. You promised you would not back out at the last minute"
I sighed "I will do it. Are you going back once it's done? Kyle is going to be very upset. I don't think I will be able to handle him for very long".
"I will be back shortly, love. I promise"
"I miss you, you know"
"I know"
"Kyle misses you too. He tries to look unaffected, but he is constantly muttering your name in his sleep"
"God, it's so hard to be apart from you, Nate. I love you both so much"
"We love you too"
"Good luck, Nate"
And with that, he was gone. Count on Darren to always let me do all the dirty work. I opened my eyes and found my pack members looking at me expectantly. Next to me, Kyle was showing signs of impatience. Right. Let's do it.
"As you know, Darren is away for the moment. As his second in hand, Kyle will now take the lead, meaning you will have to listen to him and to obey him as if he was Darren"
They all nodded, their eyes full of hatred and I could hear they thoughts loud and clear: but he is not Darren. Darren is kind, soft spoken and considerate. He is a natural born leader. Kyle is just a brute. I heard Kyle sighed softly, looking a bit sad. He could probably guess what they were thinking about, too. Which reminded me why I had to do it, even if it costed me my mate's affection.
"Okay, he started. Now listen to me, your fuckers. I will -"
"I'm not finished" I interrupted him. He growled, looking equally surprised and angry. "He will now shift in front of you and you will all stroke his head if you accept him as your Alpha, as the protocol requires"
"What?" he jumped. "There is not such an absurd protocol"
I discretly nodded at Yanis, who immediately got up on his feet. "Actually, there is. You have to shift and we have to recognized you as our new Alpha. Otherwise, our wolves won't obey"
Kyle looked at me, hurt and betrayal floating in his eyes. I just wanted to comfort him right now, but it had to be done.
"I won't shift" he protested weakly.
"That's fine, but then you have to give your pack a valid reason for your refusal"
"Why are you doing that to me, Nate?" he whispered brokenly.
"Say it" I ordered, refusing to let my emotions showed.
"Okay. I'm a Submissive"
"They could not hear anything, Kyle" I replied, feeling like the worst asshole on earth.
"I. AM. A. SUBMISSIVE" he yelled, infuriated.
They gasped. All eyes were now on my beautiful mate. "Is that a joke?" someone questionned. "Cause I don't find it funny at all"
"That's right, you heard me, you morons" Kyle mocked them, some of his spunk back. "I am a Submissive. That's why I no longer wanted to shift, because my wolf has turned fucking white"
"But how - "
"Suppressants. I have been taking them for years. Unfortunately, they are no longer working and I my so-called mates won't let me take stronger ones. They don't want to risk it because they love me or some shit. Right. You just saw a proof of their love for me. The asshole by my side is humiliating me on purpose".
"Hey" someone interrupted him. "Don't call Nate an asshole. The only asshole here is you"
"When I thought we let a Sub treating us like shit for years"
"Never in my life am I going to obey you"
I felt Kyle stiffening next to me, and grabbed his arm before he could leave.
"What is it, Nate? Haven't you had enough? Is it you taking your revendge for what I did to you years ago? I understand why you did it, trust me, but I want to leave now"
"Kyle, I whispered. You can never be a chief if you only rely on fear. You have nothing more to lose, now. Talk to them"
"And say what? That my uncle used to beat me so hard I would wet my bed at night when I was fifteen?"
"Well, tell them the truth, for once"
He looked at me and for a moment, I thought Darren had been wrong and that I hurted my mate for nothing. But then, resolve appeared in his eyes and he looked at our pack.
"That's right, I am a Sub" he started. "And you know what? I never wanted anyone to find out. It was my biggest fear, and it had been exhausting to live like that"
Everyone was silent now. All the eyes were on him. I looked at my brave mate, who resumed:
"I know you all hate me. When I turned out fifteen and my uncle realised I was a Submissive, he taught me the hard way how to become a Dominant. Because, you see, for my uncle a Dominant was someone who is cruel and uses his physical strenght to inspire fear"
I already knew Kyle's story, but it was as hard as the first time to hear it. I wanted nothing more than holding him tight in my arms right now. He took a brief pause, then spoke again:
"The training was so intense that I quickly became very buff. I also learned how to hide my emotions and always be cold and composed. That's when I lost all my friends and started spending the little of free time I had alone. But somehow, it felt safe to be alone. I was so afraid of my dirty little secret being discovered. I knew my uncle would not hesitate to kill me, if someone found out. Being alone made it easier to keep my secret"
"I was the one who kill him. I could no longer take it, and the suppressants made it harder to resist my wolf, who was so mad at my uncle, the last family member I had and someone who was supposed to protect me. When he died, I thought I would finally be free and loved. But I could not do it. I could not bring myself to voice the truth. I hated myself for being a Sub, and I had gotten used to being a strong Dominant nobody liked. So I kept taking the pills for years"
"But now you all know my secret so I guess I won't bother you any longer and I will take my leave. I'm sorry, guys, for everything. I am going to shift, so you will know that I am not joking and that I am actually a Sub"
A sound of broken bones, then a beautiful white wolf appeared in front if us. The silence was so absolute you could hear a pin drop. Then, suddenly, a slightly shorter than average werewolf timidly approached Kyle and I. It was Ed, one of the only wolves who talked with Kyle from time to time. He crouched down, so that he was at eyes level with the white wolf.
"You were the only one who never threw the fact that I was an omega in my face" he started. "In fact, that's only thanks to you that omegas now have a chance to become who they want to be. You might have been harsh sometimes, but you were never cruel or unfair. And knowing how much courage it takes to tell the truth, after years of hidding, I respect you even more for that. So I, Edward Critchley, recognize you as my new Alpha, until Darren comes back".
With that, he bowed and scratched my mate's head.
After that, all of our warriors and pack members approached Kyle, one by one,they bowed in front of the wolf and sometimes even lightly caressed his white fur, marveling at his rare beauty. Sensing that Kyle was feeling overwhelmed, I ordered everyone to leave, saying that the training was posponed until tomorrow. They left, and I took the beautiful wolf in my laps, enjoying the softeness of his fur. He licked me, more pliant in his wolf form.
"Do you really believe that ?" Kyle questionned through our mental link.
He shifted, and a red-eyes Kyle faced me.
"You betrayed me!"
"Don't you understand, Kyle? I had to do it. You could not keep up living like that. It was slowly killing you! Now they are respecting you more than before and -"
"I'm leaving"
"Hell, no, you're not -"
We both jumped at the same time and I managed to pin him down on the ground, but he was struggling and screaming. If he managed to broke free, he would run again and I knew this time we would not be able to find him.
"Darren" I thought desperately. "Please come back"
So, I hope you don't all hate Darren and Nate now and understand why they did it. The real question is: will Kyle be able to understand it as well, and forgive his mates? I'll try not to take too long to update next chapters. As usual, thank you for voting, commenting, and so on. Of course you don't have to, but it's always greatly appreciated.
Until next time,
xxxx
#Hasnoshame