Chapter 18
Mike’s POV
He sat at Chester’s bed until he heard a rustle and a whimper. He looked up and saw Chester squirming uncomfortably on the bed. He was alive. For now, he was ok.
“Chaz? Chaz? It’s ok. You’re ok. I’m here,” Mike said softly but Chester didn’t look at him. His eyes were still shut but he was upset. Mike could tell. If he moved much more, he could knock something loose. Mike got up and gently shook his leg.
“You’re ok Chaz. It’s ok. Just wake up. Everything will be ok,” he said as Chester stopped shaking and his eyes fluttered open. Mike stared at him as their eyes met. He couldn’t believe it. Chester was actually alive. He was alright at the moment.
“Hurts….Mikey….hurts real bad,” Chester whimpered. Mike reached up to ruffle Chester’s hair and then realized he didn’t have it anymore. But he put his hand to the side of Chester’s face anyway.
“I know it does. They’re going to take that tube out of you alright? You’ll get a ventilator,” Mike said and Chester nodded slightly.
“Ok. I….hurts to breathe,” Chester said softly.
“I know it does. I know. I’m so sorry Chester,” Mike said as tears built in his eyes.
“Not….Not your fault. I……stupid,” Chester said and Mike knew this was hard for him.
“Don’t talk alright? You need to rest. We can talk later,” Mike said letting his thumb stroke Chester’s cheek. Chester pressed his cheek into Mike’s hand and Mike smiled slightly at him.
“I….I…..l-love y-you,” Chester managed and Mike finally let himself cry. He’d stayed strong for too long. All the emotions he had locked up finally let themselves loose and as he sat there with Chester he was just too happy. The other man was going to be alright. They’d make it out of this. It really had been a miracle. He saw Chester’s face shining with tears as well. A hand reached out and wiped the tears off his face and Mike looked down at the man he’d come to love so much.
“I…I-I….l-love you s-so….much,” Chester whispered.
“I love you too Chester. You have no idea…..I didn’t mean what I said about us being over. I was just so upset about the whole thing. I want us to be together. I want to be with you. You mean the world to me. I can’t live without you.”
Chester’s eyes shone with happiness as Mike finished his apology. The doctors came in to remove the tube and put Chester on a ventilator instead. About fifteen to twenty minutes later, Chester was allowed to sit up if he could but he couldn’t leave the bed yet. He was still in a lot of pain so they gave him some morphine. Of course, that made Chester a little loopy. That was what Mike got to deal with.
“Hey sometimes I think about ketchup. You know? It’s all alone in the bottle next to the mustard,” Chester said staring at Mike seriously.
“Mhm,” Mike said trying not to pay attention but still keep the other man company.
“And sometimes, when I’m ketchup, I like to think about sitting in the fridge alone in a bottle next to the mustard,” Chester said with a dorky grin. Mike gave him a smile before laughing slightly. Chester was too cute.
“Ermmm, Mikey, I wanna go see what that’s when!” Chester said before lying back down on the bed. Mike rolled his eyes with that same smile on his face.
“Alright, how about you watch some T.V.?”
“No. Turn it on!”
“You’re very confusing.”
“I want to watch the machine!”
“Exactly.”
“Ok.”
Surprisingly, Chester was quiet once the T.V was turned on. Mike sat down next to him as he watched the television with huge eyes. Mike watched his thin chest rise and fall slowly and he knew that Chester still needed the help from the ventilator. He sighed as he sat on the bed next to the man he loved and held him close.
“You scared me so much,” Mike said leaning his head against Chester’s. Chester nodded a few times before looking up at Mike with sad eyes.
“Hurts again,” he said softly. Mike slowly reclined on the bed and turned the television off. Chester laid next to him and his eyes started to droop shut again. Mike smiled as he pressed his lips to Chester’s head.
“It’s going to be alright. Get some rest ok? I’ll be here for you,” Mike said softly.
“Really…hurts,” Chester said as tears started falling down his cheeks. Mike kept his arm wrapped around the smaller man.
“I know. I know it does,” he said quietly. Chester sniffled before shutting his eyes and tried to go to sleep.
“I love you Chester.”
Mike watched as Chester fell asleep in his arms. This was how it was supposed to be. Them. Together. This is what was supposed to happen. He didn’t care if Chester woke him up every night. He didn’t care if he was afraid of his own shadow. He just wanted his Chester back. And now he had him.
He woke up lying next to Chester who was still sleeping. His chest rose and fell and Mike sighed in relief. He would always keep checking to make sure that Chester was alright. That he was still alive. He moved to get up but Chester shifted and snuggled next to him so he couldn’t go. So instead he pressed the call button. A minute later, the doctor came in.
“Is something wrong Mr. Shinoda?” he asked and Mike shook his head.
“No. I just had a few questions.”
“Well ask away.”
“When will he be able to breathe on his own?”
“Soon. I’d say probably by tomorrow afternoon. He is doing well for now. He may still wheeze a little at night while he sleeps and he won’t be able to do any exerting physical activity for a while but he’ll be able to breathe alright very soon.”
“Is there anything I’ll have to watch out for?” Mike asked.
“You’ll just have to make sure he feels alright. He’ll be weak for the first week or so. Probably still in a little pain sometimes but we can give you medicine for that. Other than that, if he has any trouble breathing, you can always bring him back and we can see what’s going on. Try to keep his emotions in check. Anything that might make him breathe faster could cause harm during the first few days.”
“Ok. Thank you.”
“You’re welcome.”
The doctor left right as Chester woke up. Mike shifted so he could look into his boyfriend’s eyes.
“Hey beautiful, good news, you’ll have that thing off you by tomorrow,” Mike said softly. Chester gave him a small smile.
“O-Ok,” he replied softly.
“I have something for you by the way,” Mike whispered and Chester looked up at him, waiting expectantly. Slowly Mike pulled Chester’s ring out of his pocket and held it in his hand. Chester’s eyes widened before a smile broke on to his face. A true one. One that wasn’t full of pain but happiness.
“Chester Charles Bennington, will you marry me?” Mike asked softly and Chester nodded furiously before reaching towards Mike to hug him.
“Of c-course I will Mike. I’ll always love you,” Chester said and Mike smiled as he slid the ring on to Chester’s finger.
“I-I…..h-have something for you t-too,” Chester said shakily as he reached to the pocket of his pants, “Close your eyes.”
Mike shut his eyes and held out his hand. He felt Chester’s soft hand touch his own and something warm landed in his palm. When he opened his eyes, he was holding a ring. It was similar to Chester’s except gold. He looked at Chester who smiled at him again.
“I…would n-never trade you f-for all the g-gold in the world. Y-You’re w-worth more t-than that to me,” Chester whispered, “B-But I k-know you like the c-color so I bought it the one day w-we were out and decided if t-things e-ever g-got better I w-would g-give it t-to you.”
“I love it Chester,” Mike said softly.
“You do?” Chester asked as he looked up into his eyes. Mike nodded and let Chester slip it onto his finger. It was final. Now they would be together. Now they could be together. Chester fiddled around with his ventilator for a minute before he pulled it off his face.
“Chaz, don’t you dare even think about it,” Mike said sternly.
“I j-just want t-to kiss you M-Mike,” Chester managed and Mike sighed but leaned over and pressed their lips together. Chester shut his eyes and sighed contently. They stayed like that for a minute before Mike pulled away and made Chester put his ventilator on again.
“E-Ever h-have s-sex in a h-hospital b-bed?” Chester asked weakly. Mike snorted and then laughed. Chester smiled weakly at him before letting a small giggle escape him too. Mike grinned at him before gripping Chester’s hand tightly in his own.
“Why did you cut it off Chazzy?” he asked softly. Chester looked away at that point.
“Chazzy, please tell me,” Mike whispered and Chester finally looked up at him, with tears in his eyes.
“I w-wanted to b-be s-someone new. Y-You told me to never ch-change who I was f-for other people but how could I l-live with myself if y-you couldn’t l-live with m-me?” Chester asked and Mike felt tears spring to his eyes as well.
“You cut it off because you thought I didn’t love you?” Mike’s voice broke as Chester nodded sadly, “Oh god Chazzy, I…..”
He was lost for words. Chester had changed his appearance again because of him. It was always because of him. Always his fault. Mike lowered his head and then he felt Chester’s hand under his chin.
“Please don’t cry Mike. I don’t like when you cry,” Chester whispered. Mike shook his head slightly.
“How can I not huh? I’m the reason you change yourself! I can’t take that,” Mike said staring at Chester through his tears.
“But I care about you. And I’ll always love you,” Chester said softly.
“Well you shouldn’t Chester. You shouldn’t. Because I’m not good enough for you. I’m not,” Mike said shaking his head.
“M-Mike? How could you say that? You’ve done so much for me. I could never repay you for what you’ve done,” Chester said. Mike didn’t make eye contact with the other man as he said the next lines.
“And you cut. You started to cut again….” Mike trailed off as he rubbed his thumb over Chester’s wrists, “Why Chazzy?”
“I…..everything that happened between you and me. I thought I wasn’t good enough for you. And waking you up in the middle of the night all the time. You were so angry about that and my issues. I just couldn’t take i-it,” Chester said softly. Mike listened to Chester’s explanation. Tears filled his eyes.
“How can I not cry? Chazzy, you’re dying because of me,” Mike said, “And these…..”
He trailed off as he ran his fingers over the words that Chester had carved into his arm. Chester had gone so much farther than he had expected.
“You’re none of these things,” Mike whispered. Chester sighed before turning away.
“If I’m not, then why was I shot yesterday?” Chester asked quietly. Mike climbed on to the bed next to him and wrapped his arms around the smaller man.
“Don’t ever say that. They don’t know you. They don’t know about you,” Mike said quietly. Chester choked out a sob as Mike hugged him.
“I d-don’t want t-to b-be who I-I am anymore. I-I’m s-sick of p-people hating m-me,” Chester whimpered and Mike shook his head.
“I love who you are. Don’t ever change for them,” Mike whispered before slowly stroking his hand through Chester’s short hair. He still hadn’t told Chester that it was his dad who had shot him. That was for a different time. Right now, Chester needed to feel safe and he could feel safe with Mike.