( hey so i wrote this on the plane and edited it on the train. Enjoy.)
"Hey!" There was a loud shout, then even louder pounding on your already pretty beat up front door.
The noise shook you violently from your sleep.. and you choked, waking up harshly, almost out of breath.
Your adrenaline was up... and you looked around wide eyed... before registering what was actually going on...
"Hey!" The door shook more violently, as it rocked on its hidges. "Hey! You still alive in there?! Wake up, wake up, wake up!"
The pounding continued and you started to shake.. as you starting going back into the person who you use to be...
It wasn't long, but you slowly and surely connected the dots.. realizing it was tim, shouting at you through the door.
Nothing to be scared of...
Well that is until he breaks the door.
You shook the sleep from your body, and rubbed it from your eyes, as you jumped off the couch... running to the front door.
Toby was still gone... and he had been for like a week or so... so maybe.. tim was here to bring him back.. or maybe tell you about him.. anyway... tim was a good sign...
Right..?
You unlocked, and opened the door.. to reveal an disinterested Tim, holding a huge paper bag of what you assumed to be groceries.
"Ah im glad you didn't kill yourself or something, that would have been hard to tell slender, anyway..." he pushed passed you, letting himself in, walking towards the kitchen.
You followed... confused.. but happy to see another person non the less.
He set the bag down on the kitchen table.. taking some things out to show you, as you stood next to him, watching.
"So, i got you some things... some soups.. some pasta.. some Cheetos and other fatty garbage that i wouldn't personally eat but you know..." he placed the cans and stuff down, looking over at you. "Hey! Why are you standing so close, back up would ya? Personal space come on.."
You admitted you were a little close.. but you were lonely.. and he was the first person you'd seen in a week that wasn't on some sort of screen.
You didn't move... you didn't care if he yelled at you. You missed human interaction.
Yelling was better than nothing.. and you weren't scared anymore... you were lonely...
Although, he wasn't toby.. and he didn't make you feel better in the slightest, but he was another living, breathing person.. so.. he would have to do.
You just started at him... blankly.. not moving.. and he sighed and went back to the bag.
"And lets see.. i have cookies.. and some more canned food.. i hope you like tuna... and i got some toliet paper.. and some soap.. and some-"
"Where's toby..?" You asked cutting him off.. feeling anxiety build up inside you. Your heart started to race.. as you felt your palms sweat and your skin tighten...
"Huh..? Working i guess. Why?"
"Hes been gone for a long time.." you felt so alone.. and so fragile.. after working so hard to feel strong again.
"Yeah? Thats why im here, looking after you. Hes fine."
"When will he be back?"
"I dont know, a while? Why?"
"I miss him."
"Im sure you do.. anyway.. lets see.. um.. oh yeah i got you some bread.. and some peanut butter.. that should last you a while.. all this stuff should last you about two weeks if you eat three meals a day.. which by looking at you, i dont think you do.. so maybe even longer, but i should be back in two weeks to check up on you.. you got running water, so i didn't get you any drinks, but if you want something write it down and ill pick it up ne-"
You hugged him.
You hugged him really really tight.. like you wanted to hug toby.
You realized tim was gonna leave soon and you would be all alone again for god knows how long.
You needed another human being.. you were so so so god damn alone.
"What in the actual fuck are you doing?! Off! Off! get off!" He smacked you lightly, not trying to hurt you... just trying to scare you.. as he lifted his arms up in the air, trying to shaking you off of his slim frame.
You held on tight...
when was the next time you were going to be with another human..?
You needed to make this last.
"I said get off!" He shouted a little louder... getting angrier.
You started shaking again... feeling tears come to your eyes as you held on tighter. You needed this.. you needed tim to hug you to feel less alone. To feel like you weren't forgotten like you were still a person.
"Stop it! I will fucking hurt you!" He shouted even louder but it didn't phase you... and it didn't scare you.
"Please.." you mumbled out... now starting to cry.
"No! I said get off me!" He started hitting you harder, flaylying about as he tried to push you off.
"Please just hold me!" You cried out sobbing uncontrollably. You missed toby so much and you just wanted him back... you wanted him to hold you.. and tell you it was ok and that he loved you...
But instead, you just had tim, stupid, annoying tim.. who didn't even want to hug you..
"God damn it what the fuck is wrong with you?!" He screamed trying to shake you off
You cried harder and just held on, not really caring if he did hurt you.
You were lonely... and in times of loneliness.. you tended to do irrational things.
"I will fucking gut you!" He screamed and you cried harder.
"Please..." you begged him. "Please just hug me back..."
"God damn it!" He screamed now, punching you, trying to pull you off of him.
You cried louder, almost sobbing as loud as his yells. He smacked you, punched you, pulled at you, yanked your hair, but you didn't budge. You craved affection and affection you would receive.
Then, he just stopped. He sighed loudly, annoyed... slapping his hand on his face.. annoyed and obviously tried of trying. He knew he couldn't really hurt you.. or he would be in trouble later...
So he gave in... and wrapped his arms around you and gave you a huge, tight hug.
It surprised you.. but you eagerly accepted it.. hugging him back, still sobbing.
It felt so good... so so so fucking good..
You held him.. for what seemed like hours... just sobbing into him.
This was the lowest you've been in a long time...
After around five minutes.. he finally spoke up.
"Are you done now? Can you let go?" He asked nicely, yet exhausted.
You nodded and sniffled.. finally starting to stop crying... you let go.. and stepped back.
"Im sorry..." your tired voice quivered.. now embarrassed.
"Its nice, lets just forget about it.." he sighed.. rubbing his face under his mask... "anyway... theres your food and stuff.. if you want something write it down and ill be back in two weeks to get you more.."
"When will toby be home..?"
"I dont know.. alright?"
"Can you come back next week..?"
"Why?"
You looked down.. still embarrassed.. and you wanted to tell him the truth. The fact that you just couldn't stand to be alone for two weeks...
" in case i need something.."
" i mean.. i got you a bunch of food.."
"Please..?" You started to tear up again, feeling the panic come back.
" god fine yes.. what ever.. just dont freak out again.. and dont kill yourself alright? Im Gonna leave now.."
"Alright..."
"You're gonna be alright..?"
"Yeah.. ill be fine..."
"Alright, dont die.."
And with that.. he walked passes you.. towards the front door, walking out.
You sniffled.. and followed locking it behind you.. and back to the couch afterwards.
To put on another episode of friends...
You wanted to hear another voice.. and this was the best you had...
Man you missed Toby...
...
You woke up to a blank screen.
No friends... no static... just quietness...
You sighed... and got up needing to go bathroom..
You walked through the halls... and sighed again. You were miserable... and so lonely...
You walked into the bathroom... pulling down your sweat pants sitting down..
You mostly wore sweats during this time... it was the most comfortable... and the less showing.
You held your head in your hands and sighed out again feeling like crying... tears burned your eyes... and you felt your nose start to run...
Why did he have to leave you alone...?
Why..?
You let a few tears escape and you wadded up toilet paper to dry your eyes...
What a stupid asshole.... you sniffled angrily...
How could he leave you alone?! His own pregnant girlfriend?! What if you got hurt?! What would stupid tim do?
What if you got killed?! No one would be here! You would rot alone in a stupid decrepit house that was falling apart and he wouldn't even know!
What if you just left?! No one was here to watch over you, or keep you here... and you were brought here against your will anyway... so why dont you just leave after all?
You sighed... at the thought though...
you knew you couldn't just do that to toby... you loved him...
And you couldn't leave...
This was sorta like an arranged marriage you thought.. knowing you were wrong but it made it look a lot brighter... and it justified it in a way...
That you didn't choose this...
and you didn't know him really...
And it was awkward at first... but now
Its like you guys chose to be this way...
You chose to love each other...
Its like... thats how your damaged brain choose to work after a while...
And you let it...
But now... you actually had a chance of escape...
Because knew deep deep down somewhere that this wasn't arranged and it wasn't fate
It was a kidnapping...
And now the kidnapper was gone...
You dried your tears... and got up, putting back on your pants...
But where would little ol pregnant you go?
You had no one... no friends...
One mom, you think, but you weren't sure where she was...
So you were really trapped here huh?
With no help...?
Would the outside really not help you..?
Would they really let you rot..? Would they cast you out..? Would they let you fall victim to your captor...
Did they even want you to escape..?
You pondered... you had a while to think all of this through...
You tried to think back to the live you lived.. while you were free
Was it worth returning back to..?
You did you have..?
A disinterested mother.. who never seemed to care much for you while you were there...
You did have a grandma at one point.. but you haven't seen her in a decade or so... was she still alive...?
Did she even know who you were..?
What about your dad..?
You tried to think back to a memory of him..
But.. you were sure you didn't have any..
Just one.. bleak.. fading memory...
Of you sitting on his lap..
there was a lot of... quiet yelling you remember... which was weird.. since... you didn't know there really was such a thing...
You remember looking up at him... there was a thick tension in the air.. so thick that even three year old you could feel it.. and it made your chest hurt...
You remember the pain so vividly.. but... nothing much else...
You don't remember his face.. or what he smelled like... just his silhouette... and the feeling on being held.
Your mom never let you sit on her lap, unless it was a dire situation...
Maybe that's why you remembered that so well... because... he wanted to hold you... and care for you... and you.. just missed that feeling..
A feeling... your mother deprived you from...
And a feeling that toby can never give you...
And you wondered... if it was really out there...
if you did find your dad.. would he love you..?
Would he ever remember you..?
Would he even want you..?
They're had to be a reason why he left... right?
Was he like mom?
Was he cold and distant..?
Did he care if you were safe..?
Did he care that you were gone..?
Did he miss you...?
Then another thought came to you...
What if... when that huge tentical beast... transported you...
He didn't transport you home...
He transported you to what you wanted... from what.. you needed...
You realized then... you were just a child... a scared... confused .. child.. in this ramshackle house... pregnant... and alone..