!EDITED!
A/N: was 5212 words, is now 9229! Enjoy! :D
I pull away from the Doctor, not sure I heard him quite right and I just stare at him, hugging my legs, "she's... your wife?" I ask faintly and the Doctor nods slowly, watching me carefully as I wipe at my eyes. "Is that- is that why we're connected?"
"Star and I have got a... special sort of marriage," he mutters, making me frown in confusion. "Most couples on Iralia married for... for status or... or power, some families arranged them, few were because of love but for some... the couple fell in love after. Star married me for love," he smiles, looking off to the side and I couldn't help it when my heart aches at the absolute love in his gaze as he talks about her. "... it formed a bond between us when we left our marks on each other," he explains. "Iralians are physical beings, so feeling each other's pain... Time Lord's are telepathic, so it enhanced the bond to feeling each other's emotions..."
I let that information sink in and stand, wrapping my arms around my waist, "when we met? Did- did you know?"
"No," the Doctor replies instantly, standing up. "I thought you died," he takes a step toward me, making me step back and he frowns in hurt.
"I didn't die, she did," I shake my head.
"You are her-"
I cut him off, tears welling up again, "I am not! I'm just someone she made up to escape the Time War!" I shout, making him freeze. "I saw that in her memories! She knew..." I wince, pain shooting through my head. "She told you what Rassilon was planning and... oh, my God," I put a hand to my mouth. "You... you forced her to leave! You used a Chameleon Arch and she became Human, but she got shot! That's who I've been hearing call out whenever I see or talk or even think about the Daleks! It's- it's you watching her die, isn't it?"
"Yes... I watched you get shot by a Dalek," he whispers, face contorting.
"No, you watched her," I correct firmly. "She died and the fail-safe went wrong! I shouldn't even exist!"
"Dammit, Lizzie, would you listen? You are her," the Doctor sighs, running a hand over his face and groaning miserably. "This whole thing is a mess," he shakes his head.
"Really?" I roll my eyes. "You had to have known something," I glare at him and he frowns. "My dreams, my sketches, my knowledge, the Shadow Man," I whisper, rubbing at my temple with one hand as a tear slides down my cheek. "... the Warrior," my voice cracks and the Doctor's features darken at the mention of him. "You knew it was you I was drawing and you didn't say anything!" I glare, gripping onto my jacket with my other hand. "You had to suspect something! All this time I've always felt an underline wave of grief from you and it would get stronger sometimes when I would do or say something! I thought it was because of the war - and I'm sure most of it was - but I was reminding you of her! Wasn't I?"
"... yes," the Doctor admits.
"So you were what? Using me as a replacement for your dead wife?"
"You are my wife!" the Doctor groans, stepping forward again.
"You didn't know that!" I push him back with each sentence. "You just thought I was some lonely, clever girl who reminded you of her! I'm sure it made it easier for you that I was so desperate for someone to accept me! To see me and love me-" I cut myself off and feel as if I'm going to throw up. "Oh, my God..." I whisper, my voice shaky and a hand flying to my mouth as a different kind of dread sets in. "When we-" I can't even get the words out, my face contorting. "Did you ever think of her while we-?" my voice cracks and my stomach twists unpleasantly at the thought.
"Stop it, Lizzie," the Doctor glares in hurt and anger as he looms over me, lifting me and pinning me to the console by my hips. "I won't let you take what we have and turn it into something dark and wrong just because you're scared and hurting," he shakes his head before taking a deep breath, his features softening when he takes in my wide eyes. "When we were together, I was with you and only you. You felt everything I did... you know I'm telling the truth," he reaches up with one hand to cup my face, stroking my cheek with his thumb gently - as if I might shatter. "I love my wife ... we were together for more than five hundred and fifty years," he whispers. "Would you rather I had just forgotten her?"
"Of course not," I shake my head.
"I love her, and... I'm in love with you, Lizzie," he tightens his grip on my hip as his face contorts.
I wince, turning my face into the Doctor's palm as I get another flash - one of an age... his age on the last day of the Time War. My face contorts and my heart nearly breaks at the memory, "you... you were- were all alone," I whisper, a tear rolling down my cheek as I reach out, gripping the Doctor's waist. "One hundred years after the war and you- why? Why would you do that to yourself?" my voice cracks.
"You died right in front of me... you were lying on the ground and I couldn't- didn't do anything-"
"They would've killed you too," I look at him sharply, wincing at another flash. "You had to get to the Moment and end it... no more," my face contorts.
"I wanted them to..." the Doctor whispers, making me tighten my hold on him as he leans his forehead against mine. "They'd taken everything and I didn't want to-" he cuts himself off, swallowing hard. "I couldn't do it alone," his voice shakes.
"Doctor..." I whisper, my heart aching.
The Doctor clutches onto me, keeping eye contact as he starts to ramble, "when I met you as Lizzie... I'd meant to leave you - I wanted to leave you and never look back. I told you to forget me... you were a living, breathing reminder of my wife and it hurt. But then I ran into you again and I thought 'I'll save her and her sister, get them away from the Auton and then drop her off' but you and Rose wanted to help. You ended up saving me and defeating the Nestene and I thought 'I'll give her a trip, she deserves that much'. Then you... slowly started to chip away at my hearts and I kept telling myself over and over that I deserved to have you with me... that you were my punishment, but that was a lie," he shakes his head.
"I needed you - you were forcing me to feel again after so long of feeling nothing but anger and guilt and grief and I needed you. Then I started to fall in love with you and I was... scared, so scared that I was using you... that I was betraying my wife and what we'd meant to each other but you just... rooted yourself into my hearts and refused to let go," he smiles softy and my heart races in my chest, my voice gone as I stare up at him. "But I was never using you, Lizzie, you saved me from myself... you helped me when I had nightmares of the Time War, held me accountable and pushed back, protected me even if you were angry with me, and you were so patient with me through everything," he buries his face against my neck, wrapping his arms around my waist. "I would never use you like that, love... please believe me," he whispers, squeezing me. "Please, every single moment between us was real..."
"If-" I clear my throat when my voice cracks. "If I become her... if I open the necklace..." I trial off.
"You'll be you," he assures me, kissing my neck and making me hold back a shudder as he starts to trail soft kisses all over as he talks. "I don't know what happened... the Dalek must've shot the necklace, corrupted the fail-safe. You were a Human child, we saw that when we went to see your dad... all of your Human memories are real, not just a perception filter," he pulls back, wiping my tears away as he looks down at me. "Opening the Chameleon Arch will fuse you and Star together - you'll have a mixture of both," he explains.
"So, either I stay Human and risk burning out my mind... or I open my necklace and lose who I am now, becoming a- a hybrid of sort of me and Star?" I try to wrap my head around everything, my eyebrows furrowing.
The Doctor smiles sadly, reaching up to smooth out between my eyebrows with his thumb, "yes," he nods. "I won't force you into anything, this is your choice," he murmurs and goes to kiss me, but I turn my head.
"I-" my voice cracks.
The Doctor cups my face in his hands and turns me to look at him, pressing his lips to mine softly. I sigh against his mouth, putting my hands over his and kissing him back as he wipes a tear away with his thumb. Pulling away, the Doctor leans his forehead against mine and I breathe out shakily, "can I have some time to myself? To- to think through everything?"
"Whatever you need," he assures me, kissing my forehead and stepping back.
I hop off the console and go to walk into the corridor before turning back to the Doctor, "can you..." I trail off, chewing on my bottom lip as I pull on my sleeve. "Can you give it back? The bond... please?"
Smiling softly, the Doctor gestures me over with a crook of his finger. I move over and he raises his hands to either side of my face - his fingers on my temples - and I gasp softly when I feel the connection come back. I wrap my arms around the Doctor's waist, leaning my ear against his chest and hearing his steady heartbeats. "I'm s-sorry, Doctor..." I whisper, tears welling up at the hurt coming off him.
"Me too, tiny," he squeezes me, pressing a kiss to the top of my head before pulling away and cupping my chin in his hand to make sure I was looking at him. "I love you, Lizzie," he smiles and my heart does a flip.
He's giving me the same look he always has and I realize that it's the one he was looking at the necklace with when Star's voice was coming through it - complete love. "I love you too," I smile, pulling him down by his tie and standing on my tip-toes to press a kiss to his lips.
***
I'd asked the TARDIS to lead me to Rose and she takes me to my room. I open the door, seeing Rose on my bed and looking at my necklace, "I can't hear anything from it... she won't talk to me," she shakes her head, coming over and pulling me into a hug. "Are you alright?"
I shake my head, wrapping my arms around her and holding her close as I sniffle, "I need some time to myself," I whisper, my voice thick. "Can... can I have my necklace?" I pull away.
"Sure," Rose smiles, handing it to me and brushing some hair behind my ear. "Shout if you need anything, got that?"
I nod, watching as she leaves and shutting my door. Moving over to my bed, I sit on it and run my thumb over the jewel. "Why couldn't you have talked to me sooner? Saved us both the trouble?" I ask bitterly. "... saved the Doctor heartache and guilt for loving us both?"
"It wasn't time yet," Star replies simply and I scoff, rolling my eyes. "... it's time now and-" she pauses. "I'm so scared," she admits quietly. "Please let me out... I know you're scared, but he's our Doctor... our Kasterborous... we need him and he needs us... together, please!"
I whimper as pain shoots through my head, leaning forward and gripping my head, "it's not fair!" I cry, curling my fingers in my hair and sobbing into my covers.
"I know, I'm sorry... you didn't ask for this," Star sighs and I hiss when my head starts to burn again. "Please, Lizzie... please, you are me and I'm you... we're the same and you love him just as much... don't make him lose both of us," she pleads.
I turn on my side with my knees drawn up as I stare at my necklace. More memories flash and I cry out, seeing multiple Stars with multiple Doctors... Iralians can regenerate? I pull my hair, whimpering and just wanting the pain to stop... for the burning to stop. I don't know how long I was lying there, crying out, but I press the little star on my necklace. I was immediately engulfed in bright, white light and the burning gets worse and worse until it consumes my whole body. I scream, curling in on myself as memories overwhelm me before everything goes black.
3rd Person POV:
Rose peers into the console room cautiously, finding the Doctor on the jump-seat with his feet up on the console and his head in his hands. "Doctor?" she asks carefully, moving to sit beside him.
The Doctor jumps but relaxes when he looks up and sees it was only Rose, "I'm fine," he assures her.
"Sure you are," Rose rolls her eyes, folding her arms. "Come on, you can tell me what's wrong," she nudges him with her shoulder, smiling softly.
The Doctor sighs heavily, leaning back and folding his arms as well, "how did I not know, Rose? ... how could I have spent all this time with my wife right by my side and not have known it was her?" he murmurs, running a hand down his face.
"She's... Lizzie's your wife?" Rose frowns, really wishing she'd stayed in the console room now.
"I met her in my fourth body," the Doctor starts and Rose rubs his back, just listening. "I knew her mum - Queen Carina - back when we were kids. Gallifrey and Iralia are twin planets and we had a mutual friend..." he trails off before shaking his head. "Anyway, it was Star's naming ceremony - she was turning 120. That's when an Iralian comes of age. It also coincided with the harvest festival... this big party for everyone. Iralians have three names; the one they're born with that only family and spouses know, the name they have for everyone else and while they're in school, and the name they get when they come of age. The King and Queen choose their name... unlike Time Lords who can choose a name for themselves-"
"Star's parents?"
"Yeah," the Doctor nods. "Star's named for what she is... a Star," he tells her, making Rose frown in confusion. "They're quite rare - last one was about, ooh... two thousand years before her," he rubs at his ear. "She literally has starlight that comes from the planet's core flowing through her and she can use it to warm, heal... or harm, though she doesn't like to use it for that unless she has to. Iralians were peaceful people and she says that her starlight isn't supposed to be for violence, but she has trouble controlling it with her temper..." he smirks and Rose raises an eyebrow - if her temper was anything like Lizzie's... that'd be something. "When Iralians were born, they were taken to the Pool of Light - sort of like a lava lake on Earth where the light was coming to the surface of the planet - and set inside. If they were 'chosen', then the light became infused with them... changed their biology to sustain the light. Star's body temperature runs quite a bit higher... about a hundred degrees and she's more sensitive to atmospheric changes," he explains. (a/n: really sorry to cut into the story, just wanted to mention that that's celsius and would equal about 212 degrees in fahrenheit)
"Anyway... when Star came out of the castle for her big reveal... she was the most beautiful creature I'd ever seen," he smiles softly and Rose smiles at the love in his voice. "I stayed for three months - just getting to know her... and for the festival. Iralia was a forest planet and the festival happened every ten years and lasted for six months. They had all kinds of different fruits and veg that you couldn't find anywhere in the universe... some were rarer and were only at the festival a few times in a hundred years," he explains. "Star would sneak away from her guard and we'd sit by this river that ran behind the castle for hours... just talking. When I left, I asked her to come with me. She was third in line for the throne - her older twin brothers being first and second - and she was tired of being stuck with the responsibilities of royalty when it may have never been her job to rule. She hated being a princess and just wanted to be free... so she ran away with me. Carina hated me after that," he laughs under his breath, Rose snorting loudly. "A year later, I asked her to marry me at our river and we had the wedding in the castle... after she convinced her parents not to murder me," he shakes his head.
"Out of all that, the one thing I find hard to believe is that you stayed in one place for three months willingly," Rose smiles.
"Well, it wasn't that difficult when I had Star to keep me there," the Doctor retorts, shrugging when Rose gives him a tongue-in-teeth grin. "Every time I thought I was ready to leave, she'd show me some other secret little place she'd found when she was hiding from her brothers, her guard, or her parents... not to mention I wanted to know everything about her," he smiles. "She was captivating... moment I laid eyes on her, I was gone."
"So... Lizzie is Star, yeah?" Rose asks, chewing on her thumbnail when she suddenly feels nervous and the Doctor nods, raising an eyebrow at the change. "... will she still be my sister?" she asks quietly.
The Doctor softens, wrapping an arm around her and pulling her close, "she'll always be your sister, Rose, don't doubt her love for you," he presses a kiss to the top of her head, squeezing her.
After a moment of comforting Rose, the Doctor cries out in pain and slides off the jump-seat to his knees, clutching his head. Rose's eyes widen and she's next to him in a second, "Doctor! Doctor, what's wrong?" she asks frantically, brushing his hair back.
"Lizzie!" he grinds out, breathing heavily when the pain stops.
Pulling himself up, the Doctor hisses when he feels a slight sting on his left palm and looks at it, his eyes widening. The mark he and Star gave each other on their wedding day was back, glowing faintly. It was Star's name in Iralian - like Circular Gallifreyan, but softer and more organic - with some of her light infused into it... her's was his name in Circular Gallifreyan with some of his regeneration energy infused into it. "Star..." he breathes out, running his thumb along his mark and Rose frowns, not understanding. "Star!" he shouts, jumping up and heading down the corridors with Rose hot on his heels.
"Doctor, what's going on?" Rose asks, getting no answer.
The TARDIS had moved Lizzie's room to be right inside the corridor and the Doctor stops outside the door, still breathing heavily. "Doctor, what is it?" Rose stops beside him, trying not to snap in her worry. "What's wrong with Lizzie?"
The Doctor bites his lip, placing a hand on the door, "she's opened her Chameleon Arch," he answers, his hearts beating rapidly in his chest as he pushes the door open.
Seeing Lizzie on the bed and curled in on herself, the Doctor rushes over and takes her face in his hands, "you daft girl, why didn't you wait for me?" he murmurs, brushing her hair from her face. "She's fine," he assures Rose when she steps up behind him, looking over his shoulder at her sister worriedly. "Whatever was wrong with the necklace, when she opened it, the surge of memories must've overwhelmed her... it shouldn't have hurt like it did," he explains. "... come on, love, wake up for me," he whispers, kissing her forehead and placing his fingers on her temples.
1st Person POV:
(doesn't she sort of look like Audrey Hepburn in this pic?)
I gasp, shooting straight up and gripping my head, "oh... that was painful," I wince before looking myself over and smiling widely when I feel my light flowing through my body, allowing it to glow a purplish-white. "That does feel good," I sigh before pausing, my eyes widening. "Ooo, I've got my old voice back!" I squeal excitedly, realizing I sound posh but... it still sounds just that little bit cockney. "Oh, it's like a mix of mine and when I was Lizzie," I murmur thoughtfully before testing out the new sound in different tones, giggling. "Hi..." I smile sheepishly at the Doctor and Rose, who were just staring at me in shock.
"Hi..." the Doctor looks me over, looking like he desperately wants to reach out to me but was holding himself back. "Star you're-" he swallows hard.
"Back?" I raise an eyebrow and he nods slowly, still looking me over. "Yeah, I am..." I smirk.
"... Lizzie?" Rose asks, her voice cracking.
I look at her, smiling softly and pulling her into a hug, "hey, Rosie," I squeeze her and she gasps at the warmth of me and my light. "It's me, I swear... well, different and... I know the eyes are probably a bit odd," I pull away, gesturing to my now purple eyes that I have in all my bodies. "But... it's really me," I smile, brushing a few hairs behind her ear.
"Lizzie," she whispers, her lip trembling before she launches at me.
"It's me," I whisper, holding her close before looking at the Doctor over her shoulder. "Kas?" I raise an eyebrow.
"Kas?" Rose pulls away from me with a frown.
"Oh... it's a nickname for his actual name," I scratch the back of my head.
"You know his name?" her eyes widen.
"Well, duh, I'm his wife," I roll my eyes playfully.
The Doctor seems to find his voice, shaking his head, "yes?"
"Come here, silly," I smile, holding my arms out for him.
"Star..." he brushes the backs of his fingers along the side of my face, smiling at the warmth before wrapping his arms around my waist and pulling me flush against him.
"I'm here," I whisper, running my fingers through his hair when his arms tighten around me. "Come on, Rose," I smile, gesturing her to join.
"Aw, family hug," she laughs, joining our hug and squeezing us both tightly.
"Ooo..." I pull away with a slight grimace. "Mum," I mutter, looking at Rose guiltily.
"Oh, no," her eyes widen.
"Ok, now I'm lost," the Doctor frowns between us.
"Jackie, she's going to think you did something... alien to me," I gesture to myself as my light fades.
"Oh..." he grimaces.
"Yeah, 'oh'," I roll my eyes playfully before turning to Rose conspiratorially. "Honestly, half a millennia with this man and it never ceases to amaze me how much of an idiot he is," I snicker, making Rose cover her mouth to hide her giggles.
"Oi, do you have to start right in on the insults?" the Doctor pouts, folding his arms petulantly and looking away.
I bite my lip, sitting up on my knees and wrapping my arms around his shoulders from behind, "I'm sorry, honey," I press a kiss to where his jaw meets his neck, making him shudder when I let some of my light flow through my lips. "You're a genius," I praise him with a teasing smirk, nipping at the skin playfully and he rolls his eyes, elbowing me lightly. "So," I kiss his cheek before pulling away and I hop off the bed. "Let's go see mum," I smile, pulling Rose up and dragging her from the room.
***
Walking into the console room, a content hum sounds through the room and the lights brighten, flashing happily. "Hi as well, you sexy girl, you," I grin, walking up to the console and running my hand along it, giggling when she hums teasingly and a bit flirtatiously. "You knew, didn't you?" I look at the rotor 'accusingly' and she hums, making me chuckle as I shake my head. "Thanks for keeping me safe, sexy," I stroke the console with my thumb.
"Sexy?" Rose asks, trying not to laugh as the Doctor comes in behind her with his hands in his pockets.
"Mm, isn't she just?" I smirk and the TARDIS hums in appreciation. "Now, let me wow you," I send Rose a wink, flitting around the console to pilot us. "There," I park us with a flourish. "The Powell Estate, London, Earth, 21st of April, 2007," I bounce up and down, looking at the monitor and glancing at the Doctor to see him watching me with a fond and nostalgic smile.
"You-" Rose points to me with a wide grin. "-are a much better driver than him," she points to the Doctor.
"That's because unlike him, I actually read the manual instead of throwing it into a supernova because... what was the reason you gave me?" I put a hand on my chin, tapping it in 'thought'. "Oh, right! You disagreed with it," I roll my eyes, making Rose laugh and the Doctor protest with a pout. "Come on, grumpy," I smile, going over and grabbing his hands. "You've got to say hi to your mother-in-law," I wiggle my eyebrows, pulling him to the door.
A look of horror crosses the Doctor's features, "oh, no," he grimaces.
"Oh, yes," I laugh, pulling him out of the TARDIS with Rose following.
I frown as I look around, wrapping my hands around the Doctor's bicep and scooting closer to him. "What is it, sweetheart?" he frowns down at me.
"Nothing," I shake my head, my eyebrows furrowing. "I just... what if mum doesn't accept me now that I'm an alien?" I chew on my bottom lip as my heart aches at the thought.
"Don't be daft... Star," Rose rolls her eyes, folding her arms as she starts to walk toward the flat but I see the slight frown when she says my name. "You said so yourself that you're still Lizzie," she looks at me when I fall into step with her, still gripping the Doctor's arm.
"I am," I assure her. "You can still call me that, you know... I'd actually really like it if you did," I smile and she smiles gratefully. "I'm... it's odd," my eyebrows furrow. "I'm like a new person but not at the same time... I- I remember every moment as Star and as Lizzie and-" I gasp softly, a hand flying to my temple. "Ow," I hiss, rubbing at it.
The Doctor stops us - Rose stopping beside us and watching worriedly - and he takes my face in his hands, looking me over and sending a pang of concern to me. "... don't push yourself," he scolds me softly, stroking my cheek with his thumb. "We still don't know what went wrong with the necklace and your mind is trying to sort through the memories... trying to differentiate between you and Lizzie," he murmurs.
"But... we're the same person now, aren't we?" I frown. "That's what you said, that'd I become a sort of hybrid..."
"That's still two separate lives that your mind has to sift through," he shakes his head. "Just... try to relax and trust your instincts, alright? Don't try and force yourself to be more Lizzie or more Star," he sighs, pressing a kiss to my forehead. "You're both now, but it'll take some time to adjust... we'll run some tests when we get back to the TARDIS, ok?" he pulls away, smiling as he taps under my chin.
"Are you sure you want to see mum right now?" Rose asks, putting a hand on my shoulder. "It's ok to take some time... you did just get- wait, how old are you?"
"Oh, I'm six hundred and seventy-five," I smile.
"Right..." Rose blinks, making the Doctor and I share an amused look. "You just got back almost... seven hundred years of memories," she shakes her head slightly. "That'd be a lot for anyone..."
"No, I'm fine," I smile at her concern, reaching up to squeeze her hand. "I promise," I laugh slightly at her raised eyebrow. "I really want to see mum... explain what's happened to me," I glance up at the flat, shifting on my feet.
"She'll still love you," the Doctor smiles softly and I just nod, trying to prepare myself for possible rejection.
***
"Mum!" I call when I open the door, looking around. "Are you in?"
"Girls!" mum comes from the kitchen and engulfs me in a tight hug and I wrap my arms around her, burying my face against her neck. "Oh, my God, Lizzie, you're burning up!" she gasps and goes to pull away, but I just hold onto her tighter as I squeeze my eyes shut, not wanting her to see them. "What's wrong, sweetheart? What it is?" she asks and I snuggle into her even more as tears well up. "What's happened?" she buries a hand in my hair.
"I..." I trail off, looking at Rose and the Doctor over mum's shoulder and they both smile encouragingly. "Please don't freak out," I whisper, pulling away.
"Oh, my God," she gasps, cupping my face in her hands. "What's been done to you, Lizzie?" she whispers, stroking under my eyes with her thumbs before pulling away and glaring at the Doctor. "What the hell have you done to my daughter?" she advances on him with narrowed eyes and he backs into the wall with wide eyes. "You tell me what you've done to her, right now, Doctor! You told me you'd keep her safe! That you wouldn't let anything happen to her! You promised me!" she draws her hand back to slap him.
"Mum!" Rose yelps, grabbing her wrist before she can and the Doctor winces as a rush of guilt washes over me. "It's... nothing's been done to her," she grips mum's shoulders. "Let her explain, ok?"
"Lizzie?" mum turns to me and I can't stand the look in her eyes as she looks at me - worry and dread and a bit of fear.
"I'm s-sorry, mum," I turn away from her, wiping at my eyes.
"What's happened?" she moves in front of me, brushing my hair from my face.
"I'm sorry," I repeat, throwing my arms around her and sobbing into her neck.
***
After calming down enough to speak, I'd explained everything to mum... well, nearly everything. I didn't tell her about us being trapped on a planet next to a black hole with the devil. I was sitting on the sofa, holding a hot cup of tea with honey in my hands while mum was staring at me from the armchair she was sitting in. The Doctor and Rose were on either side of me - the Doctor drawing nonsense shapes on my back and Rose snuggled into my side with her head on my shoulder.
"So..." she trails off, shaking her head slightly. "You're a six hundred and seventy-five year old alien called an Iralian... but you're also a star?"
"Yes..." I nod, taking a sip of tea to soothe my suddenly dry throat.
"The Doctor's your husband?"
A soft smile plays on my lips, "yeah, he is," I glance back at the Doctor and he sends me a wink.
"You were in the Time War? The one that took the Doctor's people?" she asks and I wince at the emotions I get from the Doctor and my own.
"Yeah..." I whisper.
I was much more reckless and cocky during that time and had used up four of my regenerations. I was on my eleventh body now, but I wasn't restricted like Time Lords were or even Iralians with regeneration. Iralians ability to regenerate comes from exposure to the starlight of our planet over billions of years like how Time Lords gained the ability from exposure to the Untempered Schism that was on their planet. But with me having starlight in my DNA... no one knew just how many times a Star could regenerate. The one before me had made it through something like twenty-five bodies... the records were a bit unclear.
Mum frowns, her eyebrows furrowed, "you're the last of your kind?"
"Yes," I nod, my voice cracking and Rose squeezes my arm comfortingly, the Doctor pressing a kiss to the top of my head.
Iralia had been destroyed in the war... the Daleks had sent a bomb into the Pool of Light that made it to the core of the planet. It had imploded Iralia. Mum, the Doctor and my children, and I had been the only ones to survive. My father, King Antares, and my older twin brothers, Princes Orion and Taurus, had sent us to Gallifrey and stayed behind to try and stop the Daleks... they were unsuccessful.
"... and you glow?"
"Yes," I let my light flow around me so she could see and Rose gasps at the sudden temperature change, making me smile and the Doctor snorts quietly.
"That's not funny," Rose narrows her eyes playfully, slapping my thigh and I just snicker quietly.
Mum's eyes widen, "you're not going to- I don't know," she shakes her head, eyeing me warily. "Grow another head or something, are you?"
"No," I snort before quieting and setting my tea down. "But you're still... I mean... you're still my mum?" I bite my lip, messing with my fingers in my lap.
"Why wouldn't I be?" she frowns.
"I just thought-" I murmur, picking at my nails. "I... I'm an alien, so I thought..." I wipe at my eyes when tears well up again. "You might not want me now that I'm not Human," my voice cracks.
"What the hell does that matter!?" mum stares at me and my eyes widen at the complete disbelief in her voice. "I raised you! You're my daughter and I'm still your mother last time I checked! Why wouldn't I want you?"
I choke out a sob of relief and rush over to her, throwing my arms around her as I sit in her lap, "I was so worried," I sniffle. "You're... I didn't want to lose you," my voice cracks - Jackie's the only parent I have now.
"Oh, sweetheart," she sighs sadly, running her fingers through my hair and rubbing my back. "I don't care if you're some alien now, I love you," she kisses my temple and I slump in relief.
"I love you, mum... mummy," I sniffle, my voice small as I snuggle closer to her.
***
After spending some much needed time with mum and promising not to take so long visiting next time, the Doctor, Rose, and I head back to the TARDIS. The Doctor had run some tests on me and I was fine except for a few weeks of headaches ahead of me. I skip into the console room, giggling when she sings in my head and trills a few times in excitement. "Ooo, Doctor!" I smile, leaning against the console and watching him move around it.
"Yes, love?" he raises an eyebrow, sending us in orbit around Earth.
"Have you still got my blaster?" I ask with a perfectly innocent smile, bouncing over to him with my hands behind my back.
"No, you're not having it in here," he shuts me down immediately, folding his arms.
"But it's been so long, please?" I pout up at him, folding my arms as well.
"Hold on, you've got a blaster?" Rose stares at me with wide eyes.
"Yes," I nod, narrowing my eyes. "... and the Doctor's keeping it from me!" I huff before giving him my best puppy-eyes and he looks away from me when he sees. "Please, Kas?" I move closer to him.
"Star," he warns, not looking at me.
"I promise to be good," I place a hand on his chest, stroking it with my thumb. "I just want to show it to Rose... please, honey?" I let my light flow through my hand and smirking when the Doctor shudders, breathing out a bit shakily.
The Doctor glares when he sees my smug expression and moves my hand from him, tucking his hands under his arms defensively, "I said no," he shakes his head, taking a step away from me for good measure.
"Boo! You're no fun," I pout, folding my arms.
"Why can't she have it?" Rose asks, flopping down on the jump-seat and watching us in amusement.
The Doctor rolls his eyes, "because the last time she had it in the console room, she shot the time rotor and we almost wound up out of the vortex and into the void," he explains, making her burst out laughing.
"That was not my fault!" I throw my arms up in exasperation. "It was my very first time in a TARDIS and you are the one who told me it would not work in here! Of course, I was going to believe you!"
"You didn't have to test it!" he retorts in a high-pitched tone.
"I was curious as to what would happen! If you did not want me to shoot the rotor, you should not have lied!"
"Lizzie," Rose cuts in, trying not to laugh and I turn to her with raised eyebrows. "Why are you talking all proper?"
"Oh..." I flush in embarrassment, shifting on my feet. "Um, well... I am a princess and was raised to talk like that," I scratch the back of my head. "It... sort of comes out sometimes," I grimace before rolling my eyes, straightening and clasping hands in front of me. "'Contractions are not proper for a member of the royal family, Saelihn, you need to be understood when speaking and not sound like a commoner - enunciate and project'," I recite, huffing when the Doctor snorts.
"Saelihn?" Rose frowns.
"That was my name for anyone who wasn't blood," I shrug and she nods, still with a slight frown. "My tutors were... very strict when it came to etiquette," I murmur before shaking my head. "Anyway!" I clap, turning to the console. "Dear, can you take me to blaster?" I ask sweetly, grinning when there's a hum of response and lights start to lead down the corridor.
"Oh, yeah, thanks! That's great!" the Doctor scoffs, throwing his hands up. "Do you want to get shot!?" he asks the TARDIS incredulously and she hums teasingly, making me giggle as I grab a snickering Rose and follow the lights.
***
I frown when the lights bring me to a dark wooden door with a purple star carved into it with a golden clock behind it. I run my fingers along it, tears welling up. Rose frowns, squeezing my other hand, "what is it?"
"The Doctor... he didn't delete it," I whisper, wiping at a tear that slides down my cheek. "All this time and he kept it," I breathe out, shaking my head in disbelief.
"Kept what?"
"This is our room..." I trail off, smiling when the TARDIS hums encouragingly and I open the door.
I gasp softly, looking around the room in complete shock. It was exactly as I remembered it... everything was right where it was the last time I stepped in here.
"Whoa..." Rose looks around in awe.
"This is nothing, you should've seen my room at the palace," I wave off distractedly as I move around.
I slip off my jacket and toss it on the floor, moving over to the bedside table on my side and opening it. Tears well up when I see my bracelet - it had been an anniversary gift from Kas on our fiftieth. There were crystals from Iralia along the sides, a white point star from Gallifrey in the center, and on the inside was 'My love, my light, my everything - K&R' engraved into it.
I feel a hand on my shoulder, making me jump slightly and I turn to Rose to see her looking at me with worry and confusion. "He... he kept it the same... exactly the same," I whisper, gripping my bracelet tightly.
"Course I did," the Doctor's voice makes me jump again.
I turn to see him leaning against the doorway and a tear slides down my cheek, my bottom lip trembling. Rose pulls me into a tight hug, "I'll give you two some space," she kisses my cheek before walking over to the Doctor. "I'll be in the pool," she smiles, hugging him tight as well before walking out.
"Why?" my voice cracks.
"You really have to ask that?" he raises an eyebrow, pushing himself off the doorframe and moving to sit on the bed. "Would you be able to delete our room or change any detail of it... even one?" he gestures me over to him.
I move over, sitting beside him and wrapping my arms around my waist, "Kas..." I trail off, looking down.
"Answer me," he turns to me, tilting my chin up with his thumb and forefinger.
"No," I shake my head, the Doctor wiping a tear away. "I wouldn't be able to change a single thing because if it was the same... it would be as if you were still with me," my voice cracks.
"Exactly," he sighs, running his thumb along my jaw. "How could I... when it was my fault-" he cuts himself off, sending a massive wave of guilt over me that makes me wince.
"Don't do that," I wrap my arms around him and nuzzle my face against his neck. "I hate it when you do that - blame yourself," I press a kiss to his skin, smiling softly when he shudders and wraps his arms around my waist. "It's not your fault, my love, it was mine. I lost my temper - as usual - and I... you were right," I squeeze my eyes shut. "I had no business being a soldier... I had no business being on that battlefield," I whisper, tears starting to roll down my face silently. "If I hadn't been out there... mum and the twins would still be alive," my voice breaks as I close my eyes and Kas shushes me gently, rubbing my back.
My mother, Oberon, Naleli, and I had been on the frontlines on Gallifrey and during one battle... it had been a slaughter. Mum and I were the last ones standing, I had watched my children being killed right in front of me and... eventually, my mother was shot and killed by a Dalek as well. I had fallen to my knees in the middle of the battlefield, letting my light consume me. Every Dalek was melted and I had passed out from using so much of a higher 'setting' of my light. I woke up thirty days later on the TARDIS with Kas and... I almost lost myself after that. It was then that I'd become reckless and had started to lose sight of why I was fighting in the war in the first place.
"Rinell," the Doctor leans his forehead against mine and I nearly break at his gentle tone - as if I were a scared animal he was trying not to startle. "El, please look at me," he sighs and I open my eyes. "It was not your fault, do you hear me? Don't argue," he cuts me off when I open my mouth.
"But they're gone... my parents... my brothers... Nali and Obi... they're all gone, Kas," my voice breaks as I clutch onto the back of his blazer. "Our whole family, our friends, our homes - everyone and everything's gone!" I choke out.
"I know, El," the Doctor whispers, swallowing thickly. "I know... I'm so sorry," he murmurs, pulling me closer.
Kas clutches onto me as if I'd disappear if he let me go while I sob into his neck, holding onto him the exact same way. Everything was so raw and like it had happened yesterday... but I knew that everything had been gone for so long now. The Doctor, my poor Kas had to go through all of it by himself. The thought makes me sob harder and I pull him even closer as his own tears fall on my neck and shoulder.
After I calmed down to just hiccuping, the Doctor pulls away and cups my face in his hand and uses his other to pull me to straddle his lap. "Rinell, I... I was so selfish for what I did to you as Lizzie," he shakes his head, making me frown. "I was broken and constantly hurting you and I'm sorry," he sighs.
"Don't be," I press a kiss to his cheek, trailing to his ear. "You... you daft, clever, handsome madman," I nip at his earlobe, hearing him chuckle and feel him wrap his hands around my waist. "You did nothing you need to apologize for," I pull back to smile at him. "You showed me wonders and cared for me and made me fall in love with you all over again," I place my hands on his chest.
"You... you mad, brilliant, beautiful woman," he rubs his nose against mine, making me giggle. "You made me fall in love with you all over again as well... I was completely defenseless against it," he smiles. "It was a bit unfair, really," he teases.
"As if I could've stopped myself from falling for you any better," I smile, nuzzling his cheek and nudging him with my nose, making him chuckle under his breath.
Pulling back a bit, I wrap my arms around his neck and press my lips against his softly. A sound is ripped from the Doctor's throat - desperate and longing - when I let my light flow around my body. The Doctor grips me tighter and presses my body flush against his, groaning when I amp it up and he kisses me more forcefully. I whimper at the intensity of his kiss as he slips his tongue in my mouth, his entire being taking over my senses as we clutch onto each other. The Doctor lays me back and nearly rips the clasps on my overalls open, making me gasp and thread my fingers through his hair as he starts to trail hot kisses along my jawline and down my neck, muttering as he does, "my Star, my Lizzie, my light, my tiny," he grips my waist. "I love you," he whispers over and over, kissing down my body as he pulls my overalls down to my hips, his voice becoming more fervent as he goes.
I lean up on my elbows, watching him as he kisses along the lines of my rose tattoo. The Doctor glances up at me and a smirk pulls on his lips as he bites down on my hip, making a moan slip out - him groaning himself - and I fall back against the bed. I sigh, biting my bottom lip to keep quiet when he soothes the sting with his tongue. "Kas..." I breathe out, huffing quietly when I feel him smirk against my skin as he starts to kiss his way back to my lips. "I love you," I smile up at him.
"Do you?" Kas hovers over me with a smirk, running his fingers along my sides softly and making me shudder.
"Yes," I grab his face, kissing him again and he wraps my right leg around his waist, pressing his body against mine. "I love you... more than anything," I murmur against his lips, loosening his tie and starting on his blazer and shirt.
***
Laying beside the Doctor on my side, I was tracing shapes on his bare chest with my light and giggling every time his breath hitched. Kas rolls his eyes and wraps his arms around my waist, "stop it," he buries his face against my neck, nipping the skin.
"You're so sensitive to it, though," I smirk, running a finger up his spine and he shudders against me as he pulls me closer. "You know... you held back when I was Lizzie," I accuse him lightly.
"Are you comparing?" he asks incredulously, pulling away to look at my face.
"Well, how can I not?" I raise an eyebrow.
Rolling his eyes, he kisses me softly, "I told you: I didn't want to hurt you," he murmurs against my lips, stroking my side with his thumb.
"Hm," I smile, gripping his hair and tilting his head so I could kiss his neck. "I do love this new body, by the way... I didn't have any reference when I was Lizzie to your others... and this one is much louder," I tease, sucking and nipping at his soft spot and he moans. "Such a descriptive vocabulary," I bite down harder, moaning with him this time before soothing his new mark with my tongue. "Naughty," I kiss it before snuggling against him.
"Well, this one does have a gob," he murmurs against my hair.
I smirk, biting my lip, "and five billion languages with a mouth that-" I giggle when he cuts me off with another kiss. "I want to go somewhere," I pull away from him and sit up, stretching my arms above my head.
Kas sits up and wraps an arm around my waist, kissing up my back, "stay," he stops at my shoulder, giving me a pleading look.
"No," I giggle, pushing his face away. "We've been in here for quite a while," I roll my eyes at his dramatic pout before smirking. "I'll make it up to you later," I trail my fingers down his bare torso and stopping just below his navel. "Only if you take me on an adventure, though," I smile, letting my light flow around my hand.
"Deal," he nods quickly with a groan before jumping out of bed.
I bite my lip, watching as he rushes around the room and rounds up his clothes, throwing them on quickly. I smirk when he spins around, looking for his tie. It was tied to the little golden hook above the bed and I grab it, "looking for this?" I ask innocently.
"Yes," Kas rolls his eyes, coming over and taking it from me before grabbing my face in his hands and kissing me. "Enjoy the show?" he smirks, raising an eyebrow and rubbing his nose against mine.
"Very much," I wink before hopping out of bed. "I'm going to get dressed... you can stay and watch if you like," I smirk at him over my shoulder, watching his eyes trail my body slowly.
"I think we both know that if I do that, we won't leave this room until tomorrow," he shakes his head, coming over and pressing a kiss to the top of my head. "Come to the console room when you're done," he slaps my butt, making me yelp.
Sending me a cheeky wink, he walks out of the room, "I've got a surprise for you!" he calls over his shoulder before shutting the door.
I sigh - a ridiculously huge smile on my face - and move to the wardrobe. I find some clothes and throw them on before grabbing my step-ladder so I can reach the top shelf.
There was a little box and I grab it, pulling my blaster and thigh holster out from it. It was basically my baby and my own design - the laser it shot out was purple to match my light. I get my holster and place it on and slip my blaster in it, sighing out at the familiar yet slightly foreign feeling.
It was... odd being Lizzie and Star together. It was a bit like regeneration in a sense. Walking back into my room, I put my bracelet on and frown when the TARDIS hums at me. My necklace appears on the bedside table and I pick it up, running my thumb over it. Smiling, I put in my holster for safekeeping and then look at the state of the bed and cover my mouth, a giggle slipping out. It was going to be a lot of fun with this Kas... he was so cheeky and vocal. Also... Lizzie was right when she said she... I? wasn't innocent. There were things that she had thought of that the Doctor and I've never tried before and I was very much looking forward to testing them out.
***
Stepping into the console room, I see Rose was sitting on the jump-seat with damp hair and the Doctor was on the other side of the console. I lean against one of the coral beams, "so, what's this surprise?"
"Ah, there you are, Star!" the Doctor moves around the console, pausing in his step as he looks me over. "Just a tick," he smiles before moving under the grating.
"You two were gone for ages," Rose smirks. "And... are those different clothes?" she raises an eyebrow.
"Maybe," I shrug, my face bright red as I fold my arms.
"I get you," Rose winks. "Also, the hickeys on the Doctor's neck sort of gave it away," she snorts.
Kas coughs loudly from under the grating and I bite my lip, looking away from Rose's teasing expression. I frown, though, when I see the Doctor pop up with a little box in his hands. "Close your eyes," he smiles, moving to stand in front of me.
"Doctor!" I whine but close them anyway.
"El!" he mocks me and I wrinkle my nose when he pokes it with... is that metal?
I open my eyes and squeal loudly, "my sonic screwdriver!"
I bounce up and down. "Thank you, thank you, thank you!" I wrap my arms around his waist.
"I thought you should have it again," he squeezes me, ruffling my hair. "Plus, you did ask for one back in the fifties," he smiles, pulling away.
Turning to Rose, I buzz it at her teasingly and she smiles widely, obviously amused by my reaction. The Doctor pulls on my holster, "you've got your blaster," he then taps my bracelet. "Your bracelet," he smiles softly, kissing my forehead. "And now you've got your sonic," he pulls away, tapping my nose and I giggle. "Ready to go?"
"Yes!" I cheer, throwing my hands up. "Show me something amazing, Kas!"
A/N: well... goodbye Lizzie and hello Star! I hope you guys are enjoying the story and edited chapters if you're a rereader. Also, I was iffy on the Doctor's true name being Kasterborous, but my love of the nickname Kas won me over! XD Let me know what you think of Lizzie becoming Star, Star's character so far, her true name and her school name, or Iralians... anything really! Oh! Also, I imagine Iralia to be like Pandora from Avatar except everything is normal size since Iralians are the same basic shape and size as humans. At night on Iralia, the light from the planet - which is in all of the plant life and water systems and most of the animals have bioluminescence - makes everything glow like it does in Avatar as well. Thanks for reading! :*