"Have you thought about where you're going to college?" Hayes asks, and I stop playing with his hair out of surprise. We're currently lying on the floor of my room, listening to the commercial-free radio station. His head is using my stomach as a pillow, but I'm not complaining because, in exchange, he's letting me play with his hair.
"I don't think I'm going to college."
The plan has always been to get the grades and test scores so that I could go to college if I wanted to, but it's been expected of me to get into a company right out of high school.
His head turns to look at me with his eyes wide, "What do you mean you're not going to college? Everyone goes to college."
I brush the hair that flopped in his face back, "Not everyone. I could go to college if I wanted to, but the goal is to get into an international dance company and have a professional career."
His eyebrows knit in confusion, "So where do you think you'll end up if that happens?"
I look back up at the ceiling, "The most likely ones in are Australia, New York, London, and France. Peterson has a friend at the English National Ballet who showed the director my last performance, and they're coming to watch me at the next competition. That's why Peterson's been pushing me so hard because it's rare even to get the attention of those companies. I've done well the past few years at the competitions I needed to place at. It also didn't hurt that I did that internship in Italy last summer."
"You spent the summer in Italy?"
I smile, thinking back to the town I stayed in, and the people I met that helped me learn I could channel my anger and grief into art. "Oh, I thought I told you that. I stayed in Verona, and it's where some of Shakespeare's plays took place. Some of the friends I made there tried telling me how Shakespeare is better than Dickens, but I always tuned them out. However, it was insanely cool to see Juliet's balcony."
"Like the one from Romeo and Juliet?" He asks, intertwining my hand with his running a thumb back and forth across my knuckles.
"The exact one from Romeo and Juliet."
He rolls off of me and pulls himself into a sitting position, "Do you know what we can do that Romeo and Juliet never could do without creating mass panic?"
I find myself shaking my head as I sit up alongside Hayes, "No, I don't think I do. Maybe you should show me?
His eyes light up full of mischief at the challenge. He tilts my chin up, and the anticipation is killing me as I wait for our lips to meet, but he stops mere mili-meters before making contact. "I wish I could, but you see, I have this girlfriend now. I'd rather not make her angry by kissing another girl."
"I don't think she'll mind in this case." I never let myself actually enjoy kissing him before, but now it's addicting. I curl my finger around the collar of his shirt and pull him against me, relishing that I can do this without feeling like I'm betraying Ethan.
Hayes smiles into the kiss, and I nip at his bottom lip to get him to deepen it. However, Hayes does the opposite by moving his mouth to pepper kisses along the nape of my neck before covering my cheeks with pecks as I laugh. "Happy looks good on you, Montgomery. Much more convincing than whatever happiness you were trying to pass off before."
He's not wrong. I can't remember the last time I felt this free. I highly doubt that Tessa will ever end up doing anything with what she knows because she would have by now if she were going to. Hayes seems as if he's moved past Cam and Tessa, but he still hasn't spoken to Cam even though I keep trying to hint towards it.
"I don't feel as guilty anymore about moving on from Ethan. I know that everything that happened was my fault because of the decisions I made, but I also know that I can't wallow and hide behind it even more."
He rests a hand on my knee, "So do I finally get to know the story? I think that's how it works: I show you mine and you show me yours." Hayes means it in a teasing way, but I guess I'm not at the point where I can joke about it. But I'm slowly making progress.
I swallow the now existent lump in my throat, "Just because I'm doing better about how I handle my past; it doesn't mean that I'm ready to shout to the world what happened. You can't take it personal, I like to think that I could tell you, but it's hard to make the words come out of my mouth. Besides, it doesn't just affect me. A lot of people would experience the fallout if it gets out. I think the worst part would be you knowing how much I still hate myself, and the possibility that you would see me for who I am."
"I just don't understand what could have happened that would have such disastrous effects; it's not like you cheated or Ethan died, so I'm not sure what reason you have to hate yourself. Because the you I see is pretty damn great."
My heart squeezes at his words, and I want to force the words to come out, but all that comes out is something I wish didn't. "Right," I agree, lying to Hayes, and I couldn't feel worse about it. "So, where are you going to college?"
He notices the abrupt subject change, but Hayes thankfully doesn't call me out on it. "It's not as impressive as becoming a professional dancer, but I've got it narrowed down to a few. Dad wants me to go to Harvard since it's where he went, but I've been thinking about Georgetown and Stanford too."
Those are impressive schools, "Damn Benson, I didn't realize that your brain works."
He nudges me with his arm, "I'm expected to take the company over within the next ten years, and I'd rather not be the first Benson to fail. Harvard has the best business program, but I'm just not sure. Georgetown and Stanford are interested in me for lacrosse, and I think it's at least worth considering even though my dad thinks it's pointless."
I study him carefully, "Is business what you want to do though?"
"It's not like I have a choice, maybe if I had a younger sibling, it would be different, but I've been involved in reading the company's charts since Dad figured out I was good at math. My cousin, Maddox, is a few years younger than me, making me the heir. I just haven't quite figured out if I want to continue with lacrosse yet."
"Well, does it make you happy?" I ask, and Hayes's pinky curls around mine in the slightest way of keeping contact. I pull one of my knees up and use my arm to prop my head up as I observe him. Even though it's the middle of winter, he's wearing a grey t-shirt and is still darker than I've ever been in the summer, his hair is getting a little on the long side, but his blue eyes are bright and sparkling making me envious of his genetics. To put it in simpler terms, Hayes is pretty damn attractive.
"It's not that easy. It guess that it does make me happy, but at the same time, I'll just be avoiding the real world that I have to go into out of college."
"I'm sorry."
He smiles slightly, "Don't be sorry. I'm set to inherit a billion-dollar company. I can't exactly complain."
I try to push the thought that I'll probably be leaving for whatever company I go with at the beginning of summer. That gives us five months left if we make it that long. It's not much when you compare it to how long I've known Ollie and how long I knew Ethan, but Hayes has managed to become an important part of my life.
"Yeah, your life is just absolutely horrible." I jokingly agree with him, and he lifts my hand, pressing his lips softly against my skin.
"Thank you," He mumbles, smiling.
"For what?"
"Giving this a shot." This time I can't help but feel my heart threaten to jump out of my chest as he brushes his mouth over my pulse. Hayes smirks up at me because he knows what he's doing to me without even doing hardly anything.
*********
"Do you think they'll ever be able to go back to normal?" Liv asks while I carefully swipe the periwinkle nail polish over my toes. "Can you hand me the yellow?"
I put the brush back in the bottle and grab the yellow bottle from where it sits on the counter next to me. "Here you go. I honestly don't know if they can. Hayes is doing better, but I just-I don't know."
Liv groans and leans against the bathroom wall, "Everything got so messed up so fast. I mean, what the hell was Cam thinking going after Tessa?"
The brush slips and coats more of my skin than my nail, and I lick my thumb and try to wipe it off without creating a bigger mess. "You didn't know?" I just assumed that she did, and no one told me because I was dating Hayes.
She shakes her head, "I had no idea. Figures that the two people I have for best friends don't tell me anything."
I lift my head to look at her, but Liv is too focused on painting her toes to look at me. "Liv, you can't think of it that way."
"So how am I supposed to think about it? You never share anything about you and Hayes, I mean hell I don't even know if you guys are even together anymore. You never talk about anything personal, and I just don't understand why." There's more hurt than anger in her voice, and I instantly feel guilty.
I don't blame her for being angry at all the secrets. Cam and I have been shitty friends lately. "We're still together," I say after a moment, and she scoffs.
"That is literally the vaguest answer you could have given me. That's exactly what I'm talking about! You always have one foot out the door in a conversation, so it's never like you're actually present."
The shadows from the light overhead might hide her expression from me, but the mirror to her right reveals that her jaw is clenched. "I don't do it on purpose, and I never meant to make you feel like I didn't trust you. It's just not easy for me to open up about stuff." It's a weak excuse, but I don't have anything else.
"I know. I just would have thought being your best friend meant you knew I would never judge you."
You might not judge, but you'd also never be able to look at me the same. "I'm sorry."
Liv shrugs, and her brown hair slips over her shoulder, "I guess I'll just have to share enough for the both of us."
"Wait, I have something for you. Your Christmas present came late because I kind of got distracted with Ollie being here, and I forgot to order it, but let me go get it quick."
Her eyes light up, "Is it a puppy? Please tell me you got me a puppy."
I put the brush back in the bottle and hop down from the counter, careful not to scrape my toenails against the floor, "Sorry, it's not a puppy. But I do think you'll like it." I disappear into the closet and grab the newest shoebox that was hidden in all the others.
Her eyes light up when she sees the box as I carry it into the bathroom and set it in front of her. "Merry belated Christmas."
Liv doesn't hesitate before opening the box and tearing through the tissue paper that hides the contents. There's a gasp, and she holds up a nude Alexander Wang fishnet stiletto in her size, and she beams at me.
"These are the shoes that you wore the first time we talked."
I smile and nod, "How could I forget? I honestly thought you were going to try and steal them off my feet, so I figured it was only right to get them for you for Christmas."
She gingerly sets the stiletto back in the box and jumps off the counter to throw her arms around me. "Thank you, thank you, thank you!"
I hug my best friend back as she practically shakes in excitement, "Of course. I'll try to work on being a better friend."
Liv waves me off, moving back to her spot on the counter, "Who cares about that now. I have new shoes!"