I sigh, already feeling my heart beginning to pick up its pace at the memories. The awful memories that are going to have to come up just so I can tell Jesse what terrible things P.A.M.A. made him do. But if I don't, he's going to remember himself. And his memories are corrupted and twisted and just truly nightmarish.
"When you got chipped, it was the worst. Worst sight I've ever saw. Worst feeling I've ever felt. Just the absolute worst."
Jesse's red eyes, glowing dead, as he stood there perfectly still. A statue of what he was only a moment ago.
"It was like you died. One moment, screaming and thrashing to get away and then... poof..." I distantly made the gesture with my hands, numbing tingles jumping all over my body. "...gone.
"I was stunned, Petra was furious, and Ivor was trying to think how to get out of there. If P.A.M.A. didn't get overloaded, we would all be chipped right now."
"Not without Jesse! We don't leave him!"
"We might not have a choice!"
"I don't know what happened to you after that, because you didn't chase us when we fled the town."
Running, running in a desert but feeling so cold. Dread chilling all my muscles, terror shaking me to the core. No idea what to do, so hopeless about everything.
"It was awful! I didn't know how to help you, I didn't know what to do, I was panicking, everything seemed so hopeless. Everything was hopeless! I didn't know how to make Ivor or Petra feel better or how to talk to Harper, everything was just..."
Petra and Ivor bickering, their voices humming under mine. I can particularly feel cold sweat drip down my body again and my heart hammering frantically as I search for some answer to something.
"We get to Harper's lab, and it was the most bewildering conversation I've ever had. She was so strange, and you are always so good with people that I never realized how hard it is to just get someone to tell you something!"
My hands tingle as the same hair pulling frustration bubbles inside of me. Wanting to ask, not wanting her to find me rude and not help us. Trying to calm down Petra, or at least hold her back, while making sure Ivor doesn't do anything stupid and trying to figure out this lady.
"While getting into her lab is when P.A.M.A. attacked." Jesse's green sword glimmering as he approached us. "The spiders went after Harper and you kept us busy."
"It is useless to defy me."
I shake my head, doing nothing to keep out Jesse's red eyes as P.A.M.A. spits out words in his twisted voice. "P.A.M.A. cut through us like we were nothing. None of us actually wanted to hit you, but even if we were trying to hit you we would still have been demolished. Breaking Petra's arm, hurting her head, and I'm not sure if you broken anything in Ivor's face."
The expressionless red eyes glowing as Ivor falls back, Petra thrown to the ground like her skills were nothing, waterfalls roaring in my ears as my heart hammers uncontrollably in my chest.
"Then P.A.M.A. told us..." The sharp clang of metal rings in my ears, my heart trying to break my ribs. "It said-"
"Jesse was starving..."
"Th-that's when-"
"...sleep deprived and emotionally exhausted..."
"P.A.M.A. t-told us-"
"...his own friends did this to him and never bothered to help."
"P.A.M.A. said how you were suffering!" My throat feels raw, as if I've just been screaming over waterfalls. "In your own corrupted voice it said how we were destroying you!"
Nerves in my shoulder light up, and I jump to the side. Blinking furiously as I realize that there are tears seeping out, my heart pounding like no tomorrow as my hands quiver madly. My ears ringing with the distant shouts of Petra and Ivor yelling.
The bursting heart in my chest slams to a halt and drops in my stomach when I look at Jesse. Green eyes that aren't red, green eyes that have emotion and have thoughts behind them. Green eyes that would never hurt his friends, never in a million years.
But it was his friends, it was me, that made these eyes so dull.
A new wave of tears spring to my eyes and I throw my arms around Jesse, locking him there. I press my forehead into his cool armor, tears slipping onto it and sliding down. My fingers shaking as they desperately clutch onto the armor, making sure he can't leave.
"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry for just expecting you to do everything. I'm sorry I never bothered to ask you how you were feeling when you would check up on us constantly. I'm sorry for never helping you and just leaving all the hard jobs to you. I'm sorry that while you put up with our homesickness we pressured you into keeping yours down. I'm sorry for never taking the time to see that you weren't eating. I'm sorry for never giving you the chance to rest. I'm sorry for being such a terrible friend when you've been amazing. I'm sorry. I'm so very sorry."
I take in a deep breath and let go of Jesse, my lungs shuddering as I release it. My heart beats as if it had the energy to power a beacon. Muscles quivering as they tighten their hold, tears suspended in my eyes as I just sit there.
"Lukas..." My poor heart takes a direct blow when I hear Jesse's quite frankly shattered voice. I didn't cross a line did I? Are apology rants bad for naturally selfless people that take everything upon themselves? I didn't make anything worse did I?
"I-I never thought you were ever a bad friend." That's it, I know I woke up some demon. I snap my hands to Jesse's shoulders, holding him arm's length away before he can say another word.
"And I never thought about your well being until the very moment P.A.M.A. told us you were suffering. I was worried for you, but I never stopped to think about how you were doing. How you were taking everything that has been shoved onto you. Even during the Wither Storm when you were doing so much for me and I never returned the favor."
Jesse opens his mouth, but I shake my head. "Just please, don't think about everything you've done or what you haven't done, please don't. I want you to think how great of a friend you are and I want you to think about the fact you have three friends that are going hover over for a long time making sure you're okay all the time because you deserve it. Okay? That's what you get to think about, nothing else."
Jesse smiles, and my heart finally calms down when I see the true happiness in it. "Thanks Lukas, I- that means a lot."
And his eyes have life again! A big ol' whopping grin bursts onto my face and I drag him back into another hug. Chuckles bubbling from my stomach as sheer joy blasts throughout my body.
He returns the hug, but I don't think I'll ever tell him the true depths of how terrified I was the entire without him. I'll never speak to him, at least not again, about how I was constantly shaking with worry about how everything was going wrong and how hopeless everything looked without him there. I won't say how many times I wished he was there so he could talk to Petra or Ivor or even Harper.
I will let him know though. He'll learn by every time I ask him how he's doing after we go through every stressful hurtle that's thrown at us. He'll know when I won't hesitate to drop everything I'm doing or barrel through anything just to make sure he's alright. And he will definitely tell whenever anyone says anything rude to him when I, and Petra too, lash into that person.
"No matter what comes your way Jesse, I'll be there with you to fight it off. And you get to hear more of that until you can fully process how sorry I am and how determined I am to make it up to you every possible way."
A slight damp sensation comes from my shoulder. I smile and gently hug Jesse harder. Even though he may be crying, I know that he hasn't been so happy in a long time.
[End]
****
Ah, the end. Such a satisfying wrap up. I don't want to get repetitive so this is the end. I'll leave it to your imaginations how Petra and Ivor also apologize to Jesse and his recovery. This book had two goals to accomplish and now that they're finished, so is the book.
For those who are curious, and because I feel like sharing it, these are the two things I wanted the book to have. One, have it focused around Lukas, which means his friendship towards Jesse and how he helps him. Two, the first half of the book be about fighting P.A.M.A. and the second half the aftermath.
Although, there is a chance there'll be a squeal. Very much a chance, something not in solid stone. As of now, I have a vague idea of a book in Petra's perspective based in episode 8. And I mean vague, episode 8 is not the easiest episode to write about.
But I kinda liked this. Twisting an episode so where another character takes the spotlight. Jesse's great and super strong, no denying that, but it's fun forcing another character through the dark stuff Jesse goes through.
Although even if I do the squeal, it's going to have to wait. The next story has been clawing for attention recently and that's going to take this one's place. Although that book won't be updated as frequently, this book was only every four days because the plot was straight forward and easy for me until after Chapter 9.
AHH! Panic! Super long author's note!
So let me conclude this. Thanks to all of you who have read this! I really hope you enjoyed it! It was a ton of fun to write! (And it was super fun playing episode 7 a million times to get the dialogue!) I seriously don't know how to convey my gratitude to all of you, it is sadly impossible to hug all of you through Wattpad.
So bye! Thank you again for reading my story!