– Thursday, March 29th, –
"I can't afford any longer, without Finn paying his part of the rent. And I stay over at Cady's place more anyway." Jason explains, as he guides me towards Finnley's bedroom. He asked me, and some other friends, to help him pack his stuff. He cancelled the rental lease, finding friends who're going to take it over. But since it's the end of March, and Jason kind of decided to leave the apartment in a hunch, he wants all stuff out by April, so he won't have to pay another month of rent on his own.
We have two days to pack everything and move it out.
I suggested to take in most of Finnley's stuff, offering to stall it in our shed and office so he doesn't have to wonder where to take it for now.
I know we could easily take it to aunt Cady's place, but I wanted his stuff close, because it makes me feel as if he's close.
I already know I'm going to put his books in my bedroom, and I'm already sure I'm going to wear his sweaters constantly now that I have renewed access to them.
I mean, I had access – I have a spare key to their house – but I didn't want to go over by myself to pick up sweaters and hoodies.
First and foremost because I'm not supposed to be outside on my own. Not after what happened to Nathan, in our freaking street.
"Cady gave me boxes, I put some on Finn's bed, so you can just put his stuff in there. Maybe use a marker to write on them what is inside. Oliver is taking care of the office and I'm already done with my bedroom for the most part so I'm starting in the living room with Liam and Jason." Jason looks around Finnley's deserted bedroom, that still is exactly the way it was when he was last in here himself.
And the very fact that everything has been untouched, makes me sad all the more. Finnley last touched these things, and now I'm packing his stuff into boxes, storing them in several locations because he isn't here to use any of this stuff.
It's heart-breaking to think about.
But we also got a message from the police that they're looking into the latest advertisement about Finnley. They didn't give out any details, but they assured us the lead is still fresh.
New enough to follow, despite it being over two months old.
I spoke to Nathan's parents, and they told us that the cops are positive about their search to locate him, so I guess we all have to keep up our hopes as much as possible.
Starting with not sulking over the fact Jason is moving back to aunt Cady for now, and this will soon be taken by two other students.
Finnley's room will be used by people who don't even know him, who have no idea why the apartment will be available for them to rent in the first place.
Someone's going to change this room into his or her own, as if it was never Finnley's room to begin with.
I shake off the thoughts about Finnley and him not being here, and start piling books and clothes into boxes, making sure to divide the weight of the books to make sure we'll still be able to carry them down the stairs.
For a while, all I focus on, is making sure the books are stored safely, knowing these are Finnley's most valued possession as he simply loves reading, wondering if his grandparents would like to keep some books with them for the time being.
His grandmother got home last week and she's still recovering. I shortly spoke to Charlie and he told me she's adamant about staying alive until Finnley is back home safely, and it gave her enough reasons to fight to heal.
If only Finnley's parents would love him that much.
Though they seem to be coming around more, now slowly opening up to the idea of me being their son's boyfriend.
They check in with my parents every so often, and never fail to ask about my wellbeing, if I can trust my mother's words.
And I trust her, so that's the and of that discussion.
When I'm pretty much done with packing his stuff, I head into the living room, finding nothing but furniture and piles of boxes; aunt Cady, Charlie, Stan, Liam, Jason and even Liv and Lara working to pack as much stuff as quickly as possible.
Liv and Lara both run up to me to attack me in a hug, both asking if I'm okay and when I'm coming over again for dinner.
I promise to stop by soon, hug aunt Cady, and join them in carrying the boxes to the cars, and for some parts towards a moving truck, making sure to leave enough space for the furniture that Jason wants to take with him, leaving behind a lot of stuff.
All but Finnley's furniture had been up for discussion, while Finnley's possessions are being moved to a storage without a second thought.
We're not leaving behind any of his stuff, since we don't know when he'll be back, and what he wants to do if he gets back.
I'm just hoping it'll be soon, because right now, things are changing fast without him here, and I don't want life to move on without him too much.
– Friday, March 30th, –
I sleep poorly these days, even though Oliver is now practically my roommate, along with Stan. I'm never really alone anymore because it's proven Jeffrey is still targeting us, Nathan becoming one of his victims.
Guilt is eating me alive, and I suffer from worse nightmares. I'm not the only one feeling guilty; so do Sam and Alex. We were right in here, when Nathan was abducted in the very street we live in.
I would almost pack my bags and leave this apartment to never return again.
Jeffrey knows too much about our whereabouts and the cops warned us he might keep an eye on us from a close distance.
Him, or Sydney.
I'm currently in bed, twisting and turning, annoying the heck out of Stan, who is in bed with me since Oliver and Alex share Nathan's bed right now.
It's weird and awkward to be in bed with Stan again, since it's the first time in a very long time we share a bed, just sleeping. I've never shared the bed with him again after we ended our friends-with-benefits status.
Ever since I decided to push boys and girls aside completely to focus on my study, moving here, and adjusting to my new life.
Ever since he apparently realized he liked Nathan a bit more then he previously would've admitted.
I still think it's funny how they had been each other's enemy for years not too long ago and are now the sappiest couple I ever came across. Not in a bad way; they just seem really comfortable with each other.
"Cris?" Stan mutters as I roll over again, sighing in annoyance because I can't fall asleep.
"Uhu?"
"I'm sorry..."
"What for?" I frown, pushing myself up to look at him, finding him on his back, staring towards the ceiling.
"I didn't really help you, did I? I neglected you as my best friend, didn't I?"
I bite my lip, feeling a bit uncomfortable. Yes, I felt neglected, yes, I felt like he didn't really help me to find Finnley. But do I blame him for it? "It's fine, Stan... I had Oliver and Sam and they're a big support. You had other things on your mind."
"Yeah, my boyfriend, right here with me... while I knew you weren't doing great..." He rolls over to face me. "I'm really sorry, but I didn't know how to deal with it. Last time, we met shortly before I found Finn and because I knew he was out there, I was able to keep my hopes up that we would solve the riddle. But this time... I feel powerless and I hate it."
"Same, Stan..." I sigh deeply, leaning my forehead against his shoulder. "I simply don't know where to start. And now Nathan is in the same situation, and we know Finn was sold yet again... who knows what they're doing to them..."
"Don't think about what's happening to him, or them... think about solving this. You found the last advertise about Finn, which is a lead. They're tracking the guy who bought Nathan, so maybe they'll find him soon, and find out where they brought Finn..."
"If the same guy that bought Finn, also bought Nathan."
"We'll find them. I don't care what I have to do to succeed, but we will find them."
"Stan?" I feel his arm sneak around my shoulder, and suddenly I'm pulled into a tight embrace. Instead of fighting it, I snuggle my face into the croak of his neck and allow myself to enjoy his arms around me for a little while
I missed this.
I really did.
"What is it you were going to say?"
"I've been wondering what would happen if Jeff took me. Do you think I would get to find Finn?"
"No." Stan's hold on me tightens a bit, as if he fears losing me too. "No, Cris. Jeff knows you want to be with him more then anything. He would never sell you to the same guy. You would just end up in a bad situation somewhere else."
I sigh and nod for a bit.
But lately I haven't been sure about whatI truly want. Yes, I want Finnley back in my life. But I also miss what I had with Stan, I also have feelings for Oliver and seeing him with Alex makes me jealous because I wish he would lay down in bed with me and hold me again.
But then again, I know I love Finnley more then anyone and as soon as I get to hold him in my arms again, none of my feelings for others would matter anymore.
I just don't want to be alone right now, because being alone, makes me miss him even worse. So, I probably just make up feelings for others, so I don't mind having them around a lot. My mind is probably just playing tricks on me.
And as if it's faith, the door to the bedroom is carefully opened, revealing Oliver, who's peaking his head around the door. "You awake?"
"We're both..."
"I can't sleep..." Oliver whispers as he enters the room, closing the door behind him. "And I don't want to wake Alex up with my constant twisting and turning..." He climbs onto the bed, deciding on leaning his back against the wall.
He seems even more stressed and sad then he usually does, and it worries me.
"What's going on with you?" I ask curiously, yet worried. Stan and I both sit up and sit against the wall to face Oliver too.
"Maxie..." Is his simple explanation, before we settle in silence. And I don't want to break the comfortable silence, until he grabs the bottle of water he took with him.
"Gimme a sip," I demand, by now knowing damn well Oliver isn't drinking water.
"Get your own." Oliver tells me simply, before he takes a swag.
Stan looks back and forth between us, before he leaves the bedroom in silence, causing me to wonder if we upset him by wanting to drink right now.
And then, Stan returns with a bottle of whiskey, something that very much looks like a spliff, and he climbs over my bed to open the balcony door, sitting down outside.
Oliver and I share a look, but then follow after him, sitting down next to him to join him on the balcony, drink with him, and smoke a spliff.
I guess, right now, we're all too much consumed by our thoughts about the person we miss, wanting to take our minds off of things, relaxing for a bit.
I'm not sure how long we sat out there in silence until Alex joins us, not even commenting on Oliver holding a bottle of whiskey, instead, taking it from his hold to take a swag himself.
It might not be the smartest thing to do, it feels as if it's the only option to remain sane; lose it to a drunk state of mind for a while.