October 1st 2020
A few days went by after Camila and Harry spent the day together at the oak tree filled with art and pictures with the mention of sunflowers and tears.
It was the first time in years that their day didn't end up with them bringing up their past that was filled with hickeys, vodka and hotels. Along with Nancy dying and her mom dying and the bills. Or well barely anyway.
But the last couple days apart she'd spent with Lisa planning her wedding along with being a few months to her due date. And although she couldn't be happier for her she also couldn't help but envy her as she has what she used to have with a loving fiancée and a wedding to plan and a baby on the way.
And Camila couldn't help but think of how she used to have all that and her husband did put a ring on her finger even though they both had the thoughts that marriages were a one way thing and it wasn't really for them but yet they did it anyways.
But now she is on the verge of getting a divorce and she lost her baby and rings that used to be worn on and off are now worn completely off.
And it was just a mess.
A mess that Cam didn't want interfering between her and Lisa.
But Lisa knew, she learned.
She saw the tears that glossed in her eyes and the way she would avoid eye contact and her at a loss of words.
And when Lisa confronted her about it only the sounds of sobs came out and the tears left her glossy eyes and she couldn't look at her due to the tears.
And she continuously mumbled that she was sorry and she just couldn't help but remember the tragedies and the trauma.
But Lisa comforted her nonetheless as Cam was still a bit broken.
"It's okay, Mila," she whispered as she held her as Cam only kept mumbling sorrys.
But after that day she ignored the gnawing pain she felt as she continued to help Lisa.
Today however, today was a weird day as Camila left her room with a smile and it was so rare to see her smile.
Ironic considering the skies were filled with grey clouds and the rest of the house wore the gloomy frowns.
Miguel noticed the big smile on her face and he had no idea why she could be so happy on a day like this considering this day was filled with broken glass with the staining of blood.
She had forgotten and he didn't have the heart to remove the smile from her face.
"Are you okay, papa?" She asked as he appeared to seem in a daze with a small frown.
"Yeah, I'm okay," he sighed as he grabbed the newspaper trying to appear as natural as possible.
"Did you grab the coffee this morning?" She asked as he usually did at seven in the morning.
"Oh, um no I didn't."
"But you always grab coffee. Papa are you sure you're okay? You just seem off."
He really did want to tell her.
But for once she seemed just a bit happy.
She checked her phone quickly to see a text from Harry saying that he was here, a small part of her wanting to go but majority wanting to figure out what was wrong with her father.
"You should go, I'm sure Harry's waiting for you," he mumbled as he continued reading the newspaper already lost in his thoughts and normally he would make a remark about Harry
But today was different.
"Papa..."
"Go, Mila," he said with a smile. "Have fun alright?"
And with a shaky sigh she let out she kissed his cheek before heading out to meet Harry.
It was a bit of a windy day, a day where Camila should have had gloves on and even though she claimed she didn't like to wear gloves because it was harder to take pictures it was just an excuse because she genuinely didn't like wearing gloves and her hands always remained cold with hints of red.
And the thought of this made Harry roll his eyes and smile a bit as he saw her.
"What?" She asked as she noticed his subtle smirk, getting into the car.
"S'like you're always trying to get sick. Check the glove department there should be a pair of gloves."
She rolled her eyes before opening it. "One, I'm not trying to get sick... I just assumed I was going to take pictures so I didn't bother with the gloves."
"Right..."
"Two, if I knew we'd be outside maybe I would've brought gloves-"
"Yeah right..."
"And three, fuck off alright," she said as she laughed shoved him a bit. She put it on the gloves. "Happy?"
"Very."
And today just seemed like a good day because it was filled with small remarks and smiles and laughter. And not the reminder of glass shattered on the road coloured with red.
"So where we going today?" She asked looking out the window, not noticing Harry admiring at first. But then she looked at him as she saw the light flush that appeared in his cheeks and she didn't know if it was because of the cold or because she caught him.
"There's a fall carnival today. I figured we go there and do all the cliche stuff we said we hated."
"Oh like take pictures on the big pumpkins and go on the Ferris wheel or ooh! Eat candy apples and cotton candy."
He laughed. "Okay now I don't know if you're mocking me or actually excited."
"A little bit of both," she said with a big smile.
She for once felt a bit happy.
"It'll be fun though, I can tell. We both mocked the clicheness but we both secretly wanted to do it at times in one point of our lives admit it."
"I admit nothing."
"Stubborn."
And so they enjoyed the ride with the smiles both wide on their faces and the jokes both good and terrible had been said and there was not a minute where she had the constant regret of making the wrong decision to try and trust him again.
Usually she would find a reason to push him away and although she should've, she didn't want to because on this day; for once, she felt happy and she didn't want to give that up.
"Camila," Harry sang for the fifth time as she seemed to be caught up in her daze. She hummed in response, turning to him. "You okay, butterfly? Kind of lost you there."
"Yeah.. um yeah, I just.." she trailed off looking at him as he gazed at her in concern, worried that she was regretting going out together.
"What is it?" He asked in worry.
"I just feel.. I feel happy, Harry," she said and the way she smiled made his heart feel warm as his concerned face was replaced with a wide smile and bright green eyes.
"That's all I want you to be, Cam. I want to always make you happy."
Her cheeks lightly turned pink as she didn't back down from the staring but she didn't know if he was going to kiss her or not.
And he wanted to kiss her, he always wanted to kiss her but he didn't want to now and mess everything up.
"Come on let's go before it gets to cold."
She then nodded her head as they both got out the car. She put on the gloves that Harry told her to wear, rolling her eyes as she did causing him to lightly chuckle at her actions.
Once she got them on he grabbed her hand before practically running to the fair in excitement causing her to laugh.
Because she didn't think about the glass shattered coloured in red with the drunk driving and loved ones.
She just thought about all the things that made her happy.
The first thing they went to was the games as it was a simple or so it seemed with knocking down the pins to win a prize. Only after did Harry realize that it was much harder than he thought it would be as he lost about twenty dollars; a dollar a game.
"You don't have to win me anything, Harry, it's fine," she said as she laughed at his pure and utter frustration.
"It's not even about that anymore, I just want to knock down that last fucking pin that seems to be rigged."
"Let me have at it," Camila said as she picked up the ball, tossing it before giving Harry a chance to reply. The last pin getting knocked down, winning a stuffed animal. Harry stared at her surprised, excusing his throws by blaming his bad arm.
"Here," Cam said as she handed him the bear. "I won it for you."
"Thank you," he smiled "I'll win you one next time."
"Yeah right."
And for once it just seemed like a good day because she wasn't fighting to not love him and he wasn't trying to prove that he loved her because he just simply did.
They were just Cam and Harry that day because they seemed like a happy couple just without the kisses and the urge to say love you.
However they did hold hands every so often.
The day consisted of cotton candy and candy apples along with the Ferris wheel that Harry always hated. But it didn't matter to him what they did or if he hated it because he was with her and he got to see her genuinely smile after so long and that was all he ever needed to be happy.
"Thank you for bringing me here, Harry. I'm having a lot of fun," she said as she picked at her cotton candy, Harry eating it from her fingers before it reached her mouth. "Okay fine, I take it back," she laughed as she licked her fingers.
"I'm having a lot of fun too," he said in agreement and he just felt happy.
Unfortunately those nights don't really last forever.
"Come oh let's go on the Ferris wheel one more time."
"Oh god, not again, Camila," he whined a bit as she pulled him up from his seat. "How are you not scared of that thing?"
"Because it's literally as slow as a turtle."
"It's not the speed I'm scared of," he said as he rolled his eyes. "It's the height of it all."
"Would it make you feel better if I held your hand?"
"As a matter of fact it would."
Cam simply took his hand thinking nothing of it.
Not until he lifted their hands and kissed hers.
He thought he overstepped his boundaries as he saw the confused and lost face she had before it turned into a small sad smile.
About to ask if she was alright she said something quickly. "Thank god you didn't kiss my glove... that would've been awkward."
"I don't know if I should be relieved or annoyed that you took them off."
She missed this.
They then went on the Ferris wheel where Harry practically held on to her for deal life just as he did the first time. And surprisingly she was used to it; years of her knowing he was afraid of heights and her being quite the opposite.
"I hate this."
"I love this." She kissed his forehead. "Thank you for doing this with me."
"Always, butterfly."
Unfortunately it wouldn't last forever.
It never does.
——————
On the way home it consisted of laughs and smiles and sing a longs in the car, the music on full volume with the windows down at around midnight.
And for once it wasn't really a big mess.
Until Harry had to quickly swerve away from a poorly driven car and the instant flashbacks came from when that happened to Camila.
But instead of it being a close call it was shattered glass along the road coloured with red and the car flipped upside down.
And then she remembered.
She remembered the drunken laughters and calling out for her when they got into the crash and the night after.
And it didn't really make it any better when they were passing the cemetery.
"Stop the car," she mumbled over and over again as Harry tried to console her.
"Camila... What?"
"Stop the car!"
He instantly pressed on the break, Camila not even waiting for it to fully stop as she got out the car, running towards the cemetery.
"No... no, no, no," she mumbled as the tears left her eyes.
And she thought today would've been a good day.
Harry quickly put the car on park before getting out the car, chasing after her.
He remembered.
And he knew the pain he was feeling was nothing compared to Camila's.
She fell to her knees in front of her moms stone as she let out loud sobs that she couldn't seem to hold in.
Ironic how she always told herself not to cry and she couldn't do anything but that.
"Mami, I'm so sorry," she cried.
Harry knelt beside her, trying to console as he put his arm around her before she pushed him away.
"Don't touch me," she almost yelled, wiping her red face. "T-This is your fault," she cried. "I shouldn't have never left with you."
"Baby..." he trailed off as his eyes filled with water when he saw his love breakdown. "I'm so sorry, butterfly."
She shook her head. "I-I hate you so much."
"How could I forget? Why am I so stupid?"
"Hey, stop it," he warned as he grabbed her hands. "It's not your, alright."
"You don't get it Harry," she said as she let out another sob. "I missed all the signs... m-my dad was acting so off and I-I just dismissed it."
"It was a mistake-"
"Just stop," she said again. "Don't touch me. I just... I'm just so.. how could I.."
Ignoring her pleas, he held her against him, as she let out her sobs in his jackets, so tired of only shedding them in her pillows where no one else can see them.
Time passed by. They didn't know if it was an hour or more, possibly even less. But during that time Harry held her until her sobs went to sniffles and her sniffles went to silence as he even let out a few tears himself.
Camila eyes fell heavy as she closed them, falling asleep in his warmth as he kept murmuring consoling words like "it's going to be okay" or "you're so strong" or that he loved her.
And eventually he carried her back to the car, driving to a twenty four hour convenience store to grab a bouquet of flowers before driving back to the cemetery.
He didn't really want to wake her as you could tell that her eyes were swollen from crying and all the makeup was gone from her face but he honestly didn't think she needed it.
And she was so beautiful.
Broken and beautiful.
"Mila," he whispered as he gently shook her. With no answer he gently shook her again, leaning closer to her as he whispered her name once more in her ear.
"Are we home?" She asked him in a mumble, her voice sore from crying.
She just wanted to forget this night ever happened.
"Uh, no um..." he lifted up the flowers he got. "I figured we can do this properly before I drop you off, yeah?"
Her eyes filled with water as she bit her lip. "I-I would like that, thank you."
So they walked back; this time hand in hand with the flowers in the other as she said the words that came from her heart and Harry listening to every word spoken.
She said that she loved her
And she will always be missed
And that she would always have a place in her heart.
Harry being there made it a bit better.
It was just a big mess.
"I don't really hate you, Harry," she whispered after a moment of silence. "The way I feel for you is something I don't quite yet understand but thank you for being here with me."
And he held her hand just a bit tighter as he whispered, "always," before giving her the flowers.
Took exactly a month but I did it ayeeee
Also I didn't edit it so it can possibly suck
Feel free to insult :)