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IN THE MOOD FOR LOVE
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Haneul met with his father just as planned, but his mind was in a dilemma. He couldn't stop thinking about what he had managed to eavesdrop from his father's conversation with someone on the phone. Haneul knew that he didn't like his father but now he despised him. He was determined to figure out the truth behind the words that came out of his father's mouth.
His father had called him in to discuss some details for the annual big school camping trip. Haneul wasn't particularly interested and let his father's words go in one ear and out the other.
Haneul shut the door to his father's study and decided to do some searching on Yoonbyul's relation with his father with the help from his personal assistant.
H A N E U L
"What is it that you need help with sir?" asked Haneul's assistant with a bow.
"Get me the family's old photo albums as well as anything that is linked to my father's relationship with a particular 'Seo' family," I request as I went on my computer to do some research myself.
"Yes of course," bowed the assistant, "I will return with what you've requested."
I stare at my computer screen with a blank expression. What am I even doing? What am I doing with my life? I have absolutely no right to invade the privacy of Yoonbyul, but her life might be on the line. I don't know what father is planning. I recall his conversation on the phone, he said Yoonbyul's father backstabbed him? But I swear to god that they were close friends in the past. That's only if my memories correct... Unless there's something else... To be honest, I barely know anything about my own father's past, he's always been secretive about it.
Countless worries and life's causes of worry, I pretend to know the world but my body is still not fully 'cooked'. I ruffle my hair with frustration, time is passing by and I don't what I can possibly do. I'll just get my mind off of it for now and return to it when my assistant manages to find a clue about my father's relation with Yoonbyul and her family. Curiosity is really going to kill the cat soon.
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I decided to leave my house and headed to the basketball court in the distance between my house and the school. Sports always distracted me from unnecessary things. I call a few of my friends from school to join me for a game. After a while, enough people for a game showed up.
Today of all days, the rim looks far away. On the court, I breathe a deep sigh. A boy who's terrified of reality when he throws the ball, it'll only become his heart throwing the ball alone, the one I throw at the rim. We played three rounds before taking a break on the bench. This was definitely a good distraction from everything related to my father.
"Yo Haneul we're starting another round, come on!" shouted one of my friends.
"Alright, I'll be there in just a sec," I reply while using a towel to wipe the sweat off my face.
I return to the court and continued to score. The ball that was tossed out and the smiles that spread together. This breath that floods up to my chin, the wiggling dreams, the dribble that quickens, a heart that becomes happier, it's almost as if this moment will be eternity.
"Oh yeah Haneul, I heard your father is the sponsor for the school's big camping trip this year," mentioned one of my friends suddenly, "Do you know which location we're going to?"
God damn it. Just when I thought I managed to distract myself away from that thought.
"I don't know and I don't really care," I manage to utter.
"Then I guess it'll be a surprise until he visits the school later this week."
"Yes, a surprise..."
Speaking of surprises, what is my father planning to do with Yoonbyul? The thoughts that fill my head are a complete mess. I go take a seat at the bench once more to rest while half of my friends returned to their school dorms. My phone buzzes and it's my assistant.
[Assistant: "I have collected some of the items you have requested. They will all be in your room for your convenience."]
I wave goodbye to the other half of my friends and told them I'll return back to the school dorms on my own. Right now I have to return home to see if anything that my assistant found is useful for my little investigation.
"Unfortunately I was unable to find any specific information about the 'Seo' family you requested for. However I hope these photo albums will serve you a purpose," said my assistant.
"Thank you, you may take your leave."
"Yes sir," bowed my assistant as he closed the door to my room.
In my room displayed a variety of family albums. When did we have so many? We stopped taking photos for the album ever since I started high school. Each individual album served it's own purpose, mother was a very organized woman when she was still alive. I pick up a rather childish looking one, this must be a collection of pictures of when I was little.
"Come on there must be a picture of when Yoonbyul and I were little in here," I muttered.
I continue flipping through the pages and finally stopped on one, it's a picture of Yoonbyul and I playing together and our parents chatting in the background. Were our families really that close? I take out the photo from the plastic sleeve and looked at the back. There's writing, it's a bit difficult to read, it must be my handwriting.
//--- Today I made a friend who's the same age as me! Her name is Yoonbyul and I think she's super pretty~ Daddy said that he is very good friends with Yoonbyul's daddy, they even went to the same school together! I hope I can go to the same school as Yoonbyul, but I'm sad because she's only here to visit this summer.---//
So my father and Yoonbyul's father were friends back when they were in school? What could've caused my father to claim that Yoonbyul's father backstabbed him if they were originally that close to each other? Anyways, bless young me for being such a good writer, if not, I wouldn't have gotten this clue.
Yoonbyul only visited me that one summer, maybe that's the reason why I had completely forgotten that she was my 'first love'. I'm curious as to why we lost contact after that though. If my father was friends with her father, he would've given me a reason back then as to why I would rarely see Yoonbyul again, but why didn't he?
I'm getting suspicious of my father's friendship with Yoonbyul's father. There definitely must be something else. I continue going through the other albums, looking through old memories. Yes, those were the times when I was actually happy.
When mother was sick, she was carrying me as a baby. Once I was born, she passed away. My mother and father knew that it was bound to happen. Father told me about how he wanted to stop mother from conceiving a child if the results would kill her, but mother insisted on having me because it was the best gift that she could possibly give my father for loving him. Father couldn't refuse and promised that everything will be fine and that he would do anything to make sure that both her and I would be safe. However, the outcome wasn't a happy ending, mother was super happy that I was born despite her fatigue; she told my father to take good care of me because she knew that she wouldn't be able to continue on. I've heard stories about how my father cried in the delivery room while he held onto my mother's hand.
While I took my first breath, my mother took her last.
Now that I come to think of it, my father may have become the way he is now due to mom's death. No wonder why he's super strict and overprotective of me, but that won't erase the fact that he still plans on doing something to harm Yoonbyul. If he ever claims that he did all of this to protect me, I won't believe it one bit.
I go through some more albums, it's hard to believe how organized my mother was before I was even born. She had all of these albums labelled and ready to go. I flip through one of the albums labelled 'KNPU'. Hm? Doesn't this stand for 'Korean National Police University'? I smile at one of the pictures, I've only ever seen my mother in photos, she looks really happy in this one standing next to father. Was she training to be a police officer? I've never really asked about my mother's past. I flip to the next page and spotted familiar faces.
"Isn't this Yoonbyul's father? He and father are wearing the same police uniform, don't tell me my father was a police officer before becoming a CEO of the family's company..."
That's when it hit me, this was the missing clue to the truth behind my father's relation to Yoonbyul. Just when I thought saying everything in the world will work out and shouting uselessly would help, it just became more difficult. The world actually gives me horror, my heartbeat has stopped now. This moment, it will never come again, it won't come to me again. The answer is already fixed, my father is not the man that I thought I knew.