~~S H A P E O F M E~~
"Oh if she loves me, Halleluya. She say she loves me, Halleluya." Tunde sang at the top of his voice.
"Tunde keep quiet!" I roared in anger. I was feeling a tornado of emotions inside of me, so strong that I couldn't even decipher how I felt. I felt scared, sad and angry all at once and there was sadly not a name for that—except if 'confused' would do.
Presenting anything in front of my classmates always made me shake like the small generators some people used in Nigeria(AKA I better pass my neighbour). It was never a pleasant experience for me as I either stumbled through all my words or was dragged off the stage by a sympathetic teacher.
With all those experiences, my teacher had decided not to use his sense and told me to read a speech in front of the whole school. A speech! In front of the whole fudging school! Disgracing him would be wonderful on the D-day.
The thought of saying a word to anyone I didn't know was enough to make me want to melt into a puddle of sweat and mess not to talk less of a multitude of people. I was sure I would just drop dead and my teacher would come and carry my dead body.
"Why are you so angry?" Tunde asked as he came up the stairs.
"Nothing." I frowned and turned away from him. "You just sing that stupid song way too many times and it's annoying."
"I just found out about the song yesterday dummy. My guy Johnny Drille out again with another banger."
I raised an eyebrow at him as he went on professing his love of Johnny Drille's music as he always did. He was obsessed with every song Johnny Drille released–calling each and every one of them a hit–not forgetting the song 'Wait for me' was his anthem.
"Just go back to your room and talk to all those ugly girls you always talk to."
"Jealou-sy." Tunde turned to grin at me then continued rummaging through the fridge.
"Tope you are home already?"
"Ah Mami I didn't know you were home already. E ku osan ma." I quickly knelt down to greet her.
"Pele my dear. Dide." She raised me up.
This was the tradition in our house, although we didn't speak our language. Mami had already decided that we weren't letting go of all of our culture. We were to greet her anywhere and any time we saw her the same way we would if we were back in Nigeria.
Most people stared at me when they saw me kneeling in public, and although I was sometimes self-conscious I still was and would always be proud of my culture.
"I need someone to go with me to the supermarket right now. So one of you should just use your church mind and follow me before I make the both of you follow me for a whole full month."
"No!" Tunde and I exclaimed in unison.
"Mami let Tunde go with you. I went last time."
"Okay Tunde come and go with me."
"Mami I would have loved to go, but I have to send my applications to universities today because the deadline is soon." Tunde explained in a sober and fake sincere tone.
"Tunde!" I glared at him with all my might. If my eyes were lasers, they would have bore a hole through his humongous, bald head.
"Mami please don't listen to him, he's lying."
"Oya Temitope you are going with me. You and Titi, and no further complaints or somebody will cry this evening." It was then I knew I had to keep the rest of my opinions to myself. Whether wrong or right.
Changing into my baggy trousers and my huge shirt—that was becoming 'notice me' according to Mami—didn't take any time as they were literally the clothes I wore everyday. They were perfect for going out as they hid just how annoyingly big my butt was and how insanely flat my chest was.
"Let's go." Mami yelled from downstairs, and we were off.
Walmart was only a few metres away from our house, just across the street and down the road. It was so close that I could literally trek to it if I wanted to. Not that I ever wanted to.
"You people should wait here while I go and buy some vegetables at the other side." Mami said as she left us with superheavy plastic bags filled with things I wasn't sure we ever used at home.
"Titi where are you going now?" I groaned as Titi slowly crept away from me. I never understood how a nine year old could be so stubborn. Titi would win the biggest award for being stubborn if they were giving any and still win trophies join. Mami was the only one who could put her in check.
"We still have salad cream at home abi?" Mami asked as soon as she returned with some greens.
"Not Exactly Mami, it's not really good."
"What do you mean by not really good?"
"Mami we don't use the salad cream because it's too light and it tastes awful."
"You people don't use the salad cream because you don't have sense." We were already used to these kinds of insults in all honesty.
The salad cream tasted awful because instead of an actual salad cream, Mami bought a salad dressing. Her reason was she didn't know the difference as they were packaged the same way. However that still didn't change the fact that they had a big difference. A big awful difference.
"Where is Titilayo?"
"I don't know o. But Mami please don't shout. She will soon come." I bit my fingers, silently hoping Mami wouldn't attract any attention as she was really good at doing so when she was angry.
"If I give you backhand slap you will stop biting your fingernails and stand straight." Mami glared at me and I quickly arranged myself, not wanting to receive any form of beating outside.
"Mami!" Titi ran up to us with a box of ice pops. "Can you please buy this for me?"
"With which money?" Mami growled and I thought she would destroy the box in Titi's hand and maybe slap her back to Nigeria too.
"Mami but please now." She whined in a tone I found annoying.
"Don't let me repeat myself Titilayo. I don't have power to talk. Go and keep that rubbish unless you have the money to buy it by yourself." Mami closed the whole negotiation in a final tone and turned towards the cashier.
Titi being her stubborn self slipped the box into the cart I was pushing. "She is going to finish you." I whispered and shrugged when she only poked her tongue out at me.
The cashier had already checked out the box of ice pops when Mami caught the box with her hawk eyes. I swear nothing ever went past her.
"What is this?" She asked like she didn't know what it was. "Please remove this one." She said to the cashier then turned to Titilayo. "Titi if you don't want me to beat sense into your head this evening, you will carry this thing and go and keep it back. Nonsense!" She added the last part as Titi took the box back.
I would have laughed if I wasn't embarrassed more than anything. Mami's voice was very loud and all eyes were on us. Some people even shook their heads. I was sure they were thinking, 'just another black woman acting up again'. All I wanted to do was crawl into a hole and die.
"Mami can we please just go already?" I asked as I bit my lip and stole a glance at the cashier who seemed to be very amused at the whole scene.
"Wait first." She held back as she recounted her change. Life was so damn hard with my family. "Now we can go. Titi will meet us in the car."
Going out with Mami always turned out like this and this was why I was always reluctant to do so.
I hate you for this Tunde.
"We have to stop at Old Navy."
"Mami but why?" I furrowed my brows at her.
"Didn't you say you needed a new top."
Now this was one of the reasons I loved my family—how they always knew how to lift up my spirits.
They were annoying most times which was probably what the A in 'family' stood for, but I couldn't love them any less. I just sometimes wished we were complete. I wished I had a real dad. One who loved me.
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