Danbi looks carefully through the menu, trying to find something on her taste. I'd already decided on what I wanted to order. I wasn't in the mood of being picky anyways, I couldn't really focus on anything related to this lunch. JungKook wasn't at school today. At first, I thought he might be avoiding me, but eventually, I went to his music class to check if he was there.
He was not.
And knowing JungKook so well, I knew he wouldn't skip any of his music classes, no matter what. So if he wasn't here, then he hadn't been to school at all.
Something bad must've happened.
I swallowed my pride and tried calling him after classes. But as expected, he didn't answer. Danbi asked me if there was anything wrong, but I just shrugged it off. She doesn't need to know things are going so bad lately.
"Unnie? What do you want to order?" Danbi asks me from across the table.
I wake up from my thoughts and I see that the nice waitress was waiting for my order. I sigh and tell her the food I chose, alongside a cup of tea.
"Why are you eating so little?" Danbi asks me.
"I'm not too hungry." I simply answer.
She looks at me with curious eyes.
"But you're so thin. You have to eat..."
I look at her and push myself to smile.
"It's alright, I've always been this way." I try to explain myself. "I guess it's just my body figure."
"Lucky." She whispers. "I would die for a body like yours."
I don't say anything for a second, thinking about Danbi's body figure and why she's saying that I'm lucky. True, she's not as thin as me, but her body is beautiful, all the right curves in the right places, something that I don't quite have. Her body has always seemed dainty to me, that kind of figure a girl should have. My body is too thin to be considered beautiful.
"I'm not lucky at all." I say silently. "You look a whole lot healthier than me and trust me that's much more important than weight."
Danbi sighs.
"But all the idols have slender and perfect bodies." She says unhappily.
"So what?" I say. "They're forced to diet and work out for those bodies. Do you think that makes them happy?"
Danbi looks at me for a second before answering:
"No..."
"Exactly." I say, looking at the ceiling. "In plus, most of the time, they're doing it for the others. To look good on the stage in front of their public. I guess that's not true happiness, when your self-esteem depends on the way the world sees you."
When Danbi doesn't say anything, I move my gaze towards her to see if there's anything wrong. Instead, I meet her wide eyes, staring at me like I was a miracle happening before her eyes.
"What?" I ask confused.
"Woah..." she says. "That was..."
I look at her even more puzzled than before.
"True." she finishes in bewilderment.
I smile, being a bit amused.
"Thank you, I guess." I say.
"You should write." She suddenly says.
I frown at her words. Why is she saying that out of nowhere?
Suddenly, I remember the essay that I have to write for tomorrow. No, I'm a disaster at writing.
"Why do you think so?'' I calmly ask.
She shrugs and looks outside the window we were sitting next to.
"What you've just said right now, that was... that was beautiful. The way you said that..."
She looks at me.
"It made me believe you. I think you can bring words to life, you have that something, unnie."
I look at her wondering if what she's just said is true. I didn't feel like I had anything special. I wish I did, but no, that's not me. Danbi looks up at me just because I'm older than her. She's just overreacting. What I said was not big deal. At all.
Or was it?
Don't flatter yourself.
"If you say so..." I mumble.
***
We get up to leave. I've barely eaten my salad, even though Danbi insisted that I should've eaten all of it. I drank my tea and for now, that was enough for me.
As we were going towards the entrance, I see a familiar face. My eyes go wide as I recognize Taehyung sitting at one table near the entrance door. However, he wasn't alone. A girl with long auburn hair was sitting across from him, her back facing me. Is she his girlfriend? Eventually, Taehyung's gaze meets mine and a wide smile spreads on his face.
"Wait for me outside. I'll be joining you soon." I tell Danbi and she nods.
I step forward, a sincere smile on my face.
"Hello!" I say as I arrive near the table.
The girl raises her head to look at me as Taehyung stands up to hug me. She's gorgeous, is the first thing I can't help but think.
"Yuna! It's so nice to see you here." Taehyung says as he breaks the hug. "Oh, let me introduce you to my friend. Seulgi, she's Yuna, Hoseok hyung's sister. Yuna, she's Seulgi, Jimin's girlfriend."
The smile vanishes from my face in an instant.
Oh.
Jimin's girlfriend...
...
Oh.
I push myself to smile again even though I feel sick. I bow my head respectfully and she does the same, a nice smile plastered on her face.
"It's a pleasure to meet you!" I say, trying not to blabber.
"Nice to meet you, too!" Seulgi says and I bitterly realize that even her voice is pretty.
I try to smile. I force myself to.
"So, what's up? How are you?" Taehyung asks me. "Why don't you sit with us actually?"
"Oh, thank you, but I've just had lunch with a friend and now we were leaving. What about you?"
"Same for us, we decided to spend this lunch break together." He answers full of joy. "Actually, Jimin is at the restroom right now, he should return soon though..."
"O-oh, that's nice!" I say, trying to sound happy. "I think I'd better get go-..."
"Jimin-ah! Look who's here!" Taehyung beams while looking at something behind me.
Or better said somebody.
I slowly turn around just to see Jimin standing there with a blank expression on his face.
I open my mouth to say something, but my voice has disappeared. He notices that and decides to be the first one to speak instead.
"Yuna, what a surprise! What are you doing here?" He says, a small smile on his lips.
He's acting.
"I've just had lunch with a friend... Speaking of it, I should probably go, she's waiting for me outside." I say, trying to smile. "Enjoy your lunch! Oh and..."
I pause and look at Seulgi, as if this time, I wanted to find an imperfection on her face, a tiny detail that would make her less gorgeous. I wanted to find that something, for my sake.
I find nothing.
"It was nice to meet you, Seulgi!" I try to sound genuine and she nods with a smile.
However, before I make my way to the entrance of the local after all of them thank me and wish me a good day, I glance for a second at Jimin. He was looking at me with a considered expression. That was enough for me to understand that this time, he couldn't see through me. He couldn't read me. And it made me even sicker, because most likely, that was because he was too surprised to see me there.
Or because he didn't want to see me there.
And no matter how much I try to tell myself that it has to be the first option, I don't believe it. I can't believe it, even though I want to. And with that replaying in my head like a broken record, I swallow my sobs and get out of that damned local.