So here's the final chapter. I'm really upset. No one talk to me.
This is basically just fluff...and they kiss a lot. But there's stuff at the end which you kind of have to read, so.
The song is Daylight by Matt And Kim becasue it's really upbeat and happy and I think it's a good song to end with.
Please, enjoy. And thank you from staying with me until this far.
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"Louis," I breathed as he kissed his way up to my ear lobe.
He let out a grunt in response, as if to say 'what', before continuing his kisses across my jaw. "We should probably get started." I suggested, referring to the fact that it was almost eight and we still hadn't put together an adequate dinner for the two of us.
"Don't want to." Louis mumbled before covering my mouth with his and silencing any protests. I felt his hand travel down to my hip and ghost its way down my thigh, leaving a trail of goosebumps.
"Okay then." I whispered against his lips, allowing myself to become consumed by him and his kiss. He produced a low hum in approval, then proceeded to deepen the kiss into something more passionate by tilting my head to angle which easily allowed him to slip his tongue inside.
It had been a week since the wedding. My parents had been gone for three days already, off honeymooning in the Bahamas. Naturally, Louis and I took their absence for advantage.
Louis was practically living here now; staying for the morning, afternoon, evening and night, only returning home if he was badly needed. It felt liberating, just being alone with my boyfriend all day. It seemed so adult and grown up; independent.
I loved sharing the house with Louis. It meant waking up with his arm snaked around me, popping out to the shops with him when we felt like it and watching late night television with my head in his lap. We'd kiss each other goodbye as I headed off to my Tesco shift and Louis went down to the football pitch to coach one of the younger teams, and then come back home to each other like a proper couple.
I decided that I wouldn't mind the prospect of sharing a flat with Louis later in life, if we managed to still be together after uni, that is. I kept fantasising over the idea of us renting a cheap London flat and eating takeaway dinners every night, Louis coming home from his job as a drama teacher and me coming home from whatever career I end up choosing with my Geography degree (because it's still a useful subject, thank you very much).
These past few days had bought us privacy. Intimacy. And I became so excited at the thought of this possibly turning permanent.
It meant Louis and I could be intimate with each other whenever we desired. So spontaneous make out sessions in the stairway were now a regular occurrence. Well, spontaneous make out sessions anywhere, really. The couch, the kitchen counter, the wall, even the floor. And it was rare for us to hesitate from going all the way, meaning that my bedroom had now become the most common area in the house.
I was dressed in only a camisole and my underpants, and Louis wore only a pair of basketball shorts with nothing underneath, as far as I was concerned. Despite our minimal clothing we'd earlier been fixed on keeping things affectionate, just as sweet kisses and happy giggles, but now it appeared as if things were heating up.
Louis moaned, adding fuel to the fire and making me kiss back with added force. I'd snaked my arms behind his neck by now, coaxing him closer and tangling my fingers in the hair at his nape. I arched my back, pressing my body flush against his. I wanted to feel his touch everywhere, not just at the white hot points we were connected at.
I rolled my hips up into his, pressing into his solid weight, and grinned at the way Louis' mouth fell open in a silent moan. I took the opportunity to my advantage and gently nibbled at his lower lip, causing for him to sound a deep, throaty groan. I pushed back into him again, this time letting my legs fall open to frame his thighs.
"Baby," he purred, pulling away and resting his head in the curve of my neck. He pressed back this time, rolling his hips in slow, filthy circles against mine while creating a purple love bite over my collarbone.
And it was so hot and needy and passionate and I definitely didn't want it to stop. It was dark now, meaning that one of my lamps was switched on and turned down low, the dim light highlighting all of Louis' beautiful features. I moaned, thinking I could probably do this for the rest of my life, until...
Grrrrr.
My fucking stomach decided to make an appearance. Louis paused, tore himself away and looked at me, his mouth shaped in an 'o'. I looked at him sheepishly, biting my lip, and the next thing I knew he burst into laughter.
"Didn't know you were that hungry." Louis commented, voice still laced with humour as he poked my tummy.
I shrugged my shoulders "I'm kind of starving." I admitted, passing it by as if it was nothing too major.
"You should've said so. Why didn't you tell me?" Louis pressed, furrowing his brow and looking at me intently, caressing my cheek with delicateness.
"I didn't want to stop kissing you?" I guessed, looking unsure.
Louis chuckled, rubbing his nose against mine "You can kiss me all you want, babe, but I think actually feeding yourself is more important." he pointed out, beginning to tear himself away. I already longed for his tough, yearned for the feel of his lips on my neck again, but he was helping me off the bed, announcing that whatever we'd just had going was over, or, to be continued.
I clambered down the stairs with Louis behind me, his hands placed on my waist.
"What will it be tonight?" Louis questioned once we reached the kitchen, opening the fridge door. He scanned its contents while I surveyed the pantry.
"We have some pot noodles." I announced.
"Yes!" Louis beamed, shutting the fridge "Since when, though? They weren't in the pantry earlier today." he asked, turning to me with a confused pout.
"I may have picked them up at work today because I know how much you love them." I confessed, setting two containers of the product on the bench.
"Aww, you're the best girlfriend ever!" he exclaimed, awfully corny as he hugged me from behind, catching me completely off guard.
I squealed in surprise and squirmed in his arms, giggling at the way he'd intimately entrapped me in his hold. He rested his head on my shoulder and spread his mouth into a bright, lopsided grin; one which still managed to send butterflies to flutter in my stomach. His hair was a dishevelled mess and his smile was dorky and one sided but I don't think it was possible for me to love him any more deeply.
I spun around in his arms enough so that our faces were aligned and placed a short kiss on his lips. He puckered his lips ad closed his eyes, non-verbally begging for more and I laughed before kissing him again, this time more dirtily.
I jumped up and secured my legs around his waist, tilting my head to allow the kiss to be deepened. Louis groaned in pleasure, the sound being music to my ears. I smiled, thinking of the way we couldn't keep our hands off each other, how everything always ended with us ferociously attacking each other's lips with sloppy kisses.
And then, my stomach decided to make itself known yet again.
Louis pulled back, looking at me with a small smile "We really need to get that tummy of yours fed, hmm?" he said softly, his fingers roaming around my hair.
I nodded, dropping my feet back to the ground and turning my gaze back to the two neglected packets of pot noodles.
"Hey," Louis called, using two fingers at my chin to guide my attention back to him.
"What?" I asked, my hand reaching behind me to grasp one of the packets.
"Love you." he muttered quickly, like it was a secret, before giving me one last final peck.
"Love you more." I retorted carrying the pot noodles over to the microwave.
Less than ten minutes later we were both sprawled out on the couch, each cradling our own bowl of chicken flavoured noodles as we paid little attention to 'Saturday Night Takeaway'. Ant and Dec were in the midst of their final ridiculous challenge, and glancing at the screen it seemed to have something to do with singing songs from musicals.
"Y'know," Louis started, still in the process of chewing as he pointed to the screen with his fork "When we did Grease, yeah? Did you think you were better than Olivia Newton-John?"
"Are you accusing me of being arrogant?" I questioned, narrowing my eyes at him as I twirled some noodles around my fork.
"No, no." Louis muttered quickly with a wave of his hands "I said that because I thought you were better than her."
"Aww, Lou." I grinned "You don't have to say that."
"Seriously." Louis assured me "If I was the casting director of that movie I would've chosen you over her any day."
"You're just saying that to get in my pants." I said flatly as I watched the television, bored.
"Maybe." Louis shrugged with a mouthful of food.
"I hope you know that by default, we will end up shagging every night this week. There's no need to coax me into it." I informed him.
Louis laughed at my statement, and then, once he'd composed himself, said "Oh believe me, I know. Can one not offer simple compliments these days?"
In reply I fished out a pea from my bowl and chucked it at him, hitting him square in the forehead.
"Hey!" he cried, eyes widening as he looked at me with confusion, as if to say 'why on earth would you do that'. I just smiled innocently. "Alright, you asked for it." he mumbled as he plucked out a cube of chopped carrot and threw it at my nose.
"Oh, it's on." I decided, all mock competitiveness as I bravely held a soggy noodle between my fingertips and promptly launched it onto his hair.
And so we had a noodle fight on the couch as the sounds of singing, laughing and cheering from the television struggled to be heard over our shrieks and giggles. Within seconds I was on Louis' side of the couch, catapulting peas at him like there was no tomorrow while he held his hands over his face as protection.
Sometimes it was hard to register that the person beside me was Louis. I'd unfortunately grown accustomed to no longer having him around so it occasionally became a shock to see him enter my bedroom and find him making himself lunch in the kitchen. Even this morning, when I'd woken up I was bewildered as to why Louis, a boy I thought didn't love me, was lying unclothed next to me with his arms snaked around my waist. Then I'd tried to move my legs, only to discover they ached from the roughness of last night's activities, and everything would come back to my memory in a big surge.
This boy next to me was Louis. Louis, who counted for so much in my tiny little world. And he was just as in love with me as I was with him.
The food battle eventually died down and Louis insisted he was the winner, even though we had no way of measuring that. I ignored his claims and placed both our bowls on the coffee table while he rambled on. I slumped down on the cushions, exhausted, and pulled Louis on top of me, because as mentioned earlier, everything between us now had to end with a sloppy make out session. I silenced him with a kiss, and Louis didn't complain; probably saw it more as a reward.
He moaned happily, and then I moaned happily, and then we moved about on the couch, eventually landing on the floor with a thud, making out contently in some of the weirdest positions imaginable.
"Have I—" Louis paused one of our kisses to say, but I delayed his sentence with a warm peck "Have I ever told you how perfect you are for me?"
"Probably." I shrugged, then resumed kissing.
"Well if I haven't," (kiss) "Then I want you to know that," (kiss) "that you're so perfect, and," (kiss) "you're my favourite person in the world." (kiss) "And I love you." (longer kiss).
"But why would you like me?" I questioned, pouting "I'm so boring. All I do is read books and stay at home and be sensible. And you're like, the most flamboyant person I've ever met." I said, practically begging for him to assure me the opposite.
"Ever heard the saying 'opposites attract'? And besides, you're not boring. Honestly. See, this is why we work so well: I get you out of the house and pressure you to live a little, to come to concerts and go ice-skating, to dance with me in the kitchen at midnight just for the hell of it, to audition for the school musical, something you've always wanted to be a port of but never had the guts for. And in return you keep me grounded and make sure I don't do anything stupid. I think I've always needed someone like you in my life. Someone who's quiet, for once. I mean, I like noise, but I've come to realise that it gets pretty damn annoying after a while, and, you're just so perfect for me. Okay, baby? You keep me sane."
"Louis," I started, suddenly feeling inclined to confess.
"What?" he mumbled, moving to kiss my neck.
"I was diagnosed with Anxiety Disorder. I— I got help to tame it, and I was okay for a bit, I guess, but then it start to come back, and— and, I'm sorry, for being all pissy and weird and for ignoring you before... I just,"
"It's okay." he intervened, looking right into my eyes "You don't need to apologise." he touched my face gently, fingers tracing over my lips and cheeks "I'm here if you ever want to talk."
He handled the situation in the best possible way. Some people tell you to 'stop worrying', like it's going to mend all your problems. Some offer more effort in trying to 'fix' you without your permission, when they don't realise that people with mental illness sometimes don't want to be fixed, or can't. And then there's the people who tell you to get over it, who deem any illness of the mind as invalid or less important. The ones who claim you're doing it for attention.
But Louis somehow knew.
Having a mental illness is kind of like being in a wheelchair. You learn to adapt to it, how to manage with the burden and go about your life. You don't need assistance all the time because you can do things yourself. But sometimes you need someone there, just to give you a little push. You need the reassurance; the security.
I was certain that Louis would always be there, ready to catch me if things became too much. He would support me; I was sure of it.
I kissed him hard on the mouth and curled up as close to him as possible. Our noses were mushed together and our lips were red and swollen, making us look like the epitome of steamy make outs. But this kiss meant more than that. This kiss was a seal, a promise. This kiss was a vow.
* * *
"Here's just a random question." I said, rolling over on my side. It was now one in the morning, and suggestions of going to sleep were non-existent — the life of two students on summer holidays. We were cuddled up in my bed, unclothed, and our minds were both a mess of post-orgasm delirium.
"Hmm?" Louis mumbled, stroking my hair absentmindedly.
"Why did you not say you loved me before the wedding? Do you know how much drama you could've avoided?" I said, placing a hand over his bare chest.
"Because I thought you hated me. I didn't want to admit something as large as that when I was convinced you'd respond by telling me to piss off." he answered, voice low, as he grabbed me by the hips and pulled me on top of him. In this sexually charged position it would probably be difficult to have such an honest and serious conversation, even more so considering we weren't clothed, but we managed to just fine.
"What about in the lockers, though? I basically just laid all my feelings out for you on a table and you simply stood there, despite the fact you felt the same way." I challenged, holding my head against his chest. I could hear his heartbeat, loud and clear. It was pounding.
"I was so shocked, baby. Like I said, I thought you hated me, so hearing you say that, it ... felt like a dream. I could hardly manage words." I kissed the skin over his collarbone and rolled my hips against his — an instinct whenever placed in this position — , causing for an involuntary gasp to leave his lips. "God, Jess." he breathed, tilting his head down to plant a kiss on the top of my head. I giggled devilishly and rearranged my legs until I was straddling him at the hips. He pressed back, lifting his hips up into me and placing a hand at my waist, positioning himself to push back into me.
Despite the fact that we were grinding down on each other, and Louis was preparing for entrance, we still managed to have a civilised conversation further up the bed.
"But I think if you had have waited a little longer, maybe I would've gathered the courage to say it back to you." Louis theorised as he slowly pushed the head inside.
I made a noise crossed between a moan and a 'mhm', half in agreement and half in the fact that Louis was back inside me.
"Once again, it would've saved a whole lot of drama." I added as he turned us around so he was on top and proceeded to pound into me at a feverish pace.
"I have you now, don't I?" he pointed out.
"Of course." I answered, my voice now coming out in almost incomprehensible pants.
A few minutes later we were once again lying beside each other, unable to form coherent thoughts as our spent bodies slumped limply into the mattress.
"Since we're saying things," Louis started, switching off my dim bedside lamp and turning the room into darkness "I have something to confess."
I didn't think much of it at the time, just cuddled up beside him and rested my head over his heart, like every other night. "Yeah?" I said tiredly, my eyes beginning to droop shut.
"Yeah, um, so you know how I'm going to Manchester University to become a drama teacher, right? Well, that's just a backup plan for what I'm really hoping to do." he said quickly, tripping over the consonants.
"Football, right?" I interrupted "You're going to try your luck with football and attempt to make it into one of the squads. Louis, you've told me all this before. I know that playing for Man United is still your dream."
"No, no, not football." he shook his head "I— I don't think I'm going to even bother with it."
At that I perked up. My eyes sprang open and I turned to look at him "Louis!" I whined, wrapped in disbelief. This didn't sound like the real him. The Louis I knew was so sure of himself; he knew what he wanted "Babe, what are you talking about? You've always wanted to play football."
My eyes, now adjusted to the darkness, could see him look down, almost in shame. His long eyelashes fanned out against his cheeks as he refused to meet my eyes. "It's not— no, I ... before the wedding, before we made up, I— I sent out an application." he said
"An application." I repeated, my brow knitting in confusion.
"Yeah. An application to— to The X Factor." he finished.
The small phrase mellowed around me and I began my own little game of word association. The X Factor; singing, television, superstars, record deals, fame.
"Oh Louis!" I cried when realisation hit, my arms flying out to wrap him in a tight embrace "Oh my gosh, I'm so proud of you Louis!" I exclaimed, showering his cheeks with kisses.
He laughed at my enthusiasm, his eyes screwing shut, and there was just so much happiness being passed between us; so much joy.
"And, uh, I got a call from them the other day and they want me to audition in Manchester." he continued "And I thought I'd tell you know because the audition's in four days, so."
"Four days?" I gushed in disbelief "Oh my god, Louis!" I said yet again "You're going to become famous. Oh, Lou. You'll be a star."
"Well I wouldn't say that just yet. I've just been accepting into auditions. It's not like I've made it to the final three or something." he dismissed with a chuckle.
"But you will! I know you will, Louis. You're going to win it, I swear. Oh..." I trailed off, gazing down at him with adoring eyes which he mirrored back. "I'm going to have a famous boyfriend." I whispered to myself as I studied his gorgeous face.
"Don't get ahead of yourself." he scolded "I don't even know if I'll make it to Bootcamp."
"Sorry, I'm just so fucking excited." I laughed "For you, for us, for ... everything."
"Oh, and here's the other thing. If I don't make it past judges houses, which is most likely," he said and I smacked his shoulder lightly as punishment for his negativity "because of the filming times of the show I'll be able to start my degree at Manchester University without any hassle. But if I make it to live shows, well, then I'll be in London. With you."
I immediately surged forward and kissed him with all my energy "Fuck, Lou, that's so, so perfect." I beamed, wondering if it was physically possible to be any happier than this.
"Yeah?" he asked, leaning up to press a soft kiss to my bruised lips.
"Yeah." I replied, tangling my hands in his hair.
I was unimaginably ecstatic. Louis was following his dream of becoming a singer, and that made me exceedingly proud of him. I thought about him making it to the live shows, about turning on the telly on a Sunday night and finding my boyfriend singing his little heart out. I also thought about the living arrangements if Louis were to progress that far in the competition. With both of us in London we'd no longer have to worry about the troubles of a long distance relationship.
I kissed him again.
Everything was so, so perfect.
END.
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[BOOK 2 HAS BEEN POSTED. CHECK IT OUT ON MY PROFILE. IT'S CALLED 'LONDON']
Firstly, I'd like to thank Louis Tomlinson for being the reason this book exists. This book has helped me develop so much as a writer and really find my style, but me actually writing it has all come down to my love for him. Without him, I probably wouldn't be a writer. I sounds weird, but before I liked One Direction, yeah, I wrote little short stories sometimes, but I never wanted to do it for the rest of my life. Fanfiction fueled by my love for Louis has helped me realise that I want to do this whole novel thing as a job when I'm older. So thank you, Louis. I really mean it.
I'd like to thank my parents for being supportive, or at least pretending to be excited when I tell them my word count and how many people I have reading this story. They still don't know it's a fanfiction, since I always referred to this as 'my book'. But still, I think they'd still love what I'm doing either way.
A big thank you to every single person who has done so much as read a word of this weird and disorganised story. Especially to those who voted, commented and fanned. Even more especially to those who simply enjoyed it. Thank you.
And lastly, I'd like to thank not only God, but Jesus (hehehehehe)
So now that this is over, PLEASE tell me anything you've ever wanted to say about this story. Tell me what you liked, what you didn't like, if your excited for Book 2, who your favourite character was and why, your least favourite and why, which chapter was your favourite, advice on how to make the next book better. Anything. Just say it.
Book 2 will be coming out fairly soon. More information will come shortly, so follow for updates. It will take place about 2 or so months after this chapter. That's all I'm going to reveal to you.
So now I'm off to have dinner. Hopefully, I'll see all you guys in the next few weeks when chapter one of Book 2 arrives. This has been fun. See you.