Underground Cavern
Into the underground cave with the reds.
Sarge: And then Donut will use all our grenades to bombard the base, while we move forward in an advanced cover-fire formation.
Grif: Got it. And nobody hurts Sister. That's my job.
Leo: Will try our best Grif.
Simmons: Why does Donut get to stay on the sidelines?
Sarge: Because, he's got a great arm. Heh, he coulda gone pro.
Donut: It comes from years of tossing.
Sarge: And as discussed, in the event that we are cornered and no other options exist, Donut will make sure to save at least five grenades, one for each of you. And two for Grif.
Leo: I'll pass on that, Sarge.
Donut: Ok, how about the rest of you guys? Do you have a preference of Frag or Sticky? Tell me now, I don't want any complaining later on.
Simmons: Frag. No, wait, Sticky.
Grif: Surprise me.
Simmons: I'm gonna change back to Frag.
Leo: I can't tell if you guys are serious or not.
Simmons: Better then getting tortured by the blues.
Leo: They wouldn't do that..... I think.
Donut: Hey Sarge, have you thought about calling for reinforcements? Like when we called for the ship.
Grif: You mean the ship that crushed you while bringing more blue soldiers? Yeah maybe we shouldn't do that.
Leo: Speaking of the ship, how the hell did you survive that, donut?
Donut: It must of been the cushions I putted in my armour. My armour has never been so, soft while hard at the same time with them!
Leo: I'm just going to forgot, I ever asked.
Sarge: It's worth a shot. They owe us one now.
Radio sounds, and as Sarge speaks there's an echo in the cave.
Sarge: Come in Command. Are you there? Vic, are you there? Come in! Is this thing on?
Simmons: Does anybody hear that echo?
Donut: Yeah, we're in a cave Simmons. Caves echo. Duh. That's how bats navigate.
Simmons: No, it seems like it's coming from back the way we came.
Simmons walks off to investigate the echo.
Grif: Did you say bats? What bats? Were you talking about bats?
Donut: Um, just, bats in general.
Grif: Don't bullshit me dude, I heard bats.
Leo: Sweet jesus, Grif there's no bats!
Grif: How can you be so, sure!
Leo: We've been in here for so, long and we haven't seen a single bat!
Grif: They could be stalking us, at this very second!
Leo: I give up!
Vic: (Radio) Hehehey, rojo amigo. What's goin' on?
Sarge: Vic, we need help! The Blues have executed a brilliant plan, and it looks like we've fallen for it perfectly. No doubt they're celebrating at our very own base as we speak.
Red Base
To Red Base, where Tex is celebrating by threatening Church's life.
Tex: Don't move.
Tucker: Ooh, busted! Kill him Tex, I've got fifty-to-one odds if his next death is caused by anyone but Caboose.
Wade: Maybe, we should all calm down for a second.
Underground Cavern
Back to the reds.
Sarge: We're going to die if we don't get some help over here, Vic.
Vic: Uh, hey dude, it's Vic Junior. We already covered that.
Sarge: Hrr, Vic Junior. We're going to die if we don't get some help over here.
Leo: Vic Junior? What happened to the other Vic?
Vic: Oh, that Vic is my great, great, great, great-
Sarge: Vic, we need help asap!
Vic: Okay dude, calm down, take a chill pill. If you don't have a chill pill take one of those chill strips, you put it on your tongue it dissolves, chill. I'll try to help, but someone's been here monkeying with my equipment. Just give me a second and I'll- oh no, oh man, I gotta go, bye, try to win.
Sarge: Hello? I don't hear any hold music. Please don't transfer me to India. Hello?
To another part of the cave, with the conversation words echoing in it. Leading to a room with a screen and Vic's voice coming from it.
Sarge: (Echo) Vic Junior. We're going to die if we don't get some help over here.
Leo: (Echo) Vic Junior? What happened to the other Vic?
Vic: Oh, that Vic is my great, great, great, great-
Sarge: Vic, we need help asap!
Vic: Okay dude, calm down, take a chill pill. If you don't have a chill pill take one of those chill strips, you put it on your tongue it dissolves, chill. I'll try to help, but someone's been here monkeying with my equipment. Just give me a second and I'll-
Simmons comes walking near the room.
Simmons: Hello? Hello. Who's there?
Vic: Oh no, oh man, I gotta go, bye, try to win.
Simmons enters the room and stands in front of a screen with the rest of the reds on it.
Simmons: Who's talking down here? Hello?
Sarge: Oh, yes, I'm still here, Vic. We need help!
Leo: Sarge, that doesn't sound like Vic.
Simmons: Leo, Sarge?
Leo: Simmons, is that you?
Simmons: Yyyes?
Sarge: What the- do you work at Command now? When were you promoted?
Simmons: I don't work at Command, you called me here. It looks like this monitoring equipment is interfering with our radios. Or something.
Sarge: Diabolical. Well get yer keester back here. Red Command is useless.
Grif: There's a newsflash.
Sarge: Shut up, Grif.
Grif: Did that order come from Command?
Sarge: In fact it did. And they also ordered my foot to report up your ass on the double!
On the screen Simmons is watching, Sarge runs across and beats on Grif, causing him to fall to the ground. Leo knees down next to him and shakes his head while patting him on the back.
Simmons: I can't believe I donated organs for this fucking war.
The screen changes to Red base, showing the blues.
Red Base
Church: Tex, I am not O'Malley.
Tex: Bullshit. It all makes sense now. You were the one that told Gary where we were, you were the one that wanted me to disable Sheila by moving her to the ship, and you wanted the ignition coil once I'd removed it.
Church: That's all coincidental. It doesn't make me evil. Just makes me a bad leader.
Wade: It's technically true.
Tex: Why would Caboose tell me it was you?
Church: You're getting information from Caboose.
Caboose: (over the radio) Thaaat's right.
Church: Dude, I'll tell you what. If you get me killed again, I gotta tell ya, this time I'm gonna be a little pissed.
Caboose: Sheila told me that O'Malley might be inside Blue Leader.
Tex: And that's you.
Church: Sheila's crazy, remember? Besides I was never officially promoted to Blue Leader anyway. That's... Oh no.
Caves
To Doc and Sister back in their cave.
Doc: So that's how you got here Lopez? What a strange, yet totally believable story.
Lopez: >Who's that guy?<
A blue soldier and green alien are standing to the side of Doc and Sister.
Flowers/Omega: Hi there. I don't think we've met. I'm captain Butch Flowers. And this is my friend.
Sister: Hi, nice to meet you! Hey, wait, wasn't I sent here to replace you?
Junior: ~He smells weird.~
Flowers/Omega: Hey there, little guy. I've been waiting a very, very long time to meet you. Muhuhuhuha, muhohohoho, muahahahahaaa.
The End
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