~ Some incidents scar us forever, and it's really difficult to heal them, even for the sake of survival~
The shrill alarm tone broke Nandini's precious sleep, who rolled to her side, in an attempt to snooze it, but the table clock fell down, and the continued irritating tone forced her to sit up. Switching it off, she yawned as her gaze fell on it.
6 am! Damn, she was up too early. Her usual wake up time was around 7 and that meant she lost almost an hour of her previous sleep. Grumpy at a very early hour, Nandini walked out of the bed, to the coffee maker, and made a strong coffee with milk and sugar.
It made her chuckle though, the memory. Years ago, she hated coffee with milk and sugar, it was always black coffee for her, and Manik used to make fun of it, for according to him, there could never be enough bitterness around to make your taste buds suffer. Coffee was meant to be with milk and sugar, and Sometimes even extra choclate syrup. Nandini laughed to herself as she walked over to the window, thinking how over the time she had adapted almost all of his habits, maybe as an escape from missing him.
A sigh escaped her froth laden lips, and she opened the glass window, letting the breeze in, allowing it to play with her hairs. Her eyes seemed to embrace the beauty of the scenery around, when they fell on the gorgeousness of the man, jogging in the park below. Manik was back-facing her, lost in music as he took faster steps to finish his rounds. Her eyes lit up, as she savoured him, until he disappeared from her sight, back into the hotel lobby.
Sometimes it made her wonder how did she spend eight long years without him, when clearly seeing him again had brought back all the feelings she thought she had moved on from?
The caller tune of her phone broke her chain of thoughts, and she picked it up, only to be notified about coming down by Kabir. Freshening up, she wore a pink off shoulder top,paired with white plazo and pinned her hairs to one side. A line of Kohl and shimmery lips, she was ready to go.
Walking down, she found everyone else around the breakfast buffet, and her eyes scanned the hall only to spot him in a corner, in a white transparent shirt, and trousers. But before she could walk over to him, Mukti dragged her aside, asking her plans about the day. Turned out that the outdoor plans had been cancelled owing to the rains, it was not heavy rains yet but the drizzling was continuous and nobody wanted to fall sick. The group decided to watch some movies, like they did in college days and refresh those memories. They zeroed down on 'Before Trilogy', deciding to binge watch when Manik excused himself for a call.
Everyone walked back to the hotel suite, except Nandini who followed Manik to the hotel lobby, and found him walking down the alley in rain. For the first time in her life, rain didn't scare her, the thoughts of ruining her clothes didn't matter, all the did was him, and she followed him blindly, until he reached a point where the roads had begun to curl forming a mesh. The downpour had increased too, but he stood still, his hands extended in the rain.
Since the time they met, again, Nandini watched him smile, for the first time. The original, genuine, Manik Malhotra smile.
He looked so content to her, like he used to before. He wasn't aware of anything else around him, not even her, and it made him look so desirable that all she wanted to do in that one moment, was being in his arms. Like they used to before. Yeah, agreed, cuddling in rain might be too cliche to do, but it was their thing. A special memory to both of them.
The drizzling stopped, and Nandini was about to advance to him, and talk, when she found a shabby dog rubbing it's fur with Manik's trousers. She cringed, but before she could go and drag Manik away, she heard a melodious laughter. And it dazed away all her senses.
Eight years since she had heard him laughing like that. Usually, it was boys who wrote poetries on their girl, smiling and laughing, but with them, it was Nandini who had always been in awe of his laugh. So pure, so warm, so mesmerizing. Her trance broke when she found him kneenling down and cooing to the dog. He was talking to it so animatedly, that Nandini felt a strange tug in her heart.
It was close to two days since they met again, but she hadn't seen him talking that freely with anyone. Forget talking, even his laughter was reserved and smiles were the excuse to stay mum. Why Manik? What had transformed you into this person that she failed to understand anymore?
She saw him laugh and smile and talk to the the dog, happily, and for the first time ever, Nandini felt damn jealous of a dog. She wanted to be there instead of it, somehow, anyhow! But then, every dream is not bound to get fulfilled, and hers too didn't, since she watched him walk back to the hotel, and again followed him, not getting the chance to talk yet.
Once back, Nandini hurried back to her room to get changed out of the drenched clothes and then waited in the loby for Manik to come, and ready to act like it was a mere coincidence. But her wait got prolonged for quite couple of minutes as there was no sight of Manik returning. Taking cautious steps, she walked over to his suite, and entered through the barely locked door to find Manik still in the same, drenched clothes, watching the rain that had started again, more heavily this time. He was completely lost somewhere, and Nandini felt that sudden urge to be a part of his thoughts, his dreams, his pain.
In that exact moment, she knew what she wanted. Nandini can't exist without Manik. She needed him, and she knew he needed her too. And this time, she wanted to fight and not give into his words like the last time. She could clearly see he wasn't happy, and somewhere she wasn't too. Their happiness had always lied in each other. And it was high time to grasp that.
Walking slow steps towards Manik, she kept her hand on his shoulder, and he jumped on his place, turning back frightened but on seeing her, his stance relaxed.
"Nandini? You needed something?", He asked, consciously removing her hand from his shoulder, and then standing at some distance from her.
She noticed it, but stayed mum.
" Yes!", He looked at her to elaborate what exactly she wanted.
"Manik? Can't we give one more chance to each other?", She asked directly, without any repercussions. The major change that Nandini had in these years was learning to ask her mind, directly.
She saw a myriad of emotions passing through his eyes. Some she could identify, some she could not put a finger on. But when he closed them for a second before opening to look at her again, she understood what he was going to answer.
" No!", One word, but two hearts crumpled under the magnanimous pressure it held.
"You were right, Nandini! You and I are toxic to each other! We can't be together!", He turned to face his back to her, and avoid looking at her tear filled eyes.
Nandini took a deep breath, and turned him to face her. Without saying anything, she cupped his face, and he lowered his eyes, not meeting hers. Standing on her tippy toes, she bent to kiss the nape of his neck, and Manik took a deep breath, the tears he was holding so far trickled down.
She smiled, for something never change. It was a very peculiar or weird habit of Manik, his neck was extremely sensitive to emotional touch. Earlier also, one touch there from her would open all his barriers, and it sufficed to let her know there was more to the story.
" What's wrong Manik? What are you hiding?", She asked again, but Manik refused to look at her. He somewhere knew that with Nandini he would always loose. He won't be able to keep his pretense if he continued to look at her. And Nandini exactly knew that too.
"Tell me Manik. I am here, for you, with you!", She pestered, but Manik kept mum. Little did she knew it was taking all the left courage in her to stand still, and not hold her close.
" Nandini, please! I don't think we are entitled to share everything. Let me go!", He struggled to let himself free, but he could not, from a petite girl with half his physical strength.
She pressed his lips over the fabric of his wet shirt, on the area of his heart, and Manik felt a current running down his spine. She still affected him the same, maybe more, and it broght the same realization to both of them.
Just the difference that one was ready to admit, the other was ready to push away!