Song: Storm inside of you by Veronica Ballestrini
I have been practicing all week, even on Wednesday night after being strangled by my father. My throat was a little sore but I still practiced because I don't want to mess up in front of everyone. If it was up to me I wouldn't even bother doing the talent show, however Emily would be hurt. So I have to at least try. I found a song that I feel that I can relate to because I have been going to therapy and my grandparents have been taking me to church on Sundays. I'm trying to get better but I know it is going to take a while, maybe a long while. My grandparents are going to the school to see me sing as well, only because Emily and Weston have been bragging about it all week long.
Weston has been begging me to sing to him while we are on the phone. He even mentioned doing it on facetime but I just can't bring myself to do it. I keep telling him that he will have to wait just like everyone else.
I wake up early to take a shower. I decide to wear the floral sundress that I wore on my first date with Weston. Yes I know everyone will see my scars that line my arms but Grammy was right I shouldn't be ashamed of who I am and what I have done. I have been hiding it long enough. The only ones I ever let see are my grandparents and Weston. I haven't even got up the courage to show Emily. I don't want people to feel sorry for me. After yesterday, everyone seen the bruises on my neck, hell this isn't much worse. At school I wear long sleeves even if it's like ninety degrees...I pretend that I am cold but really I don't want people staring.
When I get downstairs to sit at the table, they both look at me in shock.
"What?" I ask looking down at my dress. "Do I look that bad?"
"No not at all, you're beautiful. However are you sure you want to wear that today?" Grammy asks in surprise.
"I'm positive...you were right I shouldn't be ashamed of anything."
"Well...alrgihty them. Would you like me to help you with some make-up?"
"Nope...I'm going as me...the real me."
I run back up stairs to get my backpack. I see myself in the mirror and stop and stare at myself longer. The dress is really cute with thin straps over the shoulders; it fits nicely against my body and flares out at the bottom just right above my knees. Most of my bruises are healed now, well except for the ones around my neck. My eye has a faint bruise and is a light yellow. I turn my arm to see all the scars, old scars and new. Most of them I did myself. I run my fingers along the five that are parallel and so straight and perfect. They are light now but you can still see them. Then the worst one that goes from my elbow to my wrist, it's all crooked and wickedly scary to look at. It has not healed all the way and it still looks pretty bad.
One day everything will heal but today everyone will see the real me. I take a deep breath then head downstairs.
Today Weston is picking me up. When he pulls into the drive, I dash out of the house. He gets out to open the door for me. Before I get in he pulls me into him, his arms around my waist and he looks down at me.
"I love this dress on you." He says with a smile and I think he just winked at me.
"Awe...thanks. Sure it's not too much?"
"No not at all...so going all natural today. You sure you want to do this?"
"Why does everyone keep asking me that? Grammy and Pops just said the same thing."
"There is nothing wrong with it. I just didn't know about everyone at school, you know?"
"Well I can't hide forever, can I?"
I kiss him again and slide into the car. I so love his car. I can't wait to have my own. I watch as he walks around to get in. Today he is wearing jeans and a band t-shirt 'Panic at the Disco.' He has even gotten me listening to the music. I still can't get over the fact that he likes me...for me.
When we get to school we both get out at the same time and he meets me behind the car to take my hand in his. He walks me in. I notice eyes watching us all the way in. His friends greet him as he enters the school. A few people tell me hi and say good morning. I just smile at them because I really don't know what to say and I feel like I'm going to puke. My anxiety is getting the best of me and my grip tightens around Weston's hand. He leans into me and whispers, "Everything alright?"
"Yes, thanks for walking me in today." I am so thankful that he has me in case I fall. I wish my heart would calm down, it's beating so rapidly.
At ten o'clock everyone makes their way to the gym, because the whole school can't fit into the theater, plus parents, grandparents and other guest are coming to watch.
Everyone that is doing the talent show has to wait out front as the principle gives a speech welcoming everyone. I feel like I'm going to be sick. I don't hear a word that he says. He is saying something about giving everyone their undivided attention and to respect those who are in the show because it is hard getting out in front of hundreds of people. Wait did he say hundreds...I am going to be sick. This is nothing like the play; at least I had other people on stage with me. We all have to draw a number out of a hat to see what order we have to go in.
I happen to draw number sixteen, which happens to be the very last one to go. The good thing is I can watch everyone else go. Even though I really don't pay attention to them. It's not that I'm being rude or anything it's just my anxiety is hitting me hard. I feel cold and sweaty all over. My heart is racing and I keep fidgeting with the hem of my dress.
Mrs. Banks comes over to me. "Cecilia are you ok you look like you're going to be sick?"
"It's because I am nervous," my voice is a little shaky.
"You're up next. You got this you know?"
I walk closer to the door waiting on my name to be called.
"Cecilia?" she says.
I look up at her, "yeah."
"I'm so proud of you for doing this today. I'm proud of you for not giving up and for being you."
I hug her so tight and one single tear drops down my cheek. "Thanks Mrs. Banks for being there for me. You're like the best teacher ever like in the whole wide world."
I hear my name but my feet are frozen to the floor.
"Cecilia...you got this...you go out there and you just be you." She smiles and that smile alone gives me the strength to go out there in front of all those people.
I nod my head and open the door. The gym is loud with chatter, until my foot hits the main floor. I can feel all eyes on me and distant whispers about me. I walk up to the microphone that is on a smaller stage that they put in for today.
Butterflies flutter in my stomach. I'm trying to calm my nerves, biting my bottom lip till it almost bleeds. I search for my grandparents and find them sitting in the guest section. Then I search for Weston. He is up front with Emily. Both of them give me a thumbs up. He mouths... "you got this."
The music starts to play but I'm so nervous that I don't say a word. Crap I can't do this. Mrs. Banks walks out to the stage. "I'm here. You can do this. You ready?"
I shake my head as I watch her walk over to the side. The music starts again and at first I am very low but as the music goes I get a little louder... I sing 'Storm inside of you' by Veronica Ballestrini, because I'm sure I'm not the only one who has bad thoughts in their head and has had things happen to them. I stare at Mrs. Banks blocking everyone out around me. When I am done everyone is clapping and screaming out my name. I get cold chills when everyone stands up and continues to clap. I didn't realize I was even crying till Mrs. Banks hands me a few tissues.
I also didn't realize we had judges and we have to wait to hear who won. After a ten minute debate they announce the top three.
Third place wins twenty dollars. Second place got fifty dollars and first place gets one hundred dollars. That's crazy for a high school talent show. So when my name is called for the first place I'm shocked but everyone in the gym cheers for me. I walk back up on the small stage to get the envelop and certificate from the principle. The certificate has Talent Show written at the top the first place winner and my name written under it in pretty hand writing.
I am loss for words. I never imagined that I would win. I mean really that just happened.
Weston and Emily come over to me afterwards and both are smiling and congratulating me. Grammy and Pops along with Mrs. Banks also come hug me and then leave.
The rest of the day everyone talks about me singing and how amazing my voice is. And I know that they all seen the bruises and the scars but no one says a word about it.
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Author's Note: Just want to say if you or anyone you know have thoughts of suicide please seek help. We all have our demons and our inner demons that we have to face every day and some days it's too much to handle. But hold on---the sun will shine again...
Thanks to all of you for taking the time out to read about Cecilia. Thanks for voting!