BROOKE HUGGED NED ONCE SHE GOT TO SCHOOL. It caught the boy off guard and caused a few glances in their direction as she dropped all her weight against him, too tired to keep going, wanting nothing more than to just disappear into the floor and take a break, to keep time from moving to just let her rest.
"What happened?" he asked, once she pulled away, and she shrugged, shaking her head as she simply watched him get books from his locker, the boy still waiting for a response.
"I just don't want to talk about it," she croaked, and he gave her a confused look, but said nothing, instead reaching into his bag and pulling out a small box.
It was small and almost rectangular, except for the multisided top and bottom, with a panda on the front with the words, 'HELLO PANDA,' written in large font, depicting small, panda head-shaped cookies with chocolate filling on the inside. He handed it to her, pulling out one of his own, before taking her hand and walking with her to their first period class.
They had a few classes together, and she had been shocked to find that he had been the boy she had drawn the Darth Vader helmet for. She hoped it hadn't come off as strange, and he assured her that it didn't, that he really liked it but hadn't known what to do with it, but she had clearly seen it hanging up in his locker one of the days she waited for him to walk to their next class.
"My mom gets these at the Filipino store she goes to sometimes. I saw you had used your transmitter yesterday, so I brought these just in case," he said, and she sighed, hating how predictable it was that she would be upset, but unable to truly care too much, because he hadn't made it for her because things seemed to be going well, and the fact that he thought of her was sweet enough.
She pressed the perforated edge that opened the lid of the box, pulling out the packet with the cookies, ripping it open and pulling one out, examining the image of the panda playing tennis. Her lips tried to twist into a smile as she popped it into her mouth, happy with the chocolate and graham taste.
Ned was simply looking at her, not waiting for her to speak or to tell him anything; he was simply looking. She tried to understand why, but the only thing she could think of was her conversation with Liz, which made her blush and stare at her hands.
Liz had said she liked Ned, and she hadn't exactly told her she didn't. But at the same time, she wasn't sure if she did. She tried not to think about it as she continued to eat her cookies, glancing over to the boy who was eating his own, checking his phone.
"Is Peter coming to school, I heard he had skipped out on the Decathlon thing, isn't he gonna be in huge trouble?" she asked, and Ned nodded, putting his phone down.
"I told him to text me when he finally gets to school, because we really need to talk. I think we'll see each other during break, probably. It's gonna be all over the school, it's insane. What-what happened with Spider-Man saving us, I mean," Ned said, and his delivery at the end had her raising her eyebrows, but she chalked it up to nerves of some sort; she tried not to think of them as nerves because of her, because she was too tired to think about it.
"Liz was really shaken up," she said, and Ned looked surprised, "I know, she came to school today and everything, but she was really scared. I'm thinking she might even go home early today."
She wondered if she could also be lumped in on that, because she did not want to be at school, not with the way she was feeling.
"You know, we haven't been at school that long, but a lot's happened, you know?" he asked, and she nodded earnestly, struggling to breathe as she thought of everything that had happened, wondering how they had even found themselves in their position in the first place.
"Liz brought my paintings to school when she came early, so they're hanging up now, I should try to see if there are any I want to do. I kind of want to do something in homage to the monument. Liz said there was a window at the top, so I could do something like that, maybe with Spider-Man looking in," she offered, and Ned's eyes widened as he motioned towards her with his mouth full, trying to show how excited he was at the prospect.
She pulled her sketchbook out, and Ned immediately averted his gaze. She was always shocked whenever he did, because she had never met someone who didn't even glance over at her sketchbook, curiosity too great. But while Ned was endlessly curious, he knew what it was like to have his things intruded upon.
"In middle school, our teacher wanted us to journal, and if we folded the paper over, she wouldn't read it," he had explained to her when she had finally asked him why he didn't look him, "And I'd bring it home from school, and sometimes I'd fold it over. My parents, they're not awful or anything, but they'd always go through my phone and laptop history 'cause they always thought I was looking at porn. I wrote in my journal about the one time I did, and I come home and they're confronting me and they have my grandparents on Skype with them, and it was so horrible. So I know when to keep my mouth shut."
It still hurt Brooke to think about it. It still hurt her to look at Ned and see a boy who smiled all the time and brought her cookies when he thought she'd be sad, and she didn't understand how he was so okay. He had one friend who seemed to have forgot about him and people hardly respected him, yet there he was, still smiling.
She reached out and touched his hand. "Can you tell me what you think of some of my thumbnails? Since it's Homecoming week, Principal Morita wants me to put up some more spirited ones, so I'm going to find some easier ones. And I'll do the Spider-Man one too. Maybe I'll do three, including the Spider-Man one?"
"That sounds like a good idea," Ned said, but she knew he was hardly thinking about it, his eyes already shining as she handed over her sketchbook to let him flip through it, careful that it wasn't the one filled with drawings of him.
She still had to draw him from reference. He didn't post many pictures online, so she could only really draw him at school, but she was fine with that. She was more than fine, she was happy with that.
It was nice to know that she was still happy with certain things.
º º º
Ned had texted her, letting her know that he was going to talk to his teacher about a test that had been incorrectly graded and that Peter had gotten in trouble. She worried briefly about the boy, as he seemed to be getting himself into trouble recently, but simply pocketed her phone and made her way to the paintings, wanting to grab the confessions before they piled up.
Just as she put away her ziplock bag, she heard footsteps approaching, and she broke out into a cold sweat, her nerves singing as she adjusted her backpack, pretending to stare at her own paintings; she still hadn't given Liz hers, and she didn't feel comfortable putting it up.
"Hi."
She felt a variety of reactions. She jumped at the sound, then bristled at the voice, then sighed at the feeling of exhaustion and frustration already overtaking her, even at the mere greeting, then a pang of guilt for the feeling itself.
She turned to find River looking at her, her hands gripping her backpack straps. The girl looked the same as she always did, and Brooke figured she must look the same. Brooke didn't respond at first, instead simply nodding before turning her attention back to her paintings.
She wasn't sure if she could handle this, not today. She would readily admit she hoped it was never.
"How have you been?" River asked, and Brooke turned back to look at her, figuring that she had to reply.
It had been only a week since they had last spoken, and Brooke felt much lighter, but she was sure River felt heavier. She wished she could say she felt guilty for how harsh she had been, but the memories of River being just as harsh—blaming her for her terrible life and calling her a bad friend for not being at the ready to respond to her texts at any waking moment—and she felt her heart harden.
Ned or no Ned, she didn't deserve a friend who treated her poorly. But she did owe the girl an explanation of sorts at some point. Not now.
"I've been good," she said, because she couldn't say great, but she couldn't say good either.
"I heard about what happened to Liz," River said, and Brooke braced herself for what was coming next, prepared herself for the scathing comment or the passive aggressive remark, bit her tongue to keep from lashing out again.
"I'm sorry that happened."
Brooke faltered, looking at the girl. It must have shown because River continued, "I mean, I don't like Liz, but I don't want anyone to die, you know? I mean, I talk about how great life would be without stupid people, but..." she trailed off, catching herself, "I'm sorry. That it happened."
It wasn't the nicest of statements and didn't quite make the mark it needed to, but Brooke knew River. She knew what she was like when she apologized because she didn't want her to leave or be angry because she was just manipulative, she knew that River. She knew the River who never apologized because she never thought she was wrong.
This was the closest Brooke had ever heard to a real apology, even if it wasn't quite one to begin with.
"Thanks for understanding," was all she found to say, but that seemed to be enough for River.
"Brooke."
The two girls turned to find Liz walking towards them, her arms curled around herself and her head bent low. "Wyatt's coming to pick me up, but Dad is dropping by to sign me out, do you want to go home? Or you can use the Uber."
Brooke had a feeling this would happen. Liz was normally fine and, if no one had asked, she wouldn't have been bothered by her near death experience. But she knew how Liz reacted to certain questions and how she felt having to go through the same thoughts. Her sister could handle stress to a high degree, but Liz was always balancing precariously over the edge and, at some point, she had to fall.
"I'll go home," she said, glancing to River who was watching Liz with a confused expression, "I'll see you around, River."
If she was speaking truthfully, she would be okay if she did.
º º º
Brooke didn't speak to her father, but he did speak to her. She sighed as she propped her elbow up onto the window and leaned her head against her hand, wishing she could fish out her earbuds and plug them in, drown out his noise.
"You know, I wanted to drop by that hallway where your paintings were. I saw Liz carrying them out, they looked great," her father said as they neared their house, still desperately trying to talk about his daughter and her achievements to get her to look at him.
She didn't say anything, not even moving to indicate that she heard him. He sighed, but didn't get upset, simply accepting that she was upset, though he didn't understand why. That was it, he didn't understand, because there was no way to make him.
No one was winning in this scenario, and she started to wonder why she even bothered.
"Pumpkin," her father said as they pulled into the driveway, Brooke already jumping out of the car, "Hey, can you just wait for a second?"
She took a deep breath and sighed as she waited by the side of the car, staring straight forward as she waited for him to speak, not making any indication that she was listening; she would try to think over her choices when she was alone.
"Listen," her father sighed, tapping the back of the passenger side seat, "I'm sorry about all the problems we've been having. Now, you don't have to talk to me or do anything. I just want you to know that I love you, okay?"
She took a deep breath and sighed against, shifting her backpack to let him know he heard, and went into the house. Then he was backing out of the driveway and she was home alone.
º º º
She had turned off her phone and simply pulled up YouTube videos on her laptop, letting them play in the background as she worked on thumbnails, spreading out the confessions. She tried to pick the ones that were more lighthearted, more about the school and how much they appreciated being there, which was stated multiple times by a few people.
She thought of her father who always talked about how it was hard to send them to a good school, but that it was important that they get the head start they needed. He understood it would be hard for them, so he wanted them to have all the help they could get.
She bit her lip as she set them aside, glancing up to the art vlog she was watching, then over to her phone. She hadn't touched it in a while, and she had been so wrapped up reading all the confessions and thinking that she hadn't realized that school was already out.
When she pulled out her phone, she found five messages. One from her mother, congratulating her on the A-minus she received on her most recent Physics exam. One from her father asking what ice cream she wanted him to bring home for dinner. One from Liz which was a selfie of her and Wyatt, the older girl looking much more at ease than she had before.
Then two from Ned. The first was a link to a news video about Spider-Man and an eleven o'clock ferry to Staten Island that had gone haywire. The video was horrifying to watch and she found herself exiting out before the end, her heart racing.
The second made her heart race for another reason.
from: Ned (5:15 pm)
I hope you feel better, I heard
you went home. Video chat if
you want, I always like hearing
from you.
She felt her heart skip a beat and her stomach twist into knots, a smile fighting its way to the surface. She could work with this. It was a start.
AUTHOR'S NOTE
( 08.15.18 )
I just realized that the montage scene where Peter asked out Liz took place in one day because their clothing didn't change, so today is Monday and I'm gonna assume that took place on Tuesday because it was the next day, so we're gonna have to work with that...I hate literally everything.
I kinda forgot what this chapter was supposed to be about, so I just had it be this and it's gonna tie in with Chapter 22 and part of 24, because 21, 23, and 25 follow different themes, 21 and 23 being more of the same while 25 is the end of the story, so just so ya'll know why this touched on stuff but didn't resolve anything, it's like the beginning of the end, if you will.
Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed!