Dale
In the solar room, I can feel Evita behind me as we clean the panels and mirrors. The tension between us is an invisible force, pulling us closer together, impossible to ignore. I think about the look she gave me at breakfast and my heart leaps. I want her to come with us.
As we pack the cleaning supplies she seems distracted, throwing everything in in one disorganized pile, never looking up. Back on the ground floor she tucks the supplies away and turns to leave.
I reach out and brush my hand against her hip. "Hang on for a second."
She turns slowly and looks at me, her jaw tight. My palms are sweaty and I wipe them on my pants.
"So, almost there, huh?" I say, stalling.
"Only a few more days."
I shove my hands in my pockets, then take them out again.
She presses her lips together. "Dale, what is it?"
When she says my name my heart speeds up, like I've been sprinting. I can't let her go back to Sanzha. I don't want to go back to Fairbanks without her.
"Come with us," I say.
She balks. "Come with you? I can't." She stares down at her hand then looks back at me, her jaw set. "I don't feel that way about you."
That's a lie. Does she think I don't know her better than that, after all these weeks? Her words are too careful, too guarded. I saw the way she looked at me this morning, and last night. She's just scared.
I take a shaky breath. "Yes you do. You know you do. You can trust me."
She shakes her head. "I wouldn't be welcome. No one would want me there."
"I would want you there."
The muscles in her neck tense, and she looks away. If I'm honest with myself, I knew it would come to this. I should back off now, like I've always done, and give her space. I should let her take her time, and come to me when she's ready. But I'm tired of waiting.
I take a step closer. She doesn't move.
I press one hand to her cheek. She doesn't move. I tuck the other into her hair. It's like warm earth, soft after a summer rain, and I want nothing more than to bury myself in it for hours. She still doesn't move.
My eyes lock with hers, and I lean in.
At the last second she turns her head, and my lips graze her jaw. My heart drops and I imagine it lying on the floor, a cold, wet thing we both pretend not to see.
"I'm sorry," she says, running from the room.
My hands, devoid of her warmth, fall empty to my sides.
Evita
When I leave the Solar Room I half-run, half-walk to the back of the Solarium, my only thought to get away from what just happened as quickly as possible.
I reach the corner of the Solarium, where water from a fountain affixed to the wall falls down in a straight sheet, splashing onto the rocks below it. One rock, small and smooth, has escaped the pile and is laying alone on the path. I kick it, and it bounces off the wall with a light crack. It lands, not in the pile with the other rocks, but under a low bush, in the shadows.
My chest aches. I can't believe I almost let Dale kiss me. I wanted him to. I can still feel the touch of his lips against my jaw. I never should have let it get to this point.
I can't go back and face him. Am I just supposed to pretend nothing happened until we're out of here and go our separate ways? Pretend I don't feel the same way about him? It would be the safest thing to do.
He says he wants me to go with him, and I believe that's how he feels. Right now, at least. But if he knew the danger my presence would be to Nadya? People change. People leave. I've known this since I was five years old, waking up to a note that said I'm sorry and a father weeping over the newly empty spot in his bed. It destroyed him to the point where he took his own life. I can't let that happen to me.
I continue walking along the Solarium wall. The foliage is thicker back here, and the low tree branches block my path. I grip a branch, wrapping the leaves in my fist to move it aside, then stop. The reflection of the sunlight off the leaves accentuates the green in my skin, making for an eerie sight. For a moment I blend in, part of the tree, a trick of the eye.
Then I look past my hand and see Weston and Nadya, sitting on a bench beside a fountain of a mother stone duck, surrounded by her stone ducklings. He embraces her, his hands locked together against her stomach. Her eyes are closed and she rests her head on his shoulder, smiling faintly. My gut aches. They look so happy, so peaceful. He draws circles on her arm with his finger and she smiles.
"That tickles." Her voice is soft. He grins and kisses the top of her head.
A tear pools in the corner of my eye and I blink it away. Even Nadya, a girl who was nearly catatonic when I arrived, can trust Weston, a boy that originally supported the people who made her sick.
So why can't I trust Dale?
Dale
What just happened? I stumble out of the solar room in time to see Evita disappear into the trees on the other side of the Solarium.
Should I go after her? The constant rejection is exhausting, and I don't want to go through it again. But every time I catch her eye, or we brush against each other I see a glimmer of attraction, try as she does to squash it down. Will she ever stop trying to hide it?
A burst of frustration runs through me. I slam my fist into the solar room door, which sends it flying open, just as I spot Sheer walking toward me. What is she doing here? I've only ever seen her walking the facility on Mondays. I yank the door closed before she can look inside. We've been storing the supplies for our escape here, and if she got the notion to snoop around it wouldn't take her long before she found something. I'll have to remember to move everything back to my room tonight.
"She seemed upset." Sheer looks at where Evita disappeared. "I thought you'd been getting along well, working together in the solar room." Her voice doesn't change, but I hear the threat. I've been watching you.
She moves closer, resting her chin in her hands. "It's a shame about your sister, though."
My head snaps up. "A shame?" I don't see what Nadya has to do with anything.
Sheer tilts her head. "A shame that the formula isn't working, of course."
"What formula?" The hairs on my arms stand on end.
Sheer's eyebrow pops up, but it's too quick, fake. "Oh, Evita didn't tell you? She's just so helpful, willing to do whatever it takes to help out the experiments. Even give our newest formula to your little sister."
My eyes narrow. Evita would never do that to Nadya. Or me. "You're lying."
Sheer sighs, shaking her head slowly. Even though the rest of her acting is spot on, she can't keep the tiniest of smiles off her face. "Check for yourself. She keeps the pills on her at all times, in her front pocket. For safekeeping." She reaches out and touches my wrist, like I'm a child who's just been told that my imaginary friend doesn't exist. I wrench out of her grasp, and that wipes the stupid half-smile off her face.
Sheer purses her lips. She's still looking at me like a broken thing, but she doesn't try to comfort me again. Instead she turns and walks away, her heels clicking rhythmically with each step.
How could Evita keep this from me? I know she wouldn't give Nadya those pills, but how could she not even tell me what was going on? I could have helped her. This whole time I thought she was changing, but nothing's changed. She still thinks she's in this on her own.
After tonight, she may be right.
Evita
Gravel crunches behind me, and I turn to see Dale approach. Quickly, I swipe the tears from my eyes and stand to face him. Does he ever give up?
"What are you—" I begin, but he takes a step forward and my words catch in my throat. Is he going to try to kiss me again? Will I stop him?
He reaches into my pocket. And takes out the bottle of pills.
"What is this?"
My pulse stutters, a rabbit scampering through my veins. "I can explain." I look over my shoulder. Are we far enough into the trees? What if someone sees him with the bottle?
"Don't bother." He narrows his eyes, but there's hurt there, behind the anger. "Sheer said she told you to give these to Nadya. Why didn't you tell me?"
His words hit me like a punch to the gut. "You can't believe her." The words spew from my mouth, frantic. "She's lying. I never gave Nadya any of these pills." I groan, rubbing my forehead.
He rolls his eyes. "Do you think I'm stupid?"
"What?"
"Of course you never gave these to Nadya. You wouldn't do that."
My mouth falls open and hope soars in my chest. "You believe me?"
He frowns. "You could have told me about this. I could have helped you."
"I didn't want to bother you with it."
He shakes his head. "You don't trust me."
"I do!" I try to put force behind my words, but my protests sound weak even to me. I didn't think he would believe me about the pills. And now I'm not telling him that I took them myself, and that they worked. I didn't trust him then, and I don't now.
"No. You think you can keep everything locked up inside, hiding behind a mask day after day. You'd rather handle everything by yourself than trust someone else to be there for you." He sighs and the anger drains from his face. It leaves behind tired eyes and a grimace.
"I don't think you'll ever let me in."
He leaves, and I don't go after him.
He may be right.
***
Author's note: Thank you so much for reading! Please don't forget to vote if you liked this chapter :).
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