47ᵀᴴ CHAPTER
"Things refuse to be mismanaged for long"
Leesh wakes up about an hour later, the noise of something constantly hitting against the window gradually bringing her back to full consciousness.
When she acknowledges it as coming from outside, she’s decisive to ignore it and go back to sleep, but even though she’s extremely tired, her brain can’t seem to shut off again whilst the goddamn noise doesn’t cease.
With a heavy sigh, she untangles from the sheets and stumbles toward the window, not bothering to push the curtains away when she opens it. As soon as the glass is fully up, something hits her on the forehead and she lets out a small curse.
“What the fuck?”
“Oops, sorry,” Harry apologises and-
Harry.
Harry is on the platform of her window, leaning against the railing and holding small rocks within his curved palm. It takes a moment for Elisha to understand, but when she does, the first thing she says is:
“You’re supposed to throw gravel at a girl’s window, not actual rocks, you dick. Haven’t you read fairy tales at all?” she brings a hand up to her forehead and presses her fingers there, trying to make sure there isn’t blood. It’s sensitive, though, so she winces at the pressure.
Harry immediately launches forward and lets the rocks fall from his hand, echoing on the steal. He touches Elisha’s hand smoothly and drags it away, looking at the sore spot with unnecessary care.
“It’s just a small cut, but it’s a lot red,” he mumbles, touching his forefinger to it.
“Well, it’s hurting, so,” she complains just for the sake of it. In reality, she’s too busy trying to focus on the actual pain rather than Harry’s lips, just there.
“I’m so sorry,” Harry whispers, brushing a finger past the supposed cut and smiling. “Mind if I come in?”
Leesh rolls her eyes at him. “Harry, do you have any idea what time is it?” she questions, trying her best to sound at least one bit upset.
He stares blankly at her. “Two thirty in the morning.”
Elisha sighs at his statement, stepping away from the window so Harry can come in. “Shit,” she mumbles to herself. “Two thirty in the morning, Harold.”
He grins at her, leaving the window behind him open and tying the curtains with their own tissue. “You were mad at me without actually knowing what time it was?” he questions, smug.
Leesha shrugs. “I knew it was early,” she reasons, walking into the bathroom and opening the tap, letting the water flow as she grabs a hand towel and holds a part of it under the tap to wet it, cool it down a bit and press against her forehead. Harry watches her by the door. “By the way, did you jump from your platform to mine?”
He ducks down to smile, staring at his – bare? – feet when he answers. “Not exactly jump, but something like that, yeah.”
Elisha snorts. “And you wanna talk safety with me, please,” she then turns off the tap and turns to look at him properly. Harry’s wearing his largest pyjama pants and some stained white shirt, his hair wet. His necklaces are all gone, his eyes dark, just like the bags underneath them. Her heart swells. “Have you been okay?”
Elisha’s voice is small when she asks, because there it is. Finally the acknowledgment that they haven’t seen each other in long enough to know how they’ve been, simply.
Harry’s smile suddenly turns into a sad one, and he moves his head barely to deny it, at first. Then, as if accepting his denial, he shakes it visibly. Leesha walks slowly towards him.
She’s about to ask him something when he mutters “Chrissie was here.”
Every single one of her limbs seems to stop working, right there. She stays silent gaping at him, trying to read behind those words, trying to figure how he feels, how she is supposed to feel. Harry peers up to look at her confusedly.
“Just- now, actually. I mean, an hour ago. And then I spent about a whole hour in the shower,” he’s still smiling, but Elisha can hear the lump in his throat and how he’s trying not to cry.
“Okay…” she mutters, completely lost. “You want to talk about it?” Leesh offers then, guiding him back to the room and towards the bed.
He falls down instantly, bringing his arm up to his eyes and covering them. His calves dangle off the mattress, his waist half twisted so his head can reach the pillow. Leesha can see his curls shaking in denial along with his head, his right arm reaching out for her and hand waiting there, patiently.
She breathes out heavily, taking another step further and letting her fingers lace with his as he pulls her onto the bed with him. Elisha somehow manages to lay her head over his arm and place her feet between both of his thighs, her knees slightly bucking up.
The towel is starting to warm up against her bruise, losing the refreshing effect she’s seeking for, but she can’t stand right now.
“No,” Harry finally says, rolling to his side and curling up against her, nestling his head on the crook of her neck. “Not now.”
She nods, squeezing the hand that’s still holding his and saying absolutely nothing when she feels a slight moisture on the tissue over her left shoulder.
--
“She divorced,” Harry says suddenly, staring up at the ceiling whilst his right hand keeps stroking Elisha’s hair. His breathing has finally evened out, but he’s still all fidgety.
One hour and a half later and they’re still in bed, silent, but very much awake. Leesh’s tongue has been trying to slip out confession words and more than once she’s literally bit those back, trying to keep quiet and not make herself bleed. Now is not the time to say anything; just keep her mouth shut and listen, instead.
She can’t look at him, though. “Yeah?” she simply says, only so he knows she’s hearing.
“Yeah,” he whispers back. “Said she couldn’t make it without me, that she missed me, that I still mean the world to her,” and his voice is so sad she feels her heart breaking for him.
It’s like he knows the words he’s repeating are lies; like he can’t stand the thought of being lied to. He probably doesn’t, Leesh thinks, nor does he deserve it.
“You don’t deserve to be the rebound, Haz,” she whispers, playing with his fingers over her stomach. “You’ve gone through a long way to forget her and you shouldn’t have to go through all of this again.”
Harry sighs next to her, letting go of her hand to scrub over his face. “I know,” he admits, sounding extremely tired of the whole situation. “I know, but I don’t know- like. She’s still got an effect over me, obviously. And I don’t know what to think. I don’t know if I should just take her word and maybe accept the fact that I might be happy if I stay with her.”
Something inside Elisha’s stomach sinks, her heart, probably, but she swallows the sour feeling and tries to think clearly.
“What exactly happened?” she asks, more out of curiosity than actual logic reason.
“We argued. I told her to leave,” Harry breathes out, sinking further down on the pillow. “I told her I didn’t love her anymore.”
“And it’s a lie,” Elisha states emotionlessly. At that, she has to close her eyes, because she can’t risk looking at Harry’s face and seeing the confirmation there.
“I truly don’t know,” he says after a while, suddenly squeezing Elisha closer to him. “All I know is that I don’t wanna have to lose her again, I don’t wanna have to feel that betrayed once more.”
Leesh rolls out of bed, walking towards the bathroom in sheer silence.
“Where are you going?” she hears Harry asking, but she pretends she hasn’t.
“If you never get her back, you can’t lose her,” Elisha says, letting the door swing open as she walks in. “Maybe you can still find someone who truly loves you and wouldn’t trade you for the world.”
When she locks the door behind her, Harry’s shaking his head. With his sudden silence, all noise heard is from the toilet, as Leesh uses it and flushes next. Only when she’s washing her hands is that Harry speaks again.
“I don’t want to love again,” he admits, quietly. “I want to be alone.”
Leesha dries her hands and opens the door with a loud stud, letting it hit against the wall. “You’re not alone, Harry.”
He sighs once more. “I know I’m not. I know-”
“No, Harry. I don’t mean ‘you’re not alone’ in the sense of ‘you can count on me whenever you need’. I mean, you’re not alone!” she raises her tone, slightly losing her temper. “You can’t be alone fooling around with someone else, okay? This is not how alone works. That’s being lonely. Being lonely is tough but you can count on people to distract you. Being alone doesn’t give you that privilege,” she’s breathing heavily by the time she speaks her last sentence. “If you wanna be alone then don’t tag me along.”
Harry sits on the bed suddenly, looking at Elisha like he’s confused but desperate at the same time. She just can’t believe his plan is actually mourning over some ex-love-of-his-life – or whatever – whilst using her to go through this. It is not okay.
But then again, that’s what she’d agreed for, isn’t it? No attachment, just fun. Except she can’t do just fun anymore.
She is about to cry, but then Harry stands up and walks towards her, cupping her face and brushing her hair away, stroking her cheek with his thumb.
“D’you have the key to the shop?” he asks quietly, and it takes her decades to digest his words.
“Yes. Why?”
“I bought some groceries I didn’t have the chance to store yet, would you mind walking down there with me?”
Elisha is confused and there’s despair swimming within her chest, tears threatening to escape, but she ignores all of that and nods her head, too overwhelmed by herself to ask any more questions.
--
Harry does the job all on his own.
Elisha simply sits on the countertop and keeps her ankles locked as she watches him bustle from one side to the other, opening cabinets and drawers, opening and shutting the fridge door countless times. He looks puzzled, too energetic, needing something to busy his mind with as he keeps fidgeting all along.
She’s never seen him like this.
When he’s finally done, he closes the fridge again and leans his back against it, hands behind his hips apparently supporting him up. He glances at Elisha.
She can’t speak right now, hasn’t during their whole walk here. The sky is dark still from the early hours, but the night-end is pleasant and embracing, even though the sensation Leesh got was not pleasant at all. It is nagging her, and presumably, Harry, too.
The silence is thick and she can’t breathe, because this is wrong. He’s different, he’s not him.
Harry crosses the kitchen out of the blue, placing his hands on each side of Leesh’s waist and leaning in to seal their lips together. It is desperate – much like their first kiss had been, also the lustful ones – but this time it isn’t the right kind of despair. It’s the ‘please be someone you’re not’ kind of desperate and Elisha cannot deal with this.
She pushes him away.
Harry only stares, until. “What’s wrong?”
Leesh sighs against his chest, closing her eyes as she leans in and rests her forehead against his shoulder. “I can’t let you do this, Harry.”
He frowns. “Do what?”
“I can’t be the one to distract you from your loneliness, I’m sorry. You want to be alone, then so be it.”
Harry pulls away slightly to look at her face, holding it up between his own hands. He smiles weakly. “Hey, I didn’t mean I wanted you away, Leesh. I just- I don’t want to love again.”
She touches his hands with her fingers and caresses it for a while before looking down. “I mean I should be away. I-”, she swallows, because fuck. “I fell in love with you.”
Harry’s too silent, suddenly.
And when Elisha looks up at him, his expression says everything she needs to know: panic, pity.
She nods and slides down the countertop, walking out of the kitchen and trying not to feel too disappointed when he doesn’t try to stop her. Nor when he doesn’t follow. Nor when he’s still nowhere to be seen by the time she’s in front of their building.
Things don’t tend to remain wrong for too long.
And apparently ‘them’ is not the right thing.
--
Author's Mind (?)
Comments: 1. Sorry. I had to ): 2. There are only a few chapters left of this story, so the ones of you who still haven't, please check the intro and prologue of my next fic: Wind Writing. I'll be working a hell of a lot harder on that one.
Dedication (to the best comment): {@LadyHakunaMatata} First off, happy birthday :) Have a great one love. Second off, it makes me so happy to know you've been enjoying the past chapters even without so much of Halisha's moments. Hopefully I didn't break too much of your heart with this chapter.
Next Update: Wednesday, July 30th