Chapter 54:Happy Ever After(Didnt EXIST)
Zeniahia Miyaka Goromi POINT OF VIEW:
"I was happy now,I wish you we're too,Im leaving and its all over Reinver"
I walked away.
I can feel his pain.
nd to think na ako ang dahilan ng sakit na nararamdaman niya,It even hurt me most.
I enter our car,I cried there.
And before i knew it.
Im here,Im in jail and at the same time,Im in Hell.
I rush in my room or should i say cage?
I burst crying there.
Reinver,Find someone who will love you and will never hurt you,Cause im not worth if in your love.
Damn i screwed up,i hate myself,Im so weak,I cant fight for Reinver!
"Iya,Are you ok?"
I wipe my tears and Smile to him.
"Im fine,Im used to it,You know,Hmm what is it?"
Am i really happy?
Or i wish he was happy?
Maybe he was happy without me.
"Happy Birthday Iya,Here's my present and here's your dress for tonight,Im proposing to Eliza tonight"
"Thanks,Really?Goodluck"
"Wait Do you love him?"
"No,Its just pity,I just play with his heart"
I wish i didnt love him.
Yes i dont love him.
I dont love him anymore.
Hoping someday i believe in all the things i say.
"Thats great,Well i just thought that,Oh nevermind,Gotta go"
He kiss me in my forehead.
Naalala ko si Reinver.
He respect me by kissing my forehead.
I miss him a lot.
I cry again.
This is what hurts the most,Reminisce and to think that its all gone.
I opened the gift that Kuya Zed give.
*Plock.Plock*
Its a ring,With a R!
R means Reinver.
Oh i hate it,Nangaasar ba siya or what?
I looked at the dress.
Its color yellow.
Damn i remember Reinver.
Favorite niya kasi si Spongebob dba?
At yellow si spongebob.
Everytime i turn a round in this cage.
It always have a memory from him.
Its hard to forget a people who give you so much to remember.
I put some light make up,Yes i know how to put this shit in my face.
I wore the dress.
And i look at the mirror.
I smile.
Behind my smile is a hurting heart.
Ganito pala yung feeling ng hirap kang ngumiti?
Everytime you smile,You're heart aches.
I go down to the stairs as they welcome me and they all sing HAPPY Birthday to me.
-_____-
Where's the Happy part in my birthday?Can you fckin find it?
I smile again,For the 3rd time.
They are all greeting me a Happy Birthday.
"Hi Zeniahia,How are you?You're so beautiful,You are lucky that you have a family like them"
"Oo nga,Ang swerte swerte mo"
"Ewww she's not even beautiful"
"Shut up,You're just jealous"
"I wish im like here"
"Dream on"
"Does he have a Boyfriend?"
"Damn sana ganyan nalang ang Fiancce ko"
"Ayaw niya ata maging Goromi eh,Ako nalang"
Mga tsimisan ng tao dito.
I laugh when someone says na ayaw ko daw maging Goromi.
You know what you're right.
Can we switch place?
Behind my laugh,Im falling apart.
Look closely to me and you will see the person i am,Isnt me.
For everyone who wish na sana ikaw nalang ako.
DO YOU THINK ITS EASY BEING ME?
DO YOU THINK ITS EASY PUTTING ON THE ACT THAT I DO EVERYDAY?
I SMILE,WHEN ALL I WANT TO DO IS CRY.
I LAUGH WHEN ALL I WANT TO DO IS DIE.
I WANT TO TELL EVERYONE,HOW MY WORLD FALLS APART EACH NIGHT WHEN I AM LAYING IN BED WITH TEARS IN MY EYES,PLEADING WITH GOD TO HELP ME.
I WANT TO LET ANYONE KNOW WHAT IT IS LIKE TO BE ME,PRETENDING TO BE HAPPY,PRETENDING TO LIKE MYSELF,THE ONLY THING I DONT PRETEND IS TO LOVE HIM,ONLY HIM,AND NOW ITS OVER.
MY LIFE NOW IS A MESS.
Simula palang nung sinabi ni Dad na layuan ko si Reinver,I start pretending that day.
But my happiness is real when im with him.
Once in a while i forgot about this war,I thought it would be easy,But im wrong.
I fall inlove with him more and more each day.
"You're crying"
Nagising ako sa katotohanan dahil inabotan ako ni Hanz ng panyo,He tries na hindi ipahalata na umiiyak ako.
I wipe my tears.
"Where's Reinver?"
He didnt know.
He wouldnt know.
He doesnt care.
But why is he talking to me now?
I smile at him.
"Tears of joy,Look sa hinaba haba ng prosisyon sa simbahan din ang bagsak nila"
He laughed.
I laughed too.
I smile like nothings wrong.
Talk like everythingg perfect.
And pretend im really strong.
Am i the most perfect actress ever?
Kuya Zed and Eliza is now Engage.
*DugDugDug*
My heart is worrying.
Bumibilis ang tibok ng puso ko pag may nangyayaring masama.
Damn whats happening?
I go back in my room.
Humiga ako and then i cry.
Yung pinipigilan ko kanina,Ngayon lahat lumabas.
Last thing i new,Nakatulog nako.
But then nagising ako ng madaling araw.
I used to call him pagnagigising ako ng madaling araw and then he always sing to me Im at war.
And now,I feel alone in the world.
Nobody loves me,They all hate me,And nobody will ever love me.
And that i will never have a decent nights to sleep again.
I cry again and im talking to myself.
"I still love him"
"But i dont wanna love him anymore"
"I dont wanna hurt anymore,Please"
Then here we go again,I cried.
Im thinking if Reinver is all right?
Is he ok?
Did he drunk?
O baka he's happy?
Daamn.
My tears use to be gold.
But now,Its Free!:(
And i woke up,Basang basa yung kama ko.
I thought i was just dreaming but im wrong,Its the reality.
You know whats hard?
Waking up every morning wishing i wasnt alive.
And remembering what i have been trying to forget last night.
Can you please kill me now?
Kung hindi naman pala siya mapapasakin?
PLEASE GOD.
I Rather die.
Can you please kill me?
I dont wanna live anymore,I feel like im a zombie in this world.
Damn im crying again.
Does this make sense?
He's gone,And to think that im the one who pushed him away.
Bakit ko nga ba siya hindi pinaglaban?
Bakit ako sumuko?
Ako ba talaga ito?
Damn balik dati nanaman ba ko?
Si cold monster zen?
I dont wanna be her anymore.
I hate that monster who become me.
Damn-_______-
*Knock.Knock*
I locked my room for privacy but i know they have a key,Im in jail,WHATS NEW?
I wipe my tears,I know in any second they can enter here.
Just what i guess,The door opens.
My tears fall when i see who's it.
Its my mom.
Damn why is she here?
I hate her.
"Why are you here?"
"Susunduin nakita anak"
"Dont call me your daughter"
"Alam kong may pagkukulang ako sa inyo---"
"Alam mo naman pala eh,Its been 10 years,Nakaya namin ng wala ka,GO AWAY,WE DONT NEED YOU"
"Iya im still your mother"
"My mother died when i was 6"
She is crying now.
Damn hindi ako naawa sakaniya.
Matagal ko nang gustong sabihin sakaniya yun.
She is the first reason why i become a cold monster.
This is all her fault.
"Sorry nak,Im confused that time"
"And so?Im confused right now"
She hugged me.
Napaluha nadin ako.
Ilan years ako nangungulila sa yakap ng nanay?
Nung mga panahon na nagkaroon ako?
Yung mga pampabully.
And the incidents happen to me.
Thats a nightmare to me.
Hanggang ngayon alam ko padin ang buong nangyari.
Im scared.
If shes here that time.
When i was in 6,She officially say goodbye to us.
I beg her to stay but she doesnt listen.
Sila padin ni Dad pero hanggang papel lang.
Ayaw na nila sa isa't isa eh.
Damn i hate it.
Why this things need to happen to me?
Why am i hurting this much?
Did i do something wrong?
Why am i being punished like this?
Damn.
Kumalas nako sa yakap niya,Hindi ko nato kaya.
I wipe my tears again,And i try my best to speak.
"What do you want?"
"Please nak,Gusto ko ayosin yung issue tungkol satin,I miss you both"
"Fine,Do you have anything to say?"
"None"
"Get out now"
Lumabas na siya ng kwarto ko.
And then again,Im crying.
I wanna hug her so tight.
Damn i miss her.
But im afraid.
Afraid that if i'll love her so much.
If i love her so much i cant afford to lose her.
Just like Reinver.
I cant afford to lose him,Pero iniwan ko siya eh,Stupidity of mine.
"Kain na daw po"
"IM NOT IN THE MOOD?OK?"
Damn.
Im crying and im not eating.
Im just gonna lock myself here.
I looked at my phone.
Yung wallpaper ko ay si Reinver,Yung may ice cream siya sa mukha.
But biglang may nagtext.
Its Rianne,My bestfriend.
From:Rianne Bes
"ZENIAHIA Where's Reinver?And what happen to both of you?Please im getting worried na,Textback"
Seryoso siya?
What happen to him?
Damn.
"Iya kakain na ng breakfast"
"IM NOT HUNGRY"
Ano kayang nangyari kay Reinver?DAMN.
From:Val Nunal
"Nunal Zen,Si REINVER at Ikaw?Wala na kyo?Nkta ko sia sa club kagabi,Tssss"
Nagkakaisa ba sila or what?
Nangongonsensya?
From:Vannienie
"Zen asan daw si Reinver?Hinahanap siya nila kuya eh?"
Damn where is he?
But what am i gonna do?
Nilagay ko sa cabinet yung phone ko at nilock yun.
PANO AKO MAKAKAMOVE ON KUNG SIYA LAGI ANG TANONG NA LUMALABAS SA PHONE KO?
Wala akong gana kumain.
A broken heart is the worst.
It's like having a broken ribs,Nobody can sees it,But it hurts everytime you breathe.
(A/N:Play niyo ulit yung song na THOUSAND YEARS,Gora na)
A shot to kill the pain.
A pill to drain the shame.
A purge to stop the gain.
A cut to break the vein.
A smoke to ease the crave.
A drink to win the game.
An addiction's an addiction.
Because it always hurts the same.
Ang bilis ng oras.
Gabi na pala.
So maghapon na pala akong nagkukulong dito.
And then again.
Im crying.
Naipon ata yung luha ko ng mahabang panahon kaya hindi ako maubusan.
Pumunta ako sa CR ko and may kinuha akong gamot.
Sleeping pills.
Inubutan nila ako ng pagkain kanina for dinner daw.
Hindi ko ginalaw.
Mangyayari nanaman sakin yung nangyari kagabi.
So i decided to take the sleeping pills.
5 yung ininom ko.
I wanna die.
Pero bakit ganun hindi padin ako makatulog?
I sit and look at myself in the mirror.
Ang panget ko.
Itong mukhang to ang may kasalanan.
Kumuha ako ng maibabato sa salamin.
At binato ko ito.
Nabasag ito at kumuha ako ng piraso.
"People keep on saying that you should always follow your heart"
Umiiyak nanaman ako.
Inalapat ko na sa wrist ko yung piraso ng mirror na nabasag.
"But when your heart gets Broken into pieces,Which piece should you follow?"
Umiiyak nako ng sobra.
And then i saw him.
In my window.
Standing thier.
Smiling.
Tumayo ako at nilapitan ko siya.
But sa isang iglap bigla siyang nawala.
Napaupo ako sa terrece at umiyak ng umiyak.
"Reinverrrrrrrrrr pleaseee come back"
And then BLACKOUT.
________________________________________________________________________________
One week na ang nakaraan.
And its still the same.
Walang progress.
Walang pagbabago.
Ganon padin.
Mahal ko padin si Reinver.
Everyone says love hurts,But that is not true.
Loneliness hurts.
Rejection hurts.
Losing someone hurts.
Envy hurts.
Everyone get these things confused with love.
But in reality.
LOVE is the only thing in this world that covers up all the pain and makes someone feel wonderful again.
But in my case im begging for love.
Or should i say i let go the one i love.
Im the most LONELY person in this world.
You know what worse is?
When im sitting every night in the dark in the wee hours gently crying.
NOBODY knows what's going on with me.
How could anybody realize,What's happening?
Everybody i know is resting peacefully in thier bed awaiting the new day tomorrow.
But for me,There's no difference in the days.
They pass monotonously.
And before i knew it.
ITS ALL GONE.
"Iya your crying again,You know what if he truly loves you,He probably go here and...."
I gave him a glare,Im telling him to stop.
Cause i cant stop my tears anymore.
"Wipe your tears,Dad wants to talk to you"
Ngayon ko na lang siya ulit kakausapin.
Damn ang sarap niya patayin.
SIYA ang dahilan kung bakit ako nangungulila ngayon eh.
Alam ko na ngayon kung BAKIT hindin nagwork ang relationship nila ni Mom.
Have you ever wondered which hurt the most?
Saying something wishing you had not?
Or saying nothing and wishing you had?
"Dad?"
"Iya,What happen to you and that boy?"
"We're over,Just what you said"
"Great job,Come"
He hugged me.
I need him now,I need a parents who could understand.
"Im doing this for your own good Iya,Dont hate me please"
"I love you princess"
"Your mom will be here,This week,She will get you and come with her,Ok?"
"Opo,Matutulog nako"
Mom stays in the HOTEL.
Yeah ayaw kasi ni Kuya Zed makita ang pagmumukha niya.
He kiss my forehead.
I know he feels sorry for me.
Damn tears please dont fall.
Dad do you love me?
Cause if you do,Why are you doing this to me?T__________T
Before my tears fall,Lumabasa nako ng office niya.
This things happen to me in the whole week:
Some days are harder than other.
Some days i cant even think.
Some days i cant eat or sleep.
Some days i cant even leave my bed.
Some days i feel like giving up.
But then here i am,Still acting strong.
You know why am i not giving up?
Cause Reinver been my strength.
He is the reason why im still continuing my life,And i hope someday,WE find our way back together.
I get my phone 1 week ko tong hindi ginagalaw.
I open it and tears fall down in my eyes.
I got 59 missed calls and 107 message.
They truly care for me,But im still ignoring them all.
Sorry.
I checked all the message.
"BES Please where is Reinver?"
"Zen please answer my call"
"ZENIAHIA what and where is Almighty?"
"Zen galit na si Rianne,Please reply"
"I know you need a friend right now,Answer my call please"
"Where is the Zen i knew back then?"
Puro ganyan yung mga text nila.
Am i a Lost and Found?Criminal?
Or they just making drama,So that Reinver and I could be ok again?Damn.
I miss him a lot.
1 week palang i feel like dying.
What if it is Forever?
I get the ring Kuya Zen gave me.
Its a R ring.
I wore it,Tatanggalin ko lang to pag ready nako ipagpatuloy ang buhay ng wala si Reinver.
*Beeeeeezzzzzzzzzzz Beeeeeeeeeezzzzzzzzzzzzz*
Someone texted me,Its Rianne.
I opened it and tears fall.
I remember whe we talk about HAPPY ENDING.
--
He call me in the middle of the night.
(Will you be my princess?)
"Your princess?"
(Yes)
"What do princess gets?"
(Love,Happiness,A happy ending and me)
"A happy ending?"
(Yes,A happy ending)
"Do they exist?"
(If im with you,Then yes)
--
Pano ba yan Reinver?You're not with me.
So it thats means?There's no happy ending?
Damn,Is this the ending your giving me?
My tears is not stopping.
Have you ever read something that killed you inside?
Like a text message.
Everything was going fine until you accidentally came across something you didnt want to read.
Or found out something you were better off not knowing.
But you constantly read it over and over again to torture yourself.
It suck how one little thing can ruin your whole life.
Fr:Rianne Bes
"Zennnnnn nakita nanamin si Reinver,Hmmm ang kaso hindi na siya mamukaan,Will he's not breathing anymore"
HE'S NOT BREATHING ANYMORE.
HE'S NOT BREATHING ANYMORE.
HE'S NOT BREATHING ANYMORE.
HE'S NOT BREATHING ANYMORE.
HE'S NOT BREATHING ANYMORE.
HE'S NOT BREATHING ANYMORE.
Parang sirang plakang nag play yun sa isip ko.
Is she serious?
What does it mean?
"HE'S NOT BREATHING ANYMORE."
Maybe he's in coma?
Or maybe because im not with him anymore?
Or....
Maybe he's died.
Damn zen no he isnt.
Matapang siyang tao,Hindi hindi siya mamatay ng dahil dun.
-___________________-
My tears starting to fall again.
Im still shock.
That's not true.
He wouldn't leave me just like that.
He's not dead.
May pumasok bigla sa kwarto ko,I wiped my tears.
Its Hanz.
Yung mukha niya parang biyernes-santo.
What is he trying to do or say?
He sitted next to me at bumuntong hininga.
"I heard what happen,Are you ok?"
What is he talking about?
Am i ok?Do i look like ok?Stpid question.
Hanz what are you trying to say?
I cant talk.
Para bang anytime na magsalita ako bigla nalang tutulo yung luha ko.
"Reinver is Dead"
O.O
O.O
O.O
O.O
*Blink.Blink*
Do i heard it right?
Or do i need to buy a hearing aid?
I must have been mis-heard it.
T________________T
"Rianne call me awhile ago,And she say......."
"STOP"
I cant take this anymore.
I cant breath.
I cant believe this is happening.
He cant die.
I need him.
Reinver,Hon,Shaperon.
Please wake up.
Rianne is just kidding right?
Please tell me its not true.
Mas masakit pa to,Kesa sa break up namin eh.
May mas sasakit pa pala yun.
Siguro yung nararamdaman ko ngayon ay 5x pa sa sakit ng panganganak ng walang anestesia.
Parang nagLabor ako ng 10 years sa sakit.
Parang Kinuhaan ako ng Appendix.
Parang nabali yung lahat ng buto ng katawaan mo.
Parang yung puso mo,Hinati sa dalawang piraso.
At dinurog durog.
Ganyan ka sakit yung mga nararamdaman ko ngayon.
God bakit?
Alam ko po na naging masama ako at naging unfair sakaniya.
Pero sobra naman po kayo at kinuha niyo siya agad?
Dapat ako nalang po.
Wag na siya,Please.
Pwede po ba yun?
Kasi marami po ang nagmamahal kay Reinver at mas may maitutulong siya sa ibang tao.
Wag niyo na po siya kunin ah?AKO nalang po.
Please?
AKO nalang.
I feel someone hug me,Humangin tapos parang may bumulong sakin
"I love you Nhie"
Reinver please dont leave me.
Dont be like this,Please.
Umiyak ako ng umiyak,Who cares?Lumabas na kanina pa si Hanz.
"ZEN LUMABAS KA DYAN,LECHE KA,LUMABAS KA DYAN"
Familiar yung boses niya.
I wiped my tears.
And i brush my hair.
Nagpolbos ako at nag ayos ng damit.
Gusto kong magmukhang ok sa harap niya.
Well im really ok?I guess.
Bumaba nako kasi sabi nila nagwawala na siya.
Damn how did she get in?
And tama nga ako.
Here's the bitch.
Bitch=Britney!
Bumaba ako ng may ngiti sa labi.
At nasa likod ko si Hanz.
Sinugod niya ko kagad at sinabunutan.
Its ok,I deserve it.
Please padaliin niyo na yung buhay ko.
Could someone kill me now?
Sinabunutan niya ko ng parang walang bukas.
After that hindi pa siya nakuntento at sinuntok niya pa ko.
Damn that hurts.
Pinigilan siya ni Hanz.
"Zen why?Why did you break up with Reinver?Nawala siya nung araw din na nakipagbreak ka,Tapos after 1 week natagpuan nanamin yung bangkay niya,Yes bangkay Zen,He's gone now in yor life,In our life,Are you happy?You might be super happy"
She's crying.
Damn tears magtiis ka muna at wag kang tumulo ah.
"So?Condolence,And get your ass out of here"
I said that in cold tone.
O.O That's her firstd reaction but it turn like this >.<
So sinugod at sinabunutan niya nako ulit.
And then punch me again.
Dapat nagdala nalang siya ng baril,Tapos binaril ako.
I might be so much thankful kung may gagawa nun.
Can i hire a serial killer?
Tapos i-utos ko na patayin ako?
Is that helpful?
Para hindi ko na madama yung sakit.
After niya kung bugbugin,She flip her hair and walk away.
It must be relief to her.
And then i rush in my room and locked it.
Sawakas makakaiyak nako ng malaya.
Grabe ang hirap magpigil ng luha ah.
I cried again.
They cant see me cying.
Dapat silang lahat ay magalit sakin para hindi na sila masaktan.
Para hindi ko na sila lahat masaktan.
I looked what happen in my face.
Damn puro dugo.
Dugo sa labi sa mata.
Umiyak ba ko ng dugo?
Damn -___________________-
"ZEN AE YOU OK?"
"Im fine"
"Come,Lets eat?"
"Im not hungry?"
"Zen twice a week ka lang kumakain,Please dont tortue youself its not your fault"
"Im better,I promise"
It is my fault.
But i never regret any of it.
Maybe sometimes.
But Reinver,Completed me and love me as me.
When you found someone who love you and accept you,You will feel drifting apart when they leave you.
Reinver dont you know?How hurt am i?
How much suffering im getting right now?
How i tried to smile?
How much tears falls in my eyes?
How i want to die and be with your side.
Please Reinver,Kunin mo nako.
Wala ng silbi ang buhay ko pag nawala ka.
I got to our bathroom.
Kumuha ako ng Sleeping pills.
I will sleep forever with you Reinver.
I get 10 piece.
At ininum ko na.
I cried.
Why?
Whys is this happening?
Pwede naman ako nalang?
I hate it.
And the blackout.
Damn my head hurts.
What the hell?
Where am i?
Am i already in heaven?
Or am i in ohhhhh.
Puting kisame,Puting mga gamit,PUTI lahat.
AAh nasa hospital ako.
Damn bakit hindi pa ko natuluyan?
Bakit hindi niyo pa po ako kinuha?
"OMG,Iya are you ok na?"
"Ate iya,Ok kna po ba?"
"Iya?Are you ok?Iya,Iya,IYA"
"ZEN"
Natauhan ako nung sinabi nila yung Zen.
I was shocked.
And i miss OG(Ohmay Girls),FG and of course REINVER :(
Why am i hurt like this?
And to think na ako ang nanakit sa sarili ko.
Major torture for myself.
"Zen,NAKO ANO BA KASING PUMASOK SA KOKOTE MO AT UMINOM KA NG SAMPUNG SLEEPING PILLS?HUH?"
"NAGAALALA NGA ANG KUYA MO AT ANG MGA MAGULANG MO"
"YUNG MAMA MO NATARANTA AGAD AT PUMUNTA DITO,HINDI KA BA NAAWA SA MGA TAONG NASA PALIGID MO?KUNG NASASAKTAN KA?PWEDE ALAMIN MO MUNA KUNG YUNG IBA DIN BA NA APEKTOHAN,ANO?NAISIP MO NA BA?HOW MUCH TROUBLE YOU HAVE CAUSED?HA ZEN?WE'RE SO WORRYING ABOUT YOU AND THEN YOU WANNA DIE,IM SO DISAPPOINTED TO YOU"
The hell?DAMN.
Im fcking crying again.
Hindi ko lang pala nasasaktan yung sarili ko,Yung mga taong nagmamahal din pala sakin ay nasasaktan pa ng mas sobra.
Im so damn childish selfish.
"Ate stop crying,Ate zen,You've been sleeping for 5 days"
5 days?Do i heard that right?
"Sabi nga po ng doctor ay himala na nabuhay ka po,Kasi nung dinala ka nila Kuya Zed ay nag 50'50 ka daw po"
WHAT?BAKIT HINDI PA TINULUYAN?
WALA NANAMAN AAKONG PURPOSE DITO SA MUNDO.
HE'S GONE AND IM NOW,NOTHING!
"Zen please for your dad,brother,cousin,me,juvie and your mom,Please stay strong and brave,Dont give up,And i know GOD has a purpose why he give you a second chance to live"
What is he's purpose?
Tomorrow is Reinver Burial.
I wanted to see him.
I want to be with him.
Damn someone knocked into the door.
And its my family.
Dad hug me.
"Sorry my daughter,PLEASE dont leave us again?HINDI namin kakayanin lahat"
"Sis?Please"
My mother look at me and cry.
I can feel her pain.
Sorry for all the people i been hurt.
Tao lang ako,LAGING magkakamali.
"Its time for us to move on,Iya you will leave tomorrow at susunod kami dun ng kuya mo with his wife,Ok?"
"Dad?"
"THIS IS FOR OUR FAMILY,WE'RE ALL STARTING OVER"
He mean it.
Damn do i really to move on and continue my life with my family?
But why?
Why did he gave me a second chance to live in this creepy world?
Im scared.
After i been decided umalis na kami sa hospital at umuwi na.
Beside kahit anong gusto ko,Sila parin ang masusunod.
Nasa jail nanaman pala ako.
At bukas nako hahatulan.
Do i should really continue this life?
Im still thinking about it.
I go to my cage and they were all being protective to me.
"ZEN BUMABA KA DYAN,LET'S TALK"
I think i know her,I miss her?Am i ready to face her?
I brush my hair and i smile.
I wanna look ok.
Taas noo akong bumaba at nakangiti.
Gusto kong umiyak dahil sa sobrang pagkamiss ko sakaniya.
Damn i feel she misses me too,Sorry T___T
"Why are you here,What's the problem?"
I said it calmly and in a sarcastic way.
And she slap me.
*Paaaaaaaakkkkk*
I deserve that one.
She hates me now.
My plan is working.
"Iya what's happening here?"
Sasampalan niya dapat si Rianne kaya hinawakan ko yung kamay niya.
Hindi ko na kaya pang pigilin yung luha ko.
"I deserve that one,So are you done?Leave me alone"
Aakyat na ko.
Hindi ko na mapigil yung luha ko.
I wanna hug her and says sorry for what i have done but i want her to forget about me.
Kasi baka mahirapan pa sila at ako pag nagkalayo nanaman kami.
"Hanggang kelan zen?"
Napahinto ako at pinunasan yung patulong luha ko.
Humarap ako sakaniya na parang wala lang.
"I beg your pardon?"
"Hanggang kelan ka magpapakaMANHID?Hanggang kelan ka magiging DUWAG?Hanggang kelan ka magiging BULAG?Hanggang kelan?"
"Hanggang sa maka alis nako dito"
I said it proudly!
This is the easiest way to get rid of them.
Baka pagsinungaban ko yung chance nato'
Hindi ko na kayanin at sumama ako kay Reinver.
I love him.
"Parehas talaga kayo ng kapatid mo,Begging me to stay,I feel pity for you and condolence"
She wipe her tears.
At agad agad siyang tumayo para
*Paaaaaaaaaakkkkkk*
Sinampal niya nanaman ako,I really deserve it.
I wanna cry.
I wish you all knew what it feels like.
"Wag ka maawa sakin Zen,Maawa ka sa sarili mo"
Awang awa na nga ako sa sarili ko.
I feel pity for myself.
Kasi hindi ako matapang,Im weak.
Kasi nagpapanggap lang ako,Pero sa loob loob ko,Gusto ko ng mamatay.
"At kung saka-sakaling bumalik yung bestfriend ko,Paki sabi na hindi na siya kailangan ni Reinver cause Reinver is DEAD"
I cant look at her eyes,Baka matuluyan yung iyak ko.
I can feel her pain,Ang kaso mas sobra lang yung akin.
Sa sobrang sakit parang gusto ko nadin sumunod sakaniya.
Nagising ako sa katutuhanan ng *Paaaaaaaaaaakkkkkkkk*
Sinampal ni Rianne si Kuya Zed.
I was shocked.
"Nakakaawa kayong dalawa,Ang tatapang niyo nga pero duwag kayong harapin ang mga problema niyo,You keep running away"
She's right.
We are not what other's think.
Sorry Rianne,I wanna thank you for always being there for me but this time kailangan ko ng samahan yung kapatid mo,He's waiting for me,Up there,Ikaw na bahala dito ah?:)
I made up my mind.
"Kung bumalik yung dalawang tinuring ko na kaibigan,Please tell to them na yung impostor nila,AY HINDI MAGALING UMARTE,Hindi ko kasi sila nakilala kanina"
Umiiyak siyang lumabas ng bahay,Sinundan siya ni Hanz.
And ako?Dali daling pumunta sa kwarto ko at umiyak ng umiyak.
Bukas na yung libing ni Reinver at bukas nadin yung alis ko.
Para talaga akong preso na hahatulan kung saan nako ilalagay.
Parabang guilty ako at kaylangan ilayo kasi salut ako sa lipunan.
Damn that's what i feel like now.
Pero i been decided that
"Iya we will start a new life,A new beginning my daughter,I love you my dear,Please dont leave us again,Just like that,Ok?"
Damn ang hirap pala.
Hindi maging ok.
I wanna be ok.
Not like this,Im fck hurt all over again.
Who will i choose?
"My daughter i dont want to ruined your life,Papunta ka palang,Pabalik nakami"
My tears stop and i look at her.
I laugh,Sarcasticly.
"Ano ba alam mo?Na teenager ako na inlove?Na nakipagbreak sakin yung lalaking mahal ko?Na ayoko pumunta sa ibang bansa dahil maiiwan ko ang mga kaibigan ko?"
Napatigil ako sa pagsasalita at huminga ng malalim.
Tumayo ako sa harap ng salamin at nasa likod ko siya nakikita niya yung reflection ko.
"I know what its like to want to die.
How it hurts to smile.
How to try to fit in,But you cant.
How you hurt yourself on the outside,To try to kill the thing on the inside"
She hugged me.
I need a friend right now.
But all i have is her.
"Every story has an end but in life every ending is just a new beginning"
I cry in her shoulder all night.
Nagising nalang ako ng 3:00.
At si Mommy ay tulog padin.
Yes tinanggap ko na siya.
Kasi kahit pagbalik-baliktarin pa ang mundo siya padin naman ang nanay ko.
Ang nag-ere sakin sa mundong ito.
Bumangon ako at nag ayos ng gamit.
Ready nako.
This is for myself
Naligo nako at nag-ayos.
Naka-all white ang getto ko ngayon.
Naka jacket din na white.
I looked at myself in the mirror and fixed my hair.
I changed a lot.
Ang laki na ng eyebugs ko.
Ang putla ng labi ko.
Namumula yung ilong ko.
Im like a zombie.
I need to get out of this place to moved on.
How can i moved on?
When im still in loved with him?
Damn.
Naglagay ako ng shades and put some lipstick at nagsumbrero din ako.
Am i ready to leave all the memories we make?
Ganun ganun ko nalang ba sasayangin yun?
I miss him a lot.
I wanna kiss him,One last time.
I wanna hug him.
I wanna held his hand.
I wanna be with him,Forever.
I'll always be thankful that God made you Reinver.
I may not say it most of the time,But i know here in my heart that you will always be the reasons why i keep believing that Gods want me to be happy.
But now you're gone,He wants to test my faith and stregth?
But im losing my faith this fast and im weak as i always am.
"Are you ready?"
Am i ready?
All i know is im ready to go with my mom.
But not with my life.
Am i ready to take a glimsed in the future?
Can i continue my life like nothing happens?
Kakalimutan ko na lang sila?
Ano bang naghihintay sakin sa buhay ko?
Sira na yung pangarap ko.
Sirang-Sira na.
Am i ready?
TO FORGET HIM?WHILE IM STILL CRAZY OVER HIM?
Kakayanin ko ba?O susuko nako ngayon palang?
"Yes ma"
Yan nalang yung lumabas sa bibig ko.
Nasa kotse nakami ngayon.
All ready.
I buried all the things he gave me.
But the necklace Kuya Zed gave me,Is still there.
He will always be in my heart.
Tumingin ako sa bintana at nasa tapat parin kami ng bahay.
Damn nakikita ko si Reinver at Ako na naguusap dun,Nagtatawanan at Inlove sila sa isa't isa.
ASAN na yun ngayon?
Habang umaandar yung kotse palabas ng subdivision ay nakikita ko nanaman kami na naglalakad pa uwi.
Hinawakan ko yung bintana.
My tears fall again,Damn sabi ko hindi nako iiyak eh.
Nadaanan namin yung Wang University.
Dito nabuo yung kami eh.
Nung hinihintay niya ko sa harap ng school.
Yung sa canteen.
Yung sa classroom.
Sa park dun sa puno.
Sa gym.
Damn i missed him.
I raised my head para hindi na tumulo yung luha ko.
At hinawakan ni Mama yung kamay ko.
Tumungo-tungo siya.
May mga motor na naka escort samin at may isa pang kotse na nakasunod samin.
Its already 01:30!
I wanna see him kahit sa isang saglit lang.
I wanna be with him.
I changed my mind.
"STOP THE CAR"
"But mam your dad say na..."-Driver
"I SAY STOP THE CAR"
"But....."-Driver
"JUST STOP THE CAR PLEASE"-Mama
I looked at her and she nodded.
Thanks ma.
Bumaba ako ng kotse at pumunta dun sa lalaking nakamotor.
I look at him,Evily.
Bumaba siya ng parang natatakot sakin.
Sumakay nako at pinaandar yung motor.
Im going to the Memorial Park.
Damn this is what i made the decision.
I parked my motor sa tapat niya.
How did i know na ditO?
They all texted me.
Thanks to them.
Wala nang tao dito,Kundi siya nalang.
Habang palapit ako sakaniya.
Nanghihina ako.
Yung tuhod ko nanginig habang palapit ng palapit sakaniya.
Nung nakita ko siya.
Tumulo yung luha ko.
I missed him.
Napaluhod ako at pinagmasadan mabuti siya.
Reinver Gellas Gennares!
Born in October,1,1993-MARCH 16,2010 :(
Justice for HIM.
Yan yung nakalagay sa
Tumulo yung luha ko.
I cant believe na i was looking at him.
He is really dead.
I want him so badly and now he's really gone.
"I wish that i had never met you"
"Then there would be no need to impress you,No need to want you,No need for loving you,No need for crying over you
No need for heartbreaks,No need for pain or tears,No need for forgotten promises,No need for crying myself to sleep,
No need,For everything you've done to make me feel like im lost"
Nakayanan ko pang sabihin yan sakaniya habang umiiyak.
Humangin nanaman.
At parang niyakap niya ko.
Ayoko na Reinver,Ang sakit sakit na kasi eh.
Sobra ka na.
Mas hinigpitan niya yung yakap sakin,Hindi ako makahinga.
Im crying.
"But then again,Im glad i did meet you,Cause you were the one who always asked me if anything was wrong,
You are the one who loved me for me,The one who cared when everyone else didnt,The one who listened,
The one who stayed up lated just to talk about the randomest shit over,You are the one i told secrets to,
The one who taught me new things,The one who laughed at my bad jokes,The one who did things,"
Napabuntong hinga ako at pinipigil yung luha.
Medyo lumuwag na yung pagkayakap niya sakin,Please reinver :(
"Just for me"
At tuluyan na siyang nawala sakin.
Kumalas na yung hug niya sakin.
Tumakbo ako para habulin siya ang kaso nadapa ako at napa-upo.
And then again i cry.
It so hard to be strong,When you're so broken.
I will hold on you forever,Reinver.
IM READY.
"I fight you Reinver,Until my last breath"
THE END!