not edited
— sonrisa —
(n) smile
origin ; spanish
Slowly, my eyes fluttered open as I yawned and snuggled closer into the warm body holding me tightly. Tilting my head up just a bit, my eyes meet Phoenix's, though he was already looking at me.
"'Ello beautiful," he murmured softly, dipping his head low and capturing my lips in a sweet kiss.
Last night was most definitely not a dream.
"Mmm," I hummed with a small smile as he pulled away and I rested my head on his chest.
It was a quiet morning and with the sunlight filtering through his half closed blinds, I felt my eyes slowly closing again. My thoughts were lulling me back to sleep and the bloody sun was invading my sight.
"I can't believe you're in love with me," he whispered in disbelief. My eyes blinked wide open this time and a wide smile took over my face. Turning on my stomach, I laid a hand on his chest and rested my chin there. I stared at him with wide eyes and my stupidly wide smile, "Why so?"
"Be-because," he sputtered, "You're an angel sent from heaven whilst I'm a, a monster," he answered in an agonisingly painful voice.
"How could you love me," his dulcet tones were rather sotto voce.
"But how could I not?
"You are nothing of a monster, Phoenix."
"You haven't seen the worst of me yet, étoile filante," he muttered before I could continue.
"But I'm here now aren't I?" I cupped his jaw tenderly.
"You said something about me screamed 'dangerous.' And you're absolutely right, Adrianna. I could hurt you," he uttered under his breath, "Hell, I already have.
"Just like you, chérie, I have a few dark chapters that are better left in the dark. I'm a bit like you, you see, dealing with my own sorts of problems. I suffer greatly from sleep paralysis and bipolar anger," he chuckled bitterly.
"Most times I control it though. But there are other times, it just becomes too much to control. I let go, unable to hold back my restraint. And I have these episodes of my own," he continued warily, "I blank out and become unconscious. I act on another accord, thrashing my surroundings."
"H-how do you stop it?"
He chuckled darkly, "I don't, I can't. The longest I've went unconsciously acting was five minutes, I think. Usually, after time drowsiness settles in and I just, collapse," he finished, sounding baffled with himself.
"Has anyone tried to stop you in the midst of these episodes?"
"No, absolutely not," he stated dismissively, "No one dares to come close to me when I'm not in my own right mind, ballistic and raging. All in fear of what I could do to them. And truthfully, I'm glad no one ever comes close, I could never live with myself if I hurt anyone in a fit of blind rage."
"Phoenix, from what you've described, those are just impulses you cannot control. They attack you spontaneously, what are you to make out of that? But that doesn't make you a monster, don't ever think of yourself that lowly. I am the exact same, those episodes I have where I collapse just like that. I don't choose to feel lightheaded, have my vision blur and my hearing become muffled. It's rather uncontrollable. But do not think of yourself as a monster, you are far from it, my love."
A light smile made it's way on his face as he cupped my jaw and stared at me with love shining in his eyes.
"Adrianna?"
"Phoenix?"
"Do you want doughnuts, love," he asked and I looked at him, wondering if he was absurd.
"I would love doughnuts," tumbled out of my mouth before I could think. The food slut living inside of me everyone. He cracked a grin as he reached for his phone on his nightstand and tapped away mindlessly. I admired him as he did so, memorising each and every part of his perfectly sculpted face.
§
Half an hour later, Phoenix and I were still cuddled up in his bed. As he sipped on his cup of coffee, because of course the cheeky sod had a coffee maker in his room, my head laid on his shoulder and my attention was fixated on the tattoos on his arm. Silence settled comfortably between us and I couldn't rid myself of the stupid smile on my face.
And then the bell rung.
"Want to go get that, love? I've got to use the restroom."
"Of course," I smiled and got up. But he pulled me right back down on the bed, in his embrace, and his lips crashed perfectly against mine. "And I've already paid, so don't worry about that, okay?" He all but murmured against my lips before pulling away all together.
"Thank you," I greeted sweetly at boy. He handed over the box of doughnuts, "Have a good day darling."
"You too," I said lastly before closing the door. Turning on my heels, I glanced around the mansion before walking back to Phoenix's room. It was bloody quiet for it being nine in the morning.
"Well you're the girl, have at it first," he gestured to the box sitting between him and I on his bed.
I opened the box to find six delicious glazed doughnuts. But it was the chocolate icing on each of them that had my breath caught in my throat.
adrianna
will
you
be
my
girlfriend?
"Phoenix," I looked up at him, giving him a teary smile.
"I just wanna be yours," he sang Arctic Monkeys with a hopeful smile on his face.
I nodded my head happily as he pushed the box aside and pulled me into his lap.
"My girlfriend," he whispered ecstatically and our lips fused together in a kiss taking me to cloud nine.
§
It was hours later - five cups of coffee and an empty box of doughnuts later - that I decided to get up and take a shower. Phoenix, however, didn't seem too keen on the idea, given that it required I leave him, but after promising a million times I'd return, he let go.
I spent a bloody half hour under the streaming jet of warm water. My outfit consisted of a black lace bodysuit and denim shorts. I went light with makeup, only putting on mineral powder and my matte mauve lipstick.
Walking back into Phoenix's room, he stood at his mirror, freshly dressed and buttoning up his shirt. He was mouthwatering in every possible way and his current outfit wasn't helping either. Dressed in khaki shorts and an untucked long sleeved midnight blue button down, he looked irresistible. I watched silently from the doorframe and took in the sight before me.
It was clear he grew irritated as he attempted to button his sleeves but failed. And so I walked over to him.
"Hi," I whisper rather nervously, taking his hand in mine and buttoning the sleeve.
"Adrianna, you look beautiful," he cupped my jaw. I smiled, tilting my head to look into his eyes. Slowly, yet surely, our lips fused together in a sweet and lingering kiss. He pulled away in such way that felt as if he didn't actually want to pull away. "I have something for you, love."
He walked over to his desk - which was majorly disorganised might I add, with papers stacked messily, his macbook half closed, and everything just scattered - and pulled navy blue box from god knows where. It was rather surprising to see just this part of his room entirely a mess, everywhere else was neat and anything lying around seemed to bother him.
"Adrianna, I'd like to believe it's no secret I caught feelings for you rather quickly. Though I have one hell of a way showing it," he snorted, "But it was probably a month later after we met that I made something for you. I had meant to give you for Christmas, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. And here I am now," he held a small baby blue velvet box in the palm of his hand. I took it skeptically, but when I opened it, my breath caught in my throat; I was in awe.
"Phoenix, I-I love it," I said softly, not looking up.
"It's made out of violin strings," he replied just as soft. Before my eyes was a ring, a ring made of violin strings and tied into an infinity sign. He gently picked up the ring and took my right hand in his, "Here's to hoping it fits," he muttered and I giggled. Slipping it on my middle finger, it fit perfectly. He pulled me flush against his chest in a tight hug and placed a chaste kiss on my temple.
§
"The Persistence of Memory," I stated faintly as my fingers brushed over his ink etched skin.
"The wha- Oh, the melting clocks!" He grinned as he realised what I was referring to. "Dalí has become one of the greater inspirations in my life. A few years ago, I was in Barcelona, on a soccer tournament and I started studying him. I found us rather similar in many ways and given the way he was perceived as eccentric, I found myself the same way."
"I like it," I murmured. He was sitting up against his headboard with me in his lap and together, we talked about his tattoos.
"Kali the Hindu Goddess, you're a follower of the Hindu faith?" The tattoo covered his entire chest and torso.
He chuckled, "I'm not exactly a believer in any religion for that matter. In fact, what I believe is that religion causes more isolation. But Kali, to me, symbolises violence, time, and death. And for that, she is the goddess of change."
"And he's philosophical too," I gave him a knowing smile. He had this darkness in him, a darkness that was far too alluring and enticing.
The next few hours were spent in each other's presence as he continued his storytelling.
On his shoulder blade, designed was one of my favourites; it was of the moon phases, in a straight line, and underneath it said, si vis pacem, para bellum. (latin for if you want peace, prepare for war.) Another one of my favourites would have to be one on his right arm; a moon shaped wave with the quote written in cute typography script, a smooth sea never made a skilled sailor, along the curve.
My eyes skimmed his shirtless body, falling upon the Poindexter quote and I smiled. I also found myself lingering on his tattoo right under his ribcage. It was the first one I'd ever closely seen. "tickle me and i'll tickle your peach." Phoenix Worthington was most definitely something else.
"Wait, I've seen this before, what does it mean?"
إنها الروح المثيرة
"It's Arabic for it's the soul that's erotic," he answered with a small smile whilst I gasped.
"What?" He smiled, crinkling his forehead, "You didn't really think you were the only one in love with Charlotte Brontë's Jane Eyre, did you?"
———
ah, jane eyre and edward rochester have my heart.