I fell into step beside Isabelle as she led me to the clear other end of the mall. It wasn't that I didn't know my way around the overcrowded three story building; I had just lost the desire and lacked the energy to try to find my way. Isabelle, mistaking my silence for confusion, had looped her arm through mine and promised to be my personal guide.
"I've been talking way too much about me." Isabelle broke the silence with a laugh. "How was your summer? Any flings?"
The question caused a tight knot to furl in the pit of my stomach. I could of told her then what happened, but even with the words forming on my lips, no sound proceeded passed them. It was as if somewhere in the process of my thoughts forming a coherent answer, I lost the ability to speak.
"What about Colt? You guys seem kind of cozy." She poked at the subject again, nudging my side playfully.
I shook my head immediately. "Absolutely not."
Isabelle eyed me skeptically but to my relief, didn't push at the subject any further.
I continued on beside her, feeling her hand cuff my forearm, eyes trained on something in the distance. Following her startled look, I was welcomed with the all too familiar sight of Kimmy Lee and her friends. I had never had a problem with the overly peppy cheerleader, with the exception of her persistence of trying to get me to join the squad since Freshman year.
The little water and food I'd ate started to come back up as I came to the realization of what seeing her meant.
Kevin wasn't far behind.
Swallowing my anxiety, I scanned my surroundings for any sign of him and grasped Isabelle's arm roughly. "Let's go."
Isabelle didn't have to be told twice. She shook my arm off gently and we continued ahead, eyes on the department store nearing in hopes Kimmy wouldn't notice us or would think we were too busy to stop and catch up.
"Avery! Isabelle! Hey!" Our passing of Kimmy was followed by an enthusiastic greeting that furled a cold knot in the pit of my stomach.
Isabelle smiled forcefully. "Hey, Kim."
"Avery, you know Lindsey was just kicked off the squad and there's another spot open again." Kimmy turned her attention to me, dark eyes glistening with excitement. I started to decline, but the words died on the tip of my tongue seconds before coming out.
Kevin had walked out of the shoe store a few feet away. The index and forefinger on his left hand curled around the straps of the white bag, his eyes on the phone in his other hand as his teeth grazed his bottom lip. I wasn't sure what was more sickening; the sight of him or knowing I had once found an action as simple as that attractive.
I staggered back a step, tripping over the tip of Isabelle's shoes and nearly fell backwards. I grasped the railing at my side to keep from hitting the ground, trying to steady my shaking hand. Isabelle eyed me weirdly from where she stood, her hand outstretched and body still in position to stop me from tumbling backward. Averting my eyes before she could see the fear that shone in them, I looked back to Kimmy.
We stood there in an awkward silence before my best friend shrugged a shoulder carelessly and muttered "Later losers."
Not offended in the least, the girls waved happily before following Kimmy and Kevin into the store. Despite them being out of hearing range, Isabelle waited until we were standing in the middle of the food court to lace her arm through mine and pull me closer.
"You didn't hook up with Kevin Marshall over the summer, did you?"
I was so taken back by the question that I only stared for a few minutes, tears stinging my eyes as desperation for the truth of what happened clawed at me. I managed to finally meet her eyes after a while, her eyes on the menu over my shoulder until I started talking.
"No." I breathed out, barely audible. "Definitely not."
*
"I wish my parents would let me revamp my wardrobe once and a while." Isabelle sighed, hanging the last of my new shirts in the closet. "But they'd probably have a heart attack if I came home with this many clothes."
Mr. and Mrs. Watson weren't strict by any means, but they both had grown up without much money and treasured every little thing they had. They had taught their kids to do so for as long as I'd known Isabelle, and though she didn't appreciate it now, she would eventually.
"I nearly am." A quiet laugh came from the hall. "Wow, Ave, what the hell is up with the new store?"
I lifted my head a fraction and caught sight of my brother leaning against the wall beside the door, a teasing smile playing on his lips.
Isabelle groaned dramatically, breaking the moment of silence between my brother and me. "Mom and Dad want me to go to the stupid Country Club with them. Some dinner thing. You wanna come?"
I had only made the mistake of attending the country club with Isabelle and the Watson's once. The place had been filled with a ton of rich adults with no desire to tend to their children's needs. Most of the kids, toddlers to teens, were shoved aside into one small room while their parents wandered around aimlessly, socializing and trying to prove their worth to other rich parents.
Needless to say, I saw my childhood standing right before me and the emotions had come with the memories.
"Not in a million years." I croaked.
Isabelle mocked me with a roll of her eyes before closing the distance between us and hugging me. She lingered for a minute longer than usual, her grip tightening, as if she were prompting me to say something. When I didn't, she dropped her arms to her side and said, "I will see you tomorrow. Hope you feel better, Ave."
She slapped a hand against Landon's shoulder on her way out with a crooked smile, disappearing down the hallway. I crossed my arms and stared at Landon as his eyes followed her out of the house, waiting until he was looking at me again to shake my head.
"She has a boyfriend."
Landon feigned innocence. "I have no idea what you're talking about."
I raised an eyebrow and he dropped his hands to his sides with an exhausted sigh.
"One can dream I guess, right?" he responded. "As long as it's no more than that, everyone is happy."
"Except you." I pointed out.
He shook his head, then rested it back against the wall. "I'm happy, Ave. I'll get over it. I'll see you down for dinner in a couple minutes, yeah?"
I nodded. He saluted me jokingly and ducked out of the room. I touched my fingers against the bed frame, eyes on my open bedroom window. A warm breeze was blowing in through the crack in it. Sadly, no amount of warmth would ever ease the coldness in this room or in me.
*
I fell on to my perfectly made bed, disheveling the sheets once I was down. To my relief, neither of the boys had been interested in hearing about any more than what Isabelle and I had done, and even then, had been bored enough by it to redirect the subject soon after.
Colton had looked my way a couple of times, full lips parted in preparation to speak, but would slowly shut as if he decided it'd be best for the both of us if he kept it that way.
And it was.
Whatever he thought he knew about what was going on with me was probably not close to being within the realm of the reality of what actually happened.
Opening my laptop now, I shifted it on my lap, then set it on top of my comforter and grabbed the Liquor bottle from the end of the bed. I unscrewed the lid, my nimble fingers loosening the cap as slow as possible, as if I were trying to find the little voice in the back of my mind ready to talk me out of it. When she didn't say a word, I took a swing and set it beside me again, laying it against a pillow.
I stared blankly at the Google screen that was casting a bright light across my face and the wall behind me. My fingers danced across the keys multiple times, always to be deleted and rewritten until I finally forced myself to look up what I'd been trying to the last two and a half months.
How to cope with the aftermath of rape.
***AN***
*Unedited*
Hope you guys enjoyed! Sorry for the late chapter!
Let me know what you think/thought!