4 DAYS LATER
There were no flights back to LA until after Christmas, so Leilani Morales had sucked it up and spent the holiday with Luke and his family. Liz and Andrew were very accommodating considering she'd only met them a few days prior. Since Luke's brothers Ben and Jack occupied the guest rooms, Luke allowed Leilani to take his bed while he slept on a futon. The Christmas dinner was excellent and succeeded in making her feel better for the time being, though when she laid awake during that night, the dark thoughts haunted her. She couldn't escape the look of betrayal on Calum's face when she left or the one he wore when he found out about the baby. All she wanted to do was get home and curl up in her bed until further notice. Luke may have been supportive about the whole pregnancy, congratulating her with the biggest hug she'd ever experienced, but he didn't fulfill the void of Calum's missing blessing.
When she finally managed to buy a ticket online, Luke was quick to purchase one for the same flight, insisting that she wasn't going back alone. Unable to protest, she relented and allowed him to accompany her despite the desperate need to be by herself. They flew first class and didn't talk much, lost in different versions of chaos in their minds. Each passing day, Leilani's voicemail and inbox flooded with desperate pleas from Calum, and she constantly thought about him, whether it be how much she missed him or how much she didn't. Her own feelings confused her. She needed time and space to decide how to move forward.
Her parents were devastated to know she wouldn't be making it for Christmas as originally planned but something in her voice when she spoke to them over the phone made Anesa and Dukagjin accept the excuse of an emergency without protest. They told her that she and Calum were welcome to come whenever, and when she hung up, Leilani had burst into tears for the millionth time within three days. She didn't want to disappoint her mum and dad by telling them that her relationship was currently on pause until further notice so instead she didn't say anything about it. In fact, she didn't tell anyone except Luke because saying the words out loud made the temporary split that much more real. Leilani knew it made no sense for her and Calum to take a break if it hurt her so much, but she realized in her last relationship that the best decisions weren't always the easiest. She needed to take care of herself first and foremost, especially considering she had another living being inside her that needed her to watch out for it.
Leilani stared at her bare stomach in the mirror, prodding her skin. It was the day of her monthly weigh-in and she only noticed a slight increase in weight compared to November before she knew about the pregnancy. The baby was there but it wasn't exactly very developed. Her abs were untouched, and she still looked physically normal from the neck down. The same thing couldn't be said for the area above. She sported undereye bags from lack of sleep, and her hair was an unruly mess atop her head after not being brushed for days. Her eyes lacked their usual shine. She looked... depressed. Sad. Upset. Stressed. Worried.
There was a knock on the ajar bathroom door. Luke pushed it the rest of the way open and paused in the doorway. "Sorry, I just wanted to come to check on you. You've been up here for a while." The concern in his voice was something she'd grown accustomed to over the past four days because it was always present after what happened. He was scared something he said would make her break.
Leilani quickly grabbed her shirt from the counter and pulled it on, offering a tight-lipped smile. "I was going to take a shower but I got distracted."
"I understand. How does your stomach feel?" Luke wondered, stepping further into the bathroom. His eyes cast down toward her abdomen for a millisecond before meeting her gaze. She'd been throwing up at random times throughout the past few days, and Luke always managed to hear her no matter what time it was. He stayed in the guest room closest to her room, often coming in to console her during her late night cries when she missed Calum the most. Sometimes his constant caring attitude frustrated her. He was so nice, and she felt she didn't deserve it at all.
"It's okay. I just can't believe something's growing in there," Leilani admitted, fiddling with her fingers.
"It's pretty fucking cool," Luke stated and tilted his head to the side. "I mean, when you think about it you're growing a little person inside of you."
"It's fucking weird, not cool," Leilani retorted as she ran her hand along her stomach.
He chuckled. "Okay, it is a little weird. Weird, cool, and exciting."
"Exciting," she repeated, her lips quirking upward. "I like that you think of it that way. I know I get frustrated with you sometimes, but I'm really grateful you're here."
"Of course," Luke said immediately, wrapping one arm around her neck. He pulled her into his chest, an action that brought her immediate comfort. "We're friends, Lan. I'm always going to be here for you. I know you're fucking terrified, so I want to make sure you know you're not alone." His hand rubbed circles against her back. "Why don't we go get lunch with Mali? You know she wants to see you. She texted me pissed when she found out you told Gerald not to let anybody in."
"I know. She texted me too. I just couldn't face her then," Leilani confessed, stepping out of the embrace. "But I think I'm just going to go lay down. I'm not really hungry or up for going out."
Luke frowned slightly. "You sure?"
"Yeah. I'll call Mali in a little bit. She can come over later. Feel free to go hang out with that girl," Leilani told him, referring to the girl Luke had told her he was attempting to woo, keyword: attempting. Apparently, she was playing a severe game of hard-to-get which drove him absolutely crazy. It didn't help that he'd been taking care of Leilani for the past few days instead of hanging out with her.
"I can stay, Lan. You might need me."
"If I need you, I'll call you. Just go. I'll be fine. I'm just going to take a nap."
Luke looked unconvinced. "Okay. I'll be back in a few hours. Text me if you need anything, anything at all."
"I will. I promise," Leilani lied and brushed past him, heading straight for her room. She laid down on the bed immediately and curled up in a ball, waiting at least five minutes to make sure Luke had really left before breaking down. Tears leaked from her eyes, soft whimpers leaving her chapped lips.
Surprisingly, the door burst open. Luke stared at her with a mixture of disapproval and worry. He immediately kicked off his shoes and came to lay next to her on the mattress, his arms wrapping around her shaking figure. She didn't protest, only rested her head on his chest and cried.
Because everything inside her fucking hurt.
3 WEEKS LATER
"Well, Miss. Morales, your baby looks fairly healthy so far. You, however, need to take better care of yourself starting with getting more sleep and working on your nutrition. The baby can't develop properly if you aren't giving it the tools to do so," Dr. Lambert explained as she pulled off her gloves, a look of consternation in her eyes. "Also, I would avoid any stressful events or people in your life. Stress is the last thing you need this early in the pregnancy. It could negatively impact the baby, potentially even severely." She glanced at Luke who sat next to the uncomfortable doctor's office bed in an equally dissatisfying chair. "I hope you both will make sure that your baby has a happy and healthy development."
Neither of them bothered correcting the "your baby" statement. They were both distracted by their own rambling minds, Leilani worrying about how her anxiety and stress were negatively impacting her baby while Luke contemplated how to keep Leilani untroubled and relaxed throughout the rest of the pregnancy. Eventually, the appointment was over and neither of them had said a word to each other. Leilani had brought Luke for moral support but now she was regretting it, knowing he would only be more overbearing.
She held her stomach as they walked out to the car, catching sight of her worsening undereye bags in the reflection of the glass. Her frown deepened, a soft sigh escaping her lips once inside the vehicle. Luke turned the keys but he made no move to shift the car into gear. They sat in silence for a minute before he spoke up.
"Leilani, you're not doing you or the baby any favors by sulking in your room. You don't eat as much as you should and you hardly sleep. I'm seriously worried about you," he stated a little harsher than intended. His hands squeezed the wheel until his knuckles turned white. "You have a lot of people who care about this baby, including me. If you're not going to take care of yourself for you, at least do it for the little guy or girl inside you." He put the car in reverse and backed out of the parking spot.
Halfway home, Leilani murmured a soft, "I'm sorry. I'll do better."
"Thank you," Luke breathed out, reaching over and squeezing her hand. He sported a matching set of bags under his eyes from all the nights he spent comforting her. She hated the way she negatively impacted everyone around her lately and knew she needed to make a change. It wasn't right to sulk constantly when there was so much to look forward to.
As they pulled up to the gate, Leilani noticed a familiar car parked alongside the entry and exit booth. It wasn't the first time Calum had shown up in an attempt to see her but it was the first time he'd stuck around after being told by Gerald to leave. And as he stepped out of the car, Leilani realized it was also the first time she had seen him since before Christmas weeks ago.
Luke tensed. "What do you want me to do?" He was leaving the decision up to her, not heartless enough to drive away but not forgiving enough to stop immediately.
Leilani stared through the windshield at the man she still loved and felt several emotions course through her. One was happiness. Another was dread. She couldn't have a conversation with him, especially not when he looked one waking hour away from passing out due to exhaustion. They both were an absolute mess. A part of her reveled in the fact that Calum had suffered just as much as she had, if not more.
"Lan?" Luke prodded, braking slightly. "We can go around him. The doctor said to keep stressful people out of your life. Make a wise decision here."
"I need to talk to him." The words were out of her mouth before she could stop them. Luke looked unhappy as he came to a stop.
"Are you sure that's a good idea?" He asked, glancing over at her. She didn't notice. All she could see was the way Calum's eyes drank in the sight of her, how his frown lessened just a fraction. She was out of the car before Luke could say anything else.
They met halfway between vehicles. Leilani caught his familiar scent almost immediately and inhaled it deeply, his t-shirts she wore at night no longer enough. He wore jeans and an oversized gray jumper that engulfed his frame and looked beyond comfortable. She immediately wanted to curl up in it next to him while he held her close and pressed the occasional kiss to her head.
"I didn't think you would get out," Calum said softly, almost as if he thought he was hallucinating her there. "After how you've been sending me away these past few weeks."
"I needed time," Leilani responded, surprised at how even her voice was. She had originally thought that she would immediately burst into tears at the sound of his voice, however seeing him as fucked up as she was invoked a sudden surge of strength.
Calum nodded. "I know. It still killed me though. I missed you so fucking much, Leilani." He seemed pained. So pained. Exactly the way she felt inside.
"I missed you too," she admitted. It was the most honest thing she had ever said in her life. She missed laying next to him at night, missed kissing and hugging him, missed the way he'd chuckle when she told an awful joke, missed poking his pudgy cheeks, missed hearing his voice, missed every fucking thing about him.
"I'm so sorry for how I reacted," Calum stated, his voice cracking as if he were about to cry.
"I know." She did. She knew he regretted every moment of that conversation.
"I want to be there with you. I want to be a good father to our child. I should be where Luke is right now, and I'm not because I fucked up," he declared, running a hand through his hair. "I need you back, baby. I need you to tell me you still love me because I still fucking love you more than anything." He stepped forward, his palm cupping her cheek. She shivered unconsciously. "I need to kiss you."
"I do still love you," Leilani revealed, turning her head slightly to kiss his palm. "And I want to be with you more than anything." His face brightened, resembling more of the Calum she loved so much. It fell once she stepped back. "But I have to take care of myself. If you're going to be a part of this baby's life, then I need you to prove to me you're going to be a healthy part of mine."
"I'll do anything. Anything you want, my love, I'll do it."
"I want you to leave," Leilani stated, hating the way his whole expression turned miserable at her words. "Just for today. I need to rest. Come back tomorrow and we'll talk."
Calum reluctantly nodded. "Okay. Okay, I can do that."
Satisfied, Leilani turned back to her car and headed toward the passenger side. Before she opened the door, Calum called for her to wait. He jogged over, clutching something in his palm that he held out to her. She opened her hand and watched as the promise ring he'd given her for her birthday fell into it.
"It's yours. I promise that as long as you wear that, I'll never leave your side again unless you ask me to," Calum declared, staring at her with so much compassion and sincerity that tears formed in her eyes. Leilani slipped the ring on as a single drop fell down her cheek. Calum leaned forward and kissed it away. "I love you. Forever and always."