Saan ba ako lulugar? Nagpakilala lang naman ako, ah. I admit, sinadya kong isama ang Courez, my middle name, sa pagpapakilala dahil alam kong may magbabago pero hindi ko naman gustong mahusgahan nang ganito.
I blinked thrice to stop my tears from falling. "What are you trying to say? That I don't have a talent? That only because of Mom.. I got in as the model of Shanez?" matigas na wika ko.
That's really, really below the belt. Lahat ng meron ako ay pinaghirapan kong i-achieve. Yes, Mom is a big influence, too, but I did my part as a learner and because of my passion. Hearing them say those things to me breaks my heart. Kaya ayokong pasukin ang showbiz, one wrong move and people will judge you. I always prefer a life having my own private space, where no one can invade.
"Bakit, hindi ba?! You're only using your Mom's name! I bet you used it to Ishmael, too, right?" luhaan pero nakangising aniya.
"Sinabi ko bang gusto ko ang project na 'to?" I uttered that made her stop talking. "Kuya Ishmael asked me to do this because he won't be able to find a new model for Thursday! Kung sana inayos mo 'yang ugali mo, e'di walang problema? Hindi ka sana natanggal, 'di ba? But what did you do? You're acting as if you're that important just because you're a client and a model here? News flash, there's a lot of model out there who's way very better than you, maaring hindi ako.. pero maraming iba pa.." mahinahong wika ko but I'm already clenching my fist under the table.
"You want this project that much? Sa'yong sa'yo na! Kasi.. mas magaling ka naman sa'kin, 'di ba? Mas may experience? Mas sikat? Tsaka parang kailangang kailangan mo, eh. Pabagsak ka na ba? Kapit dito sa malaking project?" kunwaring concern na wika ko pero mayroon namang nanunuyang ngisi sa mga labi.
I hate this. I'm being very rude.
"Now I know why Ishmael chose her as the new model. Her attitude is way better than yours," said the guy on Kuya Ishmael's right side. "Natasha, being a model doesn't only include the beautiful physical appearance, it also needs a good heart, a'right? And hindi por que sikat ka ay ide-degrade mo na lahat ng model na baguhan. You should be a role model and not only a model." he commented that made us all reflect, I think.
Natasha, still mad, stood up and walked away. Agad na sumunod sa kaniya si Mrs. Santos. Nang madaan sa'min ay napailing na lang, halatang disappointed.
"We're so sorry for judging you, Miss Perez. And I'm not apologizing because I learned that you're a Courez-Perez, I'm really, really sorry. I was just so afraid that we will lose this project. This project is very important to us, specially to the Fernandez's. I hope you understand," said Mr. Domingo.
Marahan akong tumango. "I understand, Sir."
"So I guess.. this meeting is adjourned?" Ishmael announced.
Everyone stood up, said they're sorry then bid their goodbyes. Ako at si Kuya Ishmael na lang ang naiwan sa loob ng conference room. Nauna na si Riza na umalis dahil aasikasuhin niya pa raw 'yung tungkol sa agency ni Natasha.
Pagod akong sumandal sa upuan then recalled what happened.
Did I.. really say those things?
Isa-isang pumatak ang luha ko.
Tanggap na nila na ako 'yung model, nag-sorry na sila, bakit tumutulo pa rin ang luha ko?
I covered my face with my hands then sobbed like a kid.
Natasha's right, I'm such a crybaby.
"Hey, why are you crying? Are you offended that much?" tanong nito at nilapitan ako.
Ito pa isa, ang cold mag-comfort!
Sige, Layne! Baka nakakalimutan mong siya 'yung nandiyan para sa'yo?
"K-Ka-Kasi.. I feel so bad answering them like that! I was so rude!" I cried as I pull the hem of his tux while burying my face on his stomach since he's standing beside me. "I should've not answered them! What if.. What if they will hate me for that? What will I do?!" I almost cried my lungs out.
So stupid, Layne! Dapat nagtiis ka na lang!
I felt his hand on my back and the other one on my hair, caressing it. "Is that what you are worried about?" marahang tanong niya.
"Yes! I've said so many thins about Natasha! Maybe.. Maybe she's offended! Ang bad ko!"
Ang sarcastic ko pa kanina! I probably shamed her in front of the board because the guy who noticed me, noticed her, too!
"And? Tell me what upsets you.." mahinang aniya.
I cried harder, didn't know what to tell him first. There are so many things that upset me right now. Kiro, this project, Ate Dianne, my insecurities, the pageant, and our engagement party! Baka hindi ko kayanin!
Mas magiging malaking tulong sana kung kasama ko so Kiro to support me but no, he isn't with me! He's with his girlfriend? Is she his girlfriend, I don't know, too!
"I was never this frustrated in my entire life, K-Kuya. Never naman napigtas tali ng pasensya ko, e. Pero bakit ngayon?" I started as new batch of tears fell down. "I don't want to blame someone but I think it is really Kiro's fault! I hate that thought of him being with Ate Dianne!" I blurted.
"Why?" he asked hoarsely.
"Why? Simply, because he is my fiancé! Hindi naman kailanman naging tama na sabihin ng fiancé mo na may girlfriend siya, 'di ba? He just did!" I yelled before punching his stomach. "Bakit ba napakadali para sa kaniya na saktan ako? Kasi ba lagi akong nagpapatawad? Dapat ba magbago na ako? Para naman hindi na lang ako 'yung laging nasasaktan.." mahinang wika ko kasabay ng pagkahulog ng mga kamay ko sa tuhod ko.
Dapat ba gayahin ko na lang si Lae? Kasi.. si Lae wala siyang problema, e. She's always happy!
"Don't change yourself because of some stupid guy who can't see your worth," simpleng sabi niya bago ako hinila patayo para punasan ang luha ko.
Naglabas siya ng panyo at pinunasan ang mukha ko. Maging ang magulo kong buhok ay sinuklay niya gamit ang daliri niya. I can see coldness, anger, and danger in his eyes yet, every time he looks back at my eyes, I see gentleness and concern. He's holding me like I'm some kind of fragile glass.
How can he manage to do that? Be dangerous and soft at the same time?
Justin, Kuya Ishmael, Lae, my parents, and my cousins treat me like a fragile glass, too. They're so afraid that I might get hurt so they always give me what I want. I appreciate all of it. But seems like it's not enough.. unless Kiro will do the same.
'Yun lang naman ang matagal ko nang gusto, I want Kiro to love me. At malapit na malapit na akong sumuko na abutin 'yon.
"The next time you'll cry because of him, swear, I'm gonna steal you from him. Mark my words," natutop ako sa kinatatayuan ko dahil sa sinabi niya.
What does he mean by steal?
Kung kanina ay kaya kong tumingin sa mga mata niya, ngayon ay hindi na. I'm afraid that I know the answer to my question but my mind refuses to accept it. 'Cause my heart knows that even if Ishmael will try to steal me from Kiro.. he'll never succeed. My heart belongs to Kiro.
"Thank you for today, Kuya," I uttered while unbuckling the seat belt.
Kuya Ishmael gave me a ride home after he dragged me out of the conference room. I was too stunned to move, the reason why he needed to drag me.
Bubuksan ko na sana ang pinto para lumabas kaso ay nagsalita ulit siya. "Stop calling me Kuya," my heart leaped a beat because of that.
Why does he want me to stop calling him Kuya? That's what I should call him, right?
"Y-You're older than me.. and you're Isaac's Kuya. I should call you Kuya, too," I reasoned out.
"Justin is older than you, too. And you don't call him Kuya. I'm only a year older than him," he replied, forehead almost creasing.
I told him the same thing I told to Nicholas, that he's not a close friend but he's too stubborn to listen. Or I am the one who's stubborn here?
"Okay, Ishmael, then," nakangiwing wika ko. "Drive safely," nakangiting wika ko bago siya pinanood na umalis.
I sighed as I enter the mansion.
I hope that my eyes weren't swollen.
It's passed six in the afternoon and I know that the dinner table is ready.
Dumeretso ako sa dining room at tama nga ang hinala ko, the foods were set and my parents are already sitting there. Meron nga lang isang hindi ko inaasahan.
"Lae? Isaac? What are you doing here?" I asked that made them notice my presence.
Oh my, did Isaac tell them what happened? I hope not. My parents wi get mad to Kiro, for sure.
"Uh, makikikain?" Lae grinned. Confirmed, Isaac did not tell them yet.
"Where've you been, hija?" my Dad asked when I kissed his cheek after I kissed Mom's.
"Uh, I was with Ku-- Ishmael, Isaac's brother, in their building. I.. was actually offered to be the model to their.. big project," wika ko habang kumukuha ng pagkain.
Isaac, who's sitting beside Mom, for unknown reason choked with his food. Mom quickly gave him a glass of water.
"Isaac? Ano namang nangyayari sa'yo riyan?" natatawang tanong ng katabi kong si Lae.
"Sorry, I was shocked. What happened to Natasha?" kunot noong anito.
Napangiwi naman ako nang maalala ang nangyari kanina. "Long story," may tipid na ngiting sabi ko. "Sa Thursday na pala 'yung shoot, Mom. Do you want to watch?" or maybe no? Baka lalong mag-cause ng scene dahil dadalin ko si Mom? Baka may masabi na naman?
"I'd love to, but your Dad and I are off to France tomorrow. Baka hindi na rin namin mapanood 'yung pageant mo bukas," agad naman akong napatingin sa kaniya.
"France? What for? Akala ko sa December pa ang fashion week na kasali ka?"
"Susunduin namin ang mga Courez para sa engagement party niyo, baby," Dad answered.
Naramdaman ko ang pamumutla ng mukha ko dahil sa sinabi niya. That engagement party! I must really fix this thing between Kiro and I. Lagot kami kapag mga Courez ang nakaalam sa ginagawa niya.
"E-Engagement party? Ni Layne at Kiro? Kailan?!" pasigaw na tanong ni Lae.
"This Saturday. We forgot to tell you about it, Layne. You don't look shocked?" Dad asked with a brow raised.
"Uh, Kiro told me yesterday. I'm still shock, of course. I didn't know a thing about this," may hilaw na ngising sagot ko.
"This is bad for Kuya, really," matabang na sabi ni Isaac pero agad nanlaki ang mata nang makita na nakatuon ngayon ang atensyon sa kaniya. "Uh, I mean, kakailanganin niyang i-move 'yung s-shoot sa Saturday dahil hindi pala pwede si Sharlayne sa araw na 'yon," agad niyang bawi bago sumimsim sa juice niya.
Gusto kong maniwala pero ang hirap magbulag-bulagan lalo na't alam ko kung anong ibig niyang sabihin sa 'this is bad for kuya' niya.
Aish! Bakit ba kasi sinabi sa'kin 'yon ni Ishmael kanina? Grr. Nadagdagan tuloy ang problema ko.
Plus, tomorrow's the start of the pageant. Doon namin malalaman kung sino ang makakasali sa Top 6 at magpapatuloy sa Monday. Wednesday bukas, after that day may shoot ako sa Fernandez Mag. I don't have time to prepare! Paano kung hindi nila magustuhan ang way ko ng pagmo-model? Friday na lang ata ang free time ko para mag-isip!
After naming kumain ay dumeretso ako, si Lae, at Isaac sa gazebo.
"Okay, let's stop this pretending," seryosong wika ni Lae pagkaupong-pagkaupo pa lang namin. "Bakit ka nawala bigla? Something happened?" I lowered my head, not wanting to have an eye contact with my cousin.
"Uh, wala lang naman 'yon, Lae. No big deal," then I smiled sweetly at her.
"Yeah. Kiro just indirectly announced that Dianne is his girlfriend and your cousin cried while cursing. No big deal, right?" Isaac sarcastically uttered that made me grit my teeth.
Kahit kailan napakapahamak ng baklang 'to! Kainis!
"Layne? You cursed and you'll say that it's no big deal? Who are you fooling?" seryosong anito habang binibigyan ako ng masamang tingin. "Kahit kailan na lang talaga ang mga Alfarez na 'yan!" she added angrily.
"Lae, stop. Okay lang naman talaga ako, eh," mas mahinahong sambit ko.
"Really, Layne? Okay ka lang? You cursed!" kung wala lang lamesa sa pagitan namin ay baka binatukan niya na ako.
"It's normal to people to curse!" I defended.
"To other people, yes, but not to you! You only curse when you're hurt, as in super hurt. Remember the last time you cursed?" she mentioned that made me recall what happened to the very first time I cursed four years ago. "It was when Lolo was brought to the hospital, right? You were so scared when Tito Ken told you that," she uttered softly, trying not to make me cry but tears formed around my eyes.
Isaac immediately hit Lae's arm then scolded her. "Why do you have to mention that? You made her cry, again!"
"It wasn't my intention!" bawi ni Lae sabay ganti ng palo kay Isaac. "Silly girl, don't cry! Lolo's very alive and kicking in Tagaytay!" aniya kaya natawa ako. "But seriously talking, girl, itutuloy mo ang engagement party? Kahit na sinabi niya 'yon? Anong sasabihin ng mga nakakaalam?" and we're back talking seriously.
Ugh. Now that she mentioned it, baka nga ako pa ang mapasama sa mata ng iba.
"Seriously speaking, I don't know what to do anymore. Maybe I'll talk to the two of them to settle this thing," pagod na wika ko. "I had a long day. Can I.. rest now, Lae?" bagsak balikat na paalam ko.
This is a very, very long day. Hindi ko na kayang tumagal nang isang oras na gising. Baka kung ano ano na naman ang maisip ko.
Kung kinakailangang papiliin si Kiro, kung ako ba o si Ate Dianne, then papapiliin ko siya. At kapag hindi niya ako pinili, then okay, I will let the two of them be happy together. Pero hanggat fiancee niya pa ako, hindi ako papayag na may kahati. Tama na siguro 'yung alam kong si Ate Dianne ang mahal niya. Kahit naman sa label huwag niya akong saktan.