PROLOGUE
It was the shrill cry of a hungry baby that had pulled the large man from his bed, the mattress shifting beneath the weight of him moving into a seated position as he threw the covers off himself and dropped his feet to the floor with only a murmur to his wife that it was his turn. She had gratefully, if not a little incoherently, mumbled her acceptance of this before quickly falling back to sleep.
That had been forty-five minutes ago, time in which a bottle had been made, warmed and given to the wailing baby girl Alex had pulled from her crib, coiling her tiny frame into the crook of his arm as he plopped the bottle into the small 'o' of her lips. Now daddy and daughter sat together in the corner of the nursery, his mountainous frame clad in nothing but a pair of boxers and the comforting mixture of a rocking chair creaking and a baby sucking on the side of her fist filling the air.
"You've got your times mixed up baby girl." He murmured to her in ought but a whisper. "That bottle was supposed to put you back to sleep."
There was a long pause in both his words and the creak of the rocking chair as his free arm lifted so that Alex could swipe his hand over his face, fingertips ducked in to rub his eyes before pinching the bridge of his nose. Soft fussing caused his hand to fall away and his feet to pick back up on rocking the chair back and forth hoping to sooth the upset infant in his arms. For five months now they had danced through this nightly routine; feeding, diaper change, softly murmured words to sooth and calm. He loved his daughter but Good Gracious he was exhausted.
They tell you it's going to be exhausting, that you will spend months, maybe years of interrupted sleep to raise your child, but no amount of warning is ever enough to fully prepare you for what is awaiting you. Yet, despite the droop of his eyelids and the way his body screamed to return to sleep, Alex kept rocking himself back and forth in the chair, letting the sound of it lull both himself and Olivia. Though he wasn't much of a singer, his deep rumble sang out a tender lullaby as he gazed down into a pair of bright blue eyes that were far too clear and awake for his liking.
"Hush little Livvie don't say a word, daddy's gonna buy you a mockingbird. And if that mocking bird don't sing, daddy's gonna buy you a diamond ring." Blue eyes remained staring up into his face at the raspy sung lyrics.
"Would you like that?" He questioned, his index finger and thumb gently played with her hand, pressing her fingers apart so the pad of his thumb could brush against her palm. His lips formed a loving smile as tiny fingers curled around his knuckle with a strength he found encouraging.
"What do you think little bobcat? Will you be a diamond girl, or more of an animal lover? Your mommy likes to say she doesn't like shiny things... but just between you and me she's as bad as a crow when it comes to sparkles and her talons are about as long." His deep chuckle rumbled as his daughter cooed her response.
"Are you telling our daughter lies about me?"
Alexander glanced up to the doorway, spotting his wife leaning there against the jam. Even with the shadows cast upon her features from the star nightlight shining on the changing table he was able to see the somewhat tense expression lining her face that was not caused by her teasing words.
"Sharing secrets is how I'll get her to like me more than you." He jested lightly, dark brown eyes grazing over her weary face.
Erin smiled a little at his response, blue eyes that matched their daughter's rolling before she was pushing off the door jam and heading his way. She wore only one of his old t-shirts, a dark navy blue from his university days. He barely wore it any more because of where stitching had let go at the seems and how thread bare it was in places, but Erin loved it. While Alexander stood 6'5 and weighed about two hundred and twenty pounds of solid muscle, Erin was a slender 5'6 and thus she swam in his shirts. In her books this made his old, warn out t-shirt perfect for bedtime wear. Not that he would ever complain, the sight was enough to make his heart swell with affection and his gut tighten with desire.
His gaze followed Erin as she made her way across the carpeted floor, not saying anything as she sunk down to her knees at his feet, sitting back on her heels. Alex smiled gently at the touch of her hand to his knee which she used as a slight perch while leaning in to take a peek at Olivia. "She's wide awake."
"Yeah... something she and her mama have in common right now." He stretched his free hand out to brush it back through Erin's hair, tucking a few strands behind her ear. "Why aren't you sleeping right now? If I'd known you'd be up anyway I would have let you come get her." He tugged lightly on her earlobe to let her know he was mostly teasing. Mostly - because seriously, he'd love to be in bed right now.
"I was sleeping but.." Alex watched her upper teeth pinch down on her bottom lip as Erin paused her words. He could see the gears turning in her head as she pondered what to say to him. Silently he wondered why she was having such a hard time settling on her words. "I think it's time to move."
His brows arched a little as Erin's eyes lifted to meet his.
"Move? But I thought we'd decided this was the place we wanted to finally put down roots? You love that little elementary school down the street." He knew this, because she had spent a full day gushing over how she couldn't wait to take photos of Olivia on her first day of school in front of the little row of trees just outside of it. She'd been eight months pregnant at the time and feeling very emotional.
Alex received a sigh of frustration for his efforts. "I know. I do."
"Then what's going on?"
It wasn't that he was surprised, the very opposite. Through two years of dating and four years of marriage they had lived in seven cities in five different countries. Alex had never minded the wanderlust that seemed to fill Erin to the brim, keeping them moving from one city to another in pursuit of the next adventure. But that didn't mean he hadn't been looking forward to finally settling down in one place. To getting to know his neighbours beyond casual nods of greeting. When they had discovered they were pregnant, it had been the mutual agreement between them that it was time to find a real home and plant some roots so their child would be able to grow up with friends and whatever family they might make of those around them.
"I just woke up with this feeling.... I can't explain it Alex." She couldn't, or she wouldn't he had the sudden thought. Not certain where that was coming from, he pushed it from his mind as he watched his wife struggling to explain herself. "There was just this feeling washing over me as I woke up from a nightmare that we're not supposed to be here any more. That this isn't the place."
"Babe.." He sighed, leaning forward as best he could without disturbing Olivia to grip Erin's chin and lift it up a little so that she was forced to meet his gaze.
"It's three in the morning, you've had a nightmare which would make anyone uneasy. How about we wait until the sun is actually up before we start making any decisions to pack up our lives again. Hmm?" His words were gentle, if not a little pleading. He was too tired to think of cardboard boxes and packing tape right now.
Sweet Mother Mary don't make him think about packing and moving trucks again.
Erin offered him a sheepish smile and nodded, shifting to rest her cheek against his knee as she sagged into him a little.
"You're right... I know you're right."
But they could both hear the uncertainty in her tone. Alex smoothed his hand down over her hair once more, offering her what comfort he could while also pressing a kiss to Olivia's forehead to let her know he hadn't forgotten about her. In the morning he and Erin could talk, and in the light of day she'd see that this neighbourhood was still the safe, sweet, homey place they'd fallen in love with and the perfect spot to raise their daughter. He would do his best to hold on to this new life they had started, but for tonight Alex would hold his two girls and let them know he was here for both of them.
FIVE YEARS LATER
June 15th, 1998
2:34am
He should have listened to Erin's uncertainties that night in the nursery. Should have paid more attention to the stiffness in her frame and the pinch to her features. He'd been so caught up in the desire to finally settle down, to make friends with his neighbours so there could be summer barbecues and weekly poker games that he'd chalked it all up to her nightmare. But he knew Erin, knew how she lived her life on her instincts. Instead, because of him she had ignored those feelings and they had stayed put.
He should have listened; that was the broken track skipping through his mind on repeat. The only thing Alex could decipher through the madness of his thoughts as he stood on the sidewalk with a sobbing five year old clinging to his neck and her scrawny legs wrapped around his waist. His hand cupped the back of her head while the other rested beneath her bottom, clutching her safely and securely to his chest as he stared at the raging fire before them.
Though there was no denying the flames lighting up the night and reaching impeccable heights as they billowed smoke into the sky, he was not able to make sense of the situation. This was not their home, this was not how their life was supposed to turn out. That was not his daughter screaming for her mother in ragged, raw sobs of fear. Alex wanted to comfort her. Wanted to reassure Olivia that mommy was right there, but he couldn't.
None of it made sense. Nothing that had taken place tonight was possible and the broad shouldered man who stood above everyone else around him just kept shaking his head in denial; this wasn't their life, this wasn't how it was supposed to end. Alex ignored all of his fatherly instincts that told him to comfort his wailing daughter, because he knew he couldn't. They'd lost her momma tonight, somewhere in the depths of their family home now fully engulfed in flames.