Chapter 15
"Anthony," his smiling face makes my heart thump. I watch him sit on a white floor, waiting for me?
"Fabian..." fear consumes my body and soul. I take a step back and he stands.
"Anthony... goddess you're as beautiful as the moment I laid my eyes on you." He begins walking towards me and again my body tries moving away but I'm frozen.
"Don't run away. Stop running. I'm already dead, what's done is done." Once he's close enough to me he reaches out and touches my temple. His skin is warm and even though the sparks aren't there, I feel our connection. What we would have had if I hadn't...
"I'm so sorry!" Sadness and... despair race to the surface and I break down. "I'm sorry Fabian. I had a choice. I did! I just, I don't know why I didn't stop! I don't know why I was so scared. I couldn't stop when I was pulling that trigger... I couldn't-"
"Shh... it's okay Anthony. I forgive you. I was in a bad place, I was a bad person, there was a reason why I was your target. My death was probably the best thing that could have happened to me. But I forgive you, now it's time you forgive yourself."
"I can't! I can't. I can't-" Fabian brings me into his arms and I sob into his warm skin.
"You can, and you should. You will... Cedric will help you."
I start shaking my head, "definitely not Cedric. I can't be with Cedric-"
"Why not?"
"Because... he- he doesn't..."
"Doesn't...?"
"I don't deserve him."
"Oh Anthony."
"I don't! He's made his mistakes but he's a good man. I can't be his mate. Being mates is my punishment. She's punishing me because I killed you-"
"No. No Anthony. The moon goddess does not punish. She loves her children. She didn't pair you and Cedric up as a punishment, it's the complete opposite, she did it because you two complete each other."
"No. Jude and Cedric are supposed to complete each other. We-we were supposed to complete each other. But I ruined that. I ruined all of that."
"You didn't. If you hadn't done what you did, Cedric wouldn't have a mate."
"But I would have you. You'd be alive!"
He shakes his head, "if you hadn't killed me, I would still get murdered later on. You would have suffered from my death and you would have died along with me."
"How do you know that?"
"The moon goddess is all knowing. She explained it to me when I passed. So you see Anthony? This was meant to be. Forgive yourself and be happy with your mate."
"I can't forgive myself. Hell my wolf will never forgive me. I probably killed him when I killed you. Did I?"
"No Anthony. You didn't." Fabian touches my jaw and lifts my head up.
"I am so happy I get to touch you, talk to you. This will be the first and last time I do so."
"What, why?"
"The moon goddess broke the rules so I can meet with you. I am not allowed here."
"Why? Where is here?"
"A place between heaven and hell. I was a bad person Anthony. I'm living the rest of eternity in hell."
My eyes begin to water as I cry for him. "I'm so sorry-"
"Don't be sorry. Stop living with this guilt."
"I can't-" Fabian's lips touch my own as his hands wrap around the back of my head.
"I've always wanted to do this... it's time for me to go, and for you to wake up."
"No! No Fabian!-
No! Fabian! No- no-" my body jerks up and my hands are reaching out towards nothing.
"Anthony calm down!" Cedric's arms wrap around my upper body as he tries to calm my shaking.
"Cedric!" I sob into his arms and he tenses for a second.
"Anthony... is Fabian your first mate? What happened to him?"
"I killed him."
My eyes are wide open but my vision blurs and black spots appear.
•
•
•
"He's opening his eyes doc." Cedric's face is the first thing I see, and his skin is the first thing I feel.
I sit up slowly and notice the aching in my body is gone. I move the blanket that was over me and my wound is gone as well. All that's left is smooth skin.
"You fucking idiot of a twin brother!" Logan storms into the room. "What the fuck Anthony! You little fucking-shitty-bitch-ass-fuck! I can't believe you! I should have known something was up. Then I hear not from you, nor Cedric, but from Wayne that you're in a fucking coma?"
"Coma? How long have I been out?" I ask no one in particular.
"3 days." Cedric responds. No wonder I don't feel anymore pain.
"Did you contact the council? What did they say?"
"They said nothing as of yet."
"Why don't I believe you?"
"Believe me because I'm telling the truth. For some reason they don't want us to act yet. Wayne and I questioned their motives but they warned us not to. But as soon as they give us the go, Wayne will send Peshal, Logan, and Sarah to do the job."
"This is too big of a job for just them. Whoever this guy is, he isn't working alone. You heard the rogue just as clear as I did. He didn't even know who's in charge, that guy has who knows how many rogues working under him."
"They'll get the job done."
"Not without me they're not." I look towards Logan and he purses his lips together, "you're not going at this without me."
Logan puts his hands up, "hey I don't want to. But it's not up to me or the squad."
"You will not join them."
"It's not up to you either." Cedric's jaw ticks at that and oddly enough I get slightly turned on. At one point he notices and smirks. Is this dejavú or what.
"I will do whatever the council wishes I do. If they let you join them, I won't stop you. But if they don't, I'll do everything in my power to keep you here." The way Cedric looks at me, with those piercing green eyes... what the fuck is happening.
"Is there more sexual tension between you two or is it just me?" Logan asks. I want to sock him.
"Get out Logan." He rolls his eyes and does actually leave.
"Alright Anthony, do you feel any discomfort or pain?"
Discomfort, yes, but that's something else entirely. And I thank the goddess I have a blanket covering my lower region.
"No."
"Good. I'm going to take a blood test to see if the poison is out of your system entirely. In the meantime you are free to stay here or go to your room." I nod and just watch him take out a syringe. I relax myself so the needle can go in easily. He was done as soon as he started and after leaving the room, Cedric helps me stand up.
"I don't need your help, you know. I'm perfectly fine now."
"Two days ago you were having a seizure so excuse me for being overly cautious." I raise a brow at what I believe was sarcasm.
"You? Being sarcastic? Wow?" Cedric smirks as he takes my chin into his hand.
"I was very worried."
"I know. I saw how you reacted when Jude got shot."
"There you go again, bringing up Jude." His voice is deep and husky almost. I can't help but want to hear more.
"Force of habit." I take my chin away from his hand and I look somewhere that isn't him.
"Fabian, your mate, why did you kill him?" My heart beats painfully at the mention of his name.
I look up at Cedric, "how do you know...?"
"When you woke up before going into a coma, you screamed his name. You told me you killed him."
Fabian's face goes through my mind. There's no point in keeping this from Cedric any longer. He already knows I killed him. "Fabian was one of my targets. He was a target the council ordered to kill. I took the job and I shot him in the head."
The look on Cedric's face makes me mad, "don't give me that look. I don't need your sympathy, or your judgment. You're the one that murdered Arik's mate."
"I am not sympathizing with you, nor am I judging you."
"Then we're done here?" I ask it but I don't want an answer. I leave Cedric in the infirmary and I go straight to the kitchen. I feel like I hadn't eaten in ages. That's probably why my chi is so weak right now. I can barely feel it.
I need to get back to normal. I need to stop feeling the way I feel around Cedric. I don't want to fall in love with him. I don't deserve him. Fabian told me to forgive myself but I can't. I can't forgive the monster I've become.
-
Anthony you gotta stop torturing yourself and start loving Cedric. Smh why are my boys so stubborn?
I hope you enjoyed this somewhat longer chapter. Making up for the lack of updates. :D