The days go by in a blur and finally it's Saturday. Jess has been raving about this festival, carnival, whatever you want to call it, since the first day of school. I'm super excited, don't get me wrong, but I'm worried about telling Lucius how I feel. I'm kind of debating how long I can keep it a secret before it blows up in my face, but what is it that Leah says in Love, Simon? Oh yeah, "I'm destined to care so much about one person it nearly kills me."
And that one person is Lucius. I've never been more sure of something in my entire life.
Ding Dong
"I got it," I yell. This is the first time Jess will see Lucius' house...well, our house. It's still weird to phrase it that way, but it's been a couple of months now, so I need to get used to it. Jess has her back to the door when I open it. She turns around smiling like a kid on Christmas. Girl, I know the feeling.
"This is amazing." She turns back around to admire the view. I've spent hours staring at it and it's still never enough. Even when it's cold I'll climb out Lucius's window onto the roof and stare up at the sky. I can't help but feel that my mother is looking up at the stars too. Now that I know she's alive, I can't help but wonder what she's doing, what she's been up to, if I'll ever see her again. What hurts you only makes you stronger, right?
"You girls going to be warm enough?" Spar asks as Lucius and Max walk out the front door. We both nod, but Jess is no longer paying attention to Spar. Max finally built up the courage and asked Jess out on a date, so Lucius and I are technically double dating right now. When I look at them, I'm so happy. I could care less about how awkward this night could get.
"Have fun kids and stay safe at the carnival." Kat is at Spar's side in an instant. Honestly, they are relationship goals. I look at them and I immediately expect nothing less out of my relationship. I know it isn't fair; I just want to experience the type of love they have. And at some point I'm going to have to find out if Lucius feels the same way about me. I know it's a lot to expect from a teenage boy, but I'm ready to take that leap of faith... and I'm hoping he is too. It's really now or never.
Lucius and I sit in the front while Max and Jess take the back. Lucius reaches over and grabs my hand. He gently squeezes it as a smile forms on my lips. We don't need to talk. We don't have those awkward silent moments. Yes, we have quiet moments, but we never feel uncomfortable. There's only one other person I can say that about: Jess.
Lucius turns on the radio, keeping the volume low so Max and Jess can still talk, when The Dean List's song 'Light Up The Sky' comes on. I hold my breath knowing Jess will recognize that song at any moment. It doesn't matter how low the volume is. This is her favorite song and as if on cue she yells for us to turn it up. We roll into the parking lot, the song blaring out the car windows.
To get in its $5, so I take out my wallet when Lucius sets a $10 down on the table. I take the $10 off the table before the gentleman at the booth can take it and hand it back to Lucius. The moment I touched the money he was glaring at me. I should have expected this.
"Don't give me that look, Lucius. You don't need to pay for me." As if it was even possible, his glare deepens. "You have let me live in your house for the past three months. That's payment enough." I go to hand the gentleman my money again when Lucius grabs the money out of my hand and stuffs it in his pocket before handing the man his money. Lucius looks very pleased with himself as he grabs my hand and pulls me inside to the carnival. We are only a couple feet in when he stops and faces me. He doesn't say anything, but his eyes say it all. I sigh. "Okay, fine. Lucius, if you want to pay more than you should then be my guest." A smile plays on his lips, but he still doesn't say anything. "Okay okay, I'm sorry for not letting you be the man in the relationship. I'll keep myself strictly obedient to your ways this evening." That earns me the full smile and not to mention a small laugh. Seeing him happy makes me smile.
"Well, look what we have here?" We both turn to see David standing in front of us with Mariana. She's never been my biggest fan, so what is she doing? Glaring at me, of course! But in all fairness, Lucius is glaring just as harshly, if not more so, at David. I'm actually surprised David would confront Lucius after their "conversation" in the hallway...which reminds me, I still have no idea what he said to him.
Lucius immediately coils his arm around my waist and pulls me into his side. David looks back and forth between us a smile forming on his lips before his eyes finally stop on me. "I see he hasn't got tired of you yet." Lucius tenses as David turns to him. "But there will be a day when she's no longer enough." My heart stops. That's the one thing I have dreaded hearing since the moment Lucius and I started dating. It's the main reason why I'm terrified to tell him. I'm afraid of being rejected or ditched like Bella in Twilight. I know it's a stupid metaphor, but any female in her right mind would hate being left in the woods alone by the man you love.
"Just because you got bored doesn't mean everyone else will." Max says as he steps up on Lucius's side, Jess standing next to me.
"I advise you to leave before Lucius kills you and trust me, you don't want that." Jess sounds very convincing especially since she isn't too far off. Lucius can kill him and it wouldn't be in the humane or psycho killer way that any of them are thinking. They are completely unaware that Lucius can transform into a hell of a beast. Lucius can destroy him and that very thought has me smirking. David and Mariana see the change in my demeanor and glare. Lucius is holding onto me fiercely, his body rigid, as the two walk away.
"Lucius." I twist out of his grasp until I'm in front of him, my hands on his face. After a moment his eyes finally meet mine. "It's okay. I'm fine." I smile begging him relax. He finally sighs and lifts one of his hands up to mine, pressing it firmly against his face. His eyes close as he takes another breath. I look to my left to see Jess and Max are already gone. Lucius reaches his hand up and touches my cheek pulling me back to him.
"Ready?" He asks. I'm more than ready, so I nod. He takes my hand and we become lost in the excitement of the night.
* * *
A million rides, a couple prizes, and three hours later Lucius and I are waiting in line for the Farris wheel. Lucius and I step in and take our seat, with the giant bear and two snakes he won for me sitting on our laps. He wraps his arm around me as the ride starts to move.
We are only a fourth of the way up when Lucius says, "will you sing?" I look at him confused. "I heard you in the car and I was wondering if you would sing me a song." He looks embarrassed as my hands start to sweat.
"Right now?" He nods and I gulp. I'm starting to panic and I assume he hears my heart beat increase, because he immediately grabs my hand and tries to calm me down, insisting I don't have to if I don't want to. I haven't sang in a long time and it felt good to in the car, so why not sing for him? "Okay." He looks at me as I take a big breath. "Let me just think of a song." I can usually think of one of the spot, but not today. My mind is on over-load when Lucius interrupts my train of thought.
"It can be anything. A childhood song, a song you wrote..." He cuts off hoping he's helped me think of something and crazy enough he did. I think back to the song my mother sang my father on their anniversary. Demi Lovato was her favorite artist...well, I'm sure she still is.
"Okay, don't laugh." He gives me the "are you serious?" look and I smile. I take a couple of breaths and then begin. "I can't sleep tonight. Wide awake and so confused. Everything's in line, but I am bruised. I need a voice to echo, I need a light to take me home. I kinda need a hero, is it you?" I finally look at him and his eyes widen. "I never see the forest for the trees; I could really use your melody. Baby I'm a little blind, I think it's time for you to find me. Can you be my nightingale, sing to me I know your there. You could be my sanity, bring me peace, sing me to sleep. Say you'll be my nightingale." I decide to stop there and my ears are bombarded with clapping, but It isn't coming from Lucius. I look around me and the other couples and even a family in the other seats on the ride are smiling and clapping at me. Great! So much for singing quietly. Ugh! I look back to Lucius more embarrassed than I was before. He squeezes my hand as my eyes finally meet his.
"Thank you. That...that was beautiful." My smile is small as I look down at our hands and away from his face.
"Devyn?" He puts his hand on my cheek and lifts my eyes to meet his once again. He doesn't need to ask. I can see it on his face.
"She was the reason I got into singing, why I enjoyed it, and why I practiced every day." My eyes start to water as images of my mother come to mind.
"Devyn, you don't need to be ashamed. Your mother is proud of you and now you know she didn't abandon you. Remembering her isn't a bad thing." I laugh. It wasn't an appropriate moment, but I thought back to when my mother said the same thing when our dog died. That remembering him wasn't bad and it was up to me to keep his memory alive. It's strange that even though she isn't here, she still shows up through those around me.
"It's just been hard. Learning that she left by choice still makes it hurt, but at the same time, it's nice to know she cared enough about me to leave in order to protect me. I can't imagine what these last seven years have been like for her, but I don't remember the last time I ever really sang. It was always something we did together and when she disappeared I couldn't do it anymore." I cut off. I don't want to blab on about my pathetic life so I'll leave it at that. Lucius runs his hand down my face until he has my hand in his.
"Everything will work out in the end. I promise." I look him in the eye.
"How?" He smiles, but his face is chiseled with seriousness.
"Your mother has never once forgotten about you. I remember her, when she came to our house asking us to go back for you." He looks away before continuing. "I'd never seen anyone, human or werewolf, look as devastated as she did. Her eyes were red from crying, it looked like she hadn't slept in days and all the while she pushed onward in the hopes someone would help her protect you." He shakes his head and smiles. "When we had to come here I was angry. I thought it was pathetic and rude how she would abandon her daughter and I kept thinking that the girl we were going to see was going to be weak, quiet, fragile and it made me sick, but to my surprise." He looks up and smiles at me. "You're strong, independent and the most beautiful girl I've ever seen." I shake my head. "You don't give yourself enough credit, Devyn. In the morning I always see you looking in the mirror and you never care about how you look. You always seem to be asking a silent question or telling yourself something. It makes me wonder why I ever thought you were a waste of time." My breath catches in my throat. He's seen me? I always thought I was alone when I looked at myself, but he's right. I'm always telling myself that I'm strong and I can get through anything and other days I ask myself how in the hell he can like me? I've never understood.
No more is said as Lucius leans forward and kisses me gently on the lips. What neither one of us was prepared for was how I would react. My hands immediately tangle themselves in his hair as I, for the first time, deepen the kiss, pulling him closer to me. He was thrown off at first, but it doesn't take him long to catch up. All my fears, nerves, insecurities melt away. We're so lost in the moment that we don't realize it's our turn to get off the ride until the worker clears his throat. He isn't rude about it, actually he's laughing hysterically. Yeah, I blush. What? I'm easily lost in the moment.
The carnival is about dead. There are only a few stragglers left, us being two of them. We make our way to the car and find Max and Jess already there...holding hands. They really do look cute together.
"There you guys are. We were wondering when you were going to show." Jess says as we walk up to them. Although she sounds impatient, they don't look like they care. Not one bit.
"Have you been waiting here long?" I'm curious now.
"It doesn't matter." Jess waves it off and now I know for a fact that they've not only been here for a long time, that they indeed don't care that Lucius and I didn't show up until now.
All and all tonight was a good night for everyone.