Things hadn't been the same since the quick sand incident. Yoongi noticed immediately, and his regrets for that day only strengthened as time went by and you still weren't yourself.
Maybe being so close to death, getting a taste of the reality of what being on the island meant, had struck your mind into a place of fear and... solitude. Always lost in the horror of your own mind.
You barely spoke anymore. You never insisted on doing things on your own and stopped demanded rights. You didn't even try to entertain Yoongi with stories or bother him with random things that didn't make sense.
It was such an unusual predicament to him that he couldn't help but feel a sort of emptiness at your new attitude around him.
Now, whenever Yoongi went out, you would follow him. No words were spoken between the two of you, but none had to be said. Yoongi didn't protest and would occasionally look back to see you silently following him from a distance.
It was just so... bizarre. Without even knowing it, you had become a sort of relief from the fear and exhaustion of survival, but now that your flame had been extinguished, Yoongi felt more dead than alive.
He was so stupid. Remembering the things he had considered that day only made him feel worse. He had been so desperate to get away from you, all out of fear, that he had left you alone in situations that would only lead to disaster. Why was he so... weak?! Running away is never the answer. If he had just disposed of his feelings in another way and stood his ground like a man, then none of this would have happened.
As the two of you silently sat by the fire at night, he couldn't help but stare at you. Your eyes were dull as if you had had trouble sleeping and you were hunched over, close to the fire in order to better achieve warmth. You felt Yoongi's gaze and refused to look up, not wanting to meet his eyes.
Yoongi looked away, picking up a random stick and snapping it in half before throwing it into the fire. You jumped a little at the sound and he looked at you again before you blushed and faced the other direction. He hated the stiff awkwardness so much. He had talked so little in the past few days that he wondered if maybe he had forgotten how to.
He was hitting his breaking point. Trembling slightly, all the memories of your once joyous and slightly irritating comments echoed in his mind. Their absence... hurt him... and you were slowly fading away. Back home he knew it was very possible that the two of you had been labeled dead. After all, it had already been months. But being dead was the lie of it all, and the moment you both gave in to the speculation is the moment it could potentially happen.
Yoongi had thought he had been the one keeping the two of you alive, but in a way, it had been you all along.
"(Y/N)," He finally spoke after clearing his throat. His voice was rough and gravely from the little use. You almost thought you had imagined it, but when you turned to face him, sure enough he was looking at you. You met his eyes for a moment. Yoongi allowed you and he to stare at each other for a moment, even if he knew it was dangerous for him. It wasn't about him right now.
He stood up abruptly and grabbed a new stick to stick into the fire in order to create a torch before grabbing your wrist and forcefully pulling you up.
"Y-Yoongi?" You stammered for a moment before his fingers curled around your wrist and he began walking, tugging you with him. "Yoongi wait. It's late and I-"
"Shh."
You shut up. He pulled you into the river with a splash, the water reaching your ankles. Now that it was night, the water was actually warmer than the air. He continued to pull you along for a period of time that seemed longer than it was; the two of you wading through the water as you stared at his form that became illuminated by the torch, fireflies buzzing and twinkling about in the grass next to the river.
Why was this scene almost familiar to you? Where had you seen it before? Yoongi's hand loosened it's hold to where it was more of a gentle touch used only to guide you though the darkness, and you looked at his determined face in a sort of trance. His features were shadowed and lit slightly by the torch, causing you to get lost in how stunning he really was. You wondered if he knew. He would never have let you stare at him in the past, but today was different, and you allowed yourself to really study him as he pulled you along. Yoongi felt your eyes and coughed slightly; quite awkward as the redness hit his pale cheeks but not any less determined.
Then you realized. You knew where you had seen this scene before... your dreams, fantasies, and every thing you had ever longed for in what you valued most. You used to imagine falling in love with someone who loved you just as much in return. Your brain would conjure many happenings and romantic scenarios, a prominent one being your lover sneaking out with you in the night time; he pulling you along under the moon light as sparks erupted between every small touch.
Of course, this wasn't your lover. It was just Yoongi. But even then, dejavu was happening as this scene practically mimicked everything you'd ever hoped for...
You watched as the river emptied into the lagoon. You caught your breath when you saw how beautiful it was at night with the moon reflected in the surface; no longer any need for a torch as it and the stars lit up the clearing. Yoongi looked back in surprise at your gasp. It was the first positive noise you had made in the past few days. You noticed him looking and hung your head; trying to pretend that the lagoon had no effect on you.
When he kept tugging you to further down the lake, you became increasingly more confused.
"Yoongi, I'm tired. Can we please go back?" You spoke, voice heavy and strained, "Or can you at least tell me where we're going?"
No response. You bit back an angry snap at him for dragging you out into the jungle in the middle of the night with no excuse. It was dangerous.
Finally, you found yourself behind a large pile of rocks by the base of the large pool. You stared at it blankly as Yoongi released his hold on you and stepped backwards; looking at you expectantly. You didn't move and only stared at him, not knowing what he wanted.
Yoongi waited a moment more before growling angrily in exasperation.
"What are you doing?! Climb already?"
You blinked tiredly and cocked your head slightly with a sigh.
"Why?"
"Just do it." He no longer sounded forceful, but more so pleading. His tone surprised you. This was why you finally decided to obey; placing a foot on the first rock in order to hoist yourself upwards and begin your climb up the pile of rocks. You heard him behind you and felt a bit more at ease.
When you reached the top you were panting in exhaustion and very angry at Yoongi for forcing you into exercise at such an odd hour. When you looked down however, you were shocked; now understanding as you peered at the gushing water to your right that trickled down into the pool. Yoongi hoisted himself up and stood next to you. He got a bit embarrassed when you said nothing so he cleared his throat to get you to make any sort of motion. When you turned to look at him however, to his disappointment you looked no different.
"I'd rather not," You spoke quietly, and tried to go back down the side of the rock formation. Before you could however, Yoongi stepped in front of you. "Excuse me, may I pass?" You asked tiredly. He just stared at you blankly. You tried to move around him but he grabbed your elbows and pulled you back in front of him.
"You told me you wanted to jump off the waterfall. Why don't you want to anymore?"
You rolled your eyes and pulled your arms away.
"Look, obviously I was stupid for saying that. I just want to go back to camp."
You squeaked in surprise when Yoongi suddenly grabbed your waist and picked you up; flinging you over his shoulder securely before going back towards the edge of the water fall.
"YOONGI! PUT ME DOWN!" You yelled, slamming your fists against his back.
"I'm the only one that's allowed to call you stupid," He told you with a growl. You squirmed a little longer before going still; Yoongi waiting until you calmed down before placing you back on the ground. His hands still tightly wrapped around your waist as you glared up at him; panting slightly from trying to escape his grip. He glared right back. "What's wrong with you?!" He demanded, biting his tongue slightly in exasperation.
"There's nothing wrong with me! What's wrong with YOU?!"
"(Y/N) you're different. You're acting weird. You barely talk and you won't do anything except mope around! Stop playing dumb and tell me what the issue is!"
"I'd rather you didn't yell at me," You hissed. Yoongi glared at you. "You say I'm acting weird, well you're the one who dragged me here in the middle of the night! And you want to know something else?" You leaned closer and Yoongi flinched; not expecting your advancement. You smirked but only leaned towards his ear. "Mr. 'I hate touch' is touching me."
Yoongi's eyes went wide. You were right; his hands were still wrapped around your waist. He jumped back quickly. You rolled your eyes at his typical response.
"Yeah. You call me weird."
Yoongi angrily grit his teeth.
"Jump off the waterfall."
"No."
"Do it!"
"You can't make me!"
"Why do you have to make everything so difficult for me?!"
"Maybe I was trying to not for once! I was trying to stay out of trouble and... and just be the person I know you'd rather be stranded with. Yoongi, I almost died. You're the only reason I'm alive right now, and I know I'm annoying and reckless and somehow keep getting into trouble... so I wanted to be different. For you."
A silence settled across the two of you. Yoongi's heart twisted in an irregular fashion at your words.
"(Y/N)..." Yoongi struggled with his words. He always found himself struggling with words and he became even more distraught after hearing your sort of rant. He choked on his attempts to talk to you and you took his silence as enough before breathing out and trying to move past him again.
He refused to let you once more. You were about to snap at him in anger before he stopped you with his words.
"I can't imagine being stranded with anyone else."
You froze, thinking you misheard him.
"What?"
Yoongi's hands were shaking but he hid them by crossing his arms.
"Keep being the person I want to be stranded with or... I don't know I'll push you off this freaking waterfall or something."
Translation: I care about you a lot even though I wish I didn't... but if I could choose between the you I was recklessly beginning to care for and the you I've made you become, I'll always choose the first. My problems are my own and you have nothing to do with this.
"Yoongi..." You breathed out, holding a hand to your chest, "That was so..." romantic. "Touching! You've never said anything so sweet to me..."
You wanted to cry but held back tears as the situation was already awkward and you didn't want it to be any worse on the guy. He shifted awkwardly and looked down.
"Yoongi can I hug you?" You requested, knowing now was the only time he would ever even consider letting you.
Not a good idea Yoongi.
"I guess..." He spoke hesitantly, a bit unsure and trailing off as you eagerly leaned into his chest.
Mistake.
One day. Just today. I'll go back to trying to fix myself tomorrow... but for now...
Yoongi controlled his breathing as best as he could. His skin was hot and his chest rose and fell under you as you wrapped your arms around him. His own arms lingered over your form slightly before he gave in and leaned into you; strong arms wrapping around your waist as his closeness lead to his face resting next to your hair. You... weren't expecting it to say the least.
Who knew Yoongi had such a soft heart?
He knew, and that's why he had been afraid.
"Hey Yoongi," You spoke suddenly, pulling away much to his displeasure... and displeasure at his displeasure. "What if there's rocks at the bottom or something? Is it dangerous do you think?"
"No. I checked it out when I bathed last; it's fine."
"Good."
"Wha-" You pushed him suddenly; he staggering back and over the waterfall in surprise; yelping before a splash was heard below in the dark water. You laughed hysterically at him as he came up completely soaked and slightly angered.
"(Y/N)," He growled, but before he knew it you had jumped off as well; cannon balling next to him and splashing water over his already drenched form. You came up smiling but spluttered around frantically when he pushed your head back underwater; getting revenge and smirking in success.
Your hands pried his off of your head and you rose again; coughing and breathing heavily as you attempted to inhale oxygen back into your system.
"I should have known you saved me just so you could kill me yourself," You told him, glaring a bit before you heard small laughs escape his lips. His laugh was definitely your weakness. You smiled at the sound before diving under the dark water, feeling the refreshing liquid hit your face once more. It was a sort of wake up call to you.
Then you resurfaced... and saw a stick floating in the water. You screamed, misinterpreting it's identity.
Yoongi's head snapped up at your sudden shriek and you swam towards him at full speed; barreling into his chest.
"What the heck?!" He questioned, trying to support your quivering form above the water as you thrashed about and grasped onto him.
"I SAW A SNAKE! I SWEAR I DID!" You told him, latching onto his back.
"(Y/N) that's a stick."
"NO."
He sighed, hiding a small smile from you as you wrapped your arms around his neck.
"I'll prove it."
"NO YOONGI NO!" You cried as he began wading towards the more shallower area of the lake where you had seen the stick. "NO!!!!!"
He picked it up and poked you with it. You breathed out in relief.
"Oh." You simply stated, blushing a little.
He pried your arms off of his back and moved you to face him; smirking lightly. Goodness he was attractive. His hair had grown a bit and now when wet slightly covered his eyes as droplets of water weighed down his bleached hair. His roots were a bit more prominent now and you wondered what he looked like with black hair. Probably pretty good. Yoongi flinched a bit as you unknowingly reached for him; tracing your finger along the wet hair that hid his eyes to draw it back a bit.
This may be too much... although I did say I'd give myself a day. As long as we don't...
Your fingers then brushed against his cheek and Yoongi's face paled as his heart lurched. You hadn't really thought about it, but the scene was quite romantic and yet another thing that seemed like a distant dream. A dream that had crashed once you found you were engaged to a stranger.
His eyes were deep as you stared into them. You remembered when you had been afraid to look into Yoongi's eyes, but now you found that you didn't want to do anything else. Your breath grew heavy as he also lightly touched your cheeks; cupping them slightly as he leaned in.
No way...
You decided to let him do whatever he planned on and closed your eyes; secretly crossing your fingers that he was going to kiss you. Wait... you wanted him to kiss you?! Well duh.
The space between you and Yoongi became less... you almost able to feel the heat radiating from his skin and the water dripping from his hair as he naturally tilted his head to get closer to you. His fingers on your cheek trembled as he paused and realized what he was doing.
This is wrong.
Yoongi backed up and cleared his throat awkwardly, your eyes opening quickly the moment he departed. You couldn't help but feel disappointed... but shook off the silly feeling as you tucked a strand of wet hair behind your ear as you two fully separated.
"It's late..." He murmured, closing his eyes for a moment before turning away. "I'm glad you're back to normal but... we should... get back to camp."
"Yeah..." You agreed, biting your lower lip and looking down at the dark water. You decided maybe it was better to forget the exchange.
~~~
You shivered as you sat next to Yoongi next to the slowly dying fire. The night was the chilliest yet and your wet hair didn't help at all. Your teeth were practically chattering and you noticed Yoongi looked quite cold as well. He silently shook and closed his eyes a bit as to better find warmth.
"I was thinking..." You spoke slowly, trying to distract yourself from the cold, "I was wondering if maybe my family thinks I'm dead. The last few days I've been thinking about them a lot and I can't help but feel guilty. They have no idea what happened to me. They are probably freaking out." You sniffed lightly and brushed away a tear. "Maybe that's why I was more quiet... I felt like I was being selfish to enjoy myself just because I'm not engaged. What if I actually die here... and never see them again..."
"I've been wondering the same." Yoongi spoke, surprising you. He didn't tend to talk about things so deep and you peered at him with wide eyes as he attempted to keep the dying fire lit. "Listen I... I've never told anyone this so-"
"You don't have to."
He shook his head, smiling slightly and almost... sadly.
"Well you've already spilled all your secrets and life story out to me so... I feel a little odd for not telling you since you really don't know a whole lot about me." You now stayed quiet. "My dad was dying. Between hospital visits and medicine, I didn't know how much longer he had until he would be unable to do anything anymore. And I'm wondering... I mean, I think about him and how I can't get back to him to help him all the time. He may be in the hospital, unable to move. He could be dead. I have no idea. But we never had enough money, and I was trying to save up for a surgery."
You watched his face but Yoongi never showed any sort of emotion. You didn't understand why he didn't cry. Your heart was breaking for him and you found yourself crying under this new information you wished you had known sooner. Maybe this was why he disliked you so much at the beginning... he had to leave his dad for a few days to take you to a rich fiance just so he could make some money.
Yoongi noticed you crying and quickly reached out for you. Technically the day still wasn't over so....
"Why are you crying?" He asked, "Why do you cry all the time?" Yoongi brushed the tears away with his thumb and you trembled lightly under the touch.
"I'd hate me too." You spoke softly and Yoongi frowned.
"I don't hate you. It had nothing to do with-"
You clenched your fists; now determined.
"Yoongi. If we get rescued and I... you know get married, I'll have a lot of money. The least I can do is give you the money for the surgery. You've saved my life countless times so it's only fair."
Yoongi had no idea how to react; frozen under your words. His thumb quickly fell from your cheeks as he really allowed what you had said sink in. He didn't know what he felt... a part of him felt abounding gratitude and love for you at that moment. But that love, that small feeling that had made it's way into him over the months, was internally weeping. Of course; if the two of you got rescued, then you would still get married.
The likelihood of death of the island was high, but at that moment, Yoongi didn't know what would be more painful; dying with you or seeing you with someone else. This was why he had tried to distance himself from you in the first place. He said nothing so you smiled weakly.
"I know you won't take the money, but when I have it you won't have a choice. I'll force you to take it. After all; I know what it takes to get you to cave in."
You have no idea.
"I- uh," He choked on his words again.
You didn't expect him to say anything more and gently took his hand.
"Let's go to bed OK?" Your hands were freezing, but the moment they touched his you didn't feel so cold anymore. He shut his mouth quickly and nodded. He was completely under your spell.
It was your turn with the blanket that night, and you had never been so thankful in your whole life. The cold was horrendous, and as you got into your make shift bed you still found yourself shivering even with the blankets.
Yoongi didn't make any noise. Not even a little. But when you turned towards his direction you clearly saw his form shaking under the cool night air; his teeth clenched tightly and arms wrapped around himself to help with the chill. You watched him for only a moment more before you stood up with the blanket wrapped around you. Yoongi opened his eyes and sat up quickly when you got closer.
"What-"
"You can have the blanket."
"No."
You narrowed your eyes.
"Why?"
"Because you need it too." Now you were getting angry, and when Yoongi saw this, he got angry right back; a glare forming.
"You gave it to me once, why can't I give it to you?"
"Because it's freezing!"
"Yoongi!" You growled, stomping a bit before angrily crawling next to him; huffing as you laid down on his bed. He blushed profusely.
"What are you doing?" He hissed.
"Well if we're both going to put up a fight about it then we might as well share," You spoke, throwing the blanket over him as well so you were both under the covers. "Now good night." You laid back down and closed your eyes before he could protest.
"(Y/N)!" He spoke through gritted teeth, heart beating quickly. He wanted to tell you how bad of an idea it was to get in bed with him, or any guy really, and that you were being stupid, but a fake snore was heard when he spoke your name signaling that you wouldn't listen.
Yoongi's heart melted. You laid next to him for a while before the fake snoring turned into heavy and calming breaths. Yoongi watched you for awhile as you laid still.
"You're so annoying..." He managed to say, but it was just a whisper. He finally laid down next to you, still feeling cold despite the blanket. He shuffled a bit and soon found that the closer he was to you the more heat he felt.
He reached out for your sleeping form, hesitant.
You did give yourself a day... It's not over yet.
He wrapped his arms around your sleeping form and held you close, sighing slightly as heat entered his body the more he pulled you tighter to his chest. You had been shivering slightly but stopped upon the feel of him holding you.
You breathed out in content and Yoongi smiled at the sound as he rested his chin on your head. He felt more at ease and secure than he had even when he wasn't on the island.
There were a lot of things he could say, but only one thing managed to slip from his lips.
"Good night."