Part 1
We manage to get to Jimin's apartment quite fast. Hobi gave me his phone to call Taehyung on our way here, to let him know that we are coming. And why we are coming.
Fortunately, Jimin has been conscious ever since Hobi arrived to the practice room so he could stand on his feet with a little bit help. Neither of us spoke too much during the ride: Jimin because his body was so exhausted that even breathing was difficult for him; and my brother and I, mostly because we had nothing to say. But deep down, I knew it wasn't just that. I knew there was a tension between us. And I knew he was feeling it as well.
As soon as we enter the flat, Taehyung jumps up from the couch and helps Hobi support Jimin. They take him to the nearest sofa and lay him down. The sofa I laid on a while ago as well. I stay at a considerable distance, not knowing what I'm actually supposed to do. My brother wipes Jimin's face with a towel and Taehyung runs around the house, searching for some medicine. I feel useless, I can't do anything. I want to ask if I can help them somehow, but I'm afraid I'll be shouted at, considering the tension in the room. I try to stay out of their ways, as they come and go out of the living room, while Jimin breathes heavily with his eyes closed on the couch.
When Taehyung finally returns with some pills and a glass of water, he doesn't look worried anymore. I stare at him, thinking that I might be wrong, but after a few seconds, I realize it's not the case. It takes me by surprise, knowing him as such a bright person, but the flames in his eyes can't lie. Taehyung is mad.
He puts the pills and the glass of water on the coffee table, maybe too loud to seem a normal action. He glares at Jimin and I feel the tension in the air rising.
"You have got to be kidding me." He says eventually and I can't help but shiver at the clear anger in his voice.
I see Jimin slightly opening his eyes confused and I almost catch my breath at how much tension flies in the room.
"What?" Jimin asks as my brother returns, most probably from the bathroom, with a wet towel in his hands.
Taehyung stares at Jimin for a little bit longer before saying:
"You didn't eat anything today, did you?"
There's nothing more than silence in the room after Taehyung's words. Even Hobi has stopped in midway to look at the two of them in bewilderment. I feel small in the situation. I want the floor to open up and swallow me so I can get away from here. Because this situation isn't mine to bear. But it still feels unbearable.
"I did." Jimin says with a small voice.
"Don't lie, Jimin-ah. I was in the kitchen and I saw the food untouched from this morning. You never eat outside when you're going to the practice room so you haven't been to any kind of local either. You haven't eaten anything." Taehyung says with a serious tone that gives me chills down my spine.
Somehow, I can see myself in Jimin. I oftentimes skip meals and tell my brother that I've eaten when in fact, I haven't. But there's a difference between Jimin and I. He gets scolded for doing so. I never do. Because I never get caught. Looking at it now, I wish I did, I wish my brother was mad at me for starving myself. But he never is, because he never finds out. I don't feel guilty for doing so, because he's not disappointed in me. Therefore, what's the point in stopping?
"I wasn't hungry." Jimin tries to defend himself.
Do I understand him? I do, because it goes the same for me.
But am I worried for him? Endlessly.
He's a dancer. He needs food to survive. Thinking about the fact that he danced the way he did earlier that evening without having anything eaten that day... It just makes me shiver. No wonder why his body is so exhausted now. He's pushed himself way further than his limits. And sometimes losing the limits means losing ourselves too.
Taehyung looks at him for a few seconds, meanwhile we wait for what he has to say, eyes glued to him. It's the first time I see him mad. And I have to admit, it's frightening.
"You fainted, Jimin." Taehyung says.
His eyes were full of rage. And the flames go wild as he repeats:
"You fainted."
Jimin and Taehyung look at each other, as if they were talking telepathically. The connection they have amazes me and terrifies me at the same time, because it seems so strong that it can reach higher than the human limits. Their stares are so deep that they might dig in a rock and I suddenly understand there's so much more to this conflict. It isn't about the fact that Jimin hasn't eaten anything today. It's about the fact that he usually doesn't.
Eventually, Jimin sits up wearily and takes the pills with a sip of water.
However, Taehyung doesn't help him anymore.
Part 2
Not long after that, the boys carry Jimin to his room so he can rest in his bed. I still haven't said a word since we arrived and I feel so out of my place. Moreover, he fact that neither Taehyung nor Hobi have spoken to me makes me feel invisible.
It doesn't take them too long to return in the living room and I feel it's time to leave. For the first time since we arrived, Taehyung looks at me. And smiles. Unlike the rage that his eyes were drowning in just a few minutes ago, I find that beautiful spark now and I feel somehow relived.
"It's a huge relief you were there, Yuna." He says and Hobi looks at him as if he was thinking whether he should agree or not.
I nod my head silently, not being able to say anything in return.
"Taehyung's right." My brother suddenly says. "I would've gotten there a lot later if you hadn't called me. It could've been so much worse for him if you hadn't been there."
I look at him and I know that's exactly what he thinks. But I also know that this isn't all of it. It's good that you were there, he thinks. But why were you there in the first place?
And considering by the fact that he saw me, his little sister who also has a boyfriend, hugging to despair his close friend, I know that the answer I have for that question isn't the one he's going to believe.
"That's true." Taehyung says and lowers his gaze. "I'm sorry."
I look at him and for the first time this evening, I dare to speak.
"Don't apologize for things that are not your fault." I say calmly. "More than that, don't apologize for things that are nobody's fault."
He looks like he wants to say something, but he doesn't.
"Has he fallen asleep?" I silently ask, with a spark of fear in my voice as I'm afraid my brother might shut me out.
"Most probably, yeah." Taehyung says.
"I'm going to say my goodbyes." I say, stepping towards his room. "I'll be right back."
I enter Jimin's room before any of them has the chance to stop me. I close the door behind me, careful to be as noiseless as possible. I'm welcomed by the sight of a small room, with white walls and basic furniture. It wasn't enough dark outside yet, so the room was flooded with the dim light of the evening sky, coming through the large windows.
However, there's one thing that I can't help but be surprised about. This room is so tidy. I don't know why, but I always imagine boys' rooms as a mess of t-shirts and other diverse belongings they'd have. But this is not the case. Everything simply stays at its place.
Jimin lays on his bed and I can barely make out his figure. I step a bit closer and I see that he was still breathing heavily, with his eyes closed and lips parted. If he was asleep, he wouldn't struggle so much to breath.
"I know you're awake." I say and he opens his eyes slowly, looking at me with no surprise.
"It's not that easy to fall asleep, you know." He says wearily closing his eyes again.
"I know." I say and make a step closer to his bed.
He presses his lips on a firm line and tries to sit.
"No, no, stay right there." I say and he gives up.
"So, what made you visit me?" He tries to joke.
"I wanted to say my farewells." I answer calmly.
"Okay, goodbye, I will try to sleep now."
I furrow my eyebrows annoyed.
"Yah, don't be rude."
"Yah? It's oppa for you." He says and I see the Jimin I run into in my own house almost three weeks ago again.
I roll my eyes and sigh.
"Stop it." I say.
"What? I just reminded you about respect." He says, pretending he doesn't know what I'm talking about.
"No, stop it, stop pretending nothing happened."
He looks at me. But he's not confused. I know he can't be.
"What do you want me to do? Act like a victim and thank you that you called Hoseok hyung?"
I don't say anything. That's not exactly what I wanted. I just wanted him to stop ignoring the situation. And I know he gets that. But he wants me to feel awkward and drop it. Not gonna happen.
"Why were you there?" He asks instead.
"I wanted to get some fresh air and decided to come to the practice room. I thought Hobi was in the hall. I had no idea you were there." I explain myself.
He closes his eyes, taking some deep breaths. Except that, they aren't the kind of deep breaths that would trade his exhaustion. They are the kind of breaths that trade his hesitation. He's thinking about something that makes him feel uneasy.
Suddenly, the air feels suffocating.
"You." He whispers.
I shiver at his hoarse voice. I shiver at the way he said it.
"You're the first person that has ever seen me dancing and hasn't told me anything about it, do you know this?" he says in a low tone.
I stop breathing for a second, wondering what he wants to say through this.
"No." I say.
He opens his eyes again and moves his head to look at me.
"You are." He says.
The room dives in silence as I look at Jimin staring at me, laying on his bed so ruthlessly.
"Why?" he asks.
I look at him for a while, before realizing that he's waiting for an answer from me.
"It's just that-..."
I sigh as I lower my gaze.
"You dance... You dance incredible. But if starving yourself is what it takes, it's not worthy." I whisper. "Your health matters more than being the best."
He looks at me without saying anything and I feel like I said the wrong thing. But this is exactly how I feel. And whether he accepts it or not, I'm not lying.
"I don't want to tell you how talented you are. You... You can do it better." I continue.
I expect him to get mad at me, to tell me I am not an expert therefore I am not in the place to judge his skills. But he doesn't. He looks at me for a few seconds, without saying anything.
I suddenly hear my brother calling for me and I sigh.
"Rest well. And eat, Jimin-ah. See you." I say turning towards the door, before he can't be salty about me speaking informally to him.
I open the door, but his voice makes me stop.
"Yuna."
I turn my head to look at him over my shoulder and I see him looking at me. Is he gonna throw another witty remark? Because I'm tired of it.
Instead, he gives me a small but genuine smile.
"Thank you." He says.
The way he looked at me made me smile a bit as well. I shut the door closed behind me, with a stupid grin plastered on my lips and for the first time, I don't feel useless.
For the first time, I feel worthy.
____
Barely edited, I'm sorry!
Also, sorry I couldn't post yesterday but IDOL GOT ME IN MY GRAVE ADHASUJFEFJPWEKANSCXV! How do you feel about this marvelous comeback?
Let's enjoy these days fully!
I purple you♥ Sj♥