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also what the hell. i've gained almost 40K reads since my last update
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(PS. this chapter directly follows the last one, so here's a recap)
We never get alone time, so I'd rather stay. Even if it isn't the most romantic.. I mean, a McDonalds parking lot isn't ideal, but this may be considered our first date."
"First date?!"
"I mean, this doesnt HAVE to be our first date... Like I said, it isn't romantic, but we never get alone time -"
"No, I don't mean that. I just mean that I've been wanting to ask you on a date for a while."
"You could of just asked, you know! I would've said yes, you are my boyfriend after all."
"I'm your boyfriend? I didn't know we were official! I've been wanting to ask -"
"You can just ask me, you can ask me anything!"
---
"I-I know but.." Luke stuttered. He didn't have a real reason, except that he was simply too shy to ask Ashton anything. Even though Ashton willingly wanted to be romantically involved with Luke, he still had an uneasy feeling that it was out of pity, or worse, a prank. What if the boys told Ashton to do it, and are laughing their asses off at Luke?
"It's cute how you're shy, honestly." Ashton smiled at Luke and leaned in, his long fingers playing with the collar of Luke's flannel. "It wouldn't be the same if you were the type to flat out say 'hey, lets go have sex'.
Ashton laughed at his own remark, and Luke shifted around uncomfortably. If their relationship lasts, sometime in the future, Ashton will ask for sex. He knows Ashton well enough to know that the boy constantly thinks about sex, which made Luke very uneasy. Luke didn't want to admit but, well, he's never had sex with a guy.
Hell, he's never had sex with a girl.
But honestly, Luke wasn't sure if Ashton had hooked up with any boys, as far as he knew, Ashton was straight.
What kind of a straight boy dates another boy? Not a straight boy.. But Ashton has said he was straight numerous times..
Luke was confusing himself.
"And besides, I'm pretty sure you're the girl in this little relationship. I'm more manly."
Little relationship? Maybe the two weren't on the same page about their relationship. It was so much more than a 'little relationship' to Luke.
Luke pretended he wasn't bothered by it, and let out a dry laugh. "No way, I'm taller."
"I'm older."
"I'm more punk rock."
"I have bigger hands."
Luke didn't have a comeback, so he simply fell silent.
"No use fighting it, I'm the man."
There was an awkward silence, which Ashton soon closed by lightly tugging on Luke's collar (which he was still holding onto), and pulled Luke close enough for their lips to touch.
Luke's body tensed up. He was take. by surprise, and although it was a nice surprise, it felt... weird.
So, Luke did probably the worst thing he could do; he pulled away.
Ashton looked at him in concern. "What's wrong? I thought we were having a moment."
"Its, um.. It's just that I think I'm getting sick, I don't want you to catch it." The words came out of Luke's mouth, but that didn't mean it was the truth. Luke didn't feel sick at all, unless you count the ache of hunger he's been pushing to the back of his mind all day.
Ashton nodded. "I understand, babe."
What the hell is wrong with me?
-
Before anything else could be said, Calum and Michael arrived at the car. Ashton rolled his eyes, and climbed back up to the front seat, sitting in front of the steering wheel.
"Where to?" Ashton asked.
"Not home. Let's stop at the mall." Michael spoke, and Calum nodded in agreement.
"Um-" Luke spoke up. "Is it okay if you drop me off at home? I don't feel so good." Luke explained, dragging out his lie further.
Ashton nodded.
When they were in front of their house, Luke slid open the door and stepped out. They all mumbled a brief 'feel better' before leaving.
-
As soon as Luke got home, he sat down on his couch. He thought he was getting better, he really did. Shouldn't being with Ashton make him feel on top of the world?
He really wanted to tell the boys that he thinks he's getting bad again, but Luke was ashamed of it. Luke hadn't spoken a word about his mental state, since the incident in which they had mistakenly thought Luke tried to kill himself. Although the boys had enough heart to not bring it up and 'forget' it happened, Luke felt extremely uneasy telling the boys anything very personal.
Maybe I need medicine.
And maybe he did. The 'love of his life' is now his boyfriend, yet he still felt miserable.
God, I'm so fucking selfish.
I hate myself so much.
Ashton doesn't deserve me.
After every terrible thought, Lukes wrists started to itch even more.
"I can't." Luke said out loud.
I can't do this to myself, I can't hurt myself.
But I must.
-
"Hey, Luke! You won't fucking believe it! We're-" Calum stopped midsentence, gasping loudly.
Luke was curled up on the couch, sobbing uncontrollably. Calum wasn't even sure if the poor boy was breathing, and that worried him.
"Oh shit." Michael whispered.
"What the hell happened, Luke?" Calum mumbled, sitting beside Luke on the couch. He pulled the younger boy onto his lap, and he could feel Luke's body shaking.
"A-Ashton.."
"Did Ashton do something to you?!"
Luke shook his head, gripping tighter onto Calum's shirt. He buried his head into the older boys chest, muffling his sobs.
"Ashton..."
"That's it, I'm calling Ashton." Calum announced, pulling out his phone. While Calum stood up ti go call Ashton, Michael took his place, letting Luke cry into his chest.
"Ashton! Fuck, I need you to come home."
"What the hell, you guys left me at the mall!" Ashton whined, dodging Calum's words completely."
"It doesn't matter. I think Luke's having a breakdown. He keep calling your name -I don't know why the fuck he wants you- but come home, quick."
"Oh fuck." Ashton gasped. "Please tell me he didn't hurt himself."
"I-I don't know Ashton."
"Come pick me up right now."
"Can't you drive home?"
"You took my car."
"Oh, yeah."
Ashton hung up the phone, and Calum put his shoes back on. He was about to leave, when he snuck one more glance at Luke.
It shattered his heart, to see Luke so broken. What had made him like this?
-
Luke loved Ashton, he really did. Hell, he wanted to be in a relationship with the older boy for who knows how long. But something about it didn't feel right. Their actions seemed forced, and not really romantic at all. Luke was madly in love with the boy, and now he finally had him. But for some reason, Luke still felt like he was drowning.
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GOD IM SORRY FOR THIS CHAPTER
ITS VERY BITTERSWEET, LIKE MICHAEL AND CALUM ARE ALL GOOD BUT THERE IS LASHTON DRAMA
IF THIS CHAPTER MADE YOU EMOTIONALLY UNSTABLE DONT WORRY, THERE IS A SOLUTION:
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AGAIN IM SORRY